Category Archives: Guilty Pleasures

Real Housewives of New Jersey, Ep. 2 – Poker Face

Business owning, poker night, and missing planes.

The time has come for Ashlee to go. She’s freaking out all over the house.

“I don’t know where anything is. I don’t even know if I have an outfit. I just shoved a whole bunch of random sh*t in there …” Weeping, whining, and sulking,  Ashlee drags her bag down the staircase. Her cousin, Albie (Caroline’s son), drives her to the airport.

Caroline accompanies her daughter, Lauren, to the doctor’s office about growing insecurities over her weight. Italian cuisine is some of the best food out there. I love the bread, cheese, sauce, and sausage, myself. Lauren wants to get down to a size 4. Let’s be realistic; genetics does play a role in these things. Just something to keep in mind.

Joe and Teresa say goodbye to ‘Teresa’s Specials’ – their family restaurant. They talk about letting go of the gas station, which I had no idea they owned one. Now the Guidices are thinking about opening up a senior home? Really?

They’re letting one business go and are trying to open another? Where on earth did their financial problems come from? Teresa might be forced to bash family and friends some more to sell the future cookbooks.

All this business talk makes me want to crawl under the covers and stay in bed forever, sleep the prospects of the future away. More business talk ensues when Richie (Kathy’s husband) takes his son, Joey, to a gas station and offers guidance on – you guessed it – owning a business.

“You have to actually run a business to be successful,” Richie says, “Or you can be like other people and open businesses and shut them down.”

I think we all have a feeling as to whom he’s referring to. *cough* Guidice *cough*.

Ashlee continues to complain while en route to the airport. Albie compares her to Ke$ha, which I find hilarious.

“I don’t even know which flight I’m on. My dad didn’t even tell me. I’m freaking out, man; I’m freaking out.”

Albie sees Ashlee off to the doors and tells her to call when she reaches the security. She calls informing him she missed her flight to Vegas.

“I should have walked her to the gate,” Albie’s pissed.

Chris booked a one-way ticket, and now Ashlee’s on standby at the airport. Everybody’s like, “Of course Ashlee missed her plane.” Wow, seems like all hope has been lost on Ashlee. It doesn’t help matters that she vents through Twitter, for even the family to see.

The Wakilies, Gorgas, and Manzos come over to Chris and Jacqueline’s for a big, casual summer dinner and then poker night for the men. Ashlee’s lack of common sense isn’t going to kill the mood. But then she walks through the doors with her bag in tow, without a care in the world like ‘I missed the plane, oh well. What’s for dinner?’ Awkward.

“So Teresa’s coming,” announces Chris Manzo (Caroline’s son), being the comic relief he is.

Even more awkward.

The Guidices arrive and the awkwardness permeates the room.

“Jacqueline, the meatballs are excellent,” Richie Wakilie says aloud.

I take that as a stab at Teresa. And Teresa’s not too delusional. She brings up the cookbook and cooks up a brief apology to “anyone who took offense” to what was written. O-kayy.

“We’ll take one for the team so you can make a little extra cash,” Melissa Gorga politely says.

Ouch. Time for poker.

Joe Guidice turns the friendly game of poker into a competition about everything, and of all things – height. That’s one department he and everyone else knows he’s literally short in. C’mon!

The next day Joe sports a black eye and busted lip Richie Wakilie ‘accidentally’ gave him while wrestling. Some girl sends a naked pic to Kathy’s son, Joey, and the family takes care of it. I love those Wakilies!

Melissa records another song, a ballad to her husband Joe, and then plays it for him at their dinner for two. Joe loves it, loves it so much it only turns him on and he carries her upstairs from the table. I don’t even think they had their food. I guess Joe has to release the “poison.”

Joe Guidice is home with the girls these days, cooking and manning the home, while Teresa is on book tours and book signings. Chris (Jacqueline’s husband), Albie, and Chris Manzo come over for drinks, dinner, and guy time.

Gia – what a wonderful and mature kid she is at 10 – helps with cooking and looking after her younger, busy-body sisters (especially that little Milania).

“Keep it down. I’m putting the baby (Audrina) to bed,” Gia tells the men while carrying her baby sister up the stairs.

Drunk Joe strikes again with his mouth, towards the family. The other guys sit there in awkward silence. They don’t hate the Gorgas and Wakilies—they actually like them a lot.

A day or so later, Chris drives Ashlee to the airport this time and makes sure she boards that plane and gets the heck out of New Jersey.

On the next episode: The pressure of Jacqueline and Teresa’s friendship is pushed. A confrontation ensues between Teresa and Melissa.

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Real Housewives of Orange County, Ep. 11 – “What’s New Pussycat?”

Performance anxiety, careers, and killing with kindness.

Alexis invites Gretchen over for opinions on her Fox 5 segment. Gretchen’s opinion is so very important because when you love someone and they love you back, you wanna know what they think. Well, Alexis does anyway.

Gretchen, the good friend she is, admits the Fox 5 people first offered her the segment, but she turned it down and thus they’re stuck with Alexis. She gives Alexis some less than anticipated thoughts. I anticipate this “friendship” dwindling throughout the season.

The famous actress I’m not the least bit familiar with, Heather, has an audition. Time to plan how motherhood, being a wife, and holding down the household, and that restaurant idea is going to work out together.

Heather’s schedule seems full as is. Now to dive back into her acting career is going to bring some compromises. I’m sure she can afford it though.

While folding the laundry, mainly Slade’s things, Gretchen calls up the girls to make sure they attend her Pussycat Doll performance in Vegas. Vicki may or may not show up for this thing. For one: it’s Gretchen’s event. Second: Bunco party tension is still unresolved. Third: Vicki can be a stubborn thing.

What happens if Heather actually gets the part on the show? It shoots in Canada. She’ll potentially be on set for as long as twenty hours. What about the family? A talk with her husband, Terry, has her reconsidering the series she auditioned for.

Terry’s the most supportive husband on earth. He’ll hire a full-time nanny and teachers to be on set with Heather for the kids. The family will pack up and go to Canada if necessary. Wow.

Speaking of supportive husbands, Jim is still totally against Alexis “working” and having a “career.” The next logical step after Fox 5 is getting an acting coach because…well that’s how Alexis’s mind works. She aspires to host her own television show.

Vicki’s new perspective on life has choosing kindness over fighting. She’s being supportive and nice towards Gretchen and even Slade. Of course it’s weird. But she’ll avoid the elephant in the room for as long as she can.

Everyone is caught off guard (read: wondering what the hell’s going on) by Vicki’s sudden kindness. Hello — scream-off match on dead-beat dads Bunco party night. Seems like Vicki’s actually planning to kill with kindness.

Gretchen’s rehearsal of “Fever” for The Pussycat Doll show … looks nice. Yes, she looks good. She’s a pretty girl. The dancers are great, as expected. Now as for the singing…um, not so much. Gretchen’s right: singing in the car and singing in the shower are completely different from singing on stage. Because singing onstage actually requires that you be a vocalist. That’s a rarity today.

The complexities of being a performer have Gretchen second-guessing this gig more than ever. If only she could stand there and just look pretty. She has that down. But moving, being sensual, singing, and dancing, while remembering how to handle the microphone, is a little much to take in. Performing isn’t all that easy after all.

Alexis has a make-up artist to work wonders on her face. She has to mask the noticeable change in her nose, oh and there’s still some bruising from the healing process. The make-up artist completely makes up Alexis’s face. Layers and layers of foundation that doesn’t quite match the skin tone.

“I don’t know, maybe she thought I was auditioning for ‘Planet of the Apes’.” Nice, Alexis.

After trying to rework what the make-up artist did, Alexis and Jim run late in meeting the other couples.

Tamra notices Jim’s chin and makes a comment about a chin implant “It looks great!” Love the sarcasm. While Alexis on the other hand, “looks like a drag queen.”

Brooks declares his affirmation for Vicki once everyone’s seated at the table. Bullsh*t, bullsh*t, bullsh*t. I think everyone’s on the same page on that. But Vicki doesn’t care what the other women think. She’s in a good place in her life. Her tank is full, remember?

Moments before Gretchen goes onstage, Alexis pulls her aside to pray. Yes, pray. Can God help this performance for Gretchen?

On the next episode: Gretchen’s big performance in the Pussycat Dolls burlesque show.

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Real Housewives of New Jersey, Apr. – “High Tide, Low Blow”

Jersey Shore, the cookbook, and rumors.

My favorite wives are back! Jersey takes it to the Jersey shore in the season 4 premiere. Remember the heated season 3 reunion where Teresa played the Devil, and Caroline, Melissa, and Kathy were all against her? That little cookbook of Teresa’s stirred up more than just Italian dishes.

We pick up at the reunion, notice Jacqueline absent, and now rewind four months earlier to the summer where all is relatively good.

Everyone knows about Teresa’s cookbook, and though it pretty much bashed family and friends, the Housewives family are trying to keep the peace. No one plans on confronting Teresa, at least not in this episode. Joe Gorga, Teresa’s brother, is clearly upset, but he’s come a long way to repairing some sort of relationship with his sister.

The Manzos were obviously upset over the cookbook in season 3’s finale. Crickets invade when Jacqueline comes over and says Teresa is stopping by for dinner. The loud and obnoxious, yet familiar, voice of none other than Teresa permeates the halls of Casa Manzo.

No warm greetings, hugs or genuine kisses here. Teresa quickly takes Caroline aside to briefly discuss the cookbook and — I guess — apologize. For what, I do not know. She stands by her cookbook one-hundred percent.

“This is a family cookbook. Family,” Teresa tells Caroline.

She personally hands Caroline her copy of the book with their beautiful picture inside. Here comes the rain. No really, it literally begins raining, so the women head inside for what I can imagine an awkward dinner with forced laughter for the guests.

The Gorga’s, Wakiles, and Giudices pack for a family daytrip to the Jersey Shore.

Joe Gorga tells Melissa what Teresa said, “Your wife would leave you for a richer man.” Melissa can’t really confront Teresa about it because she’ll be the bad guy in that situation. Just fuel for the fire later this season.

The three families arrive on the Jersey Shore with their gorgeous children. My God, these people are so good-looking. I’m going to take a minute to gush about the kids because little Milania Giudice stole a segment of the show. “WOW, dad, HOLY… look how STRONG you are! You’re like a dragon!”

The Gorga’s and Wakiles have a small dinner before meeting with Teresa the next day. Topic of discussion: Joe Giudice’s alleged infidelity. We viewers get captions from magazine articles about Teresa putting her family down, again.

I agree with Joe, “Teresa is in serious denial about life. Life isn’t perfect.” Everybody has their problems. There are, or were, rumors circulating about Joe Giudice cheating on Teresa. Joe had to go to jail, and there was only Teresa and her four girls.

Caroline goes to the doctor for constant migraines and gets a diagnosis for menopause in return.

At the Laurita residence, Jacqueline’s life coach pays a visit. The Ashlee drama isn’t quite as bad as it was previous seasons, but she’s still causing stress on the family. Speaking of Ashlee, what up with the new look? The once brunette is now blonde with fuller lips. Chris, Jacqueline’s husband, has a little chat with his step-daughter.

Simply put: Ashlee has got to go.

“Are you serious? I have friends home from school … plans tomorrow,” Ashlee whines.

No not tomorrow! Let her have the day with her friends. Re-schedule kicking her out. I think it can wait. That plan has held for over a season now, so what’s one more day … or a week?

Alright, I identify with Ashlee completely. It’s an awkward and messed period of life, the transition to adulthood. We’re at that age, but you still have to make an effort. You can’t be a complete jerk to your mom and extended family, even though you want your independence, but don’t want the responsibilities of being an adult. I get it. Really.

On the next episode: Jacqueline and Chris kick Ashlee out of the house for her own good. The family starts to confront Teresa about the blasted cookbook.

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Real Housewives of Orange County, Ep. 10 – “Cabin Fever”

Glamping, little boobs, bonding.

Tamra shows off her new smaller boobs to Vicki, who doesn’t understand why anyone would want “itty bitty titties.”

“Where are your boobs?” Vicki isn’t holding back. “Let me get my microscope.”

We get the word of the day from Alexis: glamping. It’s like camping without getting close to nature. No tents, but cabins. There will be s’mores and then a posh bed to sleep in. Alexis is supposed to take a nurse on this glamping trip, so she opts to take her friend/assistant.

Alexis looks a little different to me, and I can’t quite put my finger on it. It’s in the face somewhere, I’m sure.

Gretchen is coughing, and Slade is preparing grilled cheese sandwiches. “Gretchen, do you need something to drink?” he calls from the kitchen. “And don’t answer me. Text me!”

What a boyfriend, that Slade is. Gretchen considers going on Alexis’s glamping trip with the other women. Slade advises her not to go. He has her best interests at heart. Right.

Looks like Alexis’ glamorous camping (“glamping”) trip will only include Vicki, Briana (Vicki’s daughter), Heather (this lady is a trooper!), and Alexis’ “nurse.”

Heather admits, “Being stuck in the woods with Alexis scares me a little bit.”

Alexis’s turns her brain off and commences dancing in the car with her “nurse”/friend/assistant.

The ladies check in at their cabins for glamping. They learn they have to cook their own food. Well, you have to put the camping part in glamping some kind of way.

Whenever the women are in dire need of something – as Alexis’ card to each woman alluded – Alexis is on her phone requesting such things as a wine opener. How else are they going to crack open that bottle over a campfire? Now where’s the trash can? Alexis makes a phone call to solve that little problem.

While the other women have their wine ready and chairs by the fire, Vicki is kicked back on the bed chatting away to Brooks. Brooks, Brooks, Brooks. Heather’s left to make small talk with Alexis.

Since Tamra is absent from the glamping trip recovering from surgery, Vicki is coming around to Alexis. She actually likes her. The women are instructed how to build a proper fire, but it seems only Heather actually paid attention. Glamorous Heather builds the fire to cook their food.

Alexis isn’t really feeling cooking her own food over a fire. It’s only too soon before she’s on the phone considering a pizza. There’s a crack in the bushes. Is it a bear? A boogieman? No, it’s a skunk. A skunk. Vicki plays hero and makes it scurry off.

Vicki’s sharing a cabin with her daughter and tries to get the scoop on Briana’s new relationship. Vicki is apprehensive about the new guy because she doesn’t know him and doesn’t want him taking advantage of Briana. Funny, because everyone else feels that same way about Brooks towards Vicki.

Gretchen makes a visit to another vocal coach. Her pipes are doing so well. She tries some notes out for “Fever,” the song she is to perform for the big Pussycat Dolls Show in Vegas. That goes flat, literally. The countdown to showtime is ticking. Will her voice recover for the show?

On the next episode: Alexis wants a coach for some reason and Kim doesn’t approve. Gretchen and Slade go to Vegas for the Pussycat Dolls show. Brooks makes a public declaration of affection to Vicki, and Tamra calls bullsh*t.

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Real Housewives of Orange County, Ep. 9 – “Bowling for Champs”

Bowling, champagne, and more surgery.

Ah. Fresh fruits and wine. I can think of anything better than that combo at the moment. Afternoon snacking with Heather looks divine and Tamra stops by to join. After the disaster of Bunco night, Heather wants to get everyone together — yet again — without any friction.

Yeah, good luck with that. Tamra will be a no-show, unfortunately, because she’s getting her breast implants removed. I guess breast reduction sounds better, huh.

Brooks doesn’t really reside in O.C. He’s more bi-coastal, so whenever he’s in town, that means pleasant afternoon lunches, dinner nights, and more Hallmark cards for Vicki.

Does anyone else ever think of the country duo everytime Vicki says her boyfriend, Brooks, and then her ex, Don, in the same sentence? That’s probably just me.

“By the way, I love us and ‘us’ is and ‘us’ without a ‘u” in it,” Brooks tells her after the card-giving.

Nice confused facial expression in response. Yeah, I don’t get it either, Vicki.

So Heather’s planning another get-together for the O.C. women, and this time it involves bowling. I really enjoyed the mud run. Over the phone, Vicki confirms she’ll be there with Brooks.

Alexis can’t make it. Nose jobs take a while to recover from. I mean, she supposedly can’t bend over or won’t be able to bear the weight of a bowling ball.

Have to go through Slade to get to Gretchen. “How emasculating,” Heather grins.

Alexis feels comfortable on camera, even though she’s been at this news –station gig for just over two months. That one journalism class from college gives her some sort of background.

She messes up and introduces a panel while on set. The topic of discussion is ‘Sex, Pop Culture, and Kids’. She pretty much dominates the discussion, so it’s not much of a Q&A. Gosh, Alexis.

The brain power probably got affected with that nose job. Whoops.

Slade wants Gretchen to rest her voice, which means cutting the chatting to a one or zero, save for singing. Gretchen feels that “that’s like asking a dog not to bark.” Quite the comparison. She really pulled that one out of the air.

They arrive at the vocal coach for some voice lessons. Here goes Slade being the controlling manager/boyfriend, doing all the talking for Gretchen. As she does some vocal scales, Slade sits patiently in the corner watching. And waiting to step in.

“It’s all that talking. Talking in the car. Talking to her girlfriends,” he says when she doesn’t go as high as she wants on the vocal scales.

The time has come for Tamra’s boob surgery.

“You gonna come back out with no tits?” Eddie asks. “No CCs? Really? Are you seriously taking them all out?” He’s still very supportive and as long as Tamra’s happy, he’ll be happy.

Tamra has her brief moment of doubt, having second thoughts about it. What will she be left with? Does she really want them out after all? I’m sure she’ll be fine. And lighter. That’s a plus.

Guess who else is having a date night this time? Alexis and her hubby, Jim. Permission to go out to dinner, thank you. Contracts, agreements, marriage isn’t exactly what I’d want to discuss over dinner.

“When we got married, we became one flesh, biblically. And being one flesh, wife stays home.”

Oh my God. Where is Jim talking from? I have an idea but I’ll be polite. Obviously Jim doesn’t want Alexis working. Her place is at home with the kids, in the kitchen, and in bed.

“You’ve gotta say ‘no’ to some things. I think you need to pray.”

I—I can’t even.

Tamra’s awake and surgery went well. She seems calm in the hospital bed, but really is wondering where her boobs are. Eddie lets her know there’s still something on her chest, so no worries.

Whoa, Gretchen shows up with gifts to bear for Tamra, fresh from surgery. Where was Gretch when Alexis was fresh out of surgery? But then again, Vicki isn’t there at Tamra’s bedside. We can only speculate what’s going on here. The tides must be changing.

Bowling & Champagne night arrives. Oh my God, Vicki walks in and — What? — she hugs Gretchen! Of course they’re not cool with each other after the Screaming showdown, but I think they are putting that stuff aside for the night. Heather makes sure to put them in separate lanes.

Vicki slips and falls while bowling. Competition gets friendly only on the surface with the bowling. Perhaps it’s Brooks’ presence that’s lightening Vicki’s mood. She wants to take Gretchen aside and calmly speak with her.

Instead, Gretch’s friend Sarah — who wasn’t even officially invited by Heather—plops down in the middle. Sarah sits next to Vicki to speak on Tamra’s behalf.

It’s not your battle, sweetie. Go eat your food and leave Vicki be.

Gretch can’t fight tonight, at least not scream. Gotta rest that voice.

Sarah’s probably tipsy. She’s going on and on about how disrespectful Vicki was in dissing her invitation to “talk.” Heather steps in to calm the tipsy mess of Sarah. Time for a time-out. Please put her in the corner, Heather.

After everyone leaves, Heather and husband, Terry, can take a breather.

“Where did [Sarah] park her spaceship?” Gotta love Terry. He’s great.

On the next episode: Vicki has a reaction to Tamra’s breast reduction, and it doesn’t seem like she’s enthused. Gretchen gets emotional during some sort of the conversation with Slade.

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Real Housewives of Atlanta, Ep. 20 – “Happiness & Joy”

Toys, party, gifts, and massages.

The season finale is here, and what a season it has been! From Kim’s new happiness with Kroy to the drama-filled South Africa trip.

NeNe and Cynthia go shopping for furniture and décor, like beds. During the chat, NeNe reveals she’s moving forward with the divorce. She’s made a decision. I’m sure her and Gregg won’t be completely done with each other, though. *wink* *wink*

The Cynthia Bailey Agency is kicking off. The doors to modeling school will be opening as Cynthia hopes to find Atlanta’s next “It” girl. As expected, not every single body that waltzes through the doors is really “model” type, but with the right guidance some — maybe a handful can be molded into something “model decent.

Kandi’s auditioning men to be masseuses and pamper the guests at her sexy party. The guys have to take off their shirts to show Kandi, Sheree and Phaedra what they’re working with. That requirement goes without saying. Some men pass the test and others … not so much.

All through dinner, her first times back in heels since having the baby, Kim is anxious to give Kroy his gift. She also struggles keeping the special gift a secret.

Pulling a waiter aside, “Sir could you hurry with our orders ‘cause I have a present for him and I can’t keep a secret.” Kim’s ready to get out of there.

A vale retrieves the car and around the corner comes a black Porsche donning a big red bow on its hood. Nice, very nice.

NeNe makes a major decision about her marriage. She later meets with her “business partner” John, who surprises her with another gift. “So New York, what about New York?” I have a feeling he might want NeNe to relocate. His business is there. It’ll make meeting up together easier, and she could receive more gifts in person. Speaking of that, he presents her with a Rolex.

“A Rolex is timeless. If you work it … it can last forever.” What are you trying to say John? Please speak plain English so that NeNe can get the hint.

All this showering with compliments and future talk is a little much for NeNe. Playing the field and dating here and there is the goal. Not settling down in another relationship. But feel free to give expensive gifts. That’s just fine.

The Happiness and Joy party is classy and the right amount of exciting. Kandi intended for the party to be more of a social event. Off to social media to spread the word. Tweet, retweet, and now more than a roomful of people show.

I have to say, Kandi’s attire for her party makes me want to go shopping ASAP. The long, sleeveless hot-pink dress has a belted sparkly waist for a tapered look. Love it. The earrings practically rest on the shoulders and are just as sparkly.

For the Smalls, it’s a blast and nothing short of pleasant surprises. Phaedra and Sheree happily check out the many products on Kandi’s line. An open mind can lead to happiness and joy. Surprisingly Kim shows up for this outing, taking a short break from Kroy and the kids.

Even she is willing to take home some sample toys, “Let me get a vibrator and get on home to my son.” Yeah, maybe that didn’t come out right in context.

Enter the Talls, and NeNe immediately has her nose tooted up in disgust and discomfort. Also, Marlo’s back! Where in the world has she been? Preoccupied with her new guy, I suppose. Cynthia just wants to give out business cards to promote her modeling school. But she and Marlo are kinda open-minded to the party.

Instead of mingling and going to find Kandi, the Talls have a seat in a secluded corner, waiting for her to come to them. They’re so above all this.

Momma Burrus is even down for the event. Even after that fallout at Kandi’s birthday with the Infamous ReDICKulous.

When Marlo and Cynthia are escorted to a massage by the nice manly bodies Kandi hired, NeNe is over it all. For real. Eye-rolling “Time to leave d**kland,” and so she does. Nobody’s surprised by this, but Marlo and Cynthia try to discourage her. Not happeneing.

Marlo and Cynthia find Kandi to say their goodbyes. Yes, they’re leaving with the Tall boss, mainly because NeNe is their ride. Kandi takes it with a cool attitude. Thanks a lot, NeNe, for the support. “Goodnight b*tches!”

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Real Housewives of Orange County, Ep. 8 – “Dirty Housewives”

Mud, singing papers, and the results.

Heather takes her doctor-husband in for a wardrobe makeover since he has the style of a doctor. How do they dress exactly, doctors?

Terry goes “Is it even possible to upgrade from this?” Gotta love this guy’s humor, really. Slade could take some pointers. It’s subtle—and funny.

Like the adorable couple they are, Tamra and Eddie make a gym trip to work out together.

“Do you feel stronger? Do you feel empowered?” My God, Eddie sounds like a real keeper.

Vicki checks in on Brianna, and we all finally get answers. Thankfully there’s no cancer! Yay! Brianna’s thyroid hormones will be replaced. All Vicki wants to do is see her daughter and give her a big hug. It’s the greatest feeling. Vicki updates Tamra and now it’s time to celebrate.

“Really Heather, are you kidding me right now? This house is like a museum!” Tamra is stunned by the mansion.

Heather sees the place everyday, so it’s whatever, darling. More exercising. Whoo! Who needs to go all the way to the gym downtown? Heather has one in her home, and that’s where she and Tamra work out. A mud run for charity comes up in conversation so you know what that means. Can’t wait for that.

Sadly Alexis won’t able to participate because she’s recovering from her “sinus surgery.” She’s in agony while stuck at home. Gretchen finally visits her pal who’s in bed donning a surgeon’s mask.

More divorce talk with Tamra and Vicki. Tamra’s strongly considering signing the divorce papers. It’s been over a year at this divorce shindig for the two ladies.

The ladies and their men arrive at the charity mud race. Everybody’s pumped and ready to go, even glamorous Heather. It definitely gets dirty. The mud, obstacle course, running, panting, shouting, clothing clinging to the bodies—it’s quite a sight. Among all this excitement, Gretchen sprains her ankle. Terry quickly diagnoses her. She may or may not be able to perform in the Pussycat Dolls show in Vegas.

Alexis is missing out on all the fun, but she’s getting a follow-up on her surgery. I really hope all the pain is worth it. The results are in: she can breathe, and most importantly, the hump is gone. Watch out, world.

Back on the muddy obstacle course, Eddie pops his finger out of whack. Tamra sees it bending the wrong way. I know how that is, having experienced a broken toe that suddenly popped the wrong way after a collision with a firm, solid object.

Changing dirty diapers for eight years makes the mud an easy match for Heather. She’s doing great on the course. Eddie goes on strong with his broken finger. Thank goodness there’s a doc in the house for quick diagnoses.

It is really refreshing to have everyone getting along so well. Lunch should be breezy. Everyone laughs about their injuries and — oh my — Heather has some kind of muddy-hairdo thing going on. It still looks trendy, as expected. Slade brags about achievements from some twenty years ago, stuff I’m sure went over Gretchen’s head and everyone else’s.

Vicki also missed out on the muddy fun. Looks like date night for her and Brooks. The time has come for Tamra to sign her divorce papers. Going down memory lane, she recalls the sucky times with her soon-to-be-ex and it brings tears to her eyes. The attorney enters with the papers. Now recalling all the good times with her ex brings about mixed emotions. She thinks about her kids and questions what’s about to happen.

Tamra waives the spousal support. Wants to cut all ties, save for the kids. The last fifteen years of her life gets dissolved with the sign of a pen. She phones Vicki, feeling horrible. Guess it’s too early for even a mini celebration. Moving forwards now. No regrets. Time to make a new life.

On the next episode: Alexis is much more comfortable in front of cameras with her new nose. Gretchen gets some vocal practice. Tamra’s breast reduction looks like it’s underway.

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Real Housewives of Atlanta, Ep. 19 – “All Pomp but No Circumstance”

L.A.,  a “pomp” event, and engagement announcement.

The Smalls and the Talls are trying to bury the hatchet, well one of them. Repping the Smalls we have Kim, and from the Talls we have Cynthia. The two ladies get together for lunch, because apparently there’s still some beef, and I doubt either of them ordered that off the menu.

I believe this is the first time Cynthia and Kim are actually meeting up one-on-one like this. Under casual circumstance, that is.  They clear the air. Cynthia makes it clear she DOES NOT think Kim is racist. Kim makes it clear that she feels Cynthia  is a totally different person in NeNe’s presence. Everybody’s mentioned that. Nothing new.

Los Angeles is NeNe’s destination. She’s seeing stars and ready for bigger opportunities.

“I could possibly be a Hollywood actress.” Dreams can come true, I’ve heard. “Moving to L.A. is definitely an option. I’m aiming for that Oscar.”

Wow, let’s not leave reality altogether. I mean, this is reality TV. Sort of. She’s meeting with the creators of GLEE, that awesomely awesome show on FOX, in case you haven’t heard of it. And having seen NeNe’s grand appearance, I was fairly entertained.

And as we’ve anticipated, Kroy is going to pop the question. He asks for Joe’s (Kim’s father) blessing like the gentleman he is. He is psyched to be with Kim.

Kandi’s in acquisition of more adult toys for her “Bedroom Kandi” line, or “Happiness and joy.”

What do you know—Cynthia and Peter have another event in the works. The Bailey Agency is about to “blow up,” and for that, a modeling show has to take place. Cynthia would like about twenty girls and fifteen guys for the show. Good luck with that.

Phaedra’s funeral business is going along. She meets with a “family” to plan the burial arrangements, only to learn it was just another test. I think she passed. Played the sympathetic role well, presented fine caskets for the mock family to choose from, and made sure they were able to pay up. Quite the salesman, that Phaedra. Jeez, when is she going to get her hands dirty?

While in L.A. at a restaurant, NeNe sees comedian Steve Harvey and his wife. They’re friends in Atlanta, and she’s their favorite “wife.” He gives NeNe some quick advice on the Hollywood industry and heads to his table with his wife, and that 25-karat ring. Whoa! Next star who greets NeNe is actress Keshia Knight-Pulliam.

Since Willie Watkins is being honored, Phaedra feels it’s the perfect opportunity to announce her business venture. They will be partners. Both the Talls and the Smalls are invited and shockingly, everyone shows up. Though most of the ladies believe Phaedra is the one being honored, so as the City Hall event drags on and on, they get antsy. Snore. Bore.

“Waste of an outfit and a wig,” Cynthia feels.

“It’s long and boring,” NeNe admits in confession.

“I’m gonna die in this seat if this continues,” Kim says. “This is the most boring *bleep* I’ve been to in my life.”

So instead of sitting there to die of boredom, Kim takes Sheree outside and quietly announces her engagement.

Sheree screams and hugs are exchanged. The ring is the big thing—like literally. Kroy designed the rock and did very good. Man, I really wish we could have actually seen this proposal. There was candy and flowers, c’mon!

“I’d be honored to have you as one of my bridesmaids,” Kim tells Sheree. It makes sense. They’re besties and Kim did meet Kroy through Sheree. She indirectly brought them together.

By the time Kim and Sheree return to the “boring” event, Phaedra finally gets on stage and makes her little announcements.

“Yes, it’s over. We can go home,” Sheree rejoices as the rest of us do.

On the next episode: It’s the season finale! NeNe gets more gifts from her Italian business partner. She makes a decision about her separation or divorce. Kandi hosts a sexy party.

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Real Housewives of Atlanta, Ep. 18 – “Fresh Princes”

Country music, divorce, twelve cakes, and a repaired friendship.Dedication, confrontation, and all around awkwardness.

Phaedra plans an extravagant dedication for Baby Ayden. The coronation will have bell ringers, flower girls, planned reception afterwards… Yes, by now we expect nothing less than lavishness from Phaedra Parks.

Sheree helps her potential son-in-law shop for an engagement ring. They are not cheap either. One ring that catches their eye cashes in at about $7,000. “Whatever Tierra’s taste is, Damon should be able to provide that,” and Sheree will make sure he obliges. This guy’s pockets might be light for some time if they leave with the perfect ring for Sheree’s daughter.

NeNe tries to have a conversation with her younger son about the living situation, separation and divorce, asking if he’s okay with how things are. “Awkward silence,” Brent says. Yes, it is. I can understand his indifference towards what’s going on with his parents. What kid wants to talk about that with said parents?

Camp is finally over! Kim and the family anxiously wait for Kroy’s arrival from football camp. Wings and microwaves don’t really go together. I don’t think so, but Kim places one of her many wigs wrapped in plastic in the microwave. And guess how that scenario ends? Hmm. Where’s Sweetie in all of this commotion?

Kroy returns after a month at football camp, and Kim welcomes him back with some home cooking … prepared by a private chef. She happily shows off the house; it’s finally clean for one thing. And we can’t forget the family portraits lining nearly every wall.

Everybody’s excited to have Kroy back. Kim finally lets us all know that Sweetie is fired. She’s gone. We find out she burned the baby milk, had a bad attitude, yelled and cursed at the girls, and was just overall unprofessional — as we’ve seen. She’s still a friend, but I doubt Sweetie will get as much screen time anymore, if at all.

Mr. Dwight is back to coordinate Ayden’s royal dedication. “If Dwight is in charge of everything, it is going to go as smooth as my baby’s bottom,” Nicely put, Phaedra.

Cynthia and Peter arrive for the royal dedication and — gasp! — they are actually early, which is “on time.” Or at least, earlier than everyone else with plenty of time to spare until the big event.

Cue the music for Baby Ayden’s royal entrance. Sippy cup in hand, he’s carried down the church aisle presented to everyone and God. Peter puts it best comparing Ayden’s arrival to Coming to America. I don’t see any of The Smalls at this event, or even news reporters for that matter.

Damon lets Sheree know that there will be no proposal. C’mon, the guy has to step his game up a hell of a lot to meet Sheree’s standards. But seriously, other considerations come into play like the actual commitment. Sheree’s actually relieved. She’s been through divorce, and it’s no walk in the park.

It takes Kim an hour and a half to get to Ayden’s dedication, but at least she’s there. Unlike the other Smalls. What up with that, ladies? Parties seem like the best background for things to go down. Of course Phaedra’s planned event has assigned seating, but since Sheree and Kandi never show up, Kim and Cynthia are placed at a table together.

Conversation is kinda awkward. Kim and Cynthia exchange compliments over Baby K.J. Kroy and Peter have nothing to say to each other. Remember Kim’s baby shower? Also, remember what happened at the baby shower, specifically between Peter and Apollo?

Peter excuses himself from the table with some kind of lame excuse, and Cynthia’s left to brave the awkward tension alone. That marriage is one to envy. Soon, Peter and Cynthia decide to leave the dedication after party. While they’re standing outside the building chatting, Kim and Kroy walk by and head to the car to leave.

Hold on a minute, Kim’s got something to say. “Cynthia, I wanted to ask you something real quick.” And quick, it is.

Cynthia dismisses Peter for a confrontation with Kim, who marches over like she’s on a mission. Because she is. Even on sacred church ground, their issues are going to be discussed. South Africa comes up. AGAIN. As well as the forever-going “holding a black baby.” That must have really angered Kim.

Cynthia can’t even remember exactly what she said, but she’s being the bigger person by apologizing for insulting Kim with that fuzzy statement. Apology accepted. The women head their separate ways. Kim needs a cigarette — like quick. Cynthia’s like “it’s hopeless.” Most definitely. While they’re far from friends, I think it’s safe to say they are on some sort of civil ground. For now.

On the next episode:  NeNe takes a trip to L.A. It appears Kroy may be popping the big question to Kim. We’ll see!

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Real Housewives of Orange County, Ep. 7 – “Under the Knife”

Recuperation, thyroid trouble, and a restaurant business.

Tamra consults with her plastic surgeon about removing the breasts implants. “I don’t need these big breasts to define who I am.” Very wise, Tamra. It’s so hard finding bras to properly fit, the boobies keep growing, they’re hard to work out at the gym with, and just heavy. True, true.

Alexis is on the operating table and is going under. The time has come. Her deviated septum is removed and the doc confirms how obstructed her airways are. After the sinus and breathing conflictions are out of the way, the cosmetic part comes into play.

Doc breaks Alexis’s nose to fix that hump. “Poor Alexis. She’s going to be sore,” he sings.

At least she’s in a deep sleep and isn’t conscious of it. Still sort of zonked out, Alexis wakes up with a bandaged nose and a sack of ice on her face.

“Actress” Heather seems to have her hands full with four little kids. However, she finds it’s more straining being an at-home mommy than it is “working.” She “prepares” food for her family — but doesn’t cook — so don’t confuse the two. As a native New Yorker, she’s a foodie who orders meals. Wants that night-life, the sleepless city, and clubs. I’m thinking Sex & the City housewife-style.

Yes it’s hard work opening up a restaurant, but for Heather “it’s just a fun pet job.” Just awesome. Another bored, rich mommy-housewife. I suppose that’s the point of the show. What do I know?

Gretchen watches a rehearsal of the Pussycat Dolls in preparation for her Las Vegas debut. From the choreography, coordination, singing, and overall performance, Gretch is in over her head. She’s ready to kill Slade for booking this particular gig.

Vicki calls to update Tamra on her daughter’s situation. It’s really bad. Docs have told her to prepare for the worst. Brianna is in a lot of pain and her thyroid is in really bad shape. This all makes Vicki see what’s important right now in her life. She could lose her daughter. Brianna decides to recuperate at home, which hurts Vicki a little. It makes it a tad bit difficult to fuss over Brianna if she’s not around twenty-four-seven.

There seems to be a trend or pattern when it comes to so-called friends and surgery. Doesn’t this always happen? Gretchen hasn’t called or been by to visit Alexis while going through this nose job. Of course Lex is upset about this. What up with that, Gretchen? Alexis follows up with her surgeon and finds out all the gross stuff (mucus plug) that was pulled out of her schnoz . Looks like someone went a few rounds with her face.

This restaurant idea has Heather enthused. She’s taking the decent steps, going to L.A. to discuss options with a friend and receive advice. Who better to bring along than Vicki — businesswoman — and Tamra — who’s just a good ol’ time? Nobody wants to sit through hours of California traffic. Of course a helicopter is completely appropriate for the occasion. If only we could all live big like Heather.

Vicki thinks, “Run! Just be friends. Don’t get into business together. You’ll end up hating each other in about a year.” Not that she states this aloud. Heather has a plan for the most part and is going into her abstract restaurant business with open eyes. Whatever that means. The classy ladies arrive at their destination in L.A. Vicki thinks Heather and her friends just want a clubhouse to spend their husbands’ money. I can totally see that.

Pop the bottle of Cristal! Heather’s restaurant venture may or may not materialize. Vicki informs her “95% of restaurants do not succeed.” Even if it doesn’t fall through, it’s a good excuse for champagne.

A restaurant sounds good, and being on set (I’m assuming her famous acting career that’s slowed down now) for hours gives Heather the business experience for her pet project. It’ll keep her creativity alive. I feel like she hasn’t thought this through.

“This is something I could do while the kids are at school.” Heather’s bored. I get it. Personally, I choose to write. Others can choose to embark on a business venture in their spare time. Whatever floats your boat.

Tamra’s stunned by Heather’s relationship with her other girlfriends. “There’s no stabbing in the back. Who knew this existed?” Um, it doesn’t. “It was so nice to be around a group of girls who support each other,” Tamra admits to Vicki in the limo.

That’s right, they have to take a limo back to O.C. instead of the helicopter. It’s nice to see that friendliness on screen too. The cattiness can be draining for me just watching. I don’t want to imagine how it is for the person doing the loudest screaming.

Vicki’s perspective on life is changed with the possibility of cancer in her daughter’s future. So she’s beyond the Slade and Gretchen B.S. Emotions arise when Tamra gets notice her divorce is final. She sort of feels like a failure.

On the next episode: Alexis’s new nose is revealed! Tamra receives the document that’s going to dissolve her marriage and then goes into teas. We’ll see what that entails.

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