Starting Over 3, 10/20/05 – Will The Real Lisa Please Stand Up?by LauraBelle
I have to wonder if there is a female out there that is completely thrilled with her body image. At least I've never met any. Come to think of it, I have never met any men that were either.
The women of Starting Over start off their morning with another exercise. They are given a camera and told to take two pictures of each of them – one sitting and one standing. Allison admits to hating having her picture taken as it makes her insecure.
Rhonda brings body language expert Katherine Cardinal with her to Group. Katherine is going to read the women's body language by looking at them in Group and in the pictures taken earlier.
Lisa's picture is shown and she is asked to stand up. After Rhonda notes the way she's standing in the picture isn't how she naturally stands, Katherine says deep down Lisa knows she's naturally pretty and other times she feels the opposite. It's almost scary how she moves from one view to another. She is unable to claim her height and beauty, always going to a distraction instead. Lisa needs to focus, accept and move on to claim her life.
Asked about Katherine's thoughts about her, Lisa says she is in shock and horrified, and feels very exposed. She says she has never enjoyed having her picture taken and just wants it to be over. Rhonda states this is the most real Lisa she has seen.
Allison stands up next to her picture, and Katherine calls the picture a classic feminine pose. She sees Allison as a Southern woman raised in the "Isn't that nice?" syndrome. Katherine believes there are years and years of things unexpressed behind Allison's eyes. She sees a great deal of fear – either trauma as a child or a family secret. She needs to get that out to get her real personality out.
Rhonda notices Allison having fidgety hands and asks what that body language is saying. Katherine says it indicates a deep fear that needs expressing. It needs to come out somewhere, and does through the fidgeting hands. Lastly she says Allison has a relentless need to put herself in a plastic bubble. Allison calls all of this sad, but true.
Looking at Jill, Katherine says she makes choices based on what will hurt her the least. This is based on looking at the picture of Jill sitting where she's doing it awkwardly, and you can tell it's in order as not to hurt her back so much. She never developed a spine that would support her in her greatness. That sounds like an Iyanla comment!
Allison is seen crying and Rhonda asks her what's going on. Allison says she wants to be someone people can be drawn to and knows she can if she can break that bubble. It just feels so gross to look at pictures of herself. Rhonda tells her that her bubble keeps her safe, but also keeps others out.
Switching to a picture of Christina and heaving her stand, Katherine believe she thinks a great deal. She has a quick mind and it gets quite tiring, affecting her self esteem. Part of her is thinking about what others are thinking about her, and part of her is clear about herself. Christina knows she has good traits, but isn't anchored in them yet.
Looking at Jessica, Katherine says everyone here is uncomfortable to varying degrees, but Jessica is the most obviously uncomfortable. If it was up to her, she would find a way to live every day without somehow being in it. It's a form of hiding and is like she is wearing a big "discomfort" sign in Times Square. Rhonda notes how all of them were thinking they were good at hiding, acting and pretending.
Lastly, Katherine sees two things in TJ. On one side she's a pit bull that won't let go, which can be both a blessing and a curse. On the other side she's a tiny little kitten, yearning to be loved. It makes her confused, not knowing which to be, and she comes off as a wounded kitten.
Rhonda and Jessica leave Group for an assignment. Rhonda tells Jessica she knows she has a lot of anger stuffed down inside and she's done a good job of denying it. Jessica is asked to write all the things she's angry about on a pile of bricks laying by the pool.
Jessica writes down on the first brick that she gets angry over losing control. She is angry that her mother got on the airplane. She is mad at her grandma because her mom got on the airplane to go out and see her. Jessica's mom was being nice considering her own mother was mean to her all her life. Jessica is also angry at her mom for being so loving and willing to take care of her mother.
Jessica is even mad at herself for changing her mind and not going with her mom. Broadening her anger, she's upset at every politician that used her mom's death to justify their decisions. She is angry that she had to watch her mother's violent death on TV and seemed to be watching the footage over and over. Looking at all her angry bricks she has to admit she has no control.
Admitting she is angry and doesn't know what to do, Jessica says there is no way to escape, as it's always there. Her mother wasn't allowed to be a victim as they made her into a hero. Jessica feels as though her mother's death wasn't honorable. It's not what her mom was about. She was about peace and love, not war and hate.
Rhonda tells Jessica she lost her mother's voice w hen she lost her, and in the process has lost her own voice. It's as if the anger is submerged. After tossing all the bricks into the pool, to start facing her anger, Jessica is asked to read a brick and slam it into the pool. Rhonda hands her goggles and instructs her to pull all her anger out and bring it to the surface.
Lisa is upset that everyone agrees the genuine Lisa finally showed up. Her biggest fear is becoming a "South Beach person." She isn't trying to be fake; it's just the way she is. Jill is stunned and amazed that yesterday Allison was fighting for her life, and today she can't even look at a picture of herself looking absolutely fabulous. For herself, Jill says of course she has back problems, she's carrying around forty-five pounds of luggage in addition to her body weight.
Rhonda brings Lisa out to a large blank canvas that says, "MY LIFE" on it. Rhonda thinks Lisa merely survived her whole life and never stopped to look at her regrets. When Lisa stops to think about it now, there aren't any regrets that pop into her mind.
Slowly the regrets begin to come to Lisa. She regrets marrying someone after only knowing him three weeks. She wonders what kind of person does that. Rhonda suggests Lisa idealizes a certain version of herself — pure and honest – but her decisions betray her. Lisa then remembers regretting when she was young and some bad girls were stealing mail. She didn't do it, but was with them, making her an accomplice. She was once with another little girl that was stealing things out of someone's home. Lisa didn't do it, but she was the lookout. Once a friend shoplifted and Lisa got suck carrying the bags for her, getting Lisa arrested.
Lisa then recalls a regret that she refers to as a "really bad thing." A friend's brother molested her and threatened to kill her parents if she told. She thought it would be worse if she told, knowing that her father would kill him. She describes it all now as being really sick, but says she thought she deserved it.
Rhonda tells Lisa it's no wonder she can't move on. She somehow feels she's keeping her parents alive. Lisa admits she's never been able to enjoy having sex. Rhonda believes this is why Lisa focuses on material items; it's a way to avoid intimacy. Lisa has been searching for someone to care for her, but the way she goes about it, she will never get it. Rhonda leaves Lisa on her own to discover more regrets and paint them all onto the canvas.
Moving along, Rhonda now checks on TJ and takes her inside her box. Today she wants to work on non-verbal communication and listening and opens another window in the box. TJ knows this will mean not talking at all and says it feels impossible. Rhonda hands her a stack of cards that say, "No", "Yes", "I have no idea", "Can you repeat that?", "Tell me more", "I feel your pain", "Thanks" and "Please". TJ requests to make another one, "I need a hug." I think her housemates are going to enjoy this side of her.
TJ moves on to a "conversation" with TJ and finds herself using the "Tell me more" card. Christina has deep compassion for TJ going through this.
Lisa realizes how much she has repressed, and feels keeping the secret of being molested has blocked her from going where she wants to go. She tells Rhonda the most significant regret was getting married to make the pain go away. She had affairs before and was always dumped. She chased after them, putting her in a position to be humiliated over and over again. She was inviting men to humiliate her, because she thought she deserved it. From the time she was molested at eleven, to now at forty-years-old, she has continued that version of the pattern of abuse. Rhonda tells her she has been wronged and needs to make it right, telling her to paint no onto these regrets. Lisa begins hysterically crying as she does this.
Jessica talks to TJ about her angry bricks and TJ finds herself using the "Tell me more" card once again. Allison says it's more pleasurable to be with TJ now. She is more aware of how they react. Asked if she is having a good day, TJ flips back and forth from "Yes" to "No" back and forth.
TJ then moves on to a meeting with Rhonda to let her know how her non-verbal communication has been going, allowing her to be verbal now. TJ says she found uniques ways not to talk. It was interesting how she adapted, she found herself even coming up with a creative sign lagnague. It made her feel a lot calmer, more focused and clearer. TJ felt like she really accomplished something. Rhonda thinks maybe sheh felt more connected than ever before.
While Jill is walking up the stairs with all her baggage, it hits her again. She is no longer going to carry her baggage. She dumps it on t he stairs. Seriously, is s he never going to learn? Goodness. My guess is Iyanla is going to have her getting her self-sabotage bag out of storage.
Jessica and Rhonda meet back at the anger bricks by the pool that have since dried out. Rhonda asks her to pick out the three bricks she is most angry about. She chooses being angry that her mom got on the plane, angry at herself for not going with and that her mother was forced to die a "hero's death." She is given a sledgehammer and promptly smashes the hell out of those bricks.
It finally dawns on Jessica that out of all the emotions since her mother's death, it was anger that she denied the most. Anger and hatred killed her mom, and she didn't want her mom bringing those feelings out of her. She doesn't feel guilty for the first time, and is even feeling a little happy.
Allison sits in the mirror applying her makeup and says she is right back to w here she started with her body issues. She looks so horrific in her own yes. Seeing the pictures made her realize not only does she feel it, people can see it. She's got on loooong road to hoe. Maybe it's just me, but I think she should be carting luggage around just like Jill. I think they could probably share it, since they seem to have many similar issues. This makes me wonder how many pounds of luggage we all carry around with us.
Yet many of us also have Lisa's baggage. Lisa at times has the same view of her body, but it's due to suffering the trauma of being molested. She certainly isn't alone in that issue. TJ has that issue as well. Many people do. I think it just comes out of everyone in different ways, just as it does with Lisa and TJ.
I find myself thinking it would be interesting to have Katherine Cardinal examine me and see what she can surmise. But I also find myself thinking I would have the same responses as the women on the show. I would be shocked and horrified and sad. Most of all I would know it to be truth.
What do you think of the body image issue? Email me at LauraBelle@realityshack.com
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