Starting Over 3, 12-06-05 – Houston, Allison Has No Problemsby LauraBelle
AS a mom, I feel like I am tested every single day. I would be hard-pressed to pick out which times I have been tested. Christina, the only mother in the Starting Over house seems to have a similar problem when Rhonda asks in Group when everyone has felt they have been tested in their life. She points to getting married at sixteen, her move to Las Vegas, becoming a young mother, etc.
Allison is the only one missing today as she is in Houston with Iyanla, but TJ makes sure Allison is represented. She plops down a tall thin statue in Allison's place. Rhonda notes she doesn't think Allison would like the substitution because of the statue's pony tail.
It's clear that TJ was hurt by the events she recalls that tested her, but I'm not so sure they "tested" her. She had tried out for cheerleading in both junior high and high school, and didn't make it either time despite dressing the part, cheering the loudest and working very hard. On second thought, she also said she quit high school and took night classes to graduate, so it must have been a testing time in her life to force her to run away. It just seems like she would have picked something that related back to her ADHD or earlier hearing loss and vision problems.
Asked who she has been tested by in the Starting Over house, Jill doesn't hesitate to pinpoint Lisa. Jill says she has been trying to help her, but Lisa seems to reject the help and not listen. With Rhonda's urging, Jill admits she sees Lisa making some of the same mistakes she did, and she wants to save her before she ends up like Jill. Lisa is clearly put off by the whole thing.
She needn't worry too long, though, as Rhonda rewards Lisa's hard work the past few days by giving her two hard-earned steps, pointing to her great work since Board of Review. She thinks she learned a lot with the jewelry-making and selling and has been making great strikes to make that break from her parents.
Today Lisa is doing more hard work discussing when she was abused beginning at the age of ten. She was molested by one of her friend's brothers. This continued for about three years. Lisa only went along with it because he showed her guns and knives saying he would kill her parents if she didn't. She thought she was saving them. Rhonda decides to send Lisa to a therapist to help her deal with this issue.
Lisa starts off her session with the therapist not trusting her and being afraid to come forth with information. Yet by the time the session is over, Lisa has exposed it all. She says it started out with just touching and says she went along with it initially out of curiosity. The therapist tells her that's normal. She also gets Lisa to see that it is this abuse that has kept her a child out of fear. She encourages Lisa to share her story with her housemates. The more you tell it, the easier it becomes to accept.
After her session, Lisa follows through with yet another assignment and tells TJ her story. TJ, though, almost downplays Lisa's story, comparing it to her own and saying everyone goes through it; the only difference is how you handle it. Unlike the old Lisa, she doesn't run away, but deals with it. She then talks to Christina and Jessica about what she went through then and today with the therapist. She gets much more compassion from them.
Christina had received a note from Iyanla asking her to peruse the help wanted ads and prepare a cover letter for each of five jobs she would be interested in. She is then to meet with a consultant at a job placement agency. Christina doesn't have much time, and finds she isn't qualified for many of the jobs, but is able to find four and prepare cover letters.
Arriving late to her interview with the job placement agency, Christina definitely starts the interview off on the wrong foot, as the consultant repeatedly mentions it. She is then reprimanded for only bringing four letters instead of the requested five. When asked about her eduction, Christina says she is going to be earning her G.E.D. soon. Asked where she is enrolled, Christina says she isn't enrolled yet, and is told that means she is not getting it soon. She is shown some quick stats on the pay differential between high school graduates, non-high school graduates and college graduates. Before she is dismissed, Christina is also reprimanded for her clothing choice being she is wearing a strapless, sleeveless shirt and jeans.
Talking to Lisa later, Christina says had she known that style of dress was important here, she would have dressed the part. She was just excited to wear the new top she had bought. She also says she is always a prompt person; being late today was a one-time only thing. However, Christina did pick up on the pay differential and spends time on the computer later that night looking up information on when and where she can enroll to earn her G.E.D.
Out in Houston, Allison meets up with Iyanla at a temporary shelter housing tens of thousands of Hurricane Katrina refugees. Allison signs up as a volunteer and is sent in as kitchen help, handing out cutlery and pouring coffee and milk. She is the picture of compassion with these people. When she is done she peruses a wall with pictures of hundreds of children, all lost, and seeking their families, being separated sometime during or after the hurricane. Seeing Allison care so deeply for the children in this situation, I keep thinking how wonderful it would be for her to adopt one of the children permanently orphaned during the storm.
Later, Iyanla meets up with Allison and a select group of women that are survivors and refugees of the hurricane staying at the shelter. Iyanla takes the opportunity to discuss with these women how to "start over." One woman talks about breaking up with her fiance here. She is a virgin and after she and her fiance both relocated to Houston after the hurricane, her fiance indicated they either needed to get married right away or she needed to lose her virginity with him. She didn't appreciate being put on the spot and broke up with him. Iyanla tells her that's great, as it personally took her more than a bad rainstorm to get rid of the bad men in her life. Another woman talks about God helping her drive all the way to Houston on a half tank of gas.
Later that night Allison calls "home" to the Starting Over house and talks with her housemates saying how much she misses them and they return the favor. She then talks privately with Iyanla and shares what she has learned this day. Although always seeing herself as a victim, it's nothing compared to the victims she has met today. She knows she will never think of herself being a victim the same way again. She says she has now been crying her silent tears for the people she has met today, not herself.
It's most probable that being in Houston is the final test for Allison. Being she was just discussion with Iyanla her financial and job situation, that's usually the last step before someone graduates, unless they are at the Starting Over house particularly for that reason. Allison came real far the day she pushed Iyanla out of her face, and Iyanla knows it. Meeting victims of a deeper sense, victims of the type Allison says she wants to help some day I think has pushed her the rest of the way.
Where do you think the power lies in the Starting Over house? Email me at LauraBelle@realityshack.com
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