Starting Over 3, 12-15-05 – Leaving The Nest And Losing The Lashesby LauraBelle
At the same time we were thinking this newest crop of Starting Over girls were never going to get it, they pulled the wool over our eyes and did it. They have been much maligned for not being a group and not coming together to be a supportive unit. The last two days it's become clear that they snuck up on us and became a close knit group when we weren't looking.
Jessica is in the room she shares with TJ, packing. She knows she's ready to graduate and leave the house, but she also knows it will be tough to leave these women that have become her friends. As she leaves the room, she changes the sign to just read, "TJ", on the door.
Allison is in the kitchen, and instead of cleaning, she is showing her housemates her "plan." Iyanla had given her twenty-four hours to get it figured out, and here it is typed up with headings and bullet points even. She says she will still love her brother, but she doesn't have to spend time with him. She plans to take her niece, Jimmy's daughter, to counseling so she doesn't grow up with terror and alcoholism like Allison.
As the housemates gather for Group, Jessica takes pictures of this, her last time. Once Rhonda joins them, she invites Jessica to join her in the "love seat." Asking Jessica if she's decided where she's going to live now, she says, "Here," and points downward. Rhonda asks if she plans to live right here in this room in the Starting Over house, figuring Jessica might feel a little displaced when they have Group and have to kick her out. Laughing, Jessica says she's decided to stay in LA.
Jill is overcome with emotion and says Jessica was the first person that understood her in the Starting Over house, so it will be hard to say goodbye. The conversation moves to asking TJ how she feels about Jessica leaving, and she is unable to speak. Rhonda understands and just says she knows. TJ has had a hard time making friends her whole life. She finally finds the one she considers her best ever, and they're being pulled apart.
As before every graduation in the Starting Over house, the self-portrait Jessica drew her first day in the house is compared to one drawn recently. In the first one, Jessica was sad, looking out her apartment window with New York behind her. Her angers were held in tears on the left and things she wanted to search for were drawn in the right. Her new self portrait shows her in the center of her life, her final step. Around her are hearts holding her family, friends and Starting Over sisters. Above her is a sun with rays that displays all the things she was searching for.
Another graduation tradition in the Starting Over house is a makeover from Andy Paige. Andy enters the Group, to the cheers of everyone. She tells Jessica she has a big day ahead as Andy has some plans for her.
Walking into a boutique, Andy tells Jessica that she has already pulled some outfits for her the day before. Jessica bristles just at the sight of a skirt. Andy tries several different sets on Jessica of shirt, skirt and jacket. Jessica remains a little unsure.
A little more willing with the next step, Jessica and Andy enter a salon. Andy has two colors she wants to highlight Jessica's hair with. Jessica has never had highlights before, but is willing to try it. A little of the length is taken off and some angling is done as well. Of course, we're not allowed to see the finished product just yet.
Back at the Starting Over house, Iyanla calls Christina to inform her that the G.E.D. test she is taking today is just a practice run. At 5:00 in the evening a tutor will come to grade the test for her. Christina is ready, but still a little nervous. She finds TJ and asks her to help her set up for the test in the study. After getting her all settled in, TJ offers to bring Christina some water.
Allison meets with Iyanla to show her the "plan" she came up with. Initially Iyanla is impressed, but she's not too thrilled with Allison's plan to take her niece to therapy. She won't be able to make that type of commitment, because she most likely won't be living in the same state.
In an effort to show Allison that she needs to stop taking the easy way out and letting others run her life, Iyanla has Allison transport water from "the bucket of love" to her "Allison bucket". The buckets are really big trash cans. She is only allowed to use two small cups and isn't allowed to move them closer together, as that's looking for the easy way out.
Iyanla enlists the help of the other housemates. Jill comes up and offers Allison two small pails with holes in the bottom. Allison uses them even though they leak water all over. As she takes them away, Lisa arrives with larger buckets with even more holes. Allison uses them anyway, because she thinks she is supposed to, and she wants to be perfect.
Eventually TJ comes in and gives Allison two huge buckets with lots of holes. Allison tries using them even though water is leaking all over and ruining her outfit, drenching her suede "elf" shoes. Iyanla asks why Allison accepted the help if it ruined her outfit and made her spill her love along the way. All she had to do was say no thank you and do it on her own.
As Christina finishes her practice G.E.D., the tutor, who doesn't look much older than Christina, arrives to grade it. Christina scores above where she needs to in all areas but one. In Language Arts she falls a little below where she should. She needs to brush up on those skills a little and then take the real G.E.D.
Andy does Jessica's makeup to add the final touches to the makeover while the life coaches, Dr. Stan, and the housemates gather outside by the pool for the graduation ceremony. Rhonda introduces the housemates to another tradition, having them light a candle, set a hope for Jessica's future and setting it afloat in the pool.
Jessica walks out and her housemates immediately notice her hair color change. She is wearing a beige skirt and blouse with a silver jacket. She sits down amongst her housemates.
Rhonda takes the platform first, and runs through a quick recap of Jessica's time in the house, including breaking her bricks of anger, building a memorial to her mother, and finding herself, causing her to rediscover her earlier hobby of photography. Rhonda tells Jessica she has learned she was her mother's daughter and also that she is herself.
Iyanla, addressing Jessica being the first graduate of this Starting Over house, says she likes firsts. She likes the first day someone decides to change and the first time they take a step towards making the change. Her wish is for Jessica to always hold herself accountable to being that person of integrity.
Dr. Stan acknowledges Jessica was the poster child for grief and loss. I like what he says next. He says she had as much grief as a nation could hold, and it burst like a dam. He hopes Jessica celebrates what her mother gave her in their short time together.
I have always wondered why only certain housemates speak at the graduation, and I think maybe they all speak, but the editors choose only a select few that sum up what everyone else feels. Jill is the only one that is shown speaking, and she definitely says it all.
The first thing Jill says is, "I'm going to get through this with my lashes on." She adds it was appropriate that Jessica was the first to greet her in the house, as she also honestly stood up to Jill for her own good as a friend. She stepped outside of herself to tell Jill, "Please shut up about the bags already." She hopes that Jessica will continue to be her friend and "be there when a cupcake is talking to me." Most of all, Jill wants Jessica to continue to be the light her mother created. With something only Jill could do, she manages to leave everyone laughing and without a dry eye.
Jessica finally takes the podium and addresses Rhonda first, saying she came to Stating Over so scared, but it was Rhonda who embraced her making her feel save and loved. She thanks Iyanla for the amazing gift of calling her out on her integrity her first day in the house. She appreciates the challenge. To Dr. Stan Jessica says she remembers coming into the house, telling Dr. Stan that she didn't think men could be emotionally supportive. He continued to prove her wrong, and it's something she never expected to learn.
Addressing Christina as "Lil Bits", Jessica believe they rediscovered their youth together as they were the only twenty-year-olds to walk in thinking they were older than everyone else in the house. Jessica tells TJ she was the first to cause her to have a breakdown in the house, but it ended up being a breakthrough. She acknowledges Rhonda told her that night that TJ would probably end up being her greatest gift in the house, and she was right.
Jessica ends saying that the two people in her life she was most vulnerable with were taken away from her. But she was never more vulnerable with anyone as much as she has been with her housemates, and she knows they won't ever leave her.
As graduation gifts, Jessica receives a digital camera. She is also being given photo classes with one of the top schools in the country. The sad part comes next – saying good bye. Jessica shares a long hug with Rhonda, then sits down to make her own hope for herself with a candle, and sets it afloat in the pool. She hopes for the magic and love from the Starting Over house to say with them all. She then hugs and says goodbye to each of her housemates, all with many tears. The remaining five share a group hug, and as they walk into the house, Christina calls it empty.
TJ and Allison make Jessica's bed for the next person to enter he Starting Over house. Hopefully she'll find the magic and love Jessica left behind ... along with her stuffed turtle.
Questions Or Comments? You can email me at LauraBelle@realityshack.com
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