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Another Two Bite The Dust – Last Comic Standing 3, Episode 4

The competition is heating up on Last Comic Standing, folks. Even host Jay Mohr is trying to compete for laughs. He’s a little rusty, though. When you have to say to the audience, “Hey, I can tell a joke too!” it just begs shit-ass critics like me to well, criticize you.

It was so inspired of him to talk about the weather and to piss off everyone in Indiana by telling them they’re “all fat & white.” and to explain it away by saying, “it’s funny because it’s true.” Of course, he did encourage y’all to post to the message boards to complain. Nice. He has to make a pitch to get ‘time’ on the message boards. I say…don’t do it, folks. Don’t give in to the temptation. You have better things to do with your time…like reading this review.

He brings out the comics. I was very struck by the cans on Tammy Pescatelli. As a woman, I can appreciate real boobs. Way to go, Tammy! She shoulda worn that top last week. (Poor Tammy eventually got eliminated tonight 😥 ) I am gonna miss her. She’s talented and well, she gave my husband an eyeful.

There was a big surprise — yep Season 1 got the $50,000 this week. (Did you believe me at all? If so, call me. I have some swampland in Florida I’m trying to sell. Wanna buy the Brooklyn Bridge?) It has become the running joke that Season 2 is just going to win this week after week after week.

They went into a reel about the whole idea. Some of the interesting comments were:
–“Our team needs some divine intervention.” Tess
–“We could help ourselves if we wrote Season 2’s material. I know I can come up with some crap.” Dave Mordal.
–“We are going for the jugular in a way that is so choreographed.” –Jay London.
–“We got funny we are saving up.” –Alonzo Bodden

The war room of Season 2 let us in on a little tip. Yep, ANT is up to his old tricks and controlling everything. I say, good for you, sister ANT! If it works, don’t fix it.

Sean Kent was up first. My husband and I laughed because we were thinking what if Kent was head to head with John Heffron (who went next!) I love Sean and respect him, but….up against John Heffron. Well, I think it would be a bloodbath (especially with the restrictions the show imposes!)

Sean had a great set, though. He was the funniest I’d seen him on the show yet. Can I get a ‘whoop whoop’ for Sean Kent?

Here were some highlights:
–“My doctor said, I’ve got good news and bad news. The bad news is you’ve got cancer. I told him the good news better not be, I saved a lot on my car insurance when I switched to Geico.”
–“If you get a goat to say I do, you deserve to marry it. I can just see you getting called at the bar by your goat wife saying, ‘Damn goat, she’s always naagggggging me.'”
–Osama job app at the Gap. That was a hoot.

John Heffron was up next. He was funny as always. I have one comment —I can just imagine Heff as a kid and well, his parents must’ve had a lot of fun with him.

His schtick about his younger brother saying “I can’t breathe”any time John touched him. I can relate as the oldest of five. Then, “remember the twin pop popsicles?” Remember ’em? Whattya mean? I still got a bunch in my fridge —they have a longer life than Cher and cockroaches.

His stuff worked so well because Heffron is not only a likable guy, but you can relate to him. I think the best comedy is comedy done that way.

When he talked about how he keeps his house cold so he his dad will want to turn up the thermostat, you can resonate with him. At least, I can. “No dad rules in MY house!”

Geoff Brown made a pitch for the $50,000 says he needs it for his baby. Admits he and his wife named the child “Bailey Gabrielle” because “that way she’ll at least make it to the job interview.” No “qua” or “ne ne” for his bab-ay.

Todd Glass took the mike in hand ‘cuz Jay had troubles with it after Geoff’s performance. Todd asked the most thought-provoking question of the night, “If the people on Jeopardy are so smart, why can’t they write better?” Maybe ‘cuz we’re too busy typing, Glass. Ever seen a doctor’s handwriting?

He is so right when he says, “every time a guy thinks he’s cool, there’s at least two women in the room who think he’s a jerk.” Probably more than two. How many of the women in the room last night thought Todd was a jerk? Raise hands! C’mon. (Note to Todd: I think you’re a great comic, but haven’t been your best on LCS yet!)

Dat Phan, the Season One winner was next. I am not a “Phan” of Dat. Not at all. He did have some funny moments, however. He talked about Angelina Jolie’s adoption of a Cambodian child and quipped, “she takes the kid out of Cambodia and then brings him back. The kid is like, I wanna see Disney Land.”

Now, Dat, Angelina adopted baby Maddox two years ago…at least and she only returned him while filming a Tomb Raider movie. That joke is several years old. Come up with some new material, puh-lease. Put some effort into the competition.

He talked about how we have hungry kids in America and did a ‘spoof’ of a World Vision or Save the Children type of commercial: “Yes, this girl is so poor she doesn’t even own a cell phone. Okay. She has a cell phone but her calling plan is terrible.”

He also talked about the fact that he’s in love with a ‘white girl’ and she has a kid. He joked about running through the mall with a blond child under his arm, saying, “Be quiet.” What must people think?

I think you need a new act, Dat.

ANT had some new material, as promised. He started off by talking about celebrities who complain about obsessive fans and how they need to remember that those fans make you famous. You go, ANT!

Here are some of the highlights:

–They only drugs I do now are antidepressants. They are the key to happiness in the world. (The thought of Hitler and antidepressants, now…well that should be explored, ANT! I’d love to hear more!)
–I hate generalizations. It’s NOT every man’s fantasy to have sex with two women. Can you imagine me in that fantasy? You hold her down. I’ll paint her nails. (AN OLDIE BUT A GOODIE!)
–I’m gay not because of the sex, but the talking afterwards. What are you thinkin’ ’bout now” What are you thinkin’ ’bout now? YOUR BROTHER!

Dave Mordal came out swinging. He had some of the strongest material of the night. I asked him about his hair in our interview. You can read it at the Shack at
Apparently, I haven’t been the only one lately. He quipped, “Never let Season 2 do your hair.”

He talked about home improvement shows.

–‘The damn thing only comes on once a week. Usually it’s a rerun. I’m building a house. I’ve got a couple of porches and 6 bathrooms. If they don’t do roofing soon, I’m screwed.’

He also doesn’t camp like his dad did. He prefers hotels and lets his son watch “National Geographic”. LOL

He talked about family trips with his dad and how after a while when they’d drive for a long time, they’d just be following a ‘blood vessel in his eye.’ Damn, are Dave and I related?

Finally, Kathleen Madigan was up. She talked about being in Vegas recently. She said that she’d pay Celine Dion $450.00 a ticket to “shut up.” Now, that’s money well spent!

She is a Catholic school alum like yours truly. “I liked Catholic schools. They make you think crazy things can happen. I had to make room for my guardian angel at my desk. Apparently, my guardian angel was a lazy fat-ass who couldn’t hover.”

She’s kinder than I would be. All I learned in Catholic school was how to …well, I’ll be quiet. Wouldn’t want to piss off Catholics, now would I?

In the end, Tammy Pescatelli was eliminated as I mentioned earlier as was Rob Cantrell. Sorry, Rob, but I’d rather see you perform live than on Last Comic Standing.

******* Okay, lay it on me. Comments, questions or problems with my review? Wanna yell at me? Cool. TYPE ALL IN CAPS AND SEND YOUR EMAILS TO or I CAN’T WAIT TO HEAR FROM YOU!

My Ox Is Broken! – The Amazing Race, Episode 11

[i]by atarus[/i]

We start off in New Zealand, at the last Pit Stop. Colin and Christie are the first team out of the blocks again. The teams have to go to Auckland and find a yacht called the Hydroflow in the harbor to get the next clue. CC remark that “it’s not JUST that the other teams suck, we’re pretty decent at the race.” Linda and Karen are second place, but they’re exhausted. They begin arguing over the map, a very uncharacteristic move from the moms. Chip and Kim state it’s now “Me first me first me first” and they can make friends later.

Colin and Christie pull down the clue using a pulley, and it’s a Roadblock! They have to take a boat out to the Auckland Harbor Bridge, climb a 75 ft. ladder, walk across a girder and grab a clue, then jump off the bridge. This is the point in the race where, if I were a part of it, I would pee in my pants. Colin, characteristically, kicks major butt and basically runs through the Roadblock without any trouble. The teams now have to fly to Manila, in the Phillipines, and find the Malguena Motors.

Brandon and Nicole are the second team to arrive at the harbor, and Chip and Kim are third, while the moms are just plain lost. CC get to the airport and try to get a major lead on the other teams by catching a quick flight to Manila. Brandon is intimidated by heights, and has a little trouble, but does it very very well. CC find that they are getting lucky and have a 10:45 flight to Manila, laying over somewhere, so they’re off. As Brandon comes down from the bridge, Nicole remarks “Don’t hurt my boyfriend!” (At this point, I have to wonder what she would have said if they’d chosen the rapids last episode.) Chip and Kim pass BN as they are returning from the bridge. Chip invokes the power of Jesus as he climbs, and conquers his fear of heights and grabs the clue. As Chip sees the moms pass him, he states “If the moms can do this, they’re going to win the race.” (You know how people look for the million-dollar quotes in Survivor to determine logically who might win? I’m saying the moms win this entire shindig, right here and now, because of Chip’s quote.) Brandon registers another great quote while in the taxi to the airport, saying “I don’t know much about the Phillipines, I know it’s an island.” …….

Linda does the climb, she says that she’s spaghetti and she’s not sure she can do it. Once she’s asked to just step off, she gets wide-eyed and flustered, and after a brief whine and some cheesy commercial breaking, she jumps off. The three teams of CK, BN, and LK end up at the airport at the same time and end up on the same flight to Hong Kong. CC, on the other hand, miss their connecting flight to Manila and have to go to Hong Kong themselves. The three teams and CC sleep separately, and there’s a joyous reunion at the terminal in the morning. CC are glad to see the other teams, and the other teams are glad to see CC. And we’re even again.

In Manila, Chip and Kim are out of the gate first, followed by Brandon and Nicole, Linda and Karen, and CC are bringing up the rear. Everyone is talking about using the Yield on CC. Brandon actually rolls down the window to yell at Chip, “Use the Yield!” All three teams get to the Motor Shop at the same time, but Chip gets to the Yield sign at the first moment, and CC is yielded, courtesy of Chip and Kim. (Hey…hey…hey, look at my column last week! Huh? Huh? Who called it? Hopefully my masterful editing skill nuance picking up technique will happen on Survivor too, so I can do good in that durn pool. Er, anyway.)

There’s another Roadblock, they have to decorate a Jeepney? Something like that? They put together and decorate something to receive their next clue. CC get to the Yield station and see that they’ve been yielded by their former partners in crime, Chip and Kim, and Colin is mad as Hellspawn. (Some may argue he IS Hellspawn, but that’s not for me to decide.) Colin is standing at that Yield sign, staring down Chip in an “unnerving” manner. You have to give credit to CC though, they’re smart, they watch everyone put together their Jeeps while they are being yielded. Moms can fix anything, moms can do anything, and the moms are out first! They have to take their newly-decorated whatever and find the field behind a giant DUCK. A GIANT DUCK. What a landmark, CBS. I congratulate you.

Brandon and Nicole are out second, and Chip and Kim are out third. The fifteen minutes was enough to put CC back behind everyone. However, nothing stops Super CC and they are out of the garage in a jiffy (Jeepy). Chip comments that CC are strong players, and he had to do what he had to do.

The moms reach the next clue first, and it’s a Detour, Plow or Fowl. In plow, they have to lead an ox around and snag a clue tied to a rope in the mud. In Fowl, they have to herd a thousand ducks from one cage to another, and while it would make for interesting TV watching people running after squawking ducks, it’s not very practical, almost impossible. The moms, and Brandon and Nicole soon after them, choose Plow. Chip and Kim, meanwhile, are in their Jeepy still, and comment that CC are in “kill mode.” And I don’t think Chip’s kidding, if Colin had gotten a hold of Chip’s neck at this point, I think Kim would need a new part, and some money for a funeral.

Brandon and Nic find the rope uber-quickly, and discover they have to travel 120 miles to the Coconut Palace for the next Pit Stop. CC are still fuming about how Chip and Kim backstabbed them. The moms find the rope, and BN and the moms discover that there aren’t any taxis to get to the Palace, so they have to grab a bus together. Chip and Kim get in, get the rope, and get out, only hoping that they can get on a bus without CC, and they do.

And now, the most entertaining portion of the show. Colin and Christie decide to plow. And Colin starts trying to lead the ox around. Christie, instead of helping lead like everyone else’s partners did, she decides to whine to Colin how he’s not doing it right. Colin gets irritated at his ox, stating “My ox is broken!” It was kinda funny watching Colin being dragged around in the mud by the big hulking ox. After a lot of annoyed yelling by Colin, Christie *finally* gets her feet dirty and finds the rope. And it’s a race to the Coconut Palace by all the teams. All four are on buses, and one by one each team gets off their bus and hails a taxi. Chip and Kim and CC are smart, and get off somewhere where they can easily get a taxi. Meanwhile, the moms and BN get off IN THE MIDDLE OF THE ROAD. Sheesh. BN hail a taxi first, and the moms get one after them, worried they’re going to be last.

It’s now an insane race to the Pit Stop in taxis. Who’s going to be first? Why, none other than CHIP AND KIM. *throws a party* They win their second leg and get a second vacation. The plucky moms get second place, and Brandon and Nicole come in in third! CC come in in last….but wait….didn’t Phil say there were FOUR non-elimination legs? ….Yes, yes he did. And so CC are still in the game. (In my personal opinion, I think they should have spread the non-elimination legs more towards the front than the end of the race.)

Next week is the finale, and the first four team finale in the history of AR!!! It looks to be exciting, as we see Nicole break down instead of Christie, there’s rock-climbing involved, and an exciting, pulse-racing finish! My predictions are the moms come in 1st, Chip and Kim grab second, CC get third, and the models come in fourth. We’ll see what happens, and I’ll see you next week! Oh, and my e-mail is, if you have any comments. 🙂

How Long Must I Wait? Starting Over, 9/14/04

The show opens with Josie stating that today she will reveal the DNA results and who is Chloe’s father. TODAY is a relative term, as we will see.

Then we see Kim asking Jennifer lots of questions about her dad. Jennifer says he was dealing drugs across state lines, weapons were involved and that it was a mandatory life sentence, but later says there is always the slight chance of an appeal. She hasn’t seen him since high school and is resentful that he never apologized to his family. She’s also mad at her mother for not divorcing him. (I’m pretty sure that your kids will also be mad at you if you DO get a divorce, so, either way.)

Meanwhile, Josie has overheard the conversation from the balcony. (Maybe one of the “comfortable” construction features of the house is that it’s a lot easier for the houseguests to spy on each other now?) Anyway, Josie muses that Chloe could grow up to find herself in the same situation, with a father who has betrayed her.

Deborah is on the phone with her friend “Superman”. She requests a special pillow from home. She tells him her roommate does not like her snoring, but she also does not like having to live with another woman all of a sudden. And, she says, “If I get a man, he’ll have to put up with my snoring.”

Sinae meets Vince, a mobility therapist. This is something she had dreaded. She does not want to be introduced to cane or dog because these are tipoffs to strangers that she is disabled. Vince tells her that there are good points to having strangers know she can’t see. Sinae tells Rhonda her eye disease came about because she’s albino. Her goal is going to be to live a productive life.

Jennifer is with Iyanla. Iyanla is so warm and fuzzy and full of wise sayings, I want to choke her. She seems to be channeling Mister Rogers – when she assigns a task, she follows with “can you do that”? She has Jennifer visualize a home in her head and this is where the six-year-old Jennifer lives. Maybe this is where the grown-up Jennifer’s babytalk voice comes from. It gets higher and pout-ier according to the importance of whatever she’s discussing. Think Sybil with all the personalities hollering at once. The tears start to flow, we are seeing some serious emotional work right off the bat here. At this rate they’ll have her graduated in a week. First Iyanla tells Jennifer to get out her journal and write down things that are keeping her from getting what she wants, then switches to the cardboard bricks and has her write on a few of those.

Now Vince and Sinae are practicing stairs. Every once in a while we get a look through a camera lens that seems to be swathed in plastic wrap with a very small center of vision, to simulate what Sinae’s vision might be like.

There is a shot of Deborah exercising at the top of her lungs. By the way, this house has a treadmill outside on a deck overlooking this amazing vista. While Deborah is working out, we see Towanda and Kim discussing how it is not ok that Deborah has asked to use Kim’s perfume and towel.

Iyanla and Jennifer have now gone outside to this really cool scuptural-looking lap pool. There is a pile of cardboard bricks under a blue tarp. This is where I notice what funky clothes Iyanla has on, so she redeems some points in my book. Iyanla leaves her to write more bricks.

Now Vince is showing Sinae how much easier it is if yellow tape is placed on the bottom and top step, and tells her that stairs in public places often have the yellow tape. Sinae approves. “Not too stylish, but pretty helpful.” Then he brings out the cane and she is not thrilled.

A shot of Jennifer and her bricks. One says “my first grade teacher hated me.”

Cut to the loft for a group session. Sinae relates that she liked Vince and that she agrees it’s ok to have a cane and be spotted as sight-impaired instead of trying to hide it and then getting mad at strangers for not noticing. It’s time for her first plasma screen. First picture, her home with a pretty mountain range where she likes to ski. Then we see a picture of her with her best friend from college, the one who was with her on the day her eyesight failed. Then her mother, and Sinae speaks of their unhealthy dependence on each other. People want to know why she went blind and she says it could happen to anyone – no mention here of being albino. Deborah again compares Sinae’s situation to her own widowhood. The others, including Rhonda, see this as trying to turn the topic over to herself, but it could be that Deborah just thinks she’s commisserating. In fact Jennifer does it again by bringing up her mom’s blindness, but that train of thought is encouraged. Sinae shares that both of her parents had been married to other people and there were a lot of stepsiblings on her father’s side. Her dad lived down the street but Sinae says she keeps him in “time out” because she feels like that’s where he kept her. Then she is shown crying really hard and one gets the impression there was a big chunk edited out to get right to the crying. The LC’s point out that everyone in the room has father issues and this will be the topic of “many weeks” of work. The group meeting is adjourned until evening.

Deborah wants to go to Target to buy hand weights but she doesn’t know how to get there. the other women advise her to get driving directions from the computer but Deborah is not comfortable with technology. Sinae offers to help, which Deborah takes to mean “I will do it for you” but which Sinae really means as “I will talk you through it.” Deborah decides it is not important enough to try to learn the computer. Sinae says she is sorry Deborah feels that way, which sends Deborah off into a riff about how she doesn’t want pity. Deborah begins processing this out loud, escalating to the point where Sinae is begging, to no avail, to get a word in edgewise. Finally Deborah decides to “take my SORRRRRY ass outta here.” She goes to bed with a pillow between her knees.

That scene is split by another shot of the pool where Iyanla is building a wall of cardboard bricks around Jennifer. Actually it’s a semicircle so the wall can be higher. They are going to use the bricks to make a list towards Jennifer’s goal to heal and know love.

Sinae retreats to the balcony. Jennifer tells her not to worry, “we love you”. Sinae replies “she loves me too, she just doesn’t know it yet.” Next Deborah is venting to S-man on the phone about how she almost had to accept pity from a blind girl. Between interruptions, he points out that the women are right about the computer. She states that she is functional enough to do what she wants to do. (Except drive to Target?) :shrug:

Back in the loft, Rhonda covers the Josie highlights. The plasma comes up and there’s a picture of the dead grandmother who used to give Josie advice, then her grandparents’ gravestone where she says she visits with Chloe. Then a photo of Chloe with Josie’s mom, who has become a part of her life. Josie relates that because of Starting Over, they are able to express themselves and she was able to convey her resentment and that her mother even apologized for not doing a good job. Then a funny picture of Chloe drooling into the camera. Josie tells the group she didn’t know whether to keep Chloe because she was basing her decision on who the father might be, but after the birth she realized it’s just about herself and Chloe. Then Rhonda asks the big question. Who’s the dad??? Drama. Shots of faces turned up in anticipation. Intense music. End of show. *&^%$$#*!!

Jenga Anyone? – The Benefactor, Episode 1

by aurora

Mark Cuban, self-made billionaire, wants to give away a million dollars. He’s invited America to apply for a shot at his money, hoping for a diverse group of people from all over the country. We get to see him watching tapes submitted by the applicants, including one from Laurel who takes out the garbage in the nude. Mark calls each candidate personally to tell them they’ve been selected for the show, and makes a point to inform them of two things: the game starts the moment they walk into the house, and to expect the unexpected.

The potential benefactors arrive at the mansion in Dallas, which is equipped with oodles of cameras, and Mark will be watching them all the time. Today, Mark is testing for three key parameters of success. One – you don’t get a second chance to make a first impression. Two – whatever expectations you set, you’d better be able to deliver on. And three – you’ve gotta be able to deal with pressure.

The contestants are:

Tiffaney, from McAllen Texas. She’s the National Watermelon Queen.

Mario, from Glendale California. He’s representing the 40-ish, balding, wanting to adopt a child, Hispanics of America.

Grayson, from Portland Oregon. She’s a competitive poker player and wants to play wih Mark. (poker, I mean)

Rich, from Alpharetta Georgia. He’s a Harley-riding florist who will kick your ass if you don’t like his flowers.

Laurel, from Santa Monica California. She thinks her and Mark are kindred spirits. If she gets the money she wants to start a punk band. (Uh, Laurel, punk bands generally start out in someone’s basement with a bunch of teens banging on second or third-hand instruments.)

Spencer, from Atlanta Georgia. Spencer thinks he’s the smartest person in the group. He also looks and speaks remarkably like Jeff Goldblum.

Kathy, from Rochester New York. She’s worried that the show will be about lying and being manipulative.

Kevin, from Dallas Texas. He’s an Oprah-holic.

Shawn, from Hemet California. She thinks she’s adorable, but also sneaky and conniving.

Dominic, from Las Vegas Nevada. He’s a waiter/model and self-professed cool guy. He finds himself giving pointers to other guys about how to do their hair.

William, from Portland Oregon. He says he’s loud, obnoxious, and annoying.

Christine, from Boise Idaho. She doesn’t want to be the pretty, beauty-pageant girl. (good thing Tiffaney showed up!)

Linda, from North Hampton New Hampshire. She’s a pro football player who doesn’t mind cheating and lying a little bit.

Latane, from San Diego California. He’s a risk taker who wants to try everything.

Femia, from Las Vegas Nevada. She says she has the total package – she’s pretty, she’s smart and she’s athletic. She knows she’ll be seen as a threat, but that’s not her problem.

Chris, from Atlanta Georgia. He feels the need to share that he was adopted, but his real parents are the ones who raised him for the last 26 years.

As everyone is arriving, Rich comments that the game is going to be “stupid. But not stupid, stupid, ridiculous.” Mark is watching on the cameras of course, and hollers, “Is that Richard? Says it’s gonna be stupid?” Mark also catches Mario dipping into the snacks without being invited, and comments on Dominic’s choice of conversation topics – the situation in Iraq.

Mark walks in and reminds them that they’re all here to win a million bucks. He then tells him that the game started the minute they walked in the door, and that first impressions are very important. So important, in fact, that he’s going to eliminate someone right now, based on the camera footage he was watching as they all arrived.

Who will it be? Mark singles out Mario for helping himself to the snacks. Mario stammers something about wanting to make everyone feel more comfortable, and Mark likes that he took the initiative. As Mario leaves to change his underpants, Mark points out that Dominic turned a conversation about hair products into something political. Mark likes that too. Then he points to Rich. Rich had the audacity to refer to the game as ‘stupid’. Rich looks like someone shot his dog. He stammers and asks when he called the game stupid, but Mark is firm. Rich is gone. (Thanks a lot Rich, I picked you in the damn pool! Argh.) Rich comments on his way out that he blew it by making a stupid comment.

Back in the mansion, Mark points out that there’s now a 1 in 15 chance for everyone. They all look a bit shell-shocked, but Mark has more in store for them. He’s going to do one-on-one interviews with each person, and based on those interviews two more people will be leaving. He asks for volunteers to go first, and almost everyone raises their hand. This pleases Mark to no end – they’re ready to play.

The goal of the one-on-one interviews is to find out if these people represented themselves accurately in their application videos. Latane is up first, and he and Mark have a nice little chat. Latane admits that he likes the way Kathy and Tiffaney look. Dominic is up next. He says that if he didn’t have his great hair he’s still have a rockin’ body, so he feels blessed. He says that he’s always referred to as the ‘rock star’, and everyone loves a rock star. But he has morals and beliefs. Oh, so he’s a deep rock star. Bleh. Mark is inexplicably impressed with this dude.

Shawn says that she will spend the money on the kids she teaches second grade to. These are inner city kids who don’t even have enough money to buy kites. Mark asks her what the others are saying about her out there. She thinks Dominic thinks she’s an arrogant bitch, which she says she is, but she has a right to be. She’s educated and takes care of her family.

Tiffaney giggles about her Watermelon queen title, and says that it would totally make her day if Mark brought out a bunch of watermelons. She’s very religious and wants to be married with kids. She writes a journal to the husband she hasn’t met yet every night, and thinks that there’s a guy out there who will actually read this one day. She also says that people who sleep around and get drunk and stuff will one day have to tell their husband that they did these things. No honey, you don’t. You don’t have to mention ANY of it!

Spencer thinks he and Mark have a lot in common. The biggest risk that he didn’t take was going into a dot com venture, which would have made him a couple million. Then he says he’s a huge risk-taker and will take any risk.

Laurel meets up with Mark and he says “I didn’t recognize you with your clothes on!” She says she wants to represent 30-somethings everywhere, and do all the wild stuff now. Mark asks her about her electric guitar, and she says she wants to learn to play ‘Back in Black’ by AC/DC. She’s asked to do a few bars with an air guitar, but she’s too embarassed. The same girl who ran outside naked can’t fake air guitar.

Linda tells Mark about a horrific accident where her mother was squished between two cars by a drunk driver and lost her legs. She says she wants to ‘hook her mom up with a leg’ if she wins the money. Privately Mark says that you just can’t help but love Linda.

William considered turning Mark’s offer to be on the show down. He thinks he can make his own million. He thinks the others see him as energetic and fun, and Mario is his biggest competition for the life of the party guy. Mark hasn’t decided whether William cracks him up or annoys the hell out of him.

Grayson plays poker, and thinks her poker skills might come in handy with the game. She’s been unusually quiet this evening, and says that’s because she’s usually with a group of people who aren’t as fabulous as these folks, so she hasn’t had the chance to shine as much as usual.

It’s time for Mark to eliminate someone. Everyone is gathered together looking incredibly nervous. Mark doesn’t mince words or waste time – he immediately calls out Laurel. “You had so much energy in all of the pre-interviews, and I was hoping so much to see that when we sat down face-to-face.” He didn’t, of course, and feels she held back. He says he’s sorry, but she’s just lost her chance at a million dollars. “This girl won’t play air guitar for a shot at a million dollars?” Mark says. “It was inconceivable to me!”

One more person is getting cut, but Mark’s not sure who it will be. He tells everyone he’ll be right back, and goes back to look at everyone’s pictures. He has two of them set aside – William and Grayson. He feels that neither of them lived up to their application personas. William teetered over the the annoying side, while Grayson didn’t show her competitive spirit.

Mark decides to put these two in a situation that is incredibly pressure-filled to duke it out amongst themselves. To decide who stays and who goes, they’re going to play a little game – a game called Jenga. Winner stays, loser gets cut. William quips, “It’s all fun and games until you lose a million dollars!”

The game is set up, and the two are ready to play. Mark says privately that the game takes skill, but more importantly they need to be able to deal with the pressure. Jenga for a million dollars – the game is on. As the game progresses, William constantly eggs Grayson on saying things like, “Oh be careful! It’s gonna fall!”, and “That one’s not gonna work!”. He also dances around making weird gestures. Everyone watching agrees that they’re rooting for Grayson because Willian was so annoying.

The game goes on for quite a long time, and eventually Grayson is stuck. She gently pokes and prods a few pieces to try and find one she can slide out, and the tower starts to lean….and falls. William admits that he tried to act as sorry as he could, but it was indeed an act. Grayson says her goodbyes and leaves the house, expressing regret that she didn’t open up and let Mark see who she really is.

Mark says that William may be one of the most annoying people he’s ever met, but he dealt with the pressure amazingly well and earned the right to stay fair and square.

The rest of the ‘mansion-guests’ get to do their first confessionals. Mario is really funny, saying that the rest of the group are good-looking people, and while he’s on the show he’s going to be good-looking by association. Shawn is already irritated by Tiffaney and her watermelon pajamas. Kevin pats himself on the back for making it this far.

As the show closes, Mark is sitting in the living room with everyone, sharing a beer with them and saying that he wishes he could tell them more about what to expect.

The clips of what’s to come are intriguing – look forward to interesting challenges, in-fighting, accusations, tears, twists, and tons of surprises.

Incidentallly, you can check out Mark Cuban’s blog at – tell him Carrie at RealityShack sent you! 😉

Comments are welcome! Contact me at

Is You Is or Is You Ain't My Daddy -Starting Over 9/13/04

The first shot is of last season’s holdover houseguest Josie with her baby Chloe in the apartment she had been given when the Chicago house was disbanded. The shot is filmed at the end of the first season when Chloe is no more than a few weeks old. Josie narrates that this is the day she will get the results of a DNA test to tell whether her on-again-off-again boyfriend Jonathan is the father of her baby. She is concerned because she has realized that while she would stay by his side no matter what, he will probably leave, if it turns out he is not Chloe’s dad. We hear a phone ringing and the show intro begins.

It’s new! The script is the same but it’s read by “real” voices, not the melodramatic ones of last season. The montage is now of scenes from last season plus one that looks like new life coach Iyanla. There are also shots of L.A. including -yuck- traffic… then the new house, a beauty perched on a cliff. I wonder who will be first to get pitched over the edge!

Next we meet Towanda, tall and long-haired in a slinky black tube-top dress. She gets to the house and is greeted by Amy Harkin from last season. I was happy to see that red hair coming to the door! In confessional, Amy narrates that she will be there at the house to start the women on their new journey of self-discovery. She muses that Towanda seems so polished, so it must be that appearances are not always what they seem. Next Amy shows Towanda to her room, the biggest in the house with all kinds of perks and plushies. Amy narrates that the house is designed in a way to make women feel comfortable, whatever that means… and that there are 2 more bedrooms, one of which is very small, which may lead to some fights.

The next houseguest arrives and it’s Jennifer. I am going to have to get used to her baby-talk speaking style. She’s more plainly dressed in a tee and jeans. She is immediately shown to the middle-sized bedroom.

Then Kim arrives. Kim wears spike heels and a pink tweed ruffled suit. Jennifer narrates that the sight of Kim’s Louis Vuitton bag makes her think Kim must be stuck-up. Right away Kim is shown protesting that the women don’t get to pick their own bedrooms. Amy shows her to the small, closet-challenged 3rd bedroom and Kim does not hesitate to ask to be put in the master bedroom with Towanda. Towanda and Amy come to fetch her for a tour and Kim decides she will try to get Amy’s permission to send Towanda’s roommate to the smallest room and that she, Kim, will offer to do the roommate some favor in exchange.

After the commercial, Kim and Towanda are seen looking for Amy. Kim says that she will just go ahead and move her bags into the bigger room and Amy won’t know. They find Amy, propose the plan, and Amy is firm in her refusal. Amy is shown in confessional observing that Kim seems to be used to asking for -and getting- whatever she wants.

Now we cut to a shot of Josie packing.

Then to Deborah, pronounced “de BOAH rah”. She’s arriving in a pretty blue shorts dress with a matching blue shiny shirt jacket. Right away she is shown proclaiming her pre-menopausal state and warning of nights sweats and ending up nude by morning. Deborah has A LOT of luggage. So of course she is sent to the tiny room with Miss Kim. Perfect. Deborah says her large wardrobe is important to her “mission”. Kim does not look happy and narrates that this is the least likely person she would choose to room with. She wants to show Deborah the bigger bedrooms but Deborah tells her she’d rather see the rest of the house. Kim is still talking about finagling a way into the master bedroom.

Towanda narrates that Deborah is a character and doesn’t think Deborah “is ever gonna be pleased”. Deborah is shown quietly praying for “a house that’s not divided”.

Over lunch, Kim shares with Deborah that she has hot flashes too, but she will not be sleeping naked. Deborah tries to sound good natured but stubborn about trying to be comfortable when she feels hot.

Next shot, Josie looking at her plane tickets.

Then we meet Sinae (pronounced sin- NAY) a blonde with coke bottle glasses. Sinae is also in a tee and jeans. She is in confessional, wondering aloud whether this will be the kind of house where women will be willing to help her with things. She giggles that meeting Kim was like “legally blonde in the middle of the house”. Then you see her being given a tour, with Kim pointing out, still incredulous, that she has the smallest bedroom.

Next Amy doles out grocery money. $500.00 to be split among them. That’s a lot of Edamame! She holds up the van keys and tells them to be back at six to meet the Life Coaches. Sinae takes this opportunity to reveal the big issue she wants everyone to know about her, and asks who will be allowed to drive. Amy responds that anyone with a license can drive the van. Sinae coyly states that she has a driver’s license but will not be driving. The other woman are curious, except Deborah who says they should not bother Sinae if she is shy. But Sinae wants the others to know: she is blind. Deborah thinks this is cool and waves a hand in front of Sinae, who clarifies that she has 20/200 vision because of something that happened last December. Jennifer shares that her mother is legally blind. Deborah compares Sinae’s plight to her own life when her husband died. So we get some early insights and there is a little cheerleading.

Amy brings the conversation back to the subject at hand and asks if there is anything else. Deborah tells her that Kim does not want to room with her because Deborah snores. Amy once again affirms that they will have to find a way to make it work. She leaves and the woman get to work dividing their grocery money.

Next we see the ladies in the van (all taillights operational as of this episode). The van is shown grazing a curb. Deborah is driving. She asks the ladies if they want to share their stories and all say no, we have to wait for six o’clock. Then she and Jennifer are shown several times bickering and being snide to each other. Jennifer narrates that Deborah is driving her crazy. Deborah is shown in confessional acknowledging that they both have strong personalities and that there can only be one leader and one lead-ee.

In the grocery store, Deborah decides to shop separately and the others use the opportunity to whisper about her. Jennifer jokes they should buy alcohol because Deborah might drive them to drink. Sinae narrates that Deborah should be trying harder to be part of the group.

After the five roomies eat dinner we see Josie and Chloe being picked up at the airport.

Then Kim is on the phone with her husband, complaining about the crappy room, her roommate and having to go where she was told to go. Her husband tells her that maybe this is the point. The conversation is interspersed with shots of Deborah exercising with wild abandon. Then Deborah is shown flopped out on the couch, eating and listening to music on headphones and we see Kim glaring down at her from the balcony.

Next it’s Josie cooing to Chloe in the backseat of the car.

Then back to the house where the roomies are gathered, and the Life Coaches make their entrance. Towanda narrates that she was shocked to see Iyanla (pronounce YAN-la), whose self-help books she already owns. Rhonda introduces herself and puts in a plug for Iyanla, who has the hypnotic voice and poetic speech pattern of Maya Angelou. Rhonda goes over the house rules and the exit criteria – you can graduate, you can be asked to leave if you’re hurting yourself or others, you can bail out if you promise to talk to the LC’s first.

Now Josie makes her entrance with Chloe who is suddenly a lot older! Kim is gleeful because she had predicted Josie would be the 6th houseguest. Deborah immediately goes for Chloe but for some odd reason, Chloe is still in her car seat on Deborah’s lap. Later she is out of the car seat and being held by Towanda.

Jennifer has clearly seen the first season. She narrates that she won’t make a specific accusation but has her own opinion about how children should be raised (at the ripe old age of 21!) and won’t hesitate to speak up.

Iyanla shows the women their group meeting space in the loft. It’s to be sacred and nobody should go there without permission. Kim can’t hold it in any longer, she needs to know why the houseguests can’t choose their own rooms. There is funny background music.
Iyanla: What room would you have chosen?
Kim: The master bedroom.
Iyanla: And put who in the smaller room?
Kim: I don’t know. I was thinking we could all work that out by ourselves.
Iyanla proceeds to call Kim on putting her own desires before others. Kim retorts that it’s really about being in control of where you go et cetera, and Iyanla seems to hint that she does not disagree, and that this is exactly what Kim will be working on.

After the commercial, we have time for one story. Jennifer is first. Only two pictures, her little sister whom she says she does not love, and her mother with whom there is also not a real relationship. The self portrait is a stick-girl with descriptive words, some of them unflattering, all around her. She shares that her dad is in prison and her mom has Multiple Sclerosis. Iyanla grabs her and swears her undying, unconditional love and support. I personally find these promises a bit insincere coming from someone I have just met, but Jennifer seems content with it. Kim is crying because she sees her own life reflected in Jennifer’s sadness. Iyanla tells Kim it’s ok to know that you can feel bad and recover and it’s not fatal.

The preview has a glimpse of the Chicago house, for nostalgia’s sake I suppose. There is also a hint that we will get the answer tomorrow on who Chloe’s dad is!

Comments are welcome! If you have something to say, or want to write to us, email

GUG – Episode 6 — Let me COUNT the ways

Growing Up Gotti is like a sitcom, one of the better ones I’ve seen recently. Tonight’s episode centered around Mama Victoria’s dinner party. She wants to impress her boss at [b]STAR[/b] Magazine by serving him a meal fit for a king (or a don).

Her famous ‘last words’ are, ‘I hope everything will go smoothly!’ When does anything at [b]Casa Gotti[/b] go smoothly, hah?

Victoria figures a dinner party on Thursday night. As she says, “dinner is the most important meal of the day.” She recalls that her dad used to say that his ‘best business was done over a plate of cavatelli.’ My mother, who was born in Italy, would have to agree. That stuff is the shizz-nit. With a little [b]pomodoro[/b] (tomato) sauce and some cheese, you’ve got heaven on a plate.

Great! Now I’m hungry. Where was I?

Victoria figures she’ll make some Gotti Beef Wellington. How’s that for an Italian meal?!?

We cut immediately to the day of the party. Victoria has a major marathon meeting at work. She entrusts the dishes, glasses and grocery shopping to her assistant, Jen, and Jeff. Jeff is her driver, but I’m not sure if I’d want him operating heavy machinery. He’s out there.

In the morning, Victoria takes Jeff to the grocery store and orders a bunch of stuff for later. Jeff is supposed to complete her order so she can head off to work and get the glasses and dishes SHE TOLD HIM TO.

Well, fifteen phone calls to Victoria later, Jen still can’t get a straight answer out of Jeff. He keeps insisting that Victoria told him [i]nada[/i]. After Victoria is interrupted several times in her meeting and has pissed off the boss she’s trying to impress, she gets medieval with Jen and Jeff.

Meanwhile, Luigi the (not-so) handyman is working around the house. I think he’s got a great marketing plan. He’ll break everything so he’ll always have work. I had a mechanic like that once. If I tell you what I did to him…well…I’d have to…

Luigi is worse than Cliff Huxtable and my dad combined. That’s really a huge insult. Trust me. First off, Frankie asks him to help him put up a basketball hoop. Luigi gets all flustered. Prior to that, he was mucking something else up. John and Frank watch incredously as Luigi makes a mess of the hoop. It’s not pretty. Frank will be in college by the time Luigi builds the thing.

Meanwhile, Jeff and Jen are arguing. Jen is way too hard on Jeff because she ain’t no Mensa member herself. I swear she’s gotta ask Victoria before she makes any move. Victoria needs an assistant to handle her assistant, it seems. Jen’s nice and cute and young, but seems a little out of her league.

Jeff and Jen finally go to the mall, but it’s the wrong one. There’s no MIKASA there. Jeff still insists he doesn’t know which glasses to get. It’s almost 6pm and the party starts in less than 1 1/2 hours. Victoria’s getting frantic.

On top of that, her asparagus is lost. She only has about 1 lb. when she ordered 3. Jeff swears he doesn’t know what happened to it. Where’s Mr. Trump to say “you’re fired”?

Then, Frankie locks himself out of his room. Victoria’s like, I can’t deal with this, ask Luigi. YES LUIGI.

Luigi hacks a huge chunk off the door. He is sooooooooo getting me to call him next time I need a repair. Yeah, right!

The party is starting and Victoria’s still not dressed. A guest arrives (it’s the Private Investigator — Bill Stanton, I think was his name) in his sports car. Frankie decides to play valet and tries to drive off. Nice for a 14 year old.

Speaking of driving, celebrity publicist, Lizzie Grubman was there. (Remember she got into some hot water for running down people in her SUV a while back). What a random bunch Victoria hangs with!

Also in attendance are Victoria’s friends, a New York club comic, “GOOMBA” Jonny, Bonnie Fuller, the head of the STAR magazine and Victoria’s boss, Joe.

Don’t forget the ‘guest of honor’ — Count Luigi DeMarco from Rome. Yeah! Victoria gets the brilliant idea of classing up her handyman by making him a count.

Dinner goes off okay except that Victoria’s boss, who she was so desperately trying to impress, doesn’t eat meat. (Remember – her main dish was Beef Wellington!) Frankie and a friend also take off in the PI’s sports car again. The PI, who’s oh-so-very-observant, eventually notices them and freaks out, chasing after the boys.

Victoria is pissed at Frankie. At least Jeff thought it was funny. Jeff was now wearing a tux and pouring wine for Victoria’s guests.

Finally, the bosses leave and then…”Count” Luigi and the PI start doing Vodka shots. At one point, the PI says something to Luigi that doesn’t sit right with ‘his countliness’. He challenges the guy to a ‘duel to the death’.
Now, we’re talking.

He says they can use guns, knives or SWORDS (with the “W” not silent!). Everyone laughs and that upset Luigi more. He takes off to throw up in the bathroom. Afterwards, he goes back out to finish the basketball hoop in the dark with a huge bottle of wine.

Who knows, maybe he works better drunk and in the dark?

I can’t wait ’til next week.

—I can’t make this stuff up. Email me at if you want to talk about Growing Up Gotti.

Interview with Dave Mordal of Last Comic Standing

Dave, thanks for agreeing to this interview. I appreciate your taking time out of your hectic touring and television schedule to “talk” with me.

I’ve been trying to do some research on you to prepare for this interview. I have to say, you are a hard man to find information on. For an entertainer you’re awfully ‘private’. Would you like to discuss that a little bit?

Just like my privacy.

You grew up in Minnesota and, from my understanding, still live there. What’s Minnesota like and how come you
Choose to remain there instead of heading out to Los Angeles or New York?

Minnesota is a very quiet state, and that’s why I like it here.

I’m not a fan of lots of people living in the same area so I’d never live in New York or LA.

How did your background as a Marine prepare you for your career in standup comedy? What made you decide to become a comic?

The marines didn’t prepare me much since I was already 25 years old when I went in. As far as comedy, I just started at an open mic and it went well enough that I could quit my day job.

In Season One, a lot of time was devoted to the special friendship that you and Rich Vos share. How long have you been friends? Tell me a bit more about the dynamic between you and Vos.

I met him on the set of Last Comic Standing and we laugh at the same things.

If someone saw you on Last Comic Standing and decided to check out your show, would they be surprised by the difference in your act? In what ways is it different? What can people expect if they attend a Dave Mordal showcase?

I’m a dirty comic in person. Don’t bring your kids.

From what I’ve seen and read about you (which doesn’t make me an expert by any means), it seems that you are very outspoken. So, I wonder, which contemporary comics do you like the best?

I like George carlin.

In what ways has Last Comic Standing helped your career, if any?

It helped immensely. Now, I get more money and more club dates.

Were you terribly disappointed with the outcome of Season One? Season Two? Why or why not?

I wasn’t disappointed at all. Me losing made good TV. I didn’t watch season two

What made you decide to do the first season? Why did you return for the Best of the Best Challenge?


Are there any Dave Mordal CDs or videos that my readers can buy in case they want to ‘take a piece of Dave home with them’? Where can they get them?

No CD’s.

Dave, I was dared to ask this question, and well, I have yet to turn down a dare. You’re not exactly an image comic. Who does your hair? Your clothing?

Anyone who’s near by.

What sorts of advice would you give to aspiring comics out there?

My advice is – don’t take advice from other comics.

Is there anything else you’d like to cover for my readers that I may have missed?

No. That ‘bout covers it.

Check Dave out on Last Comic Standing 3, Tuesdays @ 8pm EST/7pm CST on NBC. For tour dates, check out his web site:

Got questions? Email me at

Date Night – Surreal Life 3, Episode 2

by LauraBelle

In this early stage of the Surreal Life season, it’s not clear whether tonight’s “Date Night” theme was designed to pair couples up or drive a further wedge between them. One thing is clear though – two are looking for anyone to be a couple with, two have a big wedge between them and everyone else, and two are there purely for the experience.

The first full morning in the Surreal Life house finds Dave Coulier on the treadmill, starting his day off right. Bridgette Nielsen is cooking breakfast, and Flavor Flav is sitting on the counter flirting with her. He tells her that he is going to fall in love with her. He feels they get along because he is the only one that can cut through her crap. This seems mixed up to me; I think Flavor Flav is the only one that doesn’t understand Bridgette for who she really is.

After breakfast Flavor Flav and Bridgette find themselves alone in the pool. As she lays on top of him he tells her he’s “got the present.” She retaliates with, “Yeah, I feel it.” Later, wearing his viking hat and talking about his pool-time with Bridgette, Flavor Flav says he felt his horns growing. Being that he was without the horned viking hat in the pool, I am pretty sure I know the horn he is referring to.

Ryan Starr decides she wants to have some pool-time too, but instead of walking out there, taking her chances swimming with whoever happens to be out there, or asking a housemate to join her, Ryan calls her friend, Hailey, and asks her if she would like to come to the Surreal Life house for a swim.

The first thing Ryan shows her friend, Hailey, in the Surreal Life house is a sleeping Jordan Knight. They talk about jumping on him to wake him, but decide against it. Jordan’s idea from last week of placing stacked boxes in the doorway to keep his housemates out has failed to deter the two girls.

Arriving poolside, Ryan and Hailey are stopped in their tracks to find Flavor Flav and Bridgette quite close in the pool. Ryan decides she would rather give them their privacy as she doesn’t know what they are doing in there. Flavor Flav and Bridgette exit the pool, and he decides to mess with Ryan a little, as he thinks Ryan’s head is too big. He teases her that they aren’t done in the pool, and that when they are, he won’t tell her. Finally he owns up to the truth, that they are in fact done, and Ryan and Hailey get their chance in the pool. They are still a little disgusted, though, not knowing exactly what Flavor Flav and Bridgette had done in there.

Dave and Bridgette find an invitation stating that tonight will be “Date Night.” Charo will be at a table in the living room, Bridgette will be at a table with a nice view, and Ryan will be poolside. The guys will play round-robin and take turns visiting the three women one at a time.

Seeing that the invite says to dress nicely, and noting that he didn’t bring anything nice to wear, Jordan asks Dave, “What are we supposed to do, wear a suit?” Dave, of course, did bring a suit. Somehow Dave seems to have brought his whole house. Last week we found he brought a sound machine, binoculars, flashlight and a harmonica. He appears ready for anything.

Flavor Flav gets ready by brushing his gold teeth, and says he’ll go conservative and not wear any hats tonight. Bridgette doesn’t need to do anything to get ready. This will be so much easier for her than before her first date with Sylvester Stallone. Asking him out for a date, not having ever met him, she sent him a nude picture of herself. She has already paraded naked around the Surreal Life house, so she can skip that step in her date plan.

Jordan arrives at Charo’s table in the Living Room. They exchange a little banter, and she tells him she has met the pope. He seems taken aback at the whole Charo experience. He was either not born yet or a small child during the Love Boat days, so he obviously just doesn’t get the whole Charo thing.

Dave brings Bridgette a flower, and she seems very touched. Dave is upset that she explains all her odd behavior away by saying she is European. He thinks there are quite a few Europeans in this country that don’t spend their days drinking Jack Daniels and walking around naked. Bridgette thinks Dave is spoiled and needs a couple of slaps.

The worst pairing of the night pits Ryan and Flavor Flav together. He says he least connects with her. In a very odd way to connect, he asks her if she is gay, and she replies no. He then follows by asking if she is a virgin. She tells him this is none of his business. I don’t know what Flavor Flav was thinking, but this certainly won’t make him connect with Ryan.

Dave arrives at Ryan’s table next, and brings her a flower as well. She says there is nothing there for her and Dave; she sees him as more of a father figure. As he is talking to her, Ryan yawns and Dave laughs, telling her he knows this must be an engaging conversation for her.

Flavor Flav comes to Charo’s table, and he ends up thinking she is just a nut. It’s not that I don’t see it, but I can’t fathom why he thinks Charo is a nut, and sees Bridgette as normal.

At Bridgette’s table she asks Jordan if he would consider kissing her. He says he could, but can’t because he has a girlfriend. She doesn’t understand why this poses a problem, adding she has a boyfriend.

Jordan moves on to Ryan’s table and is happy because he thinks she is hot. She addresses him as, “Dog” and he is upset at that. He asks if he didn’t have a girlfriend, would Ryan be attracted to him. She tells Jordan probably not. He then asks what if he was twenty-five? She tells him she might. He appears insulted, and trying to make it better, she tells him, “It’s not that you’re ugly.” I think that’s just what every ex-teen idol wants to hear.

Flavor Flav and Bridgette are together, and they seem to only get closer. He tells her he is her true friend, as they snuggle in a blanket.

Charo loves the flower Dave brought her, and says sometimes little things like that mean more than jewelry. Dave is having a hard time understanding her, and says it’s just like a bunch of crazy words all jumbled together.

When all the dates are finished, everyone thanks each other, and Charo adds this was the best night so far in the house. Flavor Flav makes a toast, and says all of them are the best of friends. I’m pretty sure Ryan disagrees.

At eleven o-clock that night everyone is trying to sleep, except for Flavor Flav and Jordan who are playing pool, quite loudly. Ryan goes out to confront Flavor Flav, telling him that her and Charo are trying to sleep, and playing pool at this time just isn’t a good idea. She tells him when he’s sleeping, she’ll be rude and play pool. Not getting it at all, Flavor Flav tells her he’s not trying to sleep. “But we are!” she retorts. Later, she says she cannot wait to get him out of her life. Yeah, the best of friends.

The game over, Jordan realizes he’ll never have a chance with Ryan if he keeps her up all night, and tells Flavor Flav he’s done. Flavor Flav gives up as well, and climbs into bed. Bridgette gets tired of sleeping in the Living Room bed with its plastic, sticky sheets and climbs into Flavor Flav’s twin bed with him. He is overjoyed when she undresses under the covers, and asks, “What am I going to do with this?” Apparently he finds something to do, as she tells him, “Don’t do that with the teeth.”

I think Flavor Flav and Bridgette would have hooked up with anyone that was willing. They seem an unlikely pair, yet also seem to be made for each other. Ryan and Jordan don’t seem to want to be friendly with anyone, except when Jordan wants to feed his ex-teen idol ego, and it makes me wonder what they thought they would find here in a house of six celebrity strangers. Dave and Charo seem to understand all the houseguests the most, and seem most willing just to enjoy the experience of the house.

I welcome all questions and comments at

Welcome to the Islands of Fire!!

Dear Survivor Fans,

Welcome to reality shack, and welcome to the ninth edition of the reality show that started it all: Survivor. Yes, so you may argue that it was Real World, but who will actually admit that they watch MTV?

On reality shack, you find wonderful recaps to every episode of virtually every reality show of interest. There will be someone else doing just that for Survivor, so what exactly am I doing here? Well after you read that wonderful episode recap, and are filled in on what happened while you were tucking in the kiddies, or getting that bag of popcorn out of the microwave, or what that person heard while eavesdropping when you were so rudely interupted by a phone call, then you bring up my article where I’ll discuss potential pros and cons of strategies and alliances that have been taking place. As much as possible I’ll try to leave my personal opinions of the people out of it, and just focus on how their playing the game. For example, I really don’t like Rob, the real winner of Survivor All Stars, but I have to admit he played the game very well…even if it was partly due to the naivety of the other competitors.

I’m a new writer for reality shack, so bear with me if there’s any errors in posting. The staff here seems very competent, so I’m sure they will fix up anything I break fairly quickly. I’ve been a Survivor fan since day one, and am very familiar with the sort of things that have worked in the past, and perhaps more importantly the sort of things that have not. I live currently in Wisconsin, and so television has become one of my better friends, and Survivor is the one show I’ll cancel appointments for. Take my comments with a grain of salt, as I’m sure they will be sprinkled with sarcasm, some subtle, some not so much. If you agree/disagree with me, I encourage you to write. I’ll be happy to use your comments in my articles, and show everyone the error of your ways. In the interest of full disclosure, I will admit that I have a personal connection to one of this season’s Survivors. I have been told nothing however, so don’t expect any spoilers from me, I’ve never liked them as a fan, and I don’t have any to share with you even if I wanted to.

If you’re reading this, then you’re probably enough of a fan that you’ve already read the players’ bios, watched their videos, seen the promos, perhaps even researched weather patterns in Vanuatu. But for those who haven’t, here’s a VERY brief run down on the upcoming players. I’ll get into more detail of my opinions on them once we’ve all seen them in action for an episode…..

Survivor Vanuatu will be the first non-All Star season with 18 competitors. They are starting the season with two tribes of 9, reusing the Amazon male vs female beginning. There have been several hints from CBS et al about this season containing more twists and turns than any before. Part of their big promotion of Vanuatu is that on those islands the dead play as much a part of life as do the living. Will we see another challenge with previously ousted players? They’ve also been hinting a little that perhaps we’ll somehow see Rupert on the season one way or another. So, will we see another puppet master this year, or perhaps just a really good liar, or better yet a bad one? When will we see the merge..or will it be merges? Will an alliance make it start to finish, or will we see last minute deals and back stabbing? Any way it goes, I’m looking forward to one of the best seasons ever.

Thanks for taking your time with me….Andy

It's the Final Four! – Big Brother, Sept. 11

[i]by atarus[/i]

We start off seeing Karen leave the house. Cowboy tells us that his heart leapt for joy since he has now survived three times on the block. Yeah, well, Marvin survived three times, but not four. We’ll see how you do. Diane makes up excuses, saying she didn’t backdoor Karen, that she didn’t tell the “complete truth.” Nakomis feels she was more surprised than Karen was, and Diane said that she never said that she wasn’t voting for Karen, all she said was unanimous. (You can hear the eyes of America rolling at that statement.) Diane makes a case to the remaining three, saying the Jury isn’t going to want to give her the money.

Drew wins HOH, and he says he’s on top of the world now that he’s guaranteed final 3. Cowboy was frustrated and pouty that Drew didn’t give him the HOH. Drew said he couldn’t live with himself if he had given CB the HOH and then gotten evicted. Drew gets stuff from home, a Counting Crows CD (Where Cowboy remarks that he was wishing for Toby Keith) and a plant that Nakomis names Piedmont. ….And oh, it’s a fake plant, too.

On another note, Diane thinks she’s getting fat. Uh-huuuuuh. Riiiiight. Nakomis says “she’s gone from a 0 to a 1, ooh!” Drew remarks that she’s got “a little growthage, but I won’t hold it against her.” Cowboy says that he’s tired of the girls complaining about their weight and then grabbing a bag of chips. We are then treated to Drew saying that he wants him, Cowboy, and Diane in the final 3, and Cowboy says that they have some work ahead of them to make sure that Nakomis gets out.

We now have a miniature table! They are amazed that Drew and Diane, the couple, and Nakomis and Michael, brother and sister, made the final 4. It’s no surprise to Nakomis that the four youngest players made the final 4, and Drew and Cowboy are proud that two of the horsemen have made it this far.

It’s time for steak-cooking! And Cowboy is not the chef he thinks he is. They have these New York strip steaks, and Cowboy completely ruins them. Drew says they’re “5 pieces of roadkill” and Nakomis wants hers medium rare, but she isn’t getting that at all. And then the houseguests enjoy their chewy steaks. Diane and Drew talk about the upcoming nomination ceremony and eviction, and Diane says that she’s volunteered to go up on the block, but she’ll be very angry if the plan backfires and she is evicted.

Now the houseguests are trashing each other’s clothes. Diane hates Drew’s Goonies shirt (I like the Goonies. 🙁 ) and Nak’s black pipe jeans. Drew says Nakomis has “alternative weird clothing” and Nakomis is annoyed with Diane’s orange fuzzy pants. And of course, nobody likes Jase’s yellow shirt that Cowboy fondly wears in rememberance.

So of course, in the luxury competition, they have to get rid of clothes. Drew goes outside and sees “the flame from hell.” It’s time for Trashin’ the Fashion, where houseguests spin a wheel to destroy others’ articles of clothing. Nakomis is first, goes “dunky dunky!” and slings something out of the house. Nobody likes Diane’s “Good Girls Finish Last” shirt and that is trashed heartily. Nak’s pants go flying, and Cowboy takes out Diane’s only Texas shirt because of a rivalry. Diane laughs and deep fries Drew’s Goonies shirt, because an ex-girlfriend gave it to him. After it’s all done, the people can strip down for extra seconds. Nakomis decides not to, but the others do. Diane (and millions of teenage girls worldwide…and probably most older women too…*shakes fist at Drew*) whistle as Drew gets down to his boxers, and then the same millions nearly puke as Cowboy does the same. Then Drew and Cowboy get all excited to see Diane in her underpants, but sadly for them, she’s wearing shorts, but we do get to see her red bra.

Then the houseguests go on their shopping spree and get as many clothes as they can. We see the four of them piling clothes onto themselves, getting as much as they can. With seconds to spare they waddle out of the house with their new digs. Cowboy tells his fiancee to “make room for some Western stuff.” Drew is “totally pumped” that he has these new clothes that would be really expensive otherwise.

And now for a public service announcement:

In a confessional, I see that Nakomis grabbed a Foamy the Squirrel T-Shirt. She is officially the best reality TV contestant female ever. Nakomis, if you read this, if you ever want to e-mail me or anything, please do! My e-mail is, and if you e-mail me I’ll love you forever. You’re awesome. <3 Anyway, back to the recap. Diane gets up in the middle of the night to go pee. Cowboy and Drew decide to play a prank on Diane and Cowboy gets in bed and Drew hides. It's completely dark, and Diane comes back and gets in bed with Cowboy. After a few seconds, the jumps up and Cowboy and Drew start giggling. I must admit, this was pretty funny, I was actually laughing at them. Diane just says she's glad she didn't try to kiss Cowboy. We are then treated to a weird exchange between Drew and Diane, about how he couldn't sleep because he was worried that him and Diane might be related. It was very weird, and kinda confusing. It's nomination time! Diane says there's a plan, and she's taking a risk. Drew says he couldn't have picked a better final 4 (Scott and Jase must be rolling in their graves at that one) and his decision is really tough. The nomination ceremony occurs, and to nobody's surprise, Nakomis and Diane are up. Nak put Drew up last week, so turnabout is fair play (he doesn't mention that he put her up the week before though....lots of turningaboutness, huh?). He tells Diane, this is obviously where personal and game separates, the two of them have been close since early on. Diane really wants Cowboy to win the Veto. Cowboy says if the girls use the Veto, he could be gone. Drew says he has to win Veto to make the plan go smoothly. Who will win? Well we'll find out soon enough. Here's to hoping Nakomis can scoot by to the final 3, but if not, hey, I've been expecting it ever since I started rooting for her, Karen, Marvin, and Will. Never in the history of Big Brother has may favorite even made final 3....Marcellas and Jee both got ousted at final 5. Nakomis made it one place further....maybe next season, somebody I've been rooting for the entire time will make it to the final 2. Anyway, my e-mail in if you have any thoughts. Toodles!

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