Starting Over 3, 11/03-04/05 – Jill's Devastating Newsby LauraBelle
This is yet another one of those difficult days to be a voyeur in these women's lives. Jill hears devastating news today, despite making good progress with her goals. Yet, for a group of women that have come under fire for their lack of support for each other, Jill's news had a way of pulling everyone together.
Jill is asked to go to the doctor today for the results of her bloodwork. She had had this drawn after she was found to be anemic. Right now it is only annoying to her since she can't work out.
A few days ago there was a sexy cowboy at the door for Lisa, today it's a handsome older gentleman looking for Allison. Steve Chandler announces he is going to be her "dad for the day." He is a friend of Iyanla's and she has asked him to spend time with Allison being her surrogate father in the hopes of getting her to get some of the things off her chest that she has needed to say to her father.
Rhonda meets with Lisa and tells her she thinks Lisa has the skills to open her own business. She gives her $100 to start out and tells her she will be making and selling her own jewelry. She will have from 12:30 to 5:00 to make the jewelry, and by 5:00 she needs to meet Rhonda on a street corner to sell the jewelry for 90 minutes. She needs to make back the $100 to reimburse Rhonda at the very least. Lisa is completely panicked at doing this venture on her own.
Steve and Allison enjoy a trip to the Botanical Gardens. She tells him some information about herself with regards to the men in her life. She says she hasn't had a boyfriend in awhile, but she doesn't want to have a man just to have a man. She says two of the recent men she was with were alcoholics. Steve admits he was an alcoholic as well, yet didn't think he was up until the end. It's interesting to Allison that Steve has so many of the same characteristics as her father. She tells him that no one ever sat her father down to discuss his alcoholism with him.
Allison admits some of her problems to Steve, telling him she was there the night before her father died. She was never angry with him, just sad, yet felt she was the bad guy. Being the good girl was always the safest way for her to be. Allison says she always sees the best of everyone else, yet only the worst in herself. Steve offers to come to the Starting Over house that night and make dinner with Allison for her housemates.
Lisa shares her concerns with TJ and Christina that she can't operate her own business. She is told she can do it and Christina says she even used to make her own earrings. Lisa looks for help to see if her friends will help her in this and Christina and TJ are looking for profits or free jewelry for themselves to help out. TJ says there is no such thing as free labor.
At the bead store, Lisa asks for samples of things she could make but nixes many of the ideas as being too hard. She finally settles on a few ideas, buys the supplies and leaves to go back and get started.
Rhonda checks up on how TJ is doing wither her new communication skills. She says she feels closest to Jessica and Lisa, and Jill more the last few days. Allison and Christina she considers acquaintances. With Christina she says she is at the pint that every time she just says boo to her, she gets upset. Rhonda wants her to make some friends outside the house and is sending her to 24 Hour Fitness to work out and to see if she can make a new friend.
Back from the bead store, Lisa admits to Jessica she is feeling overwhelmed with this assignment from Rhonda. She tells Jessica if she helps her she can't pay her up front, but will pay her a percentage of the profit. Jessica sees Lisa as more stressed than excited with all this. Lisa tells Christina she needs her patience and offers her either chips or a share of the profit, her choice. Allison, of course, sits down to help as well. While everyone is sitting around the table working, Lisa stops and cuts her nails at the table.
Jill arrives home totally devastated. She walks into the group making jewelry and tells them that the fibroid tumor that was left in her ten years ago has grown. The doctor estimates it is now about forty pounds. She could bleed to death eventually if it is not taken out. Although the support of her housemates and life coaches is sure to be helpful, it certainly has to be hard to get news like that when you aren't at home.
Dr. Stan arrives for the Group session and sees the somber mood of everyone sitting there. Jill tells him her news, and adds that they believe it is a uterine fibroid and that it has taken over her stomach. Noticing that the women are now having trouble concentrating after this, Dr. Stan postpones Group. Allison asks Jill after if she has health insurance and Jill admits she doesn't. Jill starts hyperventilating, and Allison comforts her.
Iyanla walks in to check on Allison, but hearing Jill crying, says, "Oh my word! Oh my God, what an ugly cry!" Allison fills Iyanla in and says sit wasn't taken out with her other fibroid tumors because they thought it was too close to the main vein in her leg. Yet it's taking over her stomach? Yikes! Iyanla is actually angry at Jill, telling her she knew all along something was wrong and let it go. She says she could just kill her for doing that to herself. She advises her to stay focused and stay clear.
At 24 Hour Fitness TJ sits down on an exercycle and asks her neighbor for help. She then introduces herself and learns that the neighbor is Buffy, a valley girl. She asks for Buffy's email and gets it. She tells Buffy she works with adults with developmental disabilities.
Lisa asks her housemates for some organizational tips and Christina offers some feedback. She thinks Lisa is spending more time being frustrated and needs to just stick with it. Privately Christina thinks Lisa is being flippant and childish. Lisa is told she's supposed to be done right now and on the corner with Rhonda. The camera switches to Rhonda with her hands on her hips, waiting for Lisa.
Iyanla finds Allison in the kitchen cleaning out the refrigerator and asks her what she is doing. Allison replies that it was a mess and she needed to fix it. She needs order. Iyanla explains that for Allison fear plus resistance equals distraction. Rather than be still and reflecting on this day she is spending with her pseudo father, she is cleaning out the fridge. Allison's excuse is that it made her feel better. Switching back to Pseudo Dad, Allison says it was strange, but really nice to spend time with him. Iyanla notes here that it was probably easier to be intimate with the fruits and vegetables than a human being, yet Allison needs to risk it to get the needed closure with her father.
TJ comes home from the health club and tells Jessica that she met a new friend, a valley girl named Buffy. Buffy is thinking of moving to New York, so TJ is thinking a get together between herself, Buffy and Jessica would be a good thing.
Rhonda arrives at the Starting Over and is obviously very unhappy with Lisa telling her she has been waiting outside on the street corner for an hour and a half waiting for Lisa to show up. Lisa tries to apologize and says she should have just come with what she had, even though she didn't get finished. When Rhonda doesn't lighten up, Lisa looks paralyzed and is in shock until she starts crying. Saying that unless someone is telling Lisa, she doesn't know how to think for herself, Rhonda tells her to bring her housemates in.
Asked if anyone helped Lisa make her jewelry today, everyone raises their hands, including Jill who obviously had a few other things on her mind. Rhonda says Lisa still has to pay her employees somehow along with paying her back her startup fee of $100. Lisa tries to explain saying she was stressed out trying to get it perfect. Rhonda thinks Lisa has a challenge with authority.
It's somewhat unclear how exactly it came about, but Christina says she didn't leave and Lisa turns to her and mocks her, saying, "I didn't leave!" Rhonda calls her on it immediately and says she's yelling at housemates and being flippant with her, yet minutes ago there were tears. She wants to know what's real. "The tears or the anger, because I'm bettin' on the anger."
Rhonda asks who did most of the work on the jewelry and Jessica says that they did, including supporting Lisa on top of all of that. Rhonda turns back to Lisa and says she better figure a way out. The whole house was given a C at the last Board of Review. If Lisa gets another one, she's out of the Starting Over house. There promises to be another Board of Review real soon.
On top of everything else she has been through this day, Jill tells Lisa that they are partners, and as much as Lisa failed, they both failed. She doesn't think Lisa understands the gravity of the situation. TJ tells Lisa that part of the problem was Lisa's leadership. TJ says she loves Lisa and isn't making fun of her, but she's going to get her ass kicked out of the house. She follows asking, "Do you want to change your life?"
Allison's surrogate dad, Steve, arrives for dinner and Lisa takes him on a tour of the house. Jessica consoles Jill, saying her last fibroid tumor surgery was really bad, and that it has been eleven years to the day almost. Jill is worried about telling her mom, but Jessica tells her that her mom is there for support.
Lisa has Steve cornered in a bedroom telling of her concern for Allison not putting herself first. TJ finds them and somewhat angrily says that Allison needs support. She feels that Lisa is monopolizing him, and says that every time a man comes in the house Lisa goes into flirtation mode.
After dinner Allison talks to Steve and tells him it was important for her to hear from him as the alcoholic perspective of what she needed to hear. He says if he ever knew what he did, he was sorry. She says her mom taking beatings and keeping calm and making everything work left her with conflicted feelings about her father today. She tanks Steve for his advice and wisdom and says it was an insightful day.
Lisa feels like she is being punished and says everything she told Rhonda she really did think. She asks TJ if it makes her an idiot, stupid or inconsiderate to do that today. She also says she doesn't know why everyone cowers when she is feeling stressed. Jessica tells her the negative self talk is difficult to watch.
The next morning TJ is driving Jill to an appointment with a gynecologist to discuss her forty-pound tumor. Jill says it would be nice not to be in pain all the time. She woke up today and thought about how long she has been living in this pain. Dr. Konialian examines Jill and says he feels the mass a little bit above her belly button. It could be a fibroid or something from her ovaries. He orders up a CAT scan for her.
While waiting for her CAT scan Jill is required to drink two cups of a disgusting liquid with TJ looking on in disgust. Jill says she's glad she brought TJ with her and she takes something serious and makes it light-hearted. While doing the CAT scan on Jill we hear them say something about it being 20.3 centimeters.
Lisa wakes up tentative without a strong sense of herself and is afraid to see Rhonda, as she is disappointed in herself. She feels stupid and wonders why she isn't getting it.
Jessica gets an email from her dad that leaves her with mixed emotions. He says he is uncomfortable calling her at the Starting Over house. This makes her feel like she is not a priority.
Rhonda leads Group, and looking at Lisa, says she'll deal with her later. Turning to Jill, she says she is present. What Rhonda wants to talk about is with the ladies in the house they have a tendency to make things up to make themselves feel better, but keep themselves stuck. To Jill she asks what her rationale was to not have insurance and quit taking care of herself. Jill says she just didn't want to have a hysterectomy. She wouldn't be able to have kids and this helps keep her fantasy alive. It caused her to ignore parts of reality.
Allison admits that she is thinking about Jill that she doesn't want her to steal her thunder. She's the one that had the hysterectomy. Her rationale is the if she stays sick she doesn't have to work on herself. Christina says she made up that all she can do is dance and that she'll never get a job that pays well with no GED. It's more important to take care of her son.
TJ asks Rhonda to speak of the differences between enable and support. Rhonda explains that enabling is offering a fantasy, but support is getting back to reality, bringing us back to Lisa. She knew she could get kicked out, yet used excuses about not having enough leather and only having $100. Yet when Rhonda was left waiting, whose responsibility was it? Lisa admits it was hers.
Lisa was going to get two steps today, because Rhonda had thought she was making great progress but now believes Lisa hoodwinked her. Now she has nothing, no steps. She is starting over again. Christina says looking at the blank steps, she has a pit in her stomach for Lisa.
With Lisa crying, Rhonda tells her she hopes she has solution as she left it in Lisa's hands the night before. She hopes Lisa is done blaming her parents, the clerk at the bead store and her housemates, because it's Lisa herself. Rhonda also asks the other housemates to please not enable her this day.
Jill tells Lisa she always found money for cigarettes, but not health care. She lost her health care years ago, but for some reason thought it was more important to poison her body with cigarettes. Lisa says she spent her money on going to London instead of health insurance, and designer dresses instead of practical things.
Jessica meets with Rhonda and tells her about her phone call with her dad. She says it's always her that calls. Rhonda tells her either be upset about it or pick up the phone and call him. They discuss how Jessica's only connection with her family after her mother's death is through pain. Rhonda believes Jessica doesn't get enough hugs since all her hugs used to be from her mom. She used to be affectionate, but pulls back since her moms death. Her assignment today is to go and gets thirty-five hugs from people today and learn to feel joy.
Rhonda then meets with Lisa, who knows the worse is yet to come. Rhonda explains the reason she wanted her to sell jewelry is this is from the skills Lisa says she is good at – customer service, selling and being creative. It was a situation she thought Lisa could do, but she made up a story that she couldn't. Lisa asks if she can fix what she started and Rhonda asks back, can she? She also informs Lisa that she is her only client in the Starting Over house that never calls her. Lisa says she wants to finish the necklaces and sell them. Rhonda says that's fine, but she won't be checking up on her this time; it's all on her. She is to call Rhonda at 8:00 and let her know what happened.
Jessica goes to a shopping courtyard and is initially rejected, but then finds many people to give her hugs. She tells them all she is learning a lesson about love and joy. She realizes that a lot of mothers and children are willing to give hugs. It felt great for her to hugs from other moms. When she gets back to the house she tells Lisa, who is diligently working on her necklaces and Allison that she got sixty-seven hugs today. Lisa says of course, they looked at her sweet face with those dimples and couldn't resist. Jessica says one person even came out of a store just to give her one.
Jill talks on the phone with Dr. Konialian. He agrees with her other doctor that there is a tumor in there, but he can't tell for sure exactly if it's inside her uterus or ovaries. Regardless it needs to be removed, and sooner rather than later. She may end up losing her ovary or uterus or the whole package.
Dr. Stan meets with Jessica and asks her what it felt like to get all those hugs today. She says it was great and that so many people were willing, with the majority of them giving her real bear hugs. He says that was always there, she was just finally able to receive it. Jessica is learning to value love and support from her housemates, as she used to think that could only come from her mother.
Jessica is given a box that Dr. Stan says Rhonda has sent over for her. Inside is a box of fun thing to help Jessica reclaim her playful nature – jump rope, jacks, chalk, bubbles and hula hoop. Dr. Stan says if he was less dignified he would show her how to use a hula hoop. He then says he has decided he will be that vulnerable and tries out the hula hoops, failing miserably, but definitely makes his point
Lisa sets up to sell her necklaces and is feeling anxiety. She tells potential customers she is selling them for 50% off, $5.00 each. She is intially deterred and rejected by everyone and is wondering if she is really a good salesperson and can overcome it. Her first sale is to a grandfather or father out with his two young girls.
Once back from her sales, Lisa runs into Dr. Stan. He tells her she looks like she is about to cry. She explains she sold some necklaces, but only seven. He asks her what she thought the point of her selling today was and she says she doesn't know. He says it is to help her examine how she is in different situations. It means creating skills on the spot to get by. She hasn't ever needed to survive before; she always relied on others to help her do that.
Lisa then calls Rhonda and nervously tells her she only sold seven necklaces. To her surprise, Rhonda excitedly says that is excellent, making Lisa unbelievably relieved and is given the next part of the assignment. She has seventy-two hours to come up with a business plan to sell her jewelry. She will then have the skills to open her own business. Lisa admits she'd rather receive than sell or make jewelry.
While TJ and Jessica sit outside playing jacks, Lisa finds Allison inside the kitchen and tells them she needs to come up with a business plan. Allison advises her to ask Jill or TJ for advice since both of them have had their own businesses. A courier arrives for Lisa and gives her a package that includes a startup kit for her own business plan. Jill calls a friend and tells her the news of her huge fibroid tumor. She tells her the doctor said this this is the type of tumor they take out and take pictures of.
At this point, no one knows what this will mean for Jill's future in the Starting Over house. Hysterectomies can be such a long recovery, yet also she has been advised to not wait. A few seasons ago a different TJ went through a difficult leg infection recovery in the house. Allison is recovering from her infections in the house, and Josie from the past two seasons had a baby while in the house. I'm just not sure that Jill is stable enough to leave this support system just yet. As nice as it would be to be home right night receiving this news, she wouldn't get near the support that she is getting right now in the Starting Over house.
Do you think Jill should stay or leave? Email me at LauraBelle@realityshack.com
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