Starting Over 3, 12-09-05 – Control Freakby LauraBelle
I'll end the suspense right away. Christina takes her pregnancy test first thing in the morning and finds that she is not pregnant. She seems to feel a little silly for even thinking it. Not that nearly every woman hasn't been there at least once, wondering am I or am I not, no matter how improbable it was.
Lisa talks to Jill and tells her about the argument she missed while she was busy talking to and dressing Miss Mabel. Lisa says she feels a little guilty ruining Allison's homecoming with the argument with TJ, and tries to tell Jill what happened, but can't even remember. At the same time Allison is admitting to Jessica how hurt she was yesterday.
Dr. Stan arrives to start Group and notices the tension right away. He picks and picks and picks trying to find out what is going on until TJ finally speaks up. She says she wants to apologize to Allison for being a little rude to her the night before, yet at the same time she wants Allison to know next time she wants to butt in ... don't. Dr. Stan is glad this came up, as it leads into his discussion for the day – Control.
Going around the room, Dr. Stan starts by asking everyone who they feel the most controlling person in the house is. Jill doesn't hesitate much and says it's Allison she feels is the most controlling. Jessica hesitates, and says at times she thinks it's TJ, but at other times she thinks it's Allison. But it's not Allison, per se, it's Allison's emotions that control.
Coming to Allison, she has to say name herself, too. When Dr. Stan asks why, she says everyone else in the house apparently thinks so. He says that's not what happened at all. Only two people have spoken so far, and one of them said it was Allison's emotions, not Allison. When pressed further, Allison says she believes TJ is too controlling in conversations. Dr. Stan asks her why she allows TJ to do that, and Allison says it's because she doesn't want TJ to get angry with her. Again Dr. Stan tells Allison she needs to toughen up. The world isn't always going to like her, and she just needs to get used to it.
Dr. Stan then announces that tonight is Board of Review, prompting panic in everyone, but especially Allison. He offers to speak with her after Group. As he tries to talk to her about, Allison begins to hyperventilate. Dr. Stan asks what prompted this, and she admits to being afraid she will graduate. He gets her to calms down some, but not much.
Iyanla arrives to talk to Allison and puts her to bed. She gives her a foot rub and tells Allison she knows she doesn't want to leave the house because Iyanla is such "hunka burnin' love." Asked if she fears confronting her mother once she is home, Allison admits it's part of it. For the most part, though, Allison remains inconsolable, laying in her bed, fearing the rest of her life.
A boot came drill instructor, Alec Hunter, arrives to talk to the housemates minus TJ. In a voiceover Rhonda tells us she has used Alec before, and I'm thinking it was with Denise last year, but I'm not sure. He asks the ladies for tips for him to rock TJ's world. Apparently he's going to give her a taste of her own medicine. They tell him about her control issues, such as conversation, always knowing the right way to do things, and asking inappropriate questions.
Alec moves outside to meet with TJ and Rhonda, who tells TJ that Alec is going to help her clean the house SUV today. She's a little confused, but goes along with it. TJ is supposed to be telling Alec how to detail the car, but he turns it around on her. He keeps telling her everything she is doing wrong, and keeps moving from one thing to the next. Alec then asks TJ if she is married, and when she replies she is, he starts asking private, inappropriate things, starting with has her husband ever had an affair. She says yes, and he keeps delving in more and more. When they finish with the SUV, Alec admits to TJ what he was up to. She understand, but says she's not that bad. He tells her she is, according to her housemates.
Jill checks back in with Jenny Craig and finds she has gained weight once again. She knows why it is. There has been so much tension in the house, it causes her to eat. That meets up with her comment from last night. Hearing the conflict going on she had said she wanted to go downstairs, make some popcorn, and join in, but didn't.
As everyone prepares for Board of Review, both TJ and Allison figure they are going up, as they are the only two not to be reviewed yet. Sure enough the first one up is TJ. She believes she is working hard and gives herself an A. As they move to feedback from her housemates, Iyanla asks what TJ is doing well. Jessica says they have certainly had their struggles, but the past few weeks she thinks they have finally found some common ground. This is either bad editing or an odd comment from Lisa, as she instead offers constructive criticism, saying she wishes TJ would have approached things differently the day before.
Iyanla feeds off of this and says it seems TJ sees herself as forever damaged and wants others to always treat her this way. Every time TJ appears to be getting closer to someone, she pushes them away. Rhonda chimes in and says no one works harder at their assignments than TJ, but no one works harder to keep themselves stuck either. Saying she wants to rock TJ's world, she gives her a C+ – C for change.
Allison is called up, and I have to so no one about to find out they are graduating has ever looked more ill at ease. Allison believes she has done well at getting to the core of her problems, but thinks she still needs work believing in herself. Yet, she gives herself an A. Iyanla tells her the problem is the Starting Over house can't give her the things she is still looking for. They can't make her believe in herself.
Iyanla compares Allison to a snake, saying snakes she their skin every three to four years. Once they have shed, they become very raw until they grow that next layer of thick skin. Sure enough, Allison has peeled many layers away, and now feels she has no protection left. Yet all she really needs is herself. Allison has been in the Starting Over house so much of the last year, she now depends on it to be her support system, instead of depending on herself.
That's the whole thing, though, Allison needs to depend on herself. She knows it, Iyanla knows it, the other housemates know it. But that doesn't help Allison just do it. Iyanla says she refuses to give Allison a grade. It has to come from herself. She gave herself an A, yet doesn't feel she is strong enough to leave the house. How can that be? Iyanla is done; everything else has to come from Allison.
After the Board of Review Rhonda meets with TJ as she knows she is hurting. TJ admits that her behavior has become habitual and that she doesn't know any other way to act. Rhonda wants to start working on eliminating those bad habits. She hands TJ a piece of paper which has her next assignment on it. It says, "No giving opinions unless asked." This is obviously a tough one for TJ, although they have worked on similar things with her in the past.
Allison needs to own her changes. She needs to take charge and own her life. Just as Jill needed to tell Iyanla yesterday to put the Self-Sabotage bag away. Allison can't graduate until she is able to say she is ready. It's normal to feel some fear with it, but at the same time she should be looking forward to leaving and beginning a new life. The question is is Iyanla just going to let her languish like this or does she have one of her infamous tricks up her sleeve?
Did TJ deserve the C? Is Allison ready to graduate? Email me at LauraBelle@realityshack.com
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