Category Archives: Archive

Andy Gets Sick

It seems that due to the burning bushes at the botched tribal elimination ceremony fom the end of the last episode that Andy has come down with some strange illness that keeps him from doing things he doesn’t want to do. He gives his Assistants those jobs.

Stefani and Melissa must take his volunteer “little brother”, or shall I say, BRAT, to the bowling alley. Mark has to pretend to be Andy for an interview for Japanese television. Colin must break up with Andy’s current flame. Anna has to meet up with Jack Osborne and do research at the library and Mykell and Tanika have to try and get Andy his star on the Hollywood Walk of Fame. Yeah, that’s gonna be an easy sell.

I don’t know who has it the worst. Before the kids get to leave the mansion, they must clean up buckets upon buckets of Andy’s vomit. Lovely.

Anna greets Jack Osbourne at the door. Andy says they’re doing a buddy movie together. Sounds really likely. Anyway, the library is closed on Sunday, but no one figures this out until they get there. Interesting. Very. Anna freaks a bit and says she can’t blow off this assignment because she takes this very seriously. She and Jack go ice skating for some reason and call it research.

Colin meets up with Andy’s paramour at a restaurant. The young lady doesn’t believe him when he tried to break up with her. Can’t imagine why she’d want to hold onto Andy Dick, but hey, there is someone for everyone, right? 😎

She makes Colin call Andy. Andy tells him to ‘snip, snip’ (hey, that’s just what Lorena Bobbitt said…ouch…that was bad even for me). She gets all psycho and Colin runs away.

Stefani and Melissa take “Damien” to the bowling alley. He makes rude comments about the girls’ bowling ability and keeps telling them that Andy promised him expensive gifts, trying to get them to give him a scooter and a cell phone.

These tasks have to be scripted, right?

Mykell and Tanika can NOT get Andy a star on the Walk of Fame. (That’s a big shocker.) They try, but not terribly hard.

Mark gets training from Andy on how to be Andy Dick. Unfortunately, Mark improvises a little too much. He gets eliminated this episode in an “Apprentice”-style boardroom scene.

GUG – Episode 2

Carmine, Frank and John are certainly strong-willed like their mother. That makes for some serious clashes. Well, in this episode, you sure won’t see “Brady Bunch-esque” problem solving techniques.

It’s Friday and it’s been a really long week. Victoria can’t wait to go home to relax, but she has a sneaking suspicion that that ain’t gonna happen. (Wise woman!)

She pulls into the drive and notices that her youngest son, Frankie, is tooling around the property in an ATV (all-terrain vehicle). Lovely! It seems that daddy (that’s Carmine Agnello) gave it to him for his birthday.

How nice, right! Victoria, who lost a sibling to a car accident over 20 years ago, is afraid that Frankie will do something stupid and get himself hurt or killed. She’s a bit overprotective, but not completely out of line. She and Frankie argue a bit. Victoria lets him ride the ATV but on the property.

Crisis over, right? Nah. That was just the warm-up. Carmine has decided that he doesn’t want to go to his prom. Yup! It seems that he broke up with his girlfriend. (Hmmmm…does that mean he’s available? I hope you’re reading this if you’re between the ages of 13 -21. Just kidding, but hey maybe I could be a celebrity matchmaker too –see my GUG Episode 1 review for my thoughts on that!)

Anyway, Carmine just wants to go to the 2-day long after-party in the Hamptons. Who wouldn’t? He wants to drive up there in his BMW and skip out on the limo mama got for him. Victoria says no prom, no after-party. (Hey, I wish my mom were that strict, really!)

There’s a lot of yelling and door-slamming. Carmine ends up being grounded. He can’t go anywhere. Victoria starts crying. Sometimes, single parenthood can be overwhelming. She wishes her dad, John “Teflon Don” Gotti, were still around ‘cuz the boys would listen to him and not disrespect her so much.

The next morning it’s Mother’s Day. Victoria awakens to a breakfast which is catered and taken care of by her sons. She is pleasantly surprised and peace reigns over the Gotti – Agnello household for oh, about 3 minutes, until the boys start arguing and fistfighting again.

Those silly scamps. Can’t wait to see what happens next week when Frankie uses all of Carmine’s hair gel!

Panndyra, Goddess of Chaos.
I joke because I can and can because I joke.

GUG – Episode 1

Victoria Gotti, the daughter of John “Teflon Don” Gotti, is one tough lady. She speaks her mind when she wants to, where she wants to and how she wants to. Hurray!

She’s a strong single mother with three sons – Carmine, Frank and John, from her marriage to her childhood sweetheart, Carmine Agnello. Carmine’s not around. They’re divorced. Victoria talks about how living in the house they shared together is hard. She is ready to get the ‘ghost’ out of her life and feels that she needs to move out to move on.

She hires Mona “Rhymes With Sold” Gold to help her sell the palatial property. Victoria’s sons are NOT happy with this decision. They don’t want to move out.

Too bad, says Victoria and moves forward with her plans to sell the property. She’s got to have some work done to the pool area and the “party room” where the boys threw a kegger a few weeks prior.

The next scene shows Victoria hard at work in the Star Magazine offices. She and her writing partner, Kelli, are pitching an idea about celebrity matchmakers. They offer Victoria up as the ‘guinea pig.’ (Excuse the pun!)

They go and meet with Denise Winston who should NOT be allowed to make matches for anyone. Of course, as a celebrity matchmaker, I guess she doesn’t really put much stock in long-term relationships. She doesn’t listen to what Victoria is looking for in a man because she offers her ED. (More on ED later!)

Victoria invites her brother Peter over for Sunday dinner so that she can break the news of her foray into the dating world with some backup. Too bad, Peter doesn’t back her up. Victoria ends up with her back against the wall and tells the guys to just accept it. End of story.

Well, ED arrives in a limo. Frank goes out to meet him, but he just gives him a once-over. He is NOT impressed. Neither am I.

ED is old, bald and well, he could use some dental work. He’s not the kind of man I could envision with Victoria Gotti (but, hey, I’m no matchmaker, right!)

They go out to dinner. Ed, besides being such a great looker, is well, not exactly diplomatic. He insinuates that Victoria is spoiled. He also tells her that he is intimidated by the Gotti name. (Considering that’s the LAST THING Victoria wanted on her list, I’d say Denise did a bang-up job. I bet her tv credits include “Love Connection.”)

The final straw comes when Ed tells brassy Victoria that’s she’d be really attractive if she softened up her look. Victoria tells him off by saying, “you seem kind of sure of yourself, Ed, but I’m not sure why.” (That is my new favorite line for ending a bad date!)

She heads off in a huff to the limo. She rethinks dating altogether. If that’s what’s out there, I could see why. Anyway, the best had to be when Victoria asks the driver, who has to return to the restaurant to pick up Ed, if he’ll do “her a favor” and drop Ed off near a ditch somewhere and “roll him out.”

Now, that’s good TV.
😆

Panndyra, Goddess of Chaos
–Hey, I couldn’t make this stuff up if I tried! Reality is better than fiction.

Endurance HOH Competition and Nominations for July 31


br Jade

This weeks HOH competition, called ‘I have a secret’, revealed many changes in strategy in the Big Brother house. Cowboy told everyone he was going to win this one. Jase was letting everyone know how upset he was that they voted out ‘his girlfriend’, especially Scott. The house guests, minus Drew who couldn’t win as outgoing HOH, had to stand on a lit platform facing a life-sized cut out of themselves. (I thought Jase would last forever since looking at himself seems to be his favorite pastime!) They had to hold down a button and if they let go, they were out of the competition.

Jen was the first to let go, followed by Karen. Drew was tempting the players when he entered the backyard with beer and pizza. Noone could eat, drink or use the bathroom until they were out of the competition. About the four hour mark, Michael slips off his button and is very disappointed in himself. He went inside the house, broke down and was comforted by Drew and Jen. It was a nice moment between the newly acquainted brother and sister. Jen gave Michael a hug and told him that she wanted to win HOH so that she can show him a picture of their father.

After four hours, the players were no longer able to switch hands nor could they put their free hand on their cut out. Scott forgot this little rule and was the next to go, aided by Diane’s eagle eyes! She spotted his slip up and made sure Big Brother did too. Adria was the next to go when she was unsuccessful with a finger change. Then after getting promises from both Jase and Diane, Will steps off, after 5.5 hrs, leaving Diane and Jase to fight it out to the end. After 7 hrs, they were told they could no longer lift their feet off the platform or they were eliminated.

After about 9.5 hrs, Jase started acting crazy to try and psyche Diane out. His clowning around was his undoing. He was acting like a chicken when he took his foot off the box for a second. Diane never flinched and she looked like she could have stood in that spot forever! She later said that her thumb had many hours left. 😆

Jase revealed that he doesn’t feel the Four Horsemen are going to stay strong when he suggested Scott was the reason Holly was voted off due to his personal feelings for her. Will this be the end of the Four Horsemen? Jase eludes to the fact that he would put Scott on the block given the chance when he was talking to Will, and told Will that they were on the ‘same page’.

Diane doesn’t waste any time putting Jase and Scott both up on the block, stating that Jase is the strongest player in the house and therefore a threat to her. She said that Scott was strong too and she was sure that he would start winning challenges soon so that’s why he was up too.

So, who will win the power of veto? Will the Four Horsemen split up? Will Natalie and Adria finally both enter the Big Brother house to compete individually? This should be a great week so stay tuned!


Interview With Lance Krall of The Joe Schmo Show


by aurora

Recently I had the opportunity to speak with Lance Krall, who played Cuban gay guy ‘Kip’ on the not-really-reality show, ‘The Joe Schmo Show’. For the record, he’s not really gay, and he doesn’t speak with an accent. He is, however, as instantly likable as his character was. Here’s what he had to say.

[b]How did you get on the show?[/b]

I had an audition, which I was told was for an improv/comedy show. I auditioned for Hutch’s part, “the buddy”, and the gay guy – I was asked to play it real, not too ‘Saturday Night Live’ like. When I did the gay guy, I decided to take it one step further and give him an accent. I guess they really liked him!

When we were offered the parts, we all had to sign a non-disclosure agreement worth big bucks, and couldn’t tell anyone about the show. With the whole idea of the show, I felt it would be a great acting experience for me.

[b]When you started filming, did you feel badly for Matt?[/b]

Rhett Reese and Paul Wernick, the writers, assured us that the show would not be mean-spirited. These two are great guys – they really had genuine concern and good intentions in doing this show. It was more of an experiment than trying to make fun of Matt.

After Frank (Earl) was voted out and Matt was so emotional, they seriously considered cancelling the show. They actually asked Matt if he wanted to continue – they went to him privately and told him that they had asked everyone else as well. Matt was okay the next day, and really wanted to continue filming.

[b]What was Matt really like?[/b]

Matt was exactly as he was edited on the show. Even when the cameras weren’t running, he was exactly the same. We all had to stay in character of course, and Matt was the same guy on television as he was with us.

We all fell in love with him as quickly as America did!

[b]Did all of the actors get along, or was there friction due to the position you were all in?[/b]

I know it’s more interesting to hear about friction, but really, we all got along great. There was such a level of trust we placed in each other, because if one person messed up, we were all in trouble.

[b]At this point, Lance’s door buzzer goes, and a script is delivered to him. This is a good sign that things are going well for him![/b]

Where was I? Oh yeah, we’re all still in touch. You know, sometimes you’re involved in a show, and everyone says “let’s stay in touch”, but then a few weeks later you’re like “What was that guy’s name again?” It’s kind of like camp, when you swear you’ll be best friends forever and then lose touch.

With Joe Schmo, we all really bonded. We still talk to each other often, and get together for drinks or whatever. We toss around ideas for new shows and things like that.

[b]So what’s next for you as an actor?[/b]

I did an appearance on the show ‘Monk’, which should be airing in a month or so.

I’m trying to pitch a show that I wrote and appear in, so that’s taking up a lot of my time. I’ve cleared a few hurdles with that already, so we’ll see where it goes.

[b]Are you getting a lot of recognition for your role in Joe Schmo?[/b]

Well, Joe was aired on SpikeTV, which is a cable station. So it’s not a major network or anything. But as the show progresses, more and more people are paying attention to it, and it’s getting good press. So we’re getting recognized in the street and things like that.

In Hollywood, actors hate reality show people, because they feel that they’re taking away work from the actors. So to have been in this kind of show is great for me – I was able to get paid for making fun of reality shows!

[b]What was the hardest challenge for you during the show?[/b]

Well all of the challenges were easy because the results were scripted! But the hardest one for me personally to get through was licking the chocolate off the “model”. That was just nasty. The combination of melted chocolate and model-sweat was gross. On top of that, I had to share my model with Matt, whose gag reflex is just insane. He doesn’t like chocolate, so he was licking, gagging, then apologizing to the model.

I guess the idea of it was supposed to be sexy or something. I’m here to tell you that the reality of it is far worse than the fantasy!

For the women, I think the toughest challenge was eating the gross food.

[b]But the food wasn’t actually what they claimed it was, was it?[/b]

No, not at all. But it was a mixture of vegetables and soy or something, with a skin on it like a hot dog. So we get this plate, and we know it’s not the disgusting stuff they say it is, but it’s still this fruit and veggie mush with hot dog skin and we have to gag that down somehow.

[b]Speaking of that, how did you all not die laughing when Matt was presented with a plate of ‘Canine Feces’?[/b]

Oh, I wasn’t in that scene very much at all – I was cracking up! But the beauty of my character was that I was flamboyantly gay, and Matt didn’t know what to expect from me. I was watching myself on the show, and I noticed that for the first three episodes I was being careful. But I came to the realization that I could pretty much just do whatever I wanted to, because Matt didn’t know the difference.

Matt would buy into anything I would do. He was just like “Oh, that’s Kip!”. He just accepted me for what I was.

[b]What was the general feeling after filming was complete?[/b]

Everyone was so happy with the footage we had! SpikeTV was really excited about how everything worked out. I’m really curious to see how the next one will go, because they’re talking about doing another one.

The producers wanted to film the next show right away, before the first one aired, since we had everything in place and were ready to go. But they decided to see how this one went over first.

They even had a spare Matt, did you know that? They had a couple of guys holed up in a hotel for the first couple of weeks, in case Matt caught on. They were going to just start all over again with a new guy if that happened.

[b]Lance, I want to thank you for your time and for the laughs! Best of luck to you in your future endeavors![/b]

Thanks – good luck to you too!

If you’re interested in finding out more about Lance, please visit his extremely cool website at LanceKrall.com.


Interview With 'Mojo' Hunter of Joe Millionaire



by aurora 23/11/03

Remember Mojo? She was one of the highlights of the first ‘Joe Millionaire’! While the other ladies were planning and plotting, Mojo was giving Evan poetry and a homemade puzzle, leaving an impression on him and on the viewing audience. She has a great website now, and is making the most of her appearance on the show. Mojo graciously agreed to answer a few of our questions, and here’s what she said!

[b]What made you decide to do the Joe Millionaire show?[/b]

I actually have a great story how I got on the show! My girlfriend sent me a casting call e-mail that stated they (Rocket Science Labs-the casting company) were looking for females ages 24-32 who are open to the idea of finding love in a romantic foreign location and that they have found a great guy who is searching for the love of his life! The casting call e-mail stated that I must be able to travel internationally in October 2002. The submission deadline was August 16, 2002. HOWEVER… I did not receive the e-mail until August 20, 2002. I COULD HAVE EASILY DELETED IT! But instead…being the person that I am…I said, “What the heck” and went ahead and submitted my information and some photos to be considered. Little did I know…the VERY NEXT MORNING I would receive a phone call from RSL saying they WERE very interested in me and they wanted to send me an application! IT WAS FATE! I WAS DESTINED TO BE ON THIS SHOW! (I know this may sound funny…but for years beforehand…I had premonitions of some big event in my life taking place in a carriage like Cinderella…I thought one day I might get married in one…but I guess it just was a huge event in my life that has lead me on a different path to success!)

[b]Do you still keep in contact with any of the ladies from the show, or with Evan?[/b]

I do still keep in contact with a few ladies from the show. I was closest to Zora because we were roommates for most of our stay in the castle (needless to say some of the other girls weren’t so nice). I have not talked to or seen Evan since he booted me off! LOL!

[b]What was your first impression of Evan? Did that change as you got to know him a bit more?[/b]

My first impression of Evan was “Hubba, Hubba”! LOL. He was tall, dark and handsome…riding up on a horse…I almost thought he could be my Prince! I was all caught up in the fairytale! After I got to know him…I really liked how genuine he seemed. He was attractive, a gentleman and seemed pretty honest (I guess as much as he could be in that situation…lol). I just think our paths were in two different directions relating to business goals…I am always striving for more!

The puzzle and poem that you presented to Evan were such heartfelt gifts – did you feel that he didn’t show enough interest in your efforts? The viewers were left with the feeling that he was a bit shallow in not appreciating your gesture enough.

I believe Evan appreciated my gift to him (the puzzle and poem)…I don’t think he would have given me that sweet kiss afterwards if he didn’t! I don’t think anyone (Evan or the viewers) really understood the whole meaning behind it. I am different! I knew I would probably be the only one or few who gave someone I didn’t even know a gift. That is just how I am. I made that gift a month before I even met “Joe Millionaire” just trying to put into words my feelings about going overseas to possibly meet the man of my dreams…I had butterflies of passion, excitement and fun…I wanted him to know that. I guess some would say I am still a hopeless romantic!

[b]Do you feel that you were edited fairly in the context of the show? Did anything happen during filming that wasn’t aired, but you wish had been?[/b]

I do feel that I was edited fairly in the context of the show. While being taped I always kept in the back of my mind that my nine nieces and nephews would be watching…so I tried my best to be myself but not do anything I would regret on national television. I wouldn’t change a thing! I was always myself and if Evan didn’t like me for who I am…I know somebody out there will (I hope J). There was an event that was filmed that did not make the show but I wish had been. It was at the Moulin Rouge in Paris on my date with Evan. I was actually pulled up onstage in front of everyone (over a thousand people) and a performer had me do a ventriloquist act with him. It was hilarious! I was so embarrassed! But it was so much fun!

[b]What was your reaction when you found out that Evan was actually not a wealthy man? Were you surprised at all, or had you been suspicious?[/b]

I had my suspicions about Evan possibly not having as much money as they were letting on. Some things just weren’t adding up. He was suppose to have inherited this money over 2 years ago…but he still didn’t know how he was going to invest it or create new businesses. Honestly, I didn’t ask him a lot about the money. I could care less because I am going to make my own. But for instance in the beginning I remember rumors between us girls that the castle belonged to Evan and he didn’t know where all the bathrooms were, etc. I was pretty surprised though that the WHOLE SHOW was about him not having the money! When I seen the commercials for the show on TV. I WAS ON THE FLOOR LAUGHING! I thought oh my gosh…this is great…because I knew I wasn’t there for the money…I was there for love. I was just praying that FOX would portray me that way.

[b]What do you think of Evan’s final choice? Do you think he picked Zora with his heart, or was he urged to do so?[/b]

I think Evan and Zora had a “spark” and he made a great choice. I don’t know if he picked with his heart seeing how they split as soon as the show was over. I don’t know if he was urged to pick Zora, but things happen for a reason. I was truly happy for her!

[b]You’ve done a lot of modelling and acting work, as well as public speaking – what else would you like to get involved in, career-wise? What has been your favorite job so far?[/b]

I am smart enough to understand that I have been handed a huge opportunity from the exposure I gained on Joe Millionaire. Other girls may have let it slide through their fingertips, but I have worked very hard since the show to ride the wave as long and as high as I can! I HAVE KEPT MY MOJO WORKIN’! I love just traveling, making money and being myself! In fact I have not had a regular job since the show! I have been capitalizing on publicity tours, autograph sessions, Mojo Merchandise on www.mojomodel.com, commercials, spokes model positions, and so forth. I have done a plethora of charity events raising money for special causes and spent time speaking with children to help them realize they can achieve their dreams. One of the best encounters with a fan was in a shopping center with my mom and a little girl came up to me teary eyed and said, “Oh…are you MOJO? You were my favorite on the show! Was that a real castle?” I replied, “Yes…and hopefully you’ll visit yours one day too!”

[b]Will we be seeing you on television again soon?[/b]

Viewers will be seeing me on television again real soon! I am working on guest appearances on a number of different shows and I even have my own show, “The Got Your MOJO Show” coming out soon.

[b]Would you ever consider doing another reality tv show?[/b]

I would consider doing another reality TV show as long as it was MOJO MILLIONAIRE or me doing the choosing…lol.

[b]Have you been watching “The Next Joe Millioniare”? What do you think of it? Why do you think it’s tanking so badly in the ratings?[/b]

I have watched a few episodes of the new Joe Millionaire. I think it is pretty funny. Too bad I didn’t get that cowboy! We might have had more in common? I’m a city girl with a country heart! I don’t think people are as interested in the New Joe Millionaire because it’s lost its MOJO…of course I’m joking!

[b]People have drawn comparisons to you with Alessia, the spunky Italian girl on the current show. She has the same zest for life and inherent sweetness that you brought to the first show. How do you feel about that?[/b]

If people were comparing me with Alessia…I would take that as a complement!

[b]Is Paul Hogan, the butler, as interesting in person as he seems to be on television?[/b]

PAUL HOGAN IS AMAZING! He truly has the best personality, very wise and extremely interesting! I can’t believe he has not got his own show yet, like “The Butler Babes” or something…hee…hee. I really miss my castle alarm clock of him knocking on the door and in his handsome, Australian accented voice saying, “Melissa Jo…time to wake up.” He is such a great person!

[b]If it’s not too personal, have you found your soul-mate yet, or are you still searching?[/b]

I AM STILL SINGLE AND SEARCHING! Interested candidates can apply by sending an e-mail to mojofans@yahoo.com LOL.

[b]You have such a positive attitude! Your website is brimming with warm and encouraging messages. What is the most important thing that you’d like our readers to know about you and your outlook on life?[/b]

The most important thing that I would like the readers to know about myself and my outlook on life is: Write down your goals…write down action steps on how to achieve those goals…then DO IT! You CAN steer your life in the direction you want and once you know what you want in life…like a magnet you will attract the resources necessary to manifest the world you desire! It’s true…on my 101-goal list I had a goal to get to Paris, France by the age of 25. I was 25 when I was flown to Paris by FOX to be on the Joe Millionaire show! Since the show I have checked off even more goals…and yes one day…I will cash that check!

Believe in your dreams!

[b]Thanks for taking the time to answer our questions, Mojo, and for confirming for us that you are indeed the same friendly, outgoing, and driven person that we saw on television! Best of luck to you in your future endeavors.

To keep up with what Mojo is doing, visit her website at MojoModel.com.[/b]


LCS – Wild Card Winner Announced

Despite some mediocre performances and a bit of Ryan Seacrest-style grandstanding and delaying tactics, Last Comic Standing got around to announcing its winner of the Wild Card show.

The teaser for the Apprentice 2 was sooooooooo fascinating. Really!

The show started with the five comics already in the finale discussing how great everyone else was. Can you say Bull S**t? I know you can. When Tammy Pescatelli gushed about Bonnie McFarlane’s talent, I almost vomited. Puh-lease. I expect more honesty from my comics.

Bonnie came in 4th. She said in her final bye-bye segment that her comedy is intelligent and not easy for people to get on board with. Yeah, sure and I don’t understand Pearl Jam’s lyrics either. Give me a break. Girl, you just aren’t funny. Face it.

Corey Holcomb finished 3rd. He said that the show was a blessing and well, he was cool in defeat. Kudos, Corey and good luck in the future. I’d definitely take a comp ticket to see you. And, I’d buy a drink or ten…

Ant was the 2nd place runner-up. I thought his set tonight was funnier than his performance on Tuesday. Ant’s gonna be around for a long time, so it’s really not a big deal for him to lose. As he said, “a year from now, no one’s gonna remember the winner, but they’ll sure remember me.” Yup! I think it’s called Post-traumatic Stress Disorder, but I digress.

The first runner-up and winner if the chosen one can not perform his duties properly (just kidding…I was also watching a beauty pageant on Telemundo at the same time!) was Todd “I’m Funnier When I’m Not OnStage” Glass.

In his act, Todd made reference to internet pundits like me who pick apart his every move. I’m not going to stoop to his level. Nope, not me.

Congratulations to the winner, Mr. Jay London. You were sweet and funny and just still completely in shock by your success. It’s refreshing to see someone so genuinely ego-less.

Good luck to the Final Six: Tammy Pescatelli, Gary Gulman, Kathleen Madigan, John Heffron, Alonzo Bodden and Jay London. Y’all are gonna need it.

Reality TV Shows That Didn't Make the Cut

The Real Really Real Reality TV Network, in an effort to show the public that not all stupid reality TV concepts make it on the air, has released its list of the five worst Reality TV pitches ever.

1) [b]Who wants to be molested by my dad?[/b] Blanket, Paris and Prince Michael want to find someone for their daddy to love. Watch as the chocolate milk and candy flows like the beer on the Bachelor. See stunts performed by chimpanzees. Celebrity guest stars include: Liz Taylor, Liza Minelli and much, much more.

2) [b]Surviving Antartica.[/b] A group of ugly, overweight people go to Antartica. They face challenges like extreme cold, foraging for food and building igloos for shelter. Even the host didn’t want to go to this less than exotic locale.

3) [b]King, or Queen Richard[/b] Viewers are enthralled as Richard Hatch and Richard Simmon move into a house together with eighteen other Richards. Each week, a different Richard is voted off until only one Richard is left standing. Watch the hilarity ensue as these “Dicks” go through different challenges. You’ve never seen Sweating To the Oldies like this! (Hint: Mr. Hatch hasn’t lost his penchant for nudity!)

4)[b]I Married Jennifer Lopez[/b] A group of hot, young men share a house together. They are not allowed to watch TV, listen to music or read any magazines containing information about Jennifer Lopez. Each week, a new man is added as Jennifer gets married and divorced again. Watch for celebrity appearances by P. Diddy and Ben Affleck.

5) [b]Extreme Makeover: Rock N’ Roll Edition[/b]. If you’ve watched VH-1’s long running series [b]Behind the Music[/b], then you understand the need for a show like this. Members of 80s hair bands, the 90s grunge scene and disco divas from the 70s all sign on to get a new face and a new lease on life by singing in Casino revues, mostly in Branson, Missouri. Each week two oldies but goodies will compete. The winners will have a talent/beauty pageant at the end of the season. The winner will get a critique by Simon Cowell, elocution lessons from Randy Jackson and style tips from Christina Aguilera.

“Satire is as satire does…” Forrest Chump
——–Panndyra, Goddess of Chaos. (Yes, I really am this insane!)

The Simple Life 2, Episode 8 – Desperately Seeking Spicewood…

by Stacey

Next stop, Rod and Gun Club Road…..but, first stop, directions! In the middle of hardcore Texas, the girls can make no sense of the directions, the locals, or the city itself. After driving themselves in circles, in sheer oblivion, the girls finally stumble across a nice gentleman, who lets them follow him as he takes them to their missing highway, 35. “Oh…”, the proverbial light bulb almost appears over their heads as they see how simple it was to find…

The Bahm Family, motorcycle mama and papa…plus one. The first thing Paris and Nicole see, the house is currently under construction! After destroying part of the Bahm’s front lawn driving up, the girls meet Mama Bahm and young Tyler. After a quick lemonade with the family, Nicole and Paris take Tyler off to help him with his homework! Nicole manipulates the first project and decides Tyler should ‘rap’ Romeo and Juliet! After a quick rap session, and making a complete fool of Tyler, Boyfriend Bahm (aka Papa Bahm) pulled up on his Harley, and invites the girls out to meet his biker friends! At least a dozen bikers pull up the road, whistling at the ladies in their slutty little outfits.

Out for drinks with the big tough biker men, Nicole somehow once again manipulates poor Tyler, by making him get up on a chair, in the middle of the room, and do his sad little rap! I foresee many therapist sessions in his future!

Paris and Nicole are assigned their next job over breakfast….they have to go meet ‘Jessie’ at ‘Lonny’s’. Boyfriend Bahm (who I guess isn’t a Bahm after all, but I digress…) being a biker and all, is going to set them up with ‘cool’, good-dangerous kinda job, you would think….. Lonny’s is a hair salon, (and Jessie is a woman, much to Nicole’s dismay)! Finally something the girls must have ‘some’ notion about! Position #1, ‘Back Waxer Babes’. In comes a large, hairy, embarrassed man, appearing on TV, having to disrobe, and have 2 selfish, rich, spoilt brats, RIP the hair from his sensitive skin….poor Bama!!

Break for commercial, and have a silent moment for Bama!

Back to the torture….

Screams! Agonizing screams!! Poor, poor Bama! But, Jessie to the rescue, as she yanks Paris and Nicole from this job! No more back waxing for you (what I’m sure started out as funny to Jessie and Bama, may have gone array), instead, they’re going to do a makeover! Very excited, the girls tell some poor, middle-aged woman that they have experience being Stylists…and off they go to get her ready to surprise her boyfriend with a new look for the evening! Bleach blonde streaks…as Jessie calls it as she gives them toner to try to repair the hair, ‘calico hair’.

Next reprimand, no negativity around the customers as the girls bitched and complained about how the toner ‘ruined’ her hair by making it more uniform. Next step, CUTTING?!?! Sure enough, they actually cut this woman’s hair. They applied make-up, much like a true hooker does, teased out her hair, and actually PRESENTED her to her boyfriend. Oh, that poor little couple! (she kinda looked like Dee Snider from Twisted Sister, just with a little less hair)

When Denny, aka Boyfriend Bahm, comes to pick them up, they tell him they’re going to fix the gray in his moustache, since they are such pros now….they’re method of fixing it? They bleach it!

$100, for a day of torturing, and ruining!

What do you do when you finally have money in your pocket…you go buy a clapper because you’re too lazy to get out of bed over and over again (and you’re getting out of bed, over and over again, because you are so high maintenance!)!

1431 miles to go….

Stacey
😯

Next Action Star — Winners Announced

Tonight was the finale of this Reality TV show. Originally, it was supposed to be two-hours. For some reason, NBC chose to cut it down to one-hour. Last week, we had six contestants vying for the title. This week, we started with four. Melisande and John were cut in footage the network didn’t air.

We did see a teaser, however, which showed us that when Miss Melisande got cut, she did indeed kiss Jared good-bye and told him she loved him. Wonder if that relationship will work out?

Regardless, the final four were Jared, Jeanne, Sean and Corinne. Jared got struck in the nether regions by Sean, who said he was aiming for his stomach with that football. That was probably one of the funnier scenes of the season. Sad, huh?

Jared actually felt very unloved without his fair lady Melisande. He and Jeanne argued. He and Sean, well, you read about that already. Corinne even had a verbal sparring match with her good buddy Jeanne because neither of them wanted Jared as her scene partner.

Oh well. Jared did win the NetZero obstacle course challenge so he got to eat lunch with the producer and director of the movie. He used it as an opportunity to promote himself and ask questions. He also hinted that John might not be right for the part, but every so slightly.

When he got back, the group went to their final acting class with Howard Fine. Howard didn’t choose who to give the casting card to in their session, which was a little unnerving for the final four. Later, host Tina Malave announced that Corinne would win that coveted position.

She, of course, chose Sean as her partner, leaving Jeanne and Jared to fight it out. Jared allowed Jeanne to take the part he wanted, which was decent.

Before the screen test, the group had a party for Sean’s birthday. Jared made Sean, the macho-man, a pink cake with a Barbie™ appliqué on top. They all ate cake, played with balloons and laughed in the hot tub.

There was even a birthday card signed by their former housemates, who have long since been booted off.

The next day was the screen test. Everything didn’t go according to plan. Corinne and Sean fought quite a bit. Jeanne and Jared didn’t argue. However, Jeanne kept her distance which was to her disadvantage because she had all sorts of troubles with the stunts.

In the end, the group got to go to a screening of their final test. The previous players except for Viviana, who quit the show, returned for hugs, tears and cheers.

Corinne and Sean won the title of Next Action Star. They will both be starring in the movie to air next Wednesday on NBC at 8pm EST/7pm CST.

I’ll review that here next week.

–Panndyra, Goddess of Chaos