Starting Over 3, 12-14-05 – Time For The Eagles To Soarby LauraBelle
Both Jill and Lisa start their morning off with men. At this point I'm not too sure who is getting the better end of the deal – Jill or Lisa. Lisa is chatting with "Mr. Internet", a man she can't seem to let be. She hooked up with him after breaking it off with her fiance. He lives in Monte Carlo and just wants a casual thing with Lisa, but she wants something much more serious from this man.
Jill's man of the hour is Marcus, the personal trainer. Jill has been told by her doctor not to do cardio, but Marcus wants to show her there is so much more she can do to work. He provides her with an elastic tubing that she does some muscle work with.
Iyanla leads Group with a discussion of love and why we need it. She hears answers such as it makes us feel we matter, it keeps us going, and Iyanla hears from TJ that she needs love because she doesn't always love herself. Iyanla refutes this saying if she didn't love herself she wouldn't get out of bed in the morning. If she didn't love herself she wouldn't have come here to start over.
Everyone is then asked to provide an example of when they knew they were loved. Lisa says she used to think it was when her parents took care of her that it meant they loved her, but she no longer thinks in those terms. Jill says it was when she took all her boyfriend's clothes, put them in the middle of her floor and set them on fire. A confused Iyanla asks about this, and Jill says she felt if he would stay with her throughout that, she would know he really loved her.
Iyanla gives an assignment to everyone; she would like them to perform a love spell. She gives each housemate two leaves, a photo frame, and the person she wants them to put the spell on to love them. Each person gets a note with their own name. They are to take a picture of themselves, put it in the frame with the two leaves, and create their spell to love themselves. Instead of taking a new picture, TJ uses a childhood photo of herself, as that is the TJ she really needs to learn to love.
Jill had told Iyanla earlier that she wanted to master herself in the positive, which Iyanla calls a very positive statement. Speaking together now, in a one-on-one, Jill wants to address the relationship with her mother. She has tried not living with her before, but her mom always stops taking care of herself and stops paying her pills. Jill feels like she needs to stay with her to help her out.
When Iyanla asks Jill why she feels so responsible for her mother when they are both grown women, Jill admits for the first time the truth of how her mother came to live with her in Florida. Jill wasn't working at the time and needed some money. She brought her mom down with the story that they would start a business together. They did, but it didn't turn out to be a healthy situation for either. Jill has always felt so guilty about doing this that she never wanted to send her mother back.
Iyanla says in essence Jill hustled her mom, and says it happens all the time. Every kid does that; there's no shame in it. She tells a story of her own son calling her at 3:00 his time, midnight her time, because he just wanted to see what was going on. Eventually he owned up that he wanted something. She knew that, otherwise he wouldn't be calling at that time. Jill seems very relieved to have finally gotten that off that her chest, yet now Iyanla wants her to take care of it.
Jessica and Rhonda meet to discuss yesterday's visit with Jessica's father and Vivian. Everyone feels it went well and Jessica admits to being surprised at how easy it was to talk to Vivian. Rhonda brings up the conversation between Jessica and her dad and says they both gave a little. She also notes that they aren't a very affectionate family, being that her dad took her had, but Jessica never returned the favor.
Rhonda has a little surprise for Jessica. She is sending her to an art gallery to have the owner, Tracy, look at her photos from her exhibit from last night. This is with the intent to possibly sell some. Jessica says she never would have thought she would be able to reconnect to photography again like this. Rhonda also tells her to set her stuff up tonight to show her work off to her housemates.
Jessica brings TJ with to the gallery, and they meet the owner, Tracy. Tracy hand paints furniture that is peppered throughout the gallery for sale. She also exhibits artwork and photos for sale. She takes a look through Jessica's paintings and decides she wants to try and sell the Buddha photo. She thinks it might go as high as $500. Jessica is stunned.
Rhonda gathers everyone in the living room with a television to talk about how Lisa reacts around men. Lisa says she gets chest pains at just addressing this issue and looking at the television, which she assumes will be showing her some of her more flirtatious times.
Lisa's housemates offer up an honest discussion of how they have felt when in situations around men. It makes them uncomfortable and embarrassed for her. Christina is asked for her "expert" opinion on how Lisa deals with men, and she says Lisa is far too forward. Mr. Internet is brought up and Lisa admits to the feeling she can't stop talking to him. She realizes she doesn't have much of a shot of being with a man that lives in Monte Carlo. Rhonda plays video of times Lisa has been flirtatious – at least twice during the Habitat for Humanity building, and another time meeting the financial advisor. Lisa says at the time it seemed okay, but looking at it now, it doesn't.
After everyone disburses, Christina talks to Lisa again about the flirting with men issue. She tells her she is attracting more men when she isn't actively looking for them. Lisa then calls Rhonda and says she is ashamed of the way she has acted with men.
Lisa goes to the computer and delete all the emails from Mr. Internet. But, before she deletes the one with his picture on it, she prints it out to show t he other women. They are unimpressed, to say the least. Jill doesn't want to say he's ugly, but he certainly isn't attractive. Christina points out he has hair on his back. No one can believe she has followed this man around for a year and they can't see any redeeming qualities in him, other than the fact he has money.
It's been laid to rest for me. Jill definitely got the better end of the bargain this morning. Marcus is a hottie, and it seems Mr. Internet is nothing even close. Working out with a hottie or talking on the internet with an older unattractive man with back hair? Hmmmm.
Rhonda arrives to see Jessica's photo exhibit with the other housemates. At the end there is a wrapped photo that Rhonda wants to reveal. In something that seems very mean, she asks Allison if she's ready to see it finally. Rhonda opens it, and it's a photo of the Starting Over house with the words, "Jessica, you're graduating!" Allison is hurt at first, then realizes this was how it was meant to be. Jessica is surrounded by all of her housemates hugging her, especially TJ.
To celebrate, Rhonda has set up an elaborate party, hidden until now, in the backyard. There are male salsa dancers for each of the housemates. This is a great chance for Lisa to practice not being so flirtation. Instead she spends the time telling the man she is dancing with all about the men she has been with, including the ones that live out of the country. She asks the man she's dancing with if he has his green card. After the dancing, there's a spread of food for all the women to enjoy.
TJ is sad, to say the least. She has such a hard time connecting and making friends. She calls Jessica the best friend she has had, and we know she is at the very least the only one she has in the house. Allison tells Jessica she was meant to graduate first. She was meant to lead the way for the rest of them. That's how it was supposed to be.
Jessica and Jill spend some together outside smoking. Jessica says she knew this morning when she woke up that it was time to graduate. She couldn't think of anything she wanted to accomplish still. She is ready to graduate and leave the house, but she is very sad about leaving all her housemates, her new family. Jill starts to cry and says she never really would have thought they would have become so close. She says they have walked a path in the lives together. Jessica says she never could have done this without her housemates.
Allison made comments throughout the show about being an eagle and being kicked out of the nest. Perhaps it took someone being kicked out to cause the rest of them to have room to soar. The focus all along has been for the women to come together and support each other. Just when they start to do this, someone leaves. Looking at the sadness in Jessica, TJ and Jill, it's clear they have formed the bond that Iyanla and Rhonda have been looking for all this time.
Is TJ ever going to ever be able to employ all these tools on a regular basis? Email me at LauraBelle@realityshack.com
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