Starting Over 3, 12-05-05 – "If you're so powerful, what are you doing here?"by LauraBelle
When I heard the Starting Over women declare to Dr. Stan today in Group how powerful they are, I thought the same thing Lisa did. If you're so powerful, what are you doing here? Perhaps I should be alarmed at being on the same thinking terms of Lisa. I think, though, that everyone was missing the big picture, Lisa and myself included. I don't think the lesson was really "are" they powerful, but do they believe in their own power and how do others see them.
Every woman declared themselves to be powerful, but in some way I think they are giving the answer that they believe Dr. Stan wants to hear, otherwise, as Lisa said, why would they have come on the show. Or, perhaps everyone is learning more about themselves and a better way to live their life and are now seeing themselves as more powerful. Maybe Lisa is just behind in that, having recently gotten a D and needing to earn her right to stay in the house every single day.
The most telling, though, is who the other women think are powerful. That award goes to Jill and Allison. Jill herself said they held opposite powers, to which Dr. Stan named the "Yin and Yang of Power." Jill said people come to her to hear the truth and people come to Allison to receive sympathy.
The housemates then meet with everyone's favorite fitness guru, Marcus. He intends to lead them on learning about the tie-in between emotional and physical power. In a bit that looks quite odd, he has the housemates march in pairs, on their toes, declaring their power, across the tennis court. This is followed by them skipping, still declaring their power. At the completion of their workout, Marcus asks them how they all feel. It doesn't surprise anyone that as everyone else shouts out "Powerful!" TJ gets ready to start one of her long diatribes.
Jill meets with Iyanla to work on her indictment for living an unfulfilled life. They talk about how living your life for everyone else, instead of yourself, is a generational thing in her family. It's learned and expected in her family. Jill doesn't understand how to change this. I would think this is where she becomes powerLESS. Iyanla sends her to meet with two more "expert witnesses" for her indictment.
Being sent to the Agape Spiritual Center, Jill meets with two reverends, her "expert witnesses". The first helps her see that she has to go out and get this stuff she wants. She has it in her and can do it. With the second reverend, Jill addresses her fears of following in her family's footsteps. This reverend tells Jill that sometimes we have to turn our back on our family. Jill is afraid of dishonoring her family, but the reverend tells her she needs to look at it in reverse. She would be honoring them to pursue the life she wants to live, not the one she is expected to live.
Allison and Iyanla have a chat about her goal of Living Life Large and Iyanla asks about Allison's financial situation which only makes Allison cower and laugh. It must not be good. She has been living beyond her means. As we find out when she is upset and cleaning isn't doing it for her, she goes shopping, if not buying for herself, then buying gifts for others. Christmas, birthday, first lost tooth, whatever. Iyanla asks her to make up a pie graph detailing her expenses and debt as she will be meeting with a financial consultant later.
Meeting with the consultant, Allison finds her financial situation isn't as dismal as she was worried about. Her credit rating is actually a little above where the consultant expected it would be. She advises Allison to go through her normal expenses to see where she can cut down. When she suggests Allison get rid of her cell phone, even if just temporarily, Allison suggests getting rid of her landline instead, which the consultant sees as a viable option.
Despite the fact that Allison seems to leave the meeting feeling positive about her financial future, she is soon seen cleaning out the fridge. We know this is never good. And of course when Iyanla arrives to check in on her meeting with the financial consultant, she feels the same way. Allison is asked how she will pay off this debt and she doesn't know. Iyanla suggests she get it figured out quickly and written down, instead of sitting around cleaning. Allison suggests she could take on consulting work on top of her full time job, which Iyanla reminds her isn't going to do a whole lot for her self care. She needs to work on this a little bit more.
Iyanla, though, has quite the surprise for Allison. Tomorrow they will be traveling together to Houston where Allison will get the chance to do what she says she does best – helping others. She will be helping Hurricane Katrina victims get their life back on track. We are told the hurricane happened a month ago, so we know this was filmed a few months ago. Allison says she is scared and excited. This is good for Allison, and dare I say, empowering.
Dr. Stan meets with Jessica to discuss her least favorite topic, her father and his new wife, Vivian. It's clear Jessica still holds some grudges against her father for remarrying and her stepmother for moving into her mother's place in the family and in the home. She tells Dr. Stan she is angry that Vivian sent her a sympathy card this past week to say she was thinking about her on 9/11. Jessica feels it was insensitive, and Dr. Stan tells her Vivian was only trying to reach out to her and there is nothing wrong with that. He instructs Jessica to call Vivian later and thank her.
Jessica bemoans this chore talking to TJ and Jill, telling them that she had been looking at engagement rings with her one-time fiance and made a joke that maybe Dad would be getting married first. She was shocked when he took it seriously. To make matters much worse, the big Yours, Mine and Ours even of the two families meeting just before her father proposed happened on Thanksgiving in Jessica's mother's home. She felt that was very insensitive of them.
Biting the bullet, Jessica calls and first speaks to her father. She has a great conversation and is glad he has been moving around his schedule to try and come with Vivian to the Starting Over house. Speaking to Vivian, Jessica thanks her for the soaps she sent, saying she and housemates loved them, and Vivian seems quite pleased. They also share a nice conversation about how Vivian spent the 9/11 anniversary with Jessica's dad, of course, and also Stephanie, Jessica's sister. She tells Jessica that Stephanie even cried, which Jessica glad of, remembering that she told Steph when she was in the SO house that she had never seen her cry. Vivian says she hadn't either. It's hard to believe this day would come, but Jessica is actually now looking forward to her dad and Vivian's visit.
Jessica was empowered today by her forced conversation with Vivian, just as Allison was with the news she would be helping Katrina survivors in Houston and Jill was with the knowledge it was okay to live her own life and now follow the family pattern. I think all these women were powerful all along. The point of this show has to be just getting them to see that.
Where do you think the power lies in the Starting Over house? Email me at LauraBelle@realityshack.com
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