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A Tale of Two Daddies – Trading Spouses: Meet Your New Daddy, August 31st


by aurora

Trading Spouses is back with a special two-hour Dad swap. FOX could not have found two more stereo-typically different families to make the switch than the Cookes and the Levines, as we’re about to find out.

Jay Cooke is a lathe operator who lives on a farm in Greensville, Georgia. His wife, Brandi, is a homemaker and mom to two sons, Hudson (9) and Cole (5). Jay says that Brandi is the one who doles out the discipline, as we see her sitting outside watching the boys beat on each other. Jay is happy to let Brandi be the decision-maker in the family, and Brandi says that she likes getting her own way. She was happy when they bought their home, because she was previously living in a trailer. She’s not thrilled with the house now though, and considers it a dump.

Justin Levine is a larger-than-life New York lawyer. Everything about Justin is big, from his physical self to his law office to his beach house. His Manhattan apartment is the biggest one in the building, with three bedrooms, a den, and other assorted perks that he gleefully points out. He’s married to Beverly, and they have two children – Pierce (13) and Molly (7). Pierce says that Beverly freaks out if things aren’t completely organized. The Levines have a hectic schedule, which results in the kids eating dinner alone most nights. Molly says that if she could change anything about her dad, it would be the late hours he spends at the office.

First We Take Manhattan

Jay is packed and ready to head off to the big city. He goes into the living room to say goodbye to his family, and is met with…well, nothing. Brandi doesn’t even get up off the couch to say goodbye, and the kids aren’t exactly motivated either. Jay tells them he’ll miss them, and Brandi comes back with “You can stay gone, I don’t care.”

He leaves the house and heads off to the airport for his first ever airplane experience. Seems Jay has never been outside of Georgia – boy is he in for a culture shock! In New York, Mrs. Levine and her kids are waiting at the airport with a sign saying simply “Mr. Cooke”, which Molly has decorated. Jay arrives, introductions are made, and they’re off to the house.

Jay marvels over the tall buildings and the crazy drivers. He says that no one in Georgia ever leans on their car horns the way they do here. They arrive at the apartment, and Jay is a little taken aback at the valet parking. He’s also impressed with the elevator ride, having never been more than one storey above ground level.

Once inside, Jay gets a tour of the apartment and is shown his room and bathroom. He’s very happy with the arrangement. Beverly, who constantly looks at her watch, tells Jay that it’s now 4:51, and they will be going out at 6:30 for dinner. She asks him what he’d like to do in the meantime – take a walk, rest, take a sauna, swim, what? Jay is uncomfortable making a decision, and asks Pierce for guidance. They decide to take a walk around and see what the apartment has to offer as Beverly rushes off to do her errands.

Pierce, who is a very responsible and sympathetic boy, guides Jay around the building, showing him the different views from the top and explaining what the buildings are. They go to see the gym, the pool, and all the other features that must make Justin very proud to be a resident. Jay is suitably impressed.

Jay and Pierce get dressed up for dinner. They’re going to Tavern on the Green, which makes Pierce happy since he likes the food there. He has trouble tying his tie, and asks Jay for help. Jay admits that he doesn’t wear ties, and if he ever does they’re of the clip-on variety. They decide to go down and ask the doorman for help.

They off to dinner, and Jay is very impressed with the restaurant. He says it’s the fanciest place he’s ever been to, but Beverly insists it’s not that nice. She doesn’t like the banquet-hall feeling. Privately Beverly says that Jay is impressed because he’s probably used to ‘all-you-can-eat buffets’.

Beverly asks Jay to choose the wine, and the poor man looks like someone asked him to choose which one of his kids he should sacrifice. This is an impossible decision for Jay, who is used to letting his wife make all the decisions. He bravely looks at the wine list as Beverly pelts him with questions. Do you want a Pinot Noir? A Cabernet? A Zinfandel? From California or France? Jay hesitantly declares he’d like a red wine.

Back at home, Molly shows Jay her loose tooth. Justin and Beverly have tried everything from brute force to bribery to get Molly to let them pull this tooth out, but Molly is afraid it will hurt. Beverly has offered Molly a new pair of shoes in exchange for the tooth, and offers to let Molly hold a pair of her designer shoes as an incentive. She says, “think shoes, think shoes” over and over again, and finally Molly tells her that it’s just silly.

Jay thinks he can get the tooth out, and Molly decides to trust him. She lays down and opens her mouth, and Jay nervously pulls the tooth out. He says, “This here tooth?” and Molly is astounded that it’s out – she didn’t feel a thing.

Meanwhile, Back on the Farm…

As Jay is adjusting to life in New York, Justin is arriving in Georgia.

He marvels at the wide open space and the dirt roads, and says that he expected to come across a quaint little house nestled away somewhere. What he finds is the Cooke residence, complete with chickens, cows, and other assorted farmyard treats.

Brandi shows Justin around, and leads him to his room. It’s one of the kids’ rooms, which hasn’t even been cleared of the clothes and toys strewn everywhere. Justin says that he’ll be sleeping on an inflatable mattress, which some people swear by. He’s just not one of those people.

Justin gets a tour of the ‘grounds’. He comes across a bird in a cage and asks what it is. “That would be a turkey”, answers Brandi. Justin is shocked – he feels he should have known that, but has only ever seen a real turkey in the supermarket before.

Dinnertime rolls around, and Justin gets to dine out as well. Brandi says that they’re taking him to her favourite restaurant. It’s a family-type place, that serves Southern fare. Justin and the Cookes are served a big basket of deep-fried catfish. Justin comments privately that he’s used to dining in places that have cloth napkins and real utensils. Hudson dares Cole to eat a catfish fin, and some bickering ensues.

The following morning, Justin is rudely awoken by the sounds of a rooster crowing. This apparently wakes up the boys as well, as Cole climbs up to see his brother in the top bunk and is greeted with a smack in the head. Cole begins to wail, and Justin gives in, saying “Okay, I’m up, I’m up!”

The City That Never Sleeps

Back in Manhattan, Jay also wakes up to unfamiliar sounds – sirens and car horns. He can’t get used to the hustle and bustle of the place, which affects him even when he’s resting in bed.

Pierce needs to practice his speech for his upcoming Bar Mitzvah. Beverly has been dogging him to keep practicing, so he decides to run the speech by Jay. Jay of course doesn’t know what a Bar Mitzvah is, so Pierce explains. Jay comments, “Ah, so it’s part of your religion then.” Pierce begins his speech, and he’s doing just fine until he realizes that his mom is standing in the doorway. She cuts him off and barks comments at him. “Look up, speak loudly, stand up straight.” The poor kid gets flustered and takes off for his room, with mom hot on his heels. She wants him to take a drink of water and start again, but he’s done. Jay thinks Pierce did a fine job.

Beverly decides to take everyone to the beach house for the day, and on the way there she brags that it could be worth as much as $3 million. She says that it should be freshly painted and in great shape.

Of course, when they arrive, there are problems. The painters aren’t finished, the shutters aren’t on the windows, and the place is a mess. Beverly begins straightening, cleaning, fixing, and complaining. The kids and Jay attempt to help out, but end up getting in the way. Jay decides to take them to the beach to give Beverly a chance to cool off.

When they come back, Beverly is frantically cleaning the floors. Molly dares to walk into the kitchen to tell her mom about the beach, and Beverly freaks out. Jay tells Pierce, “Whatever you do, don’t go in the kitchen!”

They share a meal on the back porch, and Pierce has a surprise for Jay. It’s Hudson’s birthday, and Jay is upset that he’s missing it. Pierce has bought a small cake, complete with a candle, and brings it out to the table. Jay is touched by the gesture, and enjoys his first taste of authentic New York cheesecake.

Jay thinks that Beverly just needs to relax a bit and take things easy, so he decides to take her out fishing. The head down to the lake (or a pond, it was called both and I’m not familiar enough with New York to know exactly where they were) and Beverly comments that she’s never been there. They bait their hooks with corn and begin fishing. Beverly doesn’t like the pace of this activity, and wants to walk all over the place to different spots to try their luck there. She’s determined to catch a fish, but only if this can occur before her watch tells her it’s time to do something else. Jay just agrees with every suggestion Beverly makes, and concedes that his plan to get her to relax didn’t quite work.

Georgia On My Mind

Meanwhile, in Georgia, the Cookes plus Justin are off to Calloway Gardens to celebrate Hudson’s tenth birthday. There’s a swimming pool, rock climbing, and all kinds of activities for the kids. Justin comments to Brandi that the day is going well so far – neither one of the kids have drowned the other yet. He spoke too soon apparently, because Hudson and Cole begin their daily ritual of bugging the crap out of each other.

As they sit and have their lunch, Hudson whines. He whines about having to eat his sandwich before his cake, he whines about wanting to go rock climbing, and he whines about being bored. Justin takes everything in stride, although he’s clearly annoyed. Brandi says that Hudson always complains and acts put out, but she thinks he had a nice birthday anyway.

The following day, Brandi tells Justin that Jay has been meaning to fix up the chicken pen, but has never got around to it. Justin decides that he can do this, and they all head off to the hardware store. While Justin tries to figure out what size nails he needs, the kids start threatening each other with various tools, like hammers and axes. Brandi passively tells them to stop, but Justin has finally had it. He grabs boards from Hudson’s hands, and tells them to cool it.

Once in the car, Justin is still fed up. Hudson (who is sitting in the front passenger seat, delegating Justin to sit in the back with Cole) is worked up about something or other, and Justin leans forward and takes away his little electronic game. Hudson freaks out, but Justin stands firm – if the kid’s going to whack people and have a tantrum, he ain’t getting his game back. Hudson calms down just long enough for Justin to return the game, then hits his mom with it. Justin takes the game away again, as Brandi feverishly tries to get home before someone is killed.

Justin builds a new door for the chicken coop, and gets everything set up the way Brandi wants it. The family is impressed, but not as impressed as Justin himself.

Thinking of how he’s going to spend the $50,000 for the Cookes, Justin decides to go to the town hall and research property values in the area. He says that Brandi seems to want more in life, and that she’s clearly unhappy with the state of her home.

Time now for the customary “invite your family and friends over to make the new spouse look completely out of their element” feature. Brandi invites ‘the locals’ over for a barbeque, and Justin cooks up the grub. He’s very outgoing and personable, introducing himself to everyone and bragging about the new chicken pen. I think the fact that these people all build their own chicken pens too and may not find this accomplishment too impressive is lost on Justin, but he carries on trying to make things fun and lively.

Meet My Folks

While Justin is burning burgers and hot dogs on the grill, Jay is getting ready to meet the extended Levine family. They’re all coming over to hear Pierce’s Bar Mitzvah speech, so he can practice it in front of some real live people. Pierce is unsure how they will take to Jay, noting that none of them have ever met someone like him before.

Things seem to go well though, with Pierce nailing his speech and everyone congratulating him – including his mom. Pierce says that he could feel Jay rooting for him silently.

It’s now Jay’s last night with the Levines, and they order dinner in. Jay feels that this family needs to spend more time together, and that the parents need to learn how to cook. Beverly asks him if he washes his dishes at home, and he says yes, that’s the only way they’ll get clean. She’s stunned, and blurts out, “But you can get a dishwasher for like two-hundred bucks!” Jay says privately that Beverly has no understanding whatsoever of people who don’t live like she and her family do.

After dinner, Jay calls the family in to say his goodbyes. He thanks them for showing him the big city and sharing their home with him. Pierce has written a good-bye ‘rap’, which he performs for Jay. The Levine children are wonderful, caring kids – their parents should be proud of them. Hugs are shared, and Pierce tells Jay that he’s the first person who ever really listened to him.

The next morning, Beverly and Pierce are up early with Jay to walk him out to his waiting taxi. They promise to see each other again, and share more hugs. Then it’s time for Jay to head off to meet up with Justin.

Here’s Your Hat, What’s Your Hurry?

Justin decides to take Brandi out for a nice dinner on his final night in Georgia. He’s hired a limo to drive them into Atlanta for the evening. Brandi gets dressed up, but complains privately that she’s not into all this stuff.

At the restaurant, Brandi feels out of her element. Justin assures her that no one in the room would be able to tell that she has chickens at home, and she snorts, “Yeah, right!” The appetizer arrives, and Brandi asks what the white stuff is. “It’s just cheese?” she asks. Justin says yes, it’s just mozzarella, but Brandi doesn’t like it and has to eat something else to get the taste out of her mouth. She also doesn’t care for the lamb chops, which she’s never tried before. The waiter arrives with a huge chunk of meat that he carves slices from for Brandi and Justin. Brandi requests the fattiest slices, and says she likes hers burnt. She then complains that the meat is getting caught in her teeth.

Justin explains that, while this not be the way that Brandi and Jay regularly eat, it’s nice to try new things once in a while. Brandi doesn’t agree, and says she’d rather have a burger or pizza any time. Even if she had money, she wouldn’t eat in places like this. Justin keeps trying to encourage her, but she’s downright rude to him. You can see that the evening is wearing on Justin, and as they leave he throws down his napkin in frustration.

Back at the house, Justin says good-bye to the boys. They go running off to their mom, yelling “He’s leaving tomorrow! Yeah!”

The following morning Justin awakens to a silent house, and sees himself out.

Almost Home…

Jay and Justin meet for the first time, and ask each other about their families. Both men hope that their wives and kids made the other man feel welcome. Jay gushes about Molly and Pierce, while Justin is silent. The situation is a bit awkward, as Jay asks questions and Justin desperately tries to find nice things to say about Brandi and the kids, and life on the farm.

The men exchange the envelopes that contain their instructions for spending the $50,000, and say good-bye.

Back to Reality, After the Small Matter of the Cash

Jay arrives home to find his family exactly as he left them – sitting down watching television. No one gets up to greet him. He talks about how he’s glad to be home and how much he missed everyone, but no one says a word.

Meanwhile, Molly makes a “Welcome Home Daddy!” sign that she sticks on the front door. When Justin arrives, everyone rushes to hug him and tell him how much they have missed him.

Justin knows that Beverly will freak out when she discovers that Jay has decided how the money is to be spent. She had planned to put the $50,000 towards Pierce’s Bar Mitzvah. Justin explains the situation, and Beverly looks a bit uncomfortable.

Back at the farm, Jay tells Brandi that Justin has decided what they must do with their cash. He opens Justin’s letter, which thanks them for having taken him into their home. Jay offers to let Brandi read the rest, but she brushes him off. The money is divided as follows:

$7,200 for one year of schooling for the boys
$2,800 to pay off debt
$25,000 to buy their home
$15,000 to remodel the house, including an extra bedroom and bathroom

Brandi is happy with Justin’s decision, saying the only thing she would do differently is to knock the house down and start all over again.

In Manhattan, things are getting tense. Justin decides to just open the envelope and see what the damage is. Jay has spent their money like this:

$10,000 for a personal trainer for the family
$10,000 for cooking lessons for Beverly and Justin
$30,000 to be spent on the beach house

Beverly is NOT a happy camper. She says that Jay has no clue about spending that much money, and says she wants to speak to a lawyer RIGHT NOW, to discuss the situation. (Um, isn’t Justin a lawyer?) She then tells the cameras to leave.

Next week, FOX is promising the most explosive Trading Spouses yet. We get to see a clip of some guy who calls himself a chauvinist throwing a dead fly into his new spouse’s soup. Hmm, this I gotta see!

Comments are welcome! Contact me at carrie@realityshack.com.


Project DNA … A Failure – Big Brother 5, August 31st

by LauraBelle

I am left thinking that Big Brother producers should consider “Project DNA” a failure. Of course, this all depends on what they had set for the intended outcome for this season. If they had intended on the surprise twists of twins and newly-found half-siblings bonding them with their housemates and each other, they failed miserably. If they had intended for the surprise twists to be a ratings boost, then perhaps they succeeded.

From the beginning of tonight’s show, we are being ushered through it quickly, after not having a Saturday show, but still needing to choose people for eviction, and hold a veto competition and Power of Veto meting. Although all originally were upset after Natalie’s elimination last week, no one seems too upset today, including her twin, Adria. Cowboy originally says he shed a tear and felt like he lost his sister. Shortly after, he is saying he does not feel totally safe, being that Marvin, the new Head of Household, can be a wildcard. Adria starts talking of how much she treasures family; soon she is telling us she feels safer with Natalie gone. With her partner in crime gone, she figures she won’t be as much of a target. Marvin says every time you last through another eviction, you pat yourself on the back for lasting another week. Karen doesn’t seem to care one way or another; she only wants to stay unnoticed and forgotten.

No mention is made of Julie Chen’s mistake at the Head of Household competition. Reportedly during the competition, her original instructions for the mini-putt game were that the first person with a ball to hit the bottom of their tube would move on. Marvin’s ball sunk first, but Karen’s ball actually hit the bottom of the tube first. Chen didn’t notice, and pronounced Marvin the Head of Household. Watchers of the Live Feed to the show have found that after producer’s caught the mistake, they called both Karen and Marvin into the Diary Room, and discussed the dilemma with them. No change or mention was made of any of this during the show tonight.

Diane and Nakomis are talking strategy in the kitchen. Perhaps someone else is with them, but I don’t notice due to being too distracted by the nearly full ketchup bottle on the table in front of Diane. With two kids in our house, I think the only time the bottle is close to full is on the store shelf. Diane feels she may as well start saying her good-byes now with Marvin as Head of Household. The two believe Cowboy and Adria would be good choices to put up for eviction, since they seem to have something going. They also both realize they themselves are targets since they can both sway votes.

After viewing his Head of Household suite, Marvin corners Diane for more strategy. He promises to keep her safe if she will work with him to get others to evict his choices. Diane makes the promise, realizing it will add one more person to her list of people owing her favors.

Diane moves on, and is back in the kitchen, this time with Drew and Nakomis. Drew asks Nakomis how many piercings she has, and she cops to eighteen. Drew says you must have them all over. Nakomis admits yes, then proceeds to get into talking of hanging out in places with women with nipple clamps. This leads her to a conversation about the life of a dominatrix. Drew appears to be absolutely stunned and shocked. He must have led a very sheltered college life.

The houseguests are told to come to the concrete room, where they find it has been transformed into a workout room, filled with the multitude of equipment won during a recent luxury competition. Marvin wonders where he will sleep when his Head of Household stint is over, as he enjoys the solitude of the concrete room.

After seeing their new workout room, everyone disburses and are later found eating cheese crackers and cookies, and drinking bottled water. They have just voluntarily left a new extensive workout room to sit and eat cheese crackers and cookies. Why bother drinking water? Why not just have a giant glass of Koolaid?

At the eviction meeting Karen, Nakomis, Diane and Drew find they are safe, meaning Marvin has put up Adria and Cowboy. Marvin explains that Adria is a threat because of how many competitions she has won. Cowboy is told he is up purely for strategic reasons, as Marvin knows Cowboy would have been a sure vote for Adria. Privately, Marvin calls Cowboy to the side and tells him he will be protected, and that he is doing this for Will. Cowboy says it is still scary, being up for eviction, whether someone says you are safe or not. Just a week earlier he had an air of invincibility about him. Once his half sister, Nakomis, went back on her promise to him not to put him up for eviction, and put him on the block after Adria removed herself, he seems to have changed in that regard.

Diane tells Drew he is lucky he is on her side, and he seems a little surprised at this admission. She goes on to explain about her earlier conversation with Marvin. Drew is even more surprised to hear she made a promise to Marvin that involved the rest of the house, without checking with him. Nakomis, walking through the room and overhearing this, takes the info to Karen. They aren’t sure what to make of it.

There is a T-Mobile cell phone waiting on the table for a lucky houseguest. It begins to ring, and everyone rushes to answer it. Drew tells Cowboy it is for him. Cowboy has won the Viewer’s Choice to receive a call from home. Waiting on the other end is his fiancé, April, and his step-son Chase. Wearing his “#1 Dad” t-shirt, Cowboy openly gushes and weeps, learning April got the new job, and Chase got the teacher he wanted this year. Everyone appears sincerely happy for Cowboy, to have won this.

The veto competition is about to begin, and partners are being chosen. Marvin chooses Drew, Cowboy chooses Nakomis, and Adria chooses Karen. Despite Karen saying she would be scared to us the power of veto to remove Adria, Adria realizes Karen is her best bet.

For the competition, each of the six players are faced with a veto symbol replica and a “T” frozen in a block of ice, and a squirt gun. The first to remove the veto from their block of ice will win. If they remove the T, they will be awarded a toolbox to help them remove the veto symbol. The squirt guns empty out quickly, and after using them as chisels, the players realize the guns can be refilled in the pool. Just as Adria removes the T, and opens her tool box to find salt and gloves, with her self-described “girlie” hands, Karen is the first to remove the veto symbol, and wins the power of veto. She is is happy, not because she wants to use the veto, but because it means she is “less of a loser … more of a team player.” Karen is now caught in a quandary. She has nothing against the two up for veto, but adds the feelings are no different than for anyone else in the house. She is thinking of leaving those up for elimination as is.

As she opens the Power of Veto meeting, she customarily gives Adria and Cowboy a chance to explain why they should be removed. Adria does her usual, making herself look like a saint, while admonishing the others for the way they have played the game. Cowboy, feeling a little too comfortable after his call from home, does a little dance to end his speech. Karen does as expected, and leaves those up for eviction unchanged.

Project DNA has left Adria without a chance of winning. From the beginning she started differently. She didn’t come into the house with nothing, needing desperately for any and all connections. She had a sister waiting in the wings for her every few days, and was never forced to develop any necessary bonds. Once joined by Natalie, it was easier to spend time with her, further alienating her from the rest of the house.

Cowboy and Jennifer also never had a chance … but not at winning, at having a relationship outside the Big Brother house. It was unfair of them to learn of each other’s existence in this manner. It should have been left to them to wonder when and if, and create the desire to form a true bond, not one based on a game of assumptions.

I welcome any and all questions and comments at LB53064@yahoo.com

LCS 3 – Results and Round Two

The Season Two comics won the first challenge and $50,000 to split. Tonight, the ten comics who didn’t perform last night got their chance. First up was Tere Joyce. She reminds me of a cross between Cyndi Lauper and Phyllis Diller but less attractive and not nearly as funny. She proudly stated, “I’m not a hooker. I give it up for free.” Like I’ve never heard…or said that before.

Jay London, the sentimental favorite and one-liner king was up next. Jay Mohr quipped that he looked and sounded like “the love child of Steven Wright and Chewbacca.”

A few of Jay’s hits were:
—Today, I videotaped my hair. Tonight, I’m gonna look at the highlights.
—I made some Hot Pockets. They had lint in them.
—They make ribbed condoms these days. They come with barbecue sauce.
(You can vote for Jay at 866-FUNNY-92!!! Not that I’m endorsing him specifically…y’all do what you want.)

Rob Cantrell was up next. His best line was “They say money talks. All it ever says to me is ‘see ya, b**ch.”

Corey Holcomb performed after Rob. It was the slowest (and unfunniest) part of the night. The most entertaining part of his act was his outfit. He was so shiny. I think that the Star Trek stylists did his couture or he borrowed something from Ant’s closet.

Dat Phan continued his tradition of ethnic humor. He’s a one-trick pony.
I’d really like to see him pick a new topic or something, once in a blue moon…puh——–lease!!!!!!

Gary Gulman is definitely the funniest 6’6″ dude from Peabody, MA. He announced that the walrus was his new favorite animal. It looks like something that God built last minute.

Geoff Brown, the former Marine, was not very funny. He was passable. Kathleen Madigan, however, may have been the best of the night. (1-866-FUNNY-98). She did some cool George Bush schtick.

Some of her highlights: (paraphrased)
—I love watching George Bush give a speech. It’s like there’s two Georges. The super-serious George shows up after they’ve ‘talked to him.’
—Osama Bin Laden’s still hiding. In other words, playing “Peek-a-boo!”

Sean Kent was not funny in my opinion. Ant was okay. He lives in West Hollywood now. “West Hollywood — where the men and men and so are some of the women. Guys, if she’s got an apple, she’s probably got a banana.”

Voting is open for two hours after the show. Results will be given next Tuesday @ 8pm est/7pm cst.

The two comedians who are bidding the competition adieu tonight are Cory Kahaney and Jessica Kirson.

I wager that Season 2 will take it again next week. What do you think?

Panndyra out…

email me at panndyra@yahoo.com if you want to talk about LCS… or the assistant…or growing up gotti….or…..

Best of the Best – LCS Season 3

Last Comic Standing 3 premiered tonight. The ten members of the house from season one are head-to-head with the ten members of the house from season 2. The comics have to perform new stand-up routines. Yippee!! Each week 5 comics from each team, which are chosen by the opposing team, will compete.

The comic with the least amount of votes on each team gets eliminated until there is only one comic left. That comic will have bragging rights as the LAST COMIC STANDING. He or she’ll also get $250,000 in prize money and other stuff.

The Season 1 grew is:
Tere Joyce
Sean Kent
Ralphie May
Dat Phan
Rob Cantrell
Geoff Brown
Cory Kahaney
Tess
Rich Vos
Dave Mordal

Bonnie McFarlane chose not to participate in this competition, so Season Two was one comic short. Gary Gulman, Jay London, Alonzo Bodden, John Heffron, Kathleen Madigan, Ant, Todd Glass, Corey Holcomb and Tammy Pescatelli got to choose one out of four female comics from the finalists in Vegas who didn’t make it into the house.

Marina Franklin, Kerrie Louise, Sue Costello and Jessica Kirson were the choices. The comics almost unanimously chose Jessica Kirson. I liked Jessica before and felt she was a heck of a lot funnier than Bonnie, but so is my dog. Gee, with wonderful reviews like mine, I can’t imagine why Bonnie didn’t want to participate 😉

America votes for one comic. You can vote by phone, internet or text message. Tomorrow’s show will have the results and performances by the comics not chosen to compete tonight.

There’s no house this season. The dirty work is done on stage. There are two ‘war’ rooms where the comedians go to strategize on who will go head to head.

Tonight, Season One chose:
Todd Glass
Jessica Kirson
Alonzo Bodden
Tammy Pescatelli
John Heffron

Season Two chose:
Rich Vos
Dave Mordal
Tess
Cory Kahaney
Ralphie May

I definitely saw a strategy on each side.

Stand out performances were given by: John Heffron (but, of course), Jessica Kirson, Alonzo Bodden and Rich Vos. Ralphie did a commendable job despite the loss of his father to cancer. He devoted his act to his dad and did a few of Winston May’s favorite jokes. I was touched by the way he handled it and his tears made me just want to hug him. I hope that Ralphie doesn’t get knocked out because of this. He was still funny and will be funnier another day.

Overall, I feel that Season 2 is just funnier and more talented than Season 1, with the exception of Mr. May.

Tomorrow night is the results show. We shall see what America thinks.

Panndyra, Goddess of Chaos
Yes, these are my opinions. I formed them all by myself
Email me at panndyra@yahoo.com if you have comments.

GUG Episode 5

I’ll answer that question shortly.

Victoria’s overwhelmed. Frankie is graduating from junior high school and Carmine is graduating from high school. She has to attend both functions, plan a fabulous joint party and meet the demands of work. She’s got deadlines, rambunctious boys and a life that just won’t quit.

So, what does Victoria decide to do? She tries to hire an ASSISTANT! At least Victoria didn’t prolong the process. She interviewed a bunch of people. Some were quite interesting like the guy with the mohawk fin and the young gent with the piercings all over the place. Victoria told him she hurt just looking at him.

She was almost late to Carmine’s ceremony. Carmine and a few of his friends play some video games and chill for a bit after the graduation. They talk about what college will be like…all girls and parties and fun. Carmine says he doesn’t want to grow up and wants to party hard like Van Wilder (from the movie of the same name…). I want to scream…………NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO. I don’t think Mama Victoria would like it. In fact, I know she wouldn’t. I feel an affinity with Vicky Gotti in that way.

At this time, Victoria decides she just can’t handle her life on her own anymore and calls Jennifer, the cute and sweet ‘normal’ Jersey Girl, to be her Assistant. Jen’s very excited.

The next day, Jennifer arrives for her first day. There’s a crisis already. Victoria can’t find the right dress for her photo shoot. She ends up picking out one of her very own and looks beautiful, but she’s pissed that the stylist would be so stupid.

The next day, Jennifer is thrown into the fire, so to speak. She has to track down a source for one of Victoria’s Star magazine articles. She has a little bit of trouble with that. She also has to start finalizing the guest list for the party.

Jennifer gets overwhelmed by all that Victoria throws at her and well…I’m not sure she’s going to last long. Victoria gets upset with her often and well, I feel that Victoria needs a more seasoned ‘professional’ to help her. We shall see…though…

Frankie doesn’t have a tie for his graduation. The mall is about to close and Victoria dashes to the phone. She has the store stay open a few extra minutes for them. Frankie and Victoria argue over the tie, of course and Victoria wins. They get a tie and some other items so Frankie can look his best.

The day of the party is really tough. Jen didn’t finalize the guest list on time. Victoria has a talk with her. They decide to move forward from here. The catering hall is also a problem. Victoria doesn’t want her guests to go to a ‘holding room’. She tells Jen to take care of it because she’s too angry to do it herself.

Quack Quack interrupts and says that the DJ can’t set up because the hall won’t let him in. Victoria’s ready to crack. It’s raining and the power is about to go out. Carmine and his friends decide to mud slide down her hill in the rain. Jen spaces out and forgets to do the place cards.

It’s almost time for the party and no one is ready, except for Frankie, who’s sitting on the couch waiting. John comes running down the stairs. He has NO hair gel. It’s a catastrophe. Carmine’s fixing his ‘do in the mirror, but somehow Frankie gets blamed.

I can see why gel is an important commodity in the Agnello/Gotti home, but this was just so over the top and funny. Quack Quack offers to give John some of his gel, but John is still so mad. He and mom fight about the gel situation for a bit.

In the end, the party goes off okay, except that Victoria has to pay twice the amount for it than she was originally quoted. Jen had fun at the party, so did Victoria and the boys.

Let’s see what happens next.

Panndyra, Goddess of Chaos. Email me at panndyra@yahoo.com if you have a burning desire to discuss the ‘gel situation’ further.

😆

Assistant Finale – Finally

It’s the Assistant finale and I’m the happiest I’ve been since the show started. Each episode has about five funny minutes and they aren’t necessarily continuous. Andy starts out by saying he’s so happy to be rid of this burden. I guess steady work is bugging him, but who am I to judge?

He tells the camera that he had this weird dream, prophetic, perhaps. He was a giant eclair. I am no Miss Cleo, but I think I know what the dream means and it has NOTHING to do with the show. See eclairs are phallic symbols. Yes! I typed phallic…so, sue me…if you know what it means.

Anyway, the car that the winner gets rolls up to the house. Andy goes into his sales pitch. Yes! It’s a 2005 Scion GT with blah, blah, blah, blah engine and blah, blah, blah, blah (insert feature here). It was almost as cheesy as the car “commercials” the American Idol contestants are forced to do.

The car’s nice. Andy likey….he wants to keep it.

The Assistants actually have an assistant-like job tonight. They go with Andy to the Improv. He’s got a gig with his 80s band. They are NOT a cover band. They do original 80s style music. Andy has no hair and makeup person. He never asked his assistants to get one, but he was upset that they didn’t know. Maybe he does need Miss Cleo. The guy has issues, but I’ve said that before, haven’t I?

Fade to Melissa who talks about how being around Andy is ‘like walking on egg shells constantly’. Wow! That’s an understatement.

Andy isn’t prepped for the gig, of course. So, he asks his Assistants to come up with a song for him and his band ‘off the cuff.’ They come up with this song…called Ace Monster…It was baaaaaaaaaaaad, but Andy was like…I like it.

That is until he got onstage and his act went completely down south with the stupid song. He then blamed the assistants, of course. Mark tried to stand up for himself but Andy just dissed him.

Fade to Melissa in interview again and she was all like…”we were just doomed to fail.” Yah! Just getting that point, blondie? The whole show’s been one big set up to make y’all look like fools…

Segway into some flashback sequences of Melissa giggling and Mark double-dealing. Andy again says that he’s not crying about the show being over. He’s happy about it because he needs time to work on himself and his emotions. I’m not sure if there’s enough time in the world…

Then, there are some clips which highlight Andy’s many meltdowns. It was so nice reliving his melodramas. It reminded me of my teenage years.

Now, for the elimination ‘ceremony’. I think it was a cross between Joe Millionaire and the Bachelor. Andy rides in on a horse. He has trouble getting off the horse, of course. Melissa helps him undo his shoe so he can dismount. Andy looks at Mark and Melissa and stalls. He hasn’t decided yet.

He tells them that he was dealt twelve cards (the contestants) and all got were jokers. That was one of his better lines. I wonder if MTV wrote it.

The Assistant wins lots of cool prizes such as: a job with MTV, the Scion, a cell phone and a new wardrobe. I guess it’s worth it, hmmm?

In the end, Andy chooses Melissa. He says that she is the only one who put him first. In a way, he’s right. Oh well. It’s over. Bye-bye, Andy…I’ll miss you…NOT….

:clap:

Panndyra, Goddess of Chaos. Yes, I am this cranky naturally. Email me at panndyra@yahoo.com if you want to make something of it.

The Young and the Hopeless – Big Brother 5, August 26th

It’s day 56 in the Big Brother house, and Natalie and Cowboy are up for nomination. After Adria won, and used, the power of veto (on herself), Nakomis was forced to nominate her long lost brother, Cowboy, in her place.

Cowboy is upset that Nakomis broke her promise to never put him up. Apparently, in Cowboy’s world, an “Oh definitely” is grounds for a promise. However, Nakomis says that she thinks Cowboy will be safe, and everything will be good.

The twins and Cowboy are in the wood room feeling sorry for themselves. Adria is crying, Natalie is complaining, and Cowboy is sitting around looking clueless. . . nothing new.

Now that Cowboy’s up, it’s time for some good ole’ fashion brainwashing. Drew is Natalie’s target. She corners him in a put-put game and starts pressing him about where his loyalties lie. Let’s be honest folks, Drew is no strategic genius, so he falls all over it. He approaches Diane in the bathroom and starts trying to convince her to vote out Cowboy. He does his patented “stoned/clueless” face as he explains that if the twins are around next week, they’ll be targets again. So he and Diane wouldn’t be targets next week for betraying Marvin, Karen, and Nakomis? Diane shuts the conversation down, and brings Drew back into the light by simply sticking out her pinky and reminding him of how easily they broke their last promise.

Next, Nakomis is in the HOH room being interrogated by the Chenbot. She justifies nominating her brother by saying that she wasn’t completely sure that Drew would be safe if nominated, and she approached Cowboy before the veto ceremony and told him what was going to go down. He was cool with it, and he respected her for coming to him beforehand.

Next up is America’s Choice – The Young and the Restless. It is revealed that Marvin won with an astounding 25.7% of the votes. He was so overwhelmed that he actually started crying! He left the house through door in the backyard, hopped into a limo, and road of into the sunset! Upon arriving, he got to take a tour of the set and meet the stars of the show. When he arrived back in the house, the other houseguests got to see his handy work. The skit was roughly 15 seconds in which he was some sort of waiter in a gym. He gave one chick a bottle of water, and then he gave a guy a bottle of water. . . SO.MENTALLY.STIMULATING!

Next, we get to catch up on Will. He, along with his future fellow jury mates, will be sequestered in Eden. The house is great! He has a castle by the beach all to himself. Being as thoughtful as he is, he’s already making sleeping plans for Natalie and Adria when they come to meet him! Of course this is a cement slab by the garden, but it’s the thought that counts. No?

Back in the house, Michael and Natalie get to plead their case to their fellow houseguests before the live eviction. Michael thanks God and his family. He is happy that he has had the experience and he is happy to leave the show with 13 new friends. Natalie wants everyone to look at her as an asset, and someone they can use to get further in the game. Next is the live vote! One-by-one they are called in to the Diary room to cast their votes. Karen, Marvin, Diane and Drew vote to evict Natalie, and Adria is the lone vote for Cowboy. It’s official! By a vote of 4 to 1, Natalie, you ARE evicted from the Big Brother house. She takes it surprisingly well. Everyone walks her to the door and she hugs everyone. Adria meets her at the door, bawling her eyes out, as if Natalie was about to be put to death. With that, Natalie is off to meet the incomparable. Chen.

Outside, Chenbot interviews the fallen wondertwin. Natalie, of course, neglects to admit any fault. She thinks it was unfair that Nakomis nominated her, but she will pray for her. (How sweet) She doesn’t seem mad that Drew and Diane voted for her, and says it was just a risk you have to take in the game. In the goodbye messages, Karen and Cowboy think she’s a great person, Diane still can’t tell them apart, Nakomis reminds her of the pinky swear, and Adria is (you guessed it) crying.

Next up is the HOH competition. The houseguests are divided into two groups of 3. They must step up to a mini-putt green and put golf balls into a tube – the first person to sink a putt, and whose ball falls all the way down to the bottom of the tube wins the round. The winner of each round will face off in a final round. Those two will be given 60 seconds to put. The person who makes the most balls will be the new HOH. In the first heat, Cowboy sinks one immediately. In group two, Marvin and Karen both make it in. Karen’s ball actually sinks first, however, Julie calls MARVIN the winner! Karen should have won the round, but Marvin went on to the final round, where he blew Cowboy out of the water and is our new Head of Household!

Will Big Brother do anything about this? Who will Marvin nominate? Will Adria ever stop crying? Keep in mind, there will be no show this Saturday, so tune in Tuesday at 8 est. to find out!

~Wumple~

Every Show Needs a Sexy Cowboy – Big Brother 5, August 24th


by aurora

Lots to cover this week, including a luxury competition, veto competition and the veto ceremony. Of course we need a recap first, because us reality freaks have limited memory capabilities (tell that to someone who’s still arguing that Lex got screwed in Survivor Africa). The quickie version – Will’s gone, Nakomis is getting revenge on the breaking of a pinky swear by putting the twins on the block, and the twins are upset because somehow they’ve been wronged, even though they are obviously playing the game masterfully, with skill, wit, and, oh heck, I can’t even say this sarcastically.

Natalie tells the camera that Nakomis is the last person she wanted to win HoH, and isn’t surprised at all by the nominations. Nakomis, for her part, says there is no loophole in a pinky swear. The twins broke a promise to her, Karen, Diane, and especially to Will.

The twins have a good laugh after the nomination ceremony, complaining that they got no valid, personal reason why they were put up. Diane makes a face and calls them poor sports. She says if there had been anything funny during the nomination ceremony, then it went right over her head.

Nakomis goes to find the twins to explain again why they’re on the block, because she doesn’t think they understand it. She says that they pinky swore about two things – that they wouldn’t nominate each other without discussing it first, and that they wouldn’t vote for each other. She feels that since the twins were playing as one person, then the promise should have been upheld by both of them. Adria says that once both twins came into the house, all bets were off. Well, this is a nice time to announce that to everyone, dontcha think? Maybe you should have brought that little nugget up a bit earlier so your alliance would know you weren’t to be trusted. Good thing I have my trusty puke bucket at the ready.

One of the twins compares Will to Charles Manson, in that he’s out of the house but his minions are still killing for him. To this I say, “Oh Please!!” Who shows more signs of becoming a cult leader, Will or Nadriatalie? I’ll let you decide.

Diane is cornered in the bathroom by both evil twins. Natalie is still whining about not getting a personal reason why she’s up on the block, and both are talking a mile a minute. Diane looks like a deer in the headlights. Natalie didn’t pinky swear with Will, so she thinks Nakomis has no right to nominate her. It’s a copout as far as she’s concerned. Argh. Via the HoH screen, Nakomis sees the conversation with Diane in the bathroom. She knows the twins are upset and angry, but doesn’t really care.

Adria goes into the bedroom to talk to Diane and Drew about the veto. She wants to make sure that the person she chooses to play for it will indeed use it (like it’s some kind of honour to be chosen to play or something). They’re unsure – Diane thinks that Drew will be put up if one of the twins is taken off the block. Adria assures her that Drew is safe, but Diane can’t promise anything. She leaves the room, and Adria manages to get Drew to give his word that he’ll use the veto if he wins it.

Nakomis announces that it’s time for a luxury competition. Marvin whoops it up and picks Nakomis up and spins her around. He says in the diary room that they all don’t care if it’s a warm bowl of spit they’re playing for, they’re all jacked up for the competition.

The backyard is set up with a contraption that looks like “a giant rainbow exploded and had a baby”, according to Karen. It’s a bunch of strings of elastic that form a huge web, and inside are a bunch of balls with letters on them. The houseguests have to climb through the web and retrieve the balls, then put them together to form a word. They’re playing for shopping sprees at Amazon.com – as a team, they will get 18 items from Amazon if they complete the task in three minutes or less, losing one item for every 30 seconds they go over. They are also being timed individually, and the person with the highest score will win a $1000 shopping spree to be used when they get back home.

Drew gets in first, and pushes all of the balls forward before coming out with one himself. Cowboy says Drew took one for the team. Adria and Diane follow, and the timer is just over a minute. Karen and Nakomis follow, and while Nak is getting her ball out they figure out that the word they need to spell is ‘internet’. Cowboy, Natalie, and Marvin go through, and Marvin gets stuck. They end up having trouble spelling ‘internet’ (somewhere Scott is laughing at this), and complete the challenge in just over five minutes. They end up with 14 items from Amazon. Diane has the fastest time, and wins the individual spree.

Marvin says that the competition took some pressure off of them for a while. “I kinda liked them for a while. And I hate these people.”

Everyone heads off to the HoH room to order their stuff from Amazon. The screen that normally shows feeds from all over the house is set up for them to shop. They have to select from a list of pre-determined items, and end up choosing steaks, a fire pit, exercise equipment, a water volleyball set, barbeque tools, and other various items.

The twins try to corner Diane again, demanding to know about the veto. She says she would probably use it, and Adria harps “Probably don’t get it!” Apparently you don’t get it either, Adria. No one wants to be responsible for you or your twin scraping by this eviction. Diane starts to cry, and says privately that the twins have a way of catching her off guard and making her feel uncomfortable.

The packages arrive from Amazon (what the heck kind of shipping offer did they get? I’ve never received anything that quickly from Amazon!), and are piled in the backyard. The houseguests unpack their stuff, and find all the goodies they’ve ordered. Marvin hurries the steaks into the kitchen while Diane scores the gourmet s’mores kit. Mmmmm…s’mores…

They set up the fire pit, and fetch Holly’s ceramic cat to sit on top of it while they sit around the fire. Marvin says they’re turning that white cat black.

Talk now goes to the America’s Choice prize – a day out of the house and an appearance on the Young and the Restless. Marvin tells everyone what a huge fan of the show he is, and Cowboy says in the diary room that the show needs a sexy cowboy like himself. There are so many things wrong with that statement that my mind can’t even process it. Cowboy and Marvin ad lib a little scene where they’re fighting over Karen, which is pretty darned funny.

Drew and Cowboy talk strategy outside, which is a painful procedure to watch. Cowboy thinks that if the veto I won and used, Marvin will go on the block. Drew asks if Cowboy is worried about going up himself, and he says he knows that up against a twin, he is absolutely safe. Drew admits he’s scared.

Time for the veto competition finally! Nakomis explains the rules, and the selection begins. Nak chooses Marvin, Adria chooses Drew, and Natalie picks Cowboy. They are all separated, and have to go to the backyard one at a time to complete the challenge.

Nakomis is first, and says that it’s a ‘Sci-Fi Morph-O-Matic”. Faces are displayed on a giant screen that are made up of pictures of three different houseguests – kind of like Conan O’Brien’s “If They Mated” segment. Nakomis is immediately freaked out by a picture of her face, Holly’s hair, and Scott’s mouth. I’d be freaked as well. Each person has to name the three people that the faces are made up of.

The funniest face by far is made up of Marvin, Lori, and Diane. Marvin says, “That’s an ugly chick!” The twins are listed as just that: Twins. I guess that was to make things easier for everyone to not have to distinguish between the two, but I have to wonder if they were upset at not being ‘individuals’ in the challenge.

Anyway, Diane and Karen get to watch everyone complete the challenge, and Diane gives Cowboy props for finishing in under 30 minutes. Seriously, why would anyone pick Cowboy to play the veto for them? Challenges aren’t exactly his strong point.

Adria ends up winning the veto, and Natalie comments that Nakomis’ face was priceless when the winner was announced. Now, I saw the camera pan over to Nak when Adria’s name was announced as the winner, and she had no facial expression whatsoever. None.

Adria and Natalie discuss the veto together, huddled up in bed. They both cry, bemoan their situation, and complain about the others. So what’s new? Adria wants to save Natalie, but Natalie wants her to save herself. The rest of the houseguests could care less, they just want one of them gone.

Nakomis, Diane, and Karen talk in the HoH room. Nak doesn’t know who to put up, and asks Diane about Drew. They’re unsure of how Marvin will vote, thinking that he’s guaranteed another couple of weeks if he keeps a twin in the house. Karen insists that Marvin wants to ‘split those girls up’ more than he wants to see Diane and Drew split up. Nakomis doesn’t want to nominate Cowboy, out of bloodline respect.

It’s now time for the veto meeting, and Adria calls everyone together. She says that Natalie will now get a turn to plead her case, and Natalie says something about welcoming the veto, getting second chances, and knowing it’s a hard decision to make. Adria thanks her and says she knows that Natalie’s words were from her heart. Blah blah blah – where’s my bucket?

Adria talks about the importance of the veto, and even though she wanted to use it last week, it just wasn’t wanted. She says that she is going to use the veto – on herself. She adds that if the others aren’t willing to give Natalie a chance in the house this week, then maybe they never had it in their hearts to do so. (vomit bucket break for me) Adria’s reasoning for leaving her sister flapping in the wind is that Natalie needs to be judged for her own actions, while Adria should stay in the house and take the rap for hers.

Nakomis now has to put up a replacement nominee. She says that she’s decided to put up Cowboy, because she knows he is a safe bet and has nothing to worry about.

Marvin says that no one is ever safe on the block, not with him in the house. Cowboy is upset because he and Nakomis apparently promised each other they wouldn’t put the other on the block. (Apparently Cowboy has a short term memory, because he asked Nak to be a pawn on more than one occasion.) Nakomis confesses that if Cowboy goes she’ll be very upset – because she promised him he’d be safe, and because she’ll then have two angry twins after her. Natalie closes the show by saying that she only needs three votes to stay in the house. Looks like the next couple of days will be unbearable for the rest of them!

Thursday will bring the live eviction, as well as the results of the America’s Choice poll. Don’t forget to tune in!

Comments are welcome! If you have something to say, or want to write for us, drop me a line at carrie@realityshack.com.


Colin or KY – The Amazing Race, Episode 8

by LauraBelle

As Episode 8 was winding through the opening credits, I began to wonder how much the show would miss the newly eliminated Charla and Mirna. Love them or hate them, they added much suspense and entertainment to the show.

After the credits we are shown the five teams spending their down time between legs of the race eating. How could they eat anything the night after eating all those huge bowls of scrambled ostrich eggs, equivalent to two dozen chicken eggs?

Chip and Kim are the first to depart at 2:42 a.m. They will need to take a taxi to Kilamanjaro airport where they will be assigned to three different charter flights to Nairobi by order of their arrival at the airport. The first taxi asks for a hundred-fifty dollars, and Chip takes another driver up on his offer to drive them for a hundred dollars.

Colin and Christie are the next to depart with Christie noting that it is hard for a team like theirs because they are both decision-makers. When a taxi offers to drive them for a hundred dollars, Colin says, “No way, fifty dollars.” The taxi driver repeats he needs a hundred dollars. Colin says, “Sixty dollars, no more.” Eventually Colin climbs in the taxi, saying for a hundred dollars, it better be fast.

Brandon and Nicole, the Bowling Moms, and the Twins leave shortly thereafter with the twins saying they need to slow down and take their time, feeling that quick, bad decision-making has placed them dead last. Soon all five taxis are close enough to pass each other, making the running order change frequently. The taxi carrying Colin and Christie stops along the side of the road because of a blown tire. When Colin asks the driver to put the spare tire on, he is told there is no spare, as the spare is already being used on the car. Colin blows the first of many fuses and scolds the driver, “Bad, very bad.” I immediately felt as if Colin was speaking to a dog, and when I saw my own dog wake from her nap and glare at the TV, I knew I was not the only one.

The next team to break down along the side of the road is the Bowling Moms, as their taxi is out of oil. The twins stop and help Colin and Christie, giving them their spare tire, but they decide not to help the Bowling Moms, noting that they are not AAA. Eventually a new taxi picks up the Moms and they are on their way again, noting that they are dead last, one again.

Chip and Kim, arriving first, and Brandon and Nicole, arriving second, are scheduled for the first charter, and are sharing money stories. Kim and Nicole feel the men are being too generous with the two-hundred dollars they started this leg of the race with. Chip explains he tipped the taxi driver twenty dollars because he knows that amount of cash could greatly improve his life. Nicole is upset at Chip, realizing he is thinking she is not a giving person.

The Twins and Colin and Christie arrive in time to catch the second charter, but Colin is not alone. He has refused to pay the taxi driver the one-hundred dollars he promised him, and is only offering fifty, saying the driver was not driving wisely to leave on a two hour trip without a spare tire. The police are called, and Colin now needs to go to the police station to plead his case. The taxi driver’s boss also arrives, asking Colin what the problem is. He says no problems, “Hakuna Matata.” Now, I had no idea this was a real phrase. I thought it was just something made up for Lion King. You can bet I will be Googling this phrase later.

After being threatened with jail time, Colin throws the money on the floor, and decides now to direct his anger at Christie, upset with her for not supporting him. Returning back to the airport, the Bowling Moms and Chip are giving Colin a hard time. One of the women in the race says in a voiceover, “Colin is so beligerent and abusive towards Christie.” Colin and Christie talk privately, and she apologizes to him. This leaves a bad taste in my mouth, but I am not sue whether it was Colin and Christie or the KY Jelly commercial I was just forced to endure.

Later in Nairobi, all teams make a 6:00 p.m. flight to Dubai except the Bowling Moms. They arrive and are told the flight is scheduled to depart in ten minutes, and they can’t board. Linda says, “Oh, please?” and is rejected again. Where is Mirna and her superb language talents when you need her? No matter where she was in the race, she seemed to always speak the language.

The four teams on the first plane to Dubai are all running to get the next clue with the Twins leading. Chip laments, “Leave it to them to make an old man run again.” The next clue sends them to a helioport that doesn’t open til 8:00 a.m., giving them a fourteen hour break, and allowing the Bowling Moms to catch up once again. Colin looks at Christie and asks for a kiss. I believe I would have rather ate the caviar and ostrich eggs mixed together.

8:00 a.m. comes and all are now to take water taxis to the Port of Dubai. Kim and Nicole are again complaining about money after Chip paid ten dollars more than others, and Brandon had said, “Keep the change.”

The teams are met with a Detour – off-plane or off-road – and need to take land taxis to their choice. The Twins and Brandon and Nicole choose off-plane, which is sky-driving. The twins are first to arrive, but don’t trust their instinct to stop once they think they see the Amazing Race flag, and continue driving around. Brandon and Nicole seize the opportunity and catch the first sky-diving plane with the twins immediately realizing they had made a mistake not stopping the first time, as the planes take off forty-five minutes apart.

On the taxi ride to off-road, chosen by Chip and Kim, the Bowling Moms, and Colin and Christie, Chip realizes that he will not have enough money to pay the fare. Since he is not blowing a gasket about the price like Colin had before, the driver accepts Chip’s lower offer of money, ten dollars less than the actual amount. Chip feels bad, but seems lost on the fact that his desire earlier to allow the other driver to improve his life has now affected this other driver negatively. Interesting to me is the fact that only the teams that are couples argue about money; the sisters, friends, brothers, cousins, never do.

Once arriving at off-road, the teams need to drive 4x4s through the sand dune course. The Bowling Moms are the first to get stuck, and need to be towed. Chip and Kim get stuck as well. Eventually, Colin and Christie arrive at the flag first, not having been stuck in the sand at all. Chip and Kim arrive next, followed closely by the Bowling Moms.

As the teams finish this Detour, they are now asked to ride on camels and direct the camel and camel guide through the sand dunes via GPS tracking devices. Colin and Christie are the first to arrive at the pit stop, winning a trip to the Caribbean, with Christie uttering, “I should never have doubted him.” Now I am positive; it is Colin and Christie, not the KY jelly commercial.

Brandon and Nicole arrive second, with Chip and Kim in third. Chip is excited and thanking Phil. Sure, Phil isn’t the one with ten dollars less in his coffer today. The Bowling Moms arrive second to last, and the Twins arrive last, only to find this to be a non-elimination leg, meaning they will run the next leg starting with no cash.

The previews for next week promise that one team will find they need to shave their heads, leaving me to wonder if this is how the Twins will raise money for their traveling expenses. We were also treated to previews saying that Colin would be, “hitting his breaking point.” You mean that breaking point wasn’t when he was nearly thrown in jail? And I thought without Mirna and Charla I was not going to find suspense or entertainment.

If you have comments, I would certainly enjoy reading them. Please email me at LB53064@yahoo.com.

Yet Another Twist on the Assistant

I was all geared up for a grand finale showdown. I mistakenly assumed because we were down to the final two — Melissa & Tanika — that the show was going to be over this week. It’s not that I am not entertained, but well..frankly….I’m getting tired of this show.

Andy whines all the time. So now I’m going to whine about Andy’s whining. Yes, I see the irony there. I really do. However….it’s my review & I’ll whine if I want to.

Andy started the show off by reading a letter from a former Assistant contestant who begged to return to the showl. Guess who’s making a comeback? No, it’s not Nikeda again. It’s Mark. (Remember Andy booted him because he made Mr. Dick look like a …well, dick, on Japanese television.)

Andy tells the Assistants to watch over his dish. Glenn Close gave him a dish. It’s him in the nude, looking all buff, with some cats on either side. Well, I thought Ms. Close had better taste than that. However, she did also play Cruella DeVil in 102 Dalmations. Oy! That was a stinker.

Andy didn’t want to be disturbed during his therapy session. I’m not surprised that his therapist makes house calls. Before the therapist shows up, Dave Navarro drops by. Andy sounds surprised, but this had to be soooooooooooo contrived. Guess what? Navarro interrupts Andy’s session repeatedly. Andy yells at his assistants, of course. Dave also breaks the “dish”. YUP! He breaks the dish.

After Dave and his Jane’s Addiction drummer have an impromptu jam session with pots as drums, Andy has a meltdown and tells his assistants to get rid of Dave. Dave goes off and gifts two guitars and a painting to Tanika, Melissa & Mark.

Andy breaks the acoustic guitar that Mark was given. What an a$$!

The clipping ceremony was a rip off of Fear Factor. There are two stunts. The first was a complete joke. The assistants had to walk across a thin pole which was placed over Andy’s pool, carrying a cup of coffee and a script. Mark and Tanika nailed the stunt. Melissa fell into the water.

The second stunt was stupid. Completely unneccessary. He had them spin the wheel and eat “gross” stuff like day old brownies and gas station hot dogs. Mark & Melissa got thru their food easily. Tanika got a head-cheese pop. GROSS! I’ll take the pig uterus, puh——lease…..

She couldn’t eat it and got clipped. Kind of unfair, but oh well, it’s Holly-weird as Andy says. When Andy’s in it, Hollywood is very weird.

Next week is the finale. Melissa and Mark must endure more of Andy’s diva demands and pendulum-swinging moods. I can’t wait — until it’s over.

Panndyra, Goddess of Chaos
panndyra@yahoo.com
—Email me if you disagree with me. I don’t mind. I love a good e-argument.

😆