Starting Over 3, 12-07-05 – Looking for Candles and Chaka Khanby LauraBelle
The subject of the day on Starting Over is one that can be quite tabu, yet this is what Rhonda chooses to make the subject of today's Group session. Once again, Allison, in Houston with Iyanla, is represented by the skinny statue with a ponytail on the couch.
Rhonda asks everyone about their first sexual experience. Jill says hers was with her boyfriend when she was 16. She wanted to, but didn't appreciate the place her boyfriend chose, a cold stairwell. Jill would have preferred waiting until she had her candles and Chaka Khan. This elicits laughter from everyone, especially Rhonda who says she can tell they are the same age.
Jill then speaks about another time when she was in eleventh grade and she had sex with a very popular football player. She called him and his girlfriend answered the phone, prompting him to tell Jill to never call him again. She felt cheap after this. Previous, sex made her feel powerful, now it made her feel like a victim and used. She never really has enjoyed sex the same way again. She doesn't say whether she ever got her candles and Chaka Khan.
TJ's first experience she says was with her boyfriend when she was in high school. She says eventually he moved into her house, sharing her single bed with her. Jill looks shocked, and Rhonda tells her to go ahead and ask. Jill asks why TJ's mother would allow that. TJ explains if a boy was in her house keeping her occupied, her mother didn't have to worry about her at all.
Christina's first experience was when she was fifteen and dating the man that would end up being her ex-husband. Yet she never had her first orgasm she says until later on in her marriage. Once she began escorting, she saw the power that could be derived from sex, but now is thinking she sees sex as being love. Although no one looks like they believe that yet coming from Christina.
Lisa doesn't want to talk about this today. She spent all day yesterday talking about being molested and her feeling about it. Now it will be drudged up again. When she was molested it was her first sexual experience. She has been with men since then, but has never experienced an orgasm and doesn't really like it. Rhonda says that penetration orgasms and multiple orgasms are a myth, and goes around asking the women their experience with orgasms. Jill can count the number she has had on one hand, Jessica says she really hasn't had them, TJ says most definitely she has experienced them, Christina gives a big "Oh yeah." Nope, not getting me to chip in on this one!
She thinks she's done with it, but she's not. Lisa is asked to meet Rhonda for lunch at an outside cafe where she is asked to rate the men walking by. She only rates the business men and men of mystery high. The others are all rated low. Rhonda asks if she doesn't like sex and doesn't enjoy it, what is she looking for with men? Lisa is clearly confused and doesn't know. She is being sent to yet another counseling session, this time with a therapist specializing in sex.
With the therapist, once again Lisa is forced to talk about being molested at ten. The therapist tells her when she goes on dates, it's that little girl on the dates, not the adult Lisa. This is because she doesn't feel safe. She advises Lisa to set the little girl up away from the date, somewhere safe and go on the date alone. The therapist believes once the child in her feels safe, the adult will be more compelled to act as an adult and enjoy sex and being with a man in general.
Jill makes her weekly visit to Jenny Craig and has flip flopped once again. This time she has gained back seven pounds. She is very discouraged, but vows to keep plugging away. Back at the house she works out on the treadmill. They don't mention it, but I thought she wasn't allowed this anymore because of her health issues with her tumors.
Rhonda meets with Jessica to discuss Jessica's desire to move to Los Angeles from New York. Looking at a picture of the New York skyline and asked to write down on post-its her reasons for not liking New York, she begins to cry and talks about 9/11 and her ex-fiance. It's clear she is very troubled. Asked to now write down what she likes about Los Angeles, she doesn't really have any good answers other than it's different and something news.
Rhonda knows exactly what Jessica is doing and has her put on a t-shirt, shorts and running shoes. The two go out for a long run outside. Rhonda keeps asking how long she is going to keep running and points out her mother, 9/11, her boyfriend, her father, etc. Finally Jessica stops, is crying hysterically, and says she doesn't know how not to run. When it gets tough on her she always runs away. Rhonda asks her to write apology letters to New York and Omar, Jessica's boyfriend, apologizing for blaming them for ruining her life, when she's just been running away from her problems the whole time. After, Jessica will then need to call Omar, which she is not happy about at all.
A game for Lisa is delivered at night. It's a game involving sex trivia. Included as well is a chocolate fondue fountain and enough things to dip into the chocolate to make us all salivate. Lisa can't figure out how to set it up and keeps trying to get Jill to help her. Jill doesn't want any part of it, trying so hard to be good. Once it's up and going, Lisa then asks Jill to lead the game since they are all eating. Jill just can't believe the insensitivity, but in the end run, she held out, and now knows she has the strength to do it all the time. The most interesting fact to come out of the trivia game is that turkeys and giraffes are bisexual. Think about that next Thanksgiving.
Jessica brings TJ and Christina with her for support when she calls Omar. She is thanking everything and everyone when he isn't home and she is forced to leave a message. She is now hoping he doesn't call back. After, the three move outside and TJ asks Christina for "tricks of the trade" in sex. She wants to know some good tricks and how Christina learned it all. Christina says she just learned while doing it and watching it.
I think Allison, the real un-pony tailed version, will be upset to have missed this day. I think she would have liked the chocolate and sex trivia and talking about sex. She would have giggled, but I think she would have enjoyed it. Keeping on the sex topic, our preview shows that Christina is afraid she might be pregnant. They've been in the house kind of long for that, to just be finding out. She would have to be verrrry late. Yet, she's been pregnant before, so she should know. I suspect it's just all the stress keeping her not regular. It could get interesting though!
You're still thinking about those turkeys and giraffes, aren't you? Email me at LauraBelle@realityshack.com
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