Category Archives: Guilty Pleasures

Real Housewives of Atlanta, Ep. 17 – “The Error Apparents”

Country music, divorce, twelve cakes, and a repaired friendship.

It’s a quiet and peaceful morning, with hot tea ready on the stove. And Cynthia wants to rehash the previous night of the anniversary party. Peter doesn’t know what Mallory’s beef is with him, but he’s pretty much done with her.

After causing a spectacle at her sister’s anniversary party, Mal attempts to apologize to Cynthia. It doesn’t seem very genuine, but I guess she’s trying to smooth things over.

Kandi stops by Kim’s house to resolve whatever problems exist in their friendship without any instigators or outside hindrances *ahem* Sheree’ *ahem*. The situation about what was or wasn’t said in South Africa is finally cleared up. It all comes down to communication, which they are working towards getting better at. In the process of Kandi clearing her name, restoring her loyalty to Kim, Cynthia’s name is added to Kim’s hit-list.

“I miss you. I miss our friendship,” Kim says.

Well thankfully that’s settled.

NeNe’s a pen stroke away from finalizing her divorce from Gregg. She can’t quite bring herself to actually sign. They’ve been separated for over a year, but we know they’ve had contact in that time. What about John, the Italian businessman who seems infatuated with her?

Ayden has one of THE best 12-month birthdays I’ve ever been graced with. Baby Ayden is turning a year old and he gets a cake for each month he’s graced the face of earth. I’m quite jealous. It’s held at a waterpark, and as hot as it is in Atlanta, there aren’t many people in attendance. Maybe Phaedra rented the park out for the day.

Dwight, who’s been missing in action from the show, is something of a host for Baby Ayden’s birthday. This is definitely a Dwight-inspired party, even for a baby. He presents all twelve cakes and Ayden gets a sample of each. Yummy. That’s a heck of a lot of sugar.

We even get a teaser segment of Marlo apologizing to Lawrence about the F-word that rhymes with maggot. F-maggot-words are still dropped throughout in that sly Marlo way.

Kandi returns to Nashville, Tennessee, to take her country-music career to the next level. She meets with the country artist she’s been writing a song for, Jo Dee. The song sounds pretty good and I really like Jo Dee’s voice because, as Kandi mentions, it has a crossover appeal. Kandi’s taken aback that within country, the artists usually record the whole song in one recording, compared to pop or R&B, where you lay down a verse or hook, tinker with production and sound, and then put more verses down until eventually everything is put together in one cohesive musical track, or song.

Kandi later  joins Jo Dee onstage at an intimate venue. She’s pleased with her first step into country music, but feels she has a long way to go.

Sheree catches up with her oldest daughter, Tierra, who’s doing well and has a job in television production — my dream. Tierra’s relationship with her boyfriend is possibly getting serious when she brings up marriage. Sheree’s position on the marriage subject is not exactly enthusiastic since she’s gone through a dirty divorce. But she approves of this guy for Tierra so she plans to help him shop for a proper ring since a proposal is down the road.

NeNe is apparently seeing a therapist now. The decision over actually getting a divorce has driven her to sessions on the sofa. Conflicted with the possibilities of how life will be after the papers are signed, she’s seriously reconsidering this divorce. Just the sound of divorce sounds final. Hm, wonder what this entails.

On the next episode: Phaedra’s son has quite the baptism; he’s carried in on a royal seat while drinking from his royal Sippy cup. Kroy returns home. Let’s hope the house is finally cleaned as Kim wanted for his arrival. There might be a confrontation between Kim and Cynthia. Cannot wait for that.

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Real Housewives of Orange County, Ep. 6 – “The Party’s Over”

Surgery, “nose job”, scream match, & hypocrites.

Tonight we pick up at Tamra’s Bunco party, where she introduces her special guests. No they’re certainly not ‘80s strippers. The husbands and boyfriends enter the restaurant clad in ‘80s style. Among them are Tamra’s boyfriend, Eddie, Heather’s doctor-husband, Terry, and Gretchen’s boyfriend, Slade, in all his douchebaggery (i.e. mullet, shades, leather jacket, smug attitude). Slade aggressively defends himself when confronted about his insults at the comedy improv.

“Are you suddenly a comedian?” Vicki’s keeping her distance and trying to stay calm while confronting Slade. “Since when?”

Um, I guess since the other night when he hopped on stage and told what he thought were funny jokes. See how well that went. Apparently it was a sold-out show and people laughed their asses off. I must have blinked and missed that part.

“I’m out. Bye. He’s a piece of sh**. My daughter is important. Not that guy.” Vicki tries to make a graceful exit, but finds herself drawn back inside to have the last word. She marches back in, eyes bulging and ready to tear a hole into Slade, and then Gretchen for jumping in at his defense. The two women get into a screaming match where Gretchen accuses Vicki of being a hypocrite.

“You are smoking crack, Vicki?” Gretchen has had it.

“Are you a mother?” Vicki’s taking things out of left field. Other worries are on the brain, understandably. “You are NOT a mother. You have no idea what it’s like!” She soon gets back on topic, “My boyfriend is none of your business!”

“That’s funny because Slade is none of your *bleeping* business!” Gretchen strikes back.

Vicki’s voice practically shatters glass. Ding, ding, ding! I declare Vic winner of this scream-off. Gretchen is left in tears and vents out her frustrations to Slade and Alexis. Basically Vicki can dish it out, but can’t take her own crap when it’s handed to her.

If Tamra had known Slade’s presence would upset Vicki so much, she wouldn’t have invited him. Why do so in the first place? She follows Vicki outside of the restaurant and tries to calm her down and keep her from leaving the Bunco party. “Don’t let someone like him get under your skin.”

Tamra already invited all of the guys — with the exception of Alexis’s husband, Jim — and couldn’t get Brooks there for some reason. So she couldn’t un-invite Slade. Really, Tamra? Really?

Vicki ends up leaving the Bunco party to see about her daughter and to get away from the drama. Heather’s shocked by what happened. It’s a school night and she’s being exposed to that monstrosity. Who needs that? God.

Gretchen tries her best to verbalize why she reacted as she did earlier, but that explanation goes around in a few circles and over my head.

Tamra asks Terry about removing implants. Gretchen brings up Lex’s nose surgery to take out her sinuses. Terry drops some factual surgical knowledge. Alexis overhears and decides to open her mouth. She immediately goes on defense mode when Tamra mentions her nose job.

“Tamra, I’m owning it. I have no problem saying ‘Yes I’m getting my bump fixed’.” Alexis claims this, but puts up a fight declaring she isn’t getting a nose job. She coughs up lugies and pulls strings from her mouth and has to take medication. We get it. Sure. Alexis will be getting her sinuses done, and wants to go ahead and take care of the hump in her nose. She’s killing two birds with one stone.

Heather walks over and quietly explains what the conversation at the table was about. They weren’t poking fun at Alexis or trying to get in her business. Alexis isn’t hearing that though. Plus she’s irritated with Gretchen for not sticking up for her. And she goes on, and on, and on scolding Gretchen for it.

Whew! So glad that Bunco party is over. On to more serious things, like Vicki’s daughter’s health problems.  Briana explains to her step-dad, Donn, why she’s going through surgery. He takes the news better than Vicki, which is a relief to Briana. And us.

Tamra comes by Vicki’s job with coffee — because it supposedly smoothes everything over — and tries to hear Vicki’s side of things. Brooks went to jail for the same thing Vicki keeps throwing in Gretchen and Slade’s faces, not paying child support. This comes across as a bit hypocritical, Tamra points out.

Alexis is actually going under the knife for her nose and the tears are pouring out. Vicki is trying to handle her own daughter getting surgery on her larynx to check out a lymph node. Briana heads to the hospital to have her thyroid removed. This procedure will finally settle whether Briana has cancer or not. The unknown will soon be known, and it’s frightening for the family wondering “what if …?”

Vicki is freaking out while driving her daughter to the hospital. Briana’s sitting in the passenger seat cool as a cucumber, and she’s the one going in for surgery. She’s the one in this potentially life-or-death situation. But it will affect loved ones and in turn, others of the O.C. bunch.

On the next episode: Tamra may want her implants removed. The conclusion to Alexis’s nose job — I mean, her surgery for health matters. The results of Briana’s surgery are to be revealed.

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Real Housewives of Atlanta, Ep. 16 – “Peaches and Screams”

Anniversary Party, F-Word, and Sweetie. 

“Sweetie!” Kim calls and the day has begun. Kim’s straitening up the house for Kroy’s return. Boxes and stuff are everywhere. She and assistant, Sweetie, are butting heads more now than ever. “I’m gonna fire Sweetie.” If Kim doesn’t mean it now, she’s strongly considering it.

Kim chases Sweetie around the large house, with suspicion of smoking cigarettes on the job. Not exactly fun and games this time around for those two.

In the vein of Miss Phaedra Parks’ “everyone knows,” in order to become a certified mortician, one must embalm at least ten bodies. Phaedra is definitely getting in on this. After all, this lawyer has a funeral business in the horizons. There’s great money in burying the dead, I suppose. I’ve heard lawyers can be a little greedy, but that may not be the case here. Mortician-in-training Phaedra starts with applying makeup to a dummy and jokes around to make light of the situation.

“The face is a canvas and I’m a painter.” At least she’s taking this seriously.

Peter gets last minute preparations done for the one-year anniversary party. Cynthia walks in on one of his calls and talks of budget arise. He may have gone over budget and may have to borrow some money for Cynthia. He may want a limousine to pick him and Cynthia up for their anniversary party. But he certainly does not want Mallory, Cynthia’s sister, along for the ride. “She’s not going to be in the car with us.” Peter means that.

Kim is in over her head. The move, new baby, her girls in school, housework, and just life altogether is taking a toll. Capital S-T-R-E-S-S-E-D. Sweetie isn’t helping like she should. Kim confides in her hair stylist about all of this, namely Sweetie. Should Kim let her go? Sweetie’s incredibly loyal and has been in Kim’s life for twelve years. She’s a friend and practically family, nevertheless lines have been crossed. Sweetie told Brielle (Kim’s daughter) to “go f*** herself”. I’m sure it was all jokes. But still. What adult says that to a kid? Seriously.

Cynthia lets Mallory know she can’t ride in the limo to the anniversary party with her and Peter. Psh, Mal’s riding — or so she thinks. “You’re not riding.” Cynthia can’t make it any clearer than that. Even I got the message. What’s also clear is that Mal and Peter aren’t getting along and haven’t been for some time. Let’s go back to last season when Peter and Cynthia finally made it to their wedding day. The only thing holding up the marriage was a little piece of paper to allow them to marry. And Mal and her mom were holding onto that for dear life. So, it’s a little understandable why Peter’s pissed with Mal and Cynthia’s family overall.

Gregg (NeNe’s soon-to-be-ex-husband) picks Bryson up from jail. They have a talk with Bryson, who wants to own a restaurant in the future. Seems a little random, but we’ll go with it. He has to stop making dumb moves because NeNe’s had it up to her neck. “You have to move out,” she tells him. “It’s time.” She smacks one hand into the other and it’s final.

Peter’s chewing someone out on the phone about the limo. Sounds like Peter rented one that had already been bought. I hope that doesn’t happen often in the business. Cynthia’s a big believer in signs and so am I. Sure, this is probably a sign for the night ahead, Cyn, but I’d think about the bigger picture. Like an indication for the whole of that marriage…

The anniversary event is elegant and has a way better turnout than Bar One’s opening. The air conditioning is working, the people can roam about without bumping elbows, and Cynthia’s mom and sister aren’t there … Wait, that’s not right I don’t think.

NeNe makes her grand appearance. She may even be “on time.” She heads right over to Marlo, who’s date (Dave) is definitely not the football player (Charles) introduced earlier in the season. Quite the opposite, in fact. *whispers* The girls are all wondering if this is a new Sugar Daddy of Marlo’s. Methinksso.

Cynthia is a little tensed at her own anniversary party. Her mom and sister arrive, which perks her up some. That mood doesn’t last long with Mallory and their mom admitting “SHOCK” over Cynthia and Peter making it a whole year in marriage. That’s not what I’d want to hear at my one-year anniversary party.

“I got this. Where’s the champagne?” Cynthia snaps into motion and heads downstairs to her party.

Sheree and Laurence are back together for good ol’ gossip on the car ride to the anniversary party. She lets him know Marlo dropped the F-word-that-rhymes-with-maggot during the South African Safari excursion. Sheree’s tattling again. Only, I’m with her this time since Marlo was in the wrong for that.

They arrive and Sheree gives a quick phone call to Kim, asking if she’s coming to the anniversary party. Kim gives an excuse as to why she isn’t. The excuse sounds legit: Cynthia talked smack about her in Africa — according to Sheree. Why the heck would she come to the woman’s anniversary party? Didn’t Kandi mention how Kim comes up with any excuse not to attend an event she doesn’t feel like going to? Let’s just shrug it off for now.

Laurence confronts Marlo about the infamous F-word with Sheree at his side, ready for the show.

Marlo comes back with “I would never say f****t.”

WTF?! Chick, millions of people heard and saw you say the word on TV, dissing Sheree. Wow, Marlo. She reaches a new level of crazy tonight.

Peter calls for friends and family — everyone except Mallory — in an announcement of his and Cynthia’s anniversary. Tension, tension, tension. The first time he fails to mention Mal is rude. The next few times he deliberately does so and embarrasses her. Not cool at all. Actually it’s a little childish.

This leads to a confrontation between Cynthia and Mallory after the fact.

“Stop defending him!” Mallory shouts.

The party guests are starting to notice the tension within the family now if they didn’t before. Cynthia is once again caught between her Peter and her family, in the middle where she didn’t want to be. A rock and hard place. That’s gotta suck big time.

On the next episode: Kandi works with Jo some more on country songwriting. Sheree talks about unexpected turns in relationships with her oldest daughter, who may have news of her own. Kandi and Kim get together again to hash things out — hopefully — calmly. Cynthia and her sister, Mallory, discuss the anniversary party and family problems. NeNe has doubts about finalizing the divorce from Gregg. Phaedra’s son has a birthday party, and you know this is going to be extravagant.

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Real Housewives of Orange County, Ep. 5 – “He Said What?”

Bunco party, Slade, ’80s night.

Gretchen is still pissed with Slade for his jabs at the O.C. wives. Slade feels like comedy is what he’s supposed to do, yet Gretchen is still wondering “Where did this come from?” But at this stage in his life, “it feels like the right thing.” Especially since he gets to bash Tamra and Vicki. Speaking of which …

Tamra plans a Bunco party with an ‘80s theme and talks it over with Heather. Amongst the chatting, Tamra mentions they can poke fun at each other, but in a friendly way. Well Heather discloses that Slade beat her to the punch. With improv comedy night. And that Michelin Man (Tamra) and Miss Piggy (Vicki) came up. It’s gotta be jealousy, Tamra thinks.

Heather suggests killing Slade with kindness. “Shut him down.”

Yes, yes *evil nod* Tamra loves it.

Alexis is freaking out about her surgery consultation. There’s so much going on with Alexis’s nose: obstructed airway, deviated septum, drain a sinus… Why not go ahead and get rid of the hump, a little cosmetic surgery? She doesn’t want it to seem like she got a nose job though. Just so we’re clear. What if she goes under and doesn’t come out of anesthesia? She boo-hoos to the surgeon and slightly hyperventilates.

“You have to separate my nose from my face to get to my sinuses.” Whaaaa?

The surgeon clears that up quickly and assures her that’s not the case and that the pain will be gone in three to four days. Breathe, Alexis, breathe. She nearly passes out from relief. Thank God that’s all there is to be done. It’s all good now.

Vicki is distracted at work, with the divorce, worrying about assets, and her daughter’s condition. She really doesn’t need the stress of Slade’s drama.

Slade, with all his connections, gets Gretchen a guest spot for The Pussycat Dolls show in Vegas. Gretch sings (?), dances(?), and now she going to perform burlesque? Understandably she’s nervous about this, but Slade gives encouraging words in that manager/boyfriend coaxing way and Gretch is up for the gig — like the team player she is.

While Gretchen picks out outfits for Tamra’s Bunco party, guess who calls. Yes, Tamra. Awkward position for Gretchen. They agree on kicking Slade in the balls. Gretch may be joking, but I have a feeling Tamra isn’t so much.

Coffee makes everything better, accompanied with a hug. For the most part. Tamra drops by with these items for Vicki and respects to Brianna (Vicki’s daughter). The conversation naturally progresses to the jabs Slade took at them on appearances and whatnot. When Tamra tells Vicki about Slade’s comedy routine, she feels insulted, but is distracted by her daughter Briana’s upcoming thyroid surgery, which could reveal if she has cancer. Tamra shares the meme with Vicki, to kill Slade with kindness. It won’t be easy for Vic. Her plate is full. All jokes aside.

Preparations for the ‘80’s Bunco party are underway. The other ladies go for the crimps, waterfall bangs, neon colors, lace finger-less gloves, and dyed hair. Heather, being the classy woman she is, takes the less obvious approach. A glamour girl from Robert Palmer’s videos. “Just because it’s ’80’s doesn’t mean you have to look bad.”

Tamra’s party is one NOT to be missed. Goody bags with sex toys, margaritas, dices, mindless fun, and Bunco!

Fun times and now the improv comedy night drama intervenes right on cue. A friend brings up Slade’s jokes and a simmering controversy explodes into full-on conflict. While Gretchen jumps in at Slade’s defense, Tamra tries to diffuse the situation by revealing a surprise. Tamra’s waving her hands through the air because she doesn’t want Bunko night ruined. Yet she reveals a surprise to the women, having invited the ladies’ significant others to the party. In walks Slade in the leather jacket and mullet. Vicki isn’t having that. At all. Where are yout loyalties, Tamra?

Can you say EXPLOSION? This is bunkers. Bunco, even.

The next episode: More ‘80s Bunko party. A scream-off match between Vicki and Tamra. Vicki deals with her daughter’s thyroid results.

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Real Housewives of Atlanta; Ep, 15 – “From the Motherland to Haterville”

Loyalty, Kandi’s “racial” comment, and Lunch.

The ladies are excited and very much ready to return home to Atlanta. Bye-bye to the Motherland. Here goes Marlo with her designer belongings that she insists must be packed in which designer bag accordingly. Heaven forbids a bag or Louis Vuitton gets left behind in Africa. Their paid bag packer has that to worry about though.

Kandi vents to Cynthia –  a Tall – about the whole misunderstanding about Sheree throwing her under the bus, for loyalty towards Kim. It’s still bothering Kandi. That’s completely understandable because now Kim is probably thinking Kandi made a derogatory comment about her not wanting to hold a black baby, let alone visit Africa. And that completely was not the case.

It also rains on the ladies’ last day in Africa, as they leave. Phaedra claims the country is crying because they are leaving. Actually, with all the drama and designer flashing over the place, a higher power was more than likely purifying Africa.

Kim is trying to find a nanny because she needs the help with her large house, two maids, Sweetie, and closet of wigs. Oh yeah, and help with her three kids also. Sweetie relaxes by the pool, and Kim scolds her for not being an assistant. I won’t comment on that particular relationship.

Cynthia brings a couple of things home to her daughter and forgets to pick up a little South African souvenir for Peter. Wow. And now she doesn’t want a big anniversary party. If that’s not telling of the marriage, I don’t know what is.

She lets us and Peter in on NeNe’s life, whose son (Bryson) was arrested again for stealing from … a Walmart? Really? Of all places. I guess that’s what they get for trying to take over the world.

Kim loves herself (and Kroy and the kids) so much she wants to plaster portraits all over the house. She weighs her options concerning Sweetie with her interior designer friend. Uh-oh, Sweetie’s future is looking pretty dim … or less blonde.

Kandi updates Momma Burrus on the drama that happened in South Africa. She and Phaedra take a ride to Kim’s new home to have lunch and stop by Sheree’s property along the way. It isn’t appearing much like a house, more like dirt mounds. Maybe she missed paying the contractors on time while in Africa. Taking Marlo up on her offer for a loan is probably still not up for discussion.

Sheree arrives first at Kim’s new home for lunch. Of course. Sheree gets her point of view across to Kim as to why she brought up Kandi and the “black baby shenanigans” in Africa. Let the whispering in ears begin. “Out of all the Smalls, Kim and I are the closest.” Sheree clears that up neatly.

Now that Sheree’s stirred the pot, Kandi and Phaedra arrive at Kim’s home for lunchtime. And to hash out problems among the Smalls. Phaedra whips out a gift to secure her place with the Smalls Boss (Kim, a ‘la NeNe). “I heard you all were thinking about me in Africa.” Kim’s ready to get to the business.

Peter is planning an anniversary black-tie party. NeNe, his partner in planning events, arrives late as usual and gives her extravagant suggestions for the party. There isn’t a set budget, but finances aren’t exactly secure with Cyn and Peter. For the record. Peter doesn’t even bring his checkbook to the meeting. ‘Nuff said.

After the meeting with the party planner, Peter has a talk with NeNe about her son being in jail. She debates whether to bail him out of jail or teach him a lesson. NeNe is only showing “tough love” .. what’s five days in the pen in Atlanta? Peter tries to get his point across that a holding cell is just as traumatic as prison. Bryson could come out a different man. Not for the best.

Lunch at Kim’s finally centers on Kandi’s comment about the orphanage. Sheree and Kim have a ten-year history. But Kandi can certainly hold her own against Sheree. Another verbal showdown, and on Kim’s posh veranda. The lesser known problems of Kim and Kandi’s friendship come to the surface as they get into a heated confrontation. Oh no, friendships are in limbo and The Smalls are weakening as a force.

The next episode: Phaedra gets into make-up for the deceased. Peter asks to borrow money from Cynthia. Remember when she said she wouldn’t financially back him anymore after that hard road to marriage? Now there will be a rift between her and the family. Kim debates whether to let Sweetie go. NeNe is trying to figure out what to do abou Bryson, again. The fracture in the Smalls’ friendship expands.

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Win 1 of 3 Prizes from Khloe & Lamar and Ice Loves Coco

Because of the Academy Awards last weekend, Khloe & Lamar and Ice Loves Coco took the week off, but they’re back this weekend with all new episodes. In a celebration of the episodes, Reality Shack is staging a giveaway to hand out three great prizes to three deserving winners.

First on Sunday night, Lamar gets fed up with Khloe treating him like a baby and comes to a decision on what to do about it. Last year Rob stepped out of his sisters’ shadows by appearing on Dancing with the Stars, and now he’s doing it again with sexy socks. Ice and Coco have a romantic getaway planned, but it doesn’t go as planned.

Before you watch those two episodes, sign up for the giveaways. There are three great prizes – a poster from each show, as well as a desk basketball hoop from Khloe & Lamar. You can win one of these prizes in one of four ways, either by commenting on this post, liking the Reality Shack page on Facebook, tweeting about the contest, or commenting about one of the two shows on the Reality Shack Forum. Feel free to enter all four ways!

The contest is open through March 10 at 12:01 AM EST. Prizing can only be shipped to an address in the United States.

Continue reading Win 1 of 3 Prizes from Khloe & Lamar and Ice Loves Coco

Real Housewives of Orange County, Ep. 4 – “Who’s Laughing Now?”

Stand-up Improv, marriage talk, and a sparkly bikini.

Tamra pays a visit to Vicki’s home and as she gets to cracking eggs, she brings up the little goodbye — or should I say cold shoulder — Vicki gave at Heather’s “paint party.” Vicki dives right in, pulling out bowls from the cabinets and cupboards, telling Tamra she’s all up Gretchen’s butt.

“Do you not want me to be friends with Gretchen.”

“I want you to be friends with Gretchen.”

With that supposedly settled, and to lighten the mood, Tamra brings out the sex goodies she bought for Vicki on her shopping date with Gretchen. Vicki’s quick to push the boxes away. By now, we know she isn’t comfortable discussing this stuff in public. But wait, Vicki gets a message from Alexis in perfect timing. Hilarious. They must have bonded over making snide remarks at Tamra and Gretchen at the paint party. She loves Alexis. Vicki can play the game as well, Tamra.

Alexis and Heather meet up for a lunch date—surprise. Surprise — it had to happen sooner than later. Heather asks about the news anchoring job Alexis claims to have. She isn’t cerebral enough for that sort of thing, according to Heather. “We’re more similar than we thought.” Heather doesn’t share Alexis’s sentiments. Lex can’t hold a candle to the actress/mother of four/wife of plastic-surgeon. I can already see the green-eyed monster growing on Alexis’s shoulder.

Slade tries out his stand-up comedy act for his mother and gives fair warning there are “Instructions on how to get naked wasted” and something about National Geographic… Yeah, his mother’s lost facial expression, along with the crickets in the living room, sums up this “funny” act. Momma Slade lets him know that being a comedian is something a person usually has the desire for from a young age. Something tells me Slade just wants an opportunity to roast the rest of the O.C. housewives.

Slade drops some news on his mom. He wants to propose to Gretchen. “No, no.” Momma Slade doesn’t think it’s a good idea either.

Tamra and Eddie take their dog for a walk, nature trail style. Eddie slips “moving in together” into the casual conversation. Naturally marriage is the next topic, but they’re not going there. Way too soon for that. Tamra doesn’t want a third screwed-up marriage. Over a lovely night of dinner on date night, Tamra verbalizes her feelings about moving in with Eddie. Somewhere in the future that could happen, but not at this point.

Slade does some research for his comedy act and it includes Tamra, from the snapshots on his laptop screen. He’s “not trying to be a dick”. But pictures don’t lie, pal. “You’re in the news too, and it’s gonna be a lot of fun to watch” Slade says about Tamra right afterwards. He’s got a point, comedians do snag material from the headlines often. But is Slade really on that level to do the same? Does he even qualify as a stand-up comedian?

And the moment some of us have been anticipating: stand-up comedy segment! Apparently she doesn’t have much faith in Slade’s impending act, because Gretchen dresses down in a sparkly bikini set underneath her jailbird attire. Gretchen and Slade are a duo through and out. She comes out on stage and opens up for the next acts of the night. I heard Facebook mentioned, which got a few laughs. Then, “Am I that hard to find?” and the rest went over my head, and the audience’s, because she stripped down to the sparkly bikini and stood there with arms held out like “hello—I’m right here!” Maybe that was the punchline.

Slade, the man of the hour, finally comes out on stage. Off with the suit jacket and cue up the PowerPoint presentation. The housewives are the butt of his jokes, which are the real hit or miss (read: miss). The act is actually funny to Alexis. That’s what she said, at least. I can only take Alexis for her word.

Slade is still working the housewives as the cornerstone of his act, even dissing his ex, Jo (former O.C. housewives). He goes after Tamra and Vicki, as expected. Talk about low blows. Inappropriate pictures, comparing Vicki to Miss Piggy, talking about Tamra, and the wives’ failed relationships (he’s really one to talk). A complete trainwreck for Gretchen who’s freshly on good terms with Tamra and maybe civil with Vicki.

Heather rates Gretchen’s performance a solid 4 on a scale of 1-10 and rate Slade’s a 3. I have to agree.

Vicki meets with her daughter and Brianna isn’t crazy about the divorce. She can’t quite grasp her mom dating Brooks while technically still married to her soon-to-be ex, Don.

Showdown in the car after stand-up comedy night. Gretchen. Is. Pissed. Slade makes a point in reminding Gretchen how Tamra and Vicki humiliated and bashed him, making his life hell. Gretchen is in an awkward position. As true as that is, it puts Gretch’s friendships on the line. I’m sure Slade gives a rip about that to an extent, but his evil plans are following through and he wants payback.

Next episode: Tamra and Vicki find out about Slade’s improv comedy act. The ‘80s-like gathering provides a setting for the confrontation between the O.C. wives and Slade, who shows up in a black leather jacket, sporting a mullet. He’s definitely asking for trouble.

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Real Housewives of Orange County, Feb. 21 – “The Honeymoon Is Over”

Painting party, wine, and the green-eyed monster.

Well, the honeymoon is most definitely over for Tamra and her beau, Eddie. While Vicki and Brooks are on a nice date, Eddie and Tamra discuss what happened earlier over drinks while they all were tipsy. Eddie clarifies he only sees Vicki as a friend and it was all jokes, but Tamra crossed the line when she placed Brooks’ hand on her boob in retaliation. Tamra sheds some tears and they kiss and make-up, for the most part.

Heather and her doctor-husband go out for dinner as well, and she decides to throw a paint party as a “thank-you” for the invite to Vicki’s party. This is her way of scoping the girls out on her own turf – only she’s not letting these conniving women near her home, so the party will take place elsewhere. Very wise, Heather.

Tamra boo-hoos some more over dinner and complains about Eddie and Vicki touching. They’re both Aries and can’t help being touchy-feely. Even though Vicki stated she didn’t like being touched in public in front of other people when Brooks wanted some PDA. Tamra just saw her “best friends holding hands and went psycho.” Back off her territory.

Slade and Gretchen take their doggies out for a walk, and I’m just staring Gretch down in her hot-pink turtleneck and super-short white shorts in some snow-boots-looking tennis shoes. Fashionista, she is. Slade tells Gretchen about an opportunity he’s been offered in stand-up comedy, and she gives him some facts about the reality of trying to perform comedy versus just watching it. There’s a hell of a difference, buddy.

Tamra doesn’t feel well by the end of the Catalina trip — she makes a few trips of her own to the restroom. She and Eddie are in a calmer place than they were the previous day, but something’s still bothering them. “Don’t put another man’s hand on your boob, and I won’t touch your friend.” Wow Eddie. And “I don’t want another woman touching my man.” Now that boundaries are set and the couple is in a good place, Tamra suddenly gets nauseous again. Hope she’s not seasick. Could be the alcohol. Maybe.

Heather calls all the girls up, informing them of the cocktail/painting party. Clearly no one’s ever heard of this novelty.

“We’re gonna what?”

“A painting party?”

“What the hell do you do at a painting party?” Beats me, but there might be painting involved. I don’t know.

The refreshments of Heather’s party already seem to one-up Vicki’s. No carbs, iced wine, macaroons … Classy, as expected, since this is Heather.

Alexis and Gretchen talk about what happened with Peggy at Vicki’s party. Gretchen kinda sides with Peggy and agrees Alexis’s anger should be more directed towards her husband, Jim. Alexis is on another train of thought and doesn’t grasp the logics of the situation, so we’ll move on to Heather’s paint party.

Oh boy! Tamra has been on bitch modek so Vicki throws the pregnancy suspicion out there. Tamra’s queasy episodes might’ve brought this on. Vicki points out that isn’t good for their age, kids and whatnot. Tamra reprimands, “Don’t put me in your age, I’m not quite your age.” Well dang. Tou-chy.

I have yet to see paint at this party. But the painting teacher arrives, so we’ll see where this goes. Smocks on. Canvases ready. Tamra unintentionally flaunts her secret friendship with Gretchen in front of Vicki. The girls learn to paint a single line and go on from there. Heather declares her other talents in spite of being no Van Gogh at painting—like acting. She’s an actress by the way, in case she didn’t make it clear enough.

In between brush strokes, Alexis and Vicki make snide remarks to Gretchen and Tamra about their budding friendship. Besides the color green, jealousy also comes in blonde. Alexis takes a picture of Tamra and Gretchen and mocks their friendship some more.  Passive aggressive, much?

Heather’s doctor-husband comes in and just jokes around and informs the women on plastic surgery stuff. His delivery and choice of words in relation to their marriage aren’t to Heather’s standards, so she storms off to guzzle a drink like a good dramatic actress. Alright, I kinda believe her now. Her life is so frickin’ perfect, and Alexis appears envious. I don’t blame her.

That “painting party” was okay. Though I’m still thinking of a large room with walls of clean canvases, and paint being thrown and slung back and forth. It sure would get out some aggressions and get everybody’s feelings out in the open. But that’s not Heather’s style, and it is her party after all.

Vicki hugs and kisses everyone before she leaves the party — everyone but Tamra. Her worse fears have come true. Vicki’s pissed about her new friendship with Gretchen. Well it didn’t exactly help matters being all buddy-buddy in the woman’s face. By the way, Gretchen and Tamra’s friendship is blooming well as they bonded earlier over some sex toys. Again—this topic just has a way of bringing even arch enemies together. Whoops, Gretchen and Tamra are “besties” now.

Slade’s waiting back home, like the dutiful boyfriend, to hear about Gretchen’s day. She returns with juicy news on Brooks, Vicki’s man. According to whatever Gretch found on the web, Brooks was in trouble, as in arrested for not paying child support. It only fuels Slade’s hate for Tamra and Vicki, the hypocrites who bash(ed) him and dragged his name through mud over being a “deadbeat dad.”

Gretchen now regrets dishing to Slade about this bit of info. It won’t benefit her new friendship with Tamra and there won’t be any mending fences with Vicki in the near future. Who knows what Slade’s going to do with this news.

Next episode: Slade hops on stage for his stand-up comedy show. Tamra has a talk with Vicki about the new friendship with Gretchen. Heather and Alexis have a one-on-one — apparently Alexis is a news anchor, or at least that’s what is implied. Last I checked she had a small segment featured on the morning news show.

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Real Housewives of Atlanta, Ep. 14 – “No Bones About It”

Fashion, Bonding, Sex talk, and African Safari pt. 3. 

Fresh off of their emotional trip to the orphanage, the ladies find themselves in a place of peace and harmony with one another. They come together for breakfast and get along, surprisingly, reflecting on the trip thus far and realizing how blessed they are. And Marlo needs the waiter, please! Raise a toast ‘to giving’. For more culture, Phaedra plans a trip to a local museum for the women. We learn that if a man wants to fetch a woman, she has no say about it. That doesn’t sit too well with the Atlanta wives.

They visit an herbalist, who from here on out will be known as the medicine man. “The woman doesn’t touch his medicine. Only men.” Well, I’d never! He pulls out some “bones” and tells the women about their lives. Honey, Phaedra needs her Prayer cloth.

As for the “readings” from the bones:

-Phaedra politely passes on a reading from the medicine man’s bones.

-Marlo has yet to find the right man. Not that she believes in this mumbo-jumbo crap anyway.

-Cynthia is happy where she is, but as for a happy marriage, that’s up in the air.

-NeNe does not like the relationship she’s in, even though he’s a good man according to the medicine man.

-Kandi will marry the man she lives with—even though she doesn’t live with a guy at present and her last love passed away. Hmm.

-Sheree’s too old and will not marry again because of that. Uh, that’s pretty rude, Medicine Man.

Well, we know where women stand in this culture. Ready to go back to Atlanta, anyone?

Sleepover at Marlo and NeNe’s “old mansion”! Can you believe it? Can you believe all 20-something pairs of high heels Marlo’s decorated the old-fashioned room with? Me either. It’s like a shoe store in their room. Where’s my shopping bag?

Pull out the wine because it’s time for girl talk, or shall I say, sex talk. Marlo even demonstrates a position on Kandi. Hot stuff. It’s just amazing how sex brings everybody together and laughing, getting along. There’s tea-bagging and I’m quite sure no sweet tea is involved whatsoever. It’s a good time, and then Kandi brings up how Marlo flaunts her fashion labels. Light mood. Now killed.

I have to say, it’s so refreshing to see NeNe and Sheree being cordial and civil towards one another again. And leave it to Cynthia to announce it. Well it’s not going to last long now that they’re aware of it. Thanks a lot.

Marlo gives a Jennifer Lewis-like yell and explains how she “loves fashion and bleeds it.” Fashion is her life. We get it.

Something happens between the previous night and the next morning because Marlo wakes up terribly ill. Diarrhea, vomiting, nausea, the works. Germaphobe NeNe decides to stay with her fellow Tall pal. The rest of the women commence on their safari outing. Maybe the Witch Doctor a.k.a. Medicine Man with his special “bones” put a hex on Marlo for not believing in his powers. Suspicious.

While in the jeep, the women miss most of the animals on the safari trail, running their mouths about Kim (where the heck has she been?) and Marlo. Even when absent, Marlo makes an appearance in conversation. Cynthia implies she doesn’t like Marlo’s personality. Which if I’m correct, means you don’t really get along with the person. Since their personality is a big part of that.

As soon as Phaedra, Kandi, Cynthia, and Sheree sit down to a pleasant and quiet lunch, the sound of another jeep catches their attention. I knew it was too quiet. Just too pleasant. And stepping out from the jeep is none other than NeNe, complaining about bugs and whatnot. Now that Marlo’s taken care off at the “old mansion,” NeNe can’t let The Smalls persuade Cynthia over to their side. In the presence of the Tall Boss, Cynthia changes the script and likes Marlo again. Make up your mind, girlfriend.

Since Kandi brings up Marlo—yet again—NeNe informs the Smalls that Kim is their captain.

Speaking of the captain, Kandi, Sheree, and Phaedra report to Kim and update her on the African safari trip. Correction—Sheree dishes to Kim all the details of the trip and throws Kandi under the bus in the process. Basically Kandi didn’t think Kim would come to Africa, let alone the orphanage, and hold black babies. Or at least that’s how Sheree put it. Well Kim is Sheree’s bestie and that’s where her loyalty lies—forget the other Smalls.

Kandi addresses the elephant in the room (i.e. phone convo with Kim), during dinner. This is pure entertainment for NeNe. A divide in the Smalls dealing with boss lady, Kim. Kandi—yet again—decides to come forward and verbalize some issues they’ve all had with Marlo, particularly her flaunting the designer labels. Night ruined. Again. Kandi’s on her own with this one as no one else steps forward to co-sign. Even though they had a mouthful to say about Marlo in less than positive light when she wasn’t around, or agreed with what was said about her. Looks like a dent is forming in some friendships. The Talls and Smalls aren’t as strong as they were before the trip. This was a great episode to have a drinking game to: any time you hear “Marlo”, take a guzlet of your drink, as Andy Cohen would say.

Next episode: The women return to Atlanta and civilization and Kim actually reenters the pictures. More screen time. It appears there’s going to be some friction between Sheree and Kandi as they report to the boss about that phone convo in Africa. Kim isn’t pleased.

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Real Housewives of Orange County, Ep. 2 – Privilege, Crawfish, Oversharing

Vicki’s party kicks off well. Everybody’s playing nice – even if it’s just nice-nasty. Peggy walks through the door and Alexis keeps her poker face, though they exchange a quick hug. Vicki updates all the girls on her current situation with soon-to-be-ex, Don, and selling the house. Tamra and Gretchen do a horrible job of keeping their new relationship secret from Vicki, who’s already suspicious.

Appetizers served: It doesn’t help that Tamra and Gretchen share an oyster – totally giving themselves away to Queen V.

Heather gets better acquainted with the rest of the O.C. “wives” and gives the women a lesson in proposals and marriage. The ring is the thing. “Monetary commitment, honey.” Heather goes on to share an “unromantic” story of her doctor-husband proposing on their plane to Paris. He stammered and didn’t get down on one knee. Not perfect. At. All. God, wish I could identify with Heather’s dissatisfying rich problems.

As for dinner, how does the food go over with the girls? Bags set on the table full of tentacles, eyeballs, and legs. Sucking the juices out of the torso and head of crawfish doesn’t fair well with O.C.

Tamra takes a seat and wonders, “Vicki, why are you so far away?” Sounds like it suggests the future of that friendship as well. *wink* *wink*

Well it’s only right that Vicki sits at the head of her table at her own dinner party. “Because you decided to sit down there by Gretchen.”

Caught ‘em!

After making a big deal over a frickin’ Frito in her Cajun gumbo, Tamra calls Gretchen out, “You had your lips done!”

“No I didn’t.” It’s her lip plumper. Duh, Tamra.

Dessert time! And since it’s a school night, everybody has to mingle and then get the hell out of there. You don’t have to tell Alexis twice. She decides to leave anyway and skip dessert as far as I can see. It would have been nice to see what dessert is on the menu since there’s a Southern theme. That’s what I was waiting for, but oh well.

Peggy just wants to smooth things over and leave things on a good note. No fakery. Per Tamra’s advice, she goes to catch the limo and politely asks Alexis to talk. Alexis declines with a “Um, not right now.” She just wants to go home to her children and make them lunch for tomorrow. Maybe there’s a lunch date in Peggy and Alexis’ future to hash out everything and exchange gifts like friendship bracelets? Yeah, I doubt it. Not as likely as Gretch and Tamra’s.

Peggy’s done with the group. She doesn’t need Alexis’s constant petty competing or the stressful environment of this O.C. circle to trigger any bouts of anxiety. Bye-bye Peggy. You’ll be missed. Alexis’ loss.

Now that Peggy’s out the picture, Alexis has someone else she gets to compete with. Heather makes a fine, rich contender. No competition there.

The Heather segment of the show is expensive just to watch. So don’t even bother fishing for your wallet if you have to count. The Real Housewives of Orange County broadcast a snippet of MTV’S CRIBS for Heather’s home and here it goes:

Her life is fabulous. Her husband fell in love with her at first site. They have a frickin’ elevator and movie theater in their home. Heather sometimes feels like “the only Jewish brunette in a sea of blondes.” She and her husband are both Jewish and make sure it’s instilled into the kids at home. They also practice Buddhism, making them “Bud-Jews (?)”. Cute. I think they even have their own parking deck.

She lives in an expensive, exclusive community.

Her children go to an expensive school.

And she has time to make Jewish bread, minutes before walking out the door to leave for an event with the kiddies and doctor-husband. Super Woman!

Now back to RHOOC:

Slade wants to know what all happened at Vicki’s party. Is he a “concerned” fiancee or what? Heather has already rubbed at least a couple of the girls the wrong way, because Gretchen also picked up on Heather’s condescending “You’re so cute”. Gretch “doesn’t get along with pretentious.” Drama lurks. I’ll be waiting and watching with popcorn.

Later, Gretchen does her photo shoot for the breast cancer awareness. Posing “nude”. I feel cheated: she poses topless. But it goes well; I mean, even Slade takes pics with his pink phone, while he’s supposed to be getting work done on his pink laptop.

Tamra and Vicki meet up for their trip to Catalina with the new boyfriends. The limo makes a couple more stops and we get to see Brooks, the Southern gentleman, and Eddie, the hunk!

After the “lick it, drink it, suck it” lesson refresher, Eddie and Vicki get a little friendly while tipsy, I think. Eddie kisses Vicki’s hand and she does the same … a lot of sharing in friendly gestures. Hmm? Eddie is Tamra’s guy, so back off Vicki. Tamra can play that game; she grabs Brooks’ hand and places it on her breast. Tension, tension. Did you really have to go there, Tamra? Really? Eddie is pissed, Tamra’s pissed. Vicki and Brooks are just fine. The Catalina trip isn’t looking too hot right about now.

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