Category Archives: Archive

It's a Freakin' Winnebago! – The Surreal Life 3, Episode 4

by LauraBelle

In The Surreal Life 2, Tammy Faye Messner was exposed as being a sweet, motherly down-to-earth woman; none of those things being expected from her previous persona of overly done-up TV evangelist. By the end of The Surreal Life 2, we had discovered her to be a great person. Her housemates did as well when they watched her promote her book, and talked about being a survivor. Perhaps The Surreal Life 3 will do the same for Charo and Dave Coulier, as I am beginning to see them completely differently now than when I watched them on Love Boat and Full House.

As the show opens, we find Flavor Flav and Bridgette Nielsen discussing a stint Flavor Flav has done in jail. She wrongfully assumes his conviction was because of drugs. When he tells her no, she asks what could be the reason for the jail time, “murder or something?” He replies he had a bunch of tickets from having over sixty-seven driving suspensions. You would think a person would learn after having ten to twenty, but not Flavor Flav.

Charo brings in the Surreal Times, and it reveals that night Charo will be performing in Las Vegas, and the rest of the housemates will be there to watch her show. She is initially upset at the paper referring to her as “world-renowned,” as she thought it was something negative. Charo will leave first to get everything set up for her show, and the others will follow, driving themselves, and all will be spending the night. Road trip!

Charo is excited her new friends will see her perform, they don’t know how serious she can be when she performs on stage. You mean the Love Boat wasn’t serious? She drags a gigantic suitcase out, and proclaims, “I pack so many things!”

Flavor Flav reports that he wants to drive, and Bridgette’s eyes about pop out of her head, remembering his sixty-seven driving suspensions. When they walk outside to embark on their road trip, the five remaining housemates find a “freaking Winnebago!” Dave will drive the first hour, and the viking hat-wearing Flavor Flav the second. I am thinking I would run myself off the road if I looked in the RV traveling in the lane next to me, and saw Dave Coulier, Flavor Flav, Jordan Knight, Bridgette Nielsen, and Ryan Starr.

Bridgette and Jordan sleep, to no one’s surprise, while Dave is driving, and Flavor Flav announces he likes driving, as he used to be a school bus driver. Then then adds he learned to drive while stealing cars. I am wondering if that’s when he received his sixty-seven driving suspensions, and consequently paid a debt to society. As Dave’s driving hour nears an end, he is making no effort to relinquish the controls to Flavor Flav, who decides to not say anything out of respect but considers Dave to be a “driving hog.”

As the Winnebago arrives at their hotel in Las Vegas, they find it is booked up, and only one High Roller suite remains. They will need to have a gambling contest, girls vs. guys, for squatters’ rights. Each team will be given money to gamble with for one hour. Whoever has more at the end of the hour will sleep in the suite; the other team will spend the night in the Winnebago.

Bridgette and Ryan’s strategy is to let the people that look like they must be high rollers place the bets for them, thinking that’s their best chance. The men split their money among them, and Flav Flav loses his right away at the roulette table. When the hour is up and the money is counted, $52 remains for the women, and $385 for the men. Ryan and Bridgette will spend their evening in the Winnebago.

Wanting more comforts than the RV will provide, Ryan makes the hotel management an offer. She will sing and Bridgette will dance, if they are given a room for free. Management decide to take her up on it. If the management had ever seen Bridgette dance, they wouldn’t decide this way.

The men are in the one bedroom High Rollers suite trying to decide on sleeping arrangements. Dave decides immediately it will be walk-in closet time for him again. Not having boxes to stack up to keep others out has Jordan freaked. Dave asks Flavor Flav if he wants anything from Room Service, and Flavor Flavor orders “a bowl of women with ketchup.” I suppose this is supposed to be funny, but I don’t get it. Sounds like something my eleven-year-old son and his friends with their burgeoning hormones might say. Fittingly, the men begin doing Three Stooges jokes. Put any three men in a room and …

Meanwhile, Ryan is too busy gambling to think about performing later for her room and board. She isn’t even worried about missing Charo’s performance, as she’s having too much of a good time. The Three Stooges make it to Charo’s show, but Bridgette and Ryan are missing. Ryan is still gambling, and Bridgette is just too busy getting ready to notice the time. While Charo notices their absence and is upset, Dave is embarrassed and feels it is quite disrespectful.

Once they arrive, everyone is in awe during the show. Flavor Flav thinks “she’s the bomb.” Dave says the show is outstanding, and that Charo is a “virtuoso on guitar.” Jordan think her timing is “immaculate,” and Ryan is “blown away,” adding it may sound crazy, but she thought she might actually start crying. I think even Simon Cowell would have been in awe. Bridgette is just in awe of one of Charo’s backup singers, thinking he is hot. I think Love Boat possibly cheated Charo out of some credit she rightfully deserved. It makes me wonder why she waited thirty years to begin to repair her image, as she says performing is her life.

Bridgette uses the opportunity to ask after the show to be introduced to the backup singer, and finds his name to be Enrique. He and Bridgette are soon making out in the casino. Flavor Flav is shocked at her behavior, and the others are trying to decide on sleeping arrangements between the two rooms and the RV. Jordan finally decides he will only get the solitude he needs in the RV. Go ahead, Jordan, but you won’t be getting Room Service to bring you a bowl of women with ketchup in there, and besides you’re splitting up the Three Stooges.

Bridgette sneaks out to try to have a rendezvous with Enrique without the cameras. The crew bust them together behind a truck. Flavor Flav feels bad, but knows he’ll have a better day tomorrow as he gets to drive home. It remains to be seen whether Dave and Bridgette will let him, and whether Ryan will get in trouble for backing out on her deal.

Bridgette and Ryan have certainly shown their true colors, and Flavor Flav and Jordan have only continued to tow the line. But Dave and Charo continue to impress. How different would their careers have been without Full House and Love Boat? Perhaps they never would have found stardom at all; perhaps they would be more respected.

I welcome all questions and comments at LB53064@yahoo.com

How Ya Like Me Now? – Starting Over, 9/23/04

thurs 9/23

The show opens with the remaining 5 housemates in the loft. The life coaches arrives and the discussion is about Deborah. The women seem confused that she left, after having such a good time the night before. They thought she was crying wolf again. (We’ll never know if she was really crying wolf, I feel like she did intend to leave til they all begged her to stay) Kim wants to be reassured that she isn’t coming back, then wonders if it’s her fault. Iyanla observes that Deborah leaving reminds everyone of their fathers abandoning them. Rhonda lectures the group that it’s not just Deborah’s loss that she left – it also hurts the rest of them because they lose an opportunity to to face fears about that type of person, learning to love, support and see people we have judgments against. She reminds the group we all test others to see if they are worth loving. This gets Kim to crying and she says she wishes she could just be herself, not all good or all bad. This launches Rhonda into a babytalk riff. (What is it in this house!) Twice she asks the group “Ya wanna know a secret?” then proceeds to state something obvious. :roll:

Later Sinae meets with Rhonda one on one to talk about Matt, her ex boyfriend. She doesn’t see him, she says, because her parents disapprove of interracial relationships. Rhonda asks her to invite him to visit the next weekend and Sinae calls him at home. His dad answers and tells her Matt’s at work, so she thanks him and hangs up.

Josie tells Dr. Stan her story. She is the child of hippies who didn’t care about close relationships. Her last memory of her parents together is at age 5. She was alone with her dog in their home behind the pub her mother owned. Her mother was tending bar, drunk. Her father was there, also drunk. They argued and dad came stomping into the apartment. Mom followed her in and they fought some more. He beat her up and she told Josie to run away. Josie went outdoors with the dog, but didn’t know where she was supposed to go from there. Dr. Stan asks, now that you’re a mother, can you picture Chloe walking in on a scene like that, four years from now? Josie tells him it won’t happen because she loves Chloe and will fight for her like her grandmother fought for Josie. Dr. Katz reminds Josie that she hasn’t done the things she would need to do, like establish a relationship before getting pregnant, earn money or finish school. Dr. Stan narrates that Josie needs a career in order to be able to support Chloe emotionally and financially.

Sinae’s trying to reach Matt again. His mom tells her he’s asleep. Sinae tells the mom he’s invited to come to the house for a weekend and the mom promises to pass along the message.

Iyanla has had Jen make a necklace of cards with all of the words from her brick wall. Jen doesn’t want to wear it but Iyanla reminds her she already wears those things every day. Jen says “I don’t know what I am without all of this.”

Iyanla and Kim meet one on one. They calculate that Kim has ten important broken relationships: the church, her father, sister, 3 friends, stepmother and 4 stepchildren. Kim admits she feels she must be pushing people away because she is the common denominator. Iyanla has her pick out her strongest relationship – her mother; a shaky one – her father; and a broken one – one of her ex friends. Iyanla tells Kim she will have to ask these people how she looks to them. Kim is uncomfortable because she doesn’t take criticism well. It makes her feel broken, bad, unworthy. Her assignment is to call these 3 people and get them to tell her what they like and dislike about her. Later she and Iyanla meet again and discuss the results. The friend was not there. Mom said she liked how her daughter dresses and that she shares her children. A hurtful thing was just whenever she would be bad as a teen. Kim’s dad says it hurts that she challenges their relationship by putting up walls and nursing her grudge over her parents’ divorce. Hw would also like to receive small personal gifts at birthdays and Christmas. He likes that she has a nice personality and is good to his granddaughters, and he cries as he tells her she will always be his little girl. He has the same positive memory she does, about feeding her when she was little. In confessional, Kim says it’s hard to relate to him as an adult because their relationship stopped when she was 6. Iyanla points out that the good memory made it through the filter of all the bad times, and Kim should be willing to receive it. In order to make a place for it in her heart, Kim will have to lay down some negative things she’s been hanging onto. She’s not sure she wants to. Iyanla has Kim list the things she loves about her daughters. they are emotional things like “spiritual” and “good listener”. In contrast, that the things Kim’s parents liked and disliked about her were either superficial, or things about them, and challenges Kim’s conviction that she and her mother have a close relationship. I don’t know how they can concentrate in this session because someone’s dog is barking in the background the whole time. (Between that and the homeless people building fires in the backyard, I think this house is not as isolated as they would have us believe.)

Rhonda takes Josie to a place where animals are trained for show business. Josie feeds apples to an elephant, lets a bear take marshmallows from her mouth, helps with lions and relates that she’s not even nervous. She finishes by helping to bathe the elephant and tells Rhonda it felt so good to stand next to an elephant and “just hold her” :shrug:

Sinae tries calling Matt for the third time. Now he’s at work. His mother calls her “babe”. She meets with Rhonda, who asks if she is emotionally ready to have him here. Sinae says she is, because she wants some closure one way or the other. Rhonda tries to get her to FEEL it instead of just talking about it, and the tears flow. Sinae admits she’s ready to marry him but he drifts in and out. She doesn’t like herself for accepting that. Rhonda says she deserves to get her PhD and also have love from a man, not a boy, who will be a partner and not a crutch, and wonders if Sinae’s heart is open to it. Sinae admits she doesn’t think that kind of love is in store with Matt. Later, she finally gets him on the phone and he wants to know if he can postpone it til the next weekend. Sinae narrates that the real reason she wants to see him is that she’s desperate for love and knows he will always be there.

Josie is on the phone with her mother telling her what a good day it was and that this could make her want to move everything, her mother included, to California. She is excited to have felt “at home” doing something. Her mother sounds happy for her.

Ding Dong, the Witch is Dead – Starting Over, 9/22/04

2.8
Wednesday, 9/22/04

Rhonda, Iyanla and Dr. Stan meet again in the morning. Rhonda points out the Deborah hasn’t even been given her steps to success or any assignments yet. (Unless you count waiting an extra day to tell her story) They decide to give her “one more chance”

Meanwhile, she’s already packing. The other women hear her calling for a cab. Kim narrates that the other woman have decided they will not try to stop her this time. Jen goes around asking Sinae, Towanda and Kim not to stop Deborah from leaving. Kim assures her she won’t, because Deborah has tried to leave “4 or 5 times” already. Deborah calls Rhonda and tells her that if her goals are going to ruin other peoples’ lives, she will not stay. Rhonda reminds her that the reason she would be asked to leave is that she lied. Rhonda then offers her phone number in case Deborah wants support after she leaves, and Deborah thinks this is very funny. Iyanla arrives and tells Deborah she is loved and supported (uh huh) and tells her to “make another choice.” Deborah ignores her and gives her a hug.

In the loft, Iyanla points to Chloe, who is confident that everything she needs will show up, and accepts it when it does. She asks why grown-ups can’t be that trusting. Kim speaks up and says that would mean giving up control. Iyanla jokingly asks Kim why she has brought her purse to the group with her. Kim says that’s all her stuff. Iyanla asks, are you strong enough to stand on your own without your “stuff”? Then she asks everyone what their “stuff” is. Sinae says hers is false hope and bad friends. Towanda says hers is not being able to communicate, forgive or trust. Iyanla makes her do push-ups to show how heavy it is to carry pain and anger. She tells Towanda “it’s not that you don’t know what to do; it’s that you do what hurts you.” Back on the sofa, Towanda says it hurts that her father fell out of love with his wife and children. Iyanla wants to know what makes think he fell out of love with the children, and Towanda says it’s because his new life does not include them. “Perhaps it’s because you hate his wife”, Iyanla points out. Then Towanda says it’s more about the way it happened and Towanda tells her it’s none of her business because that’s her father, not her husband. Towanda wonders when it’s ok to stop trying to reach out before being allowed to give up, and Iyanla tells her that when you give something all of your positive energy, you will get exactly what you want.

Later, Rhonda reminds Sinae that they have a 5 0-clock meeting and Sinae should leave at 4:15. The she sits with Josie and discusses what might be needed for independence and a good upbringing for Chloe. They discuss Josie’s rough childhood and how she put all her hope into her grandmother, so that her life fell apart when her grandmother died. Rhonda asks her if she thinks it would be a good idea for Chloe to do the same with Josie, but I don’t see where Josie has a choice as a single parent. I don’t think Josie felt it either.

Iyanla takes Towanda people watching, which is a favorite activity for Towanda. They sit in the mall and Towanda labels people based on their clothes, hair and fingernails. They make arrangements to meet later and Towanda suddenly realizes that she is about to pay for all the dissing she has just done.

Meanwhile Josie looks defeated as she and Rhonda discuss her life. Rhonda asks if she learned to be confident and to express love, which she has not, and tells Josie that the reactions she learned during her dysfunctional childhood dictate her success now. Rhonda tells Josie she is hanging onto every morsel her grandma gave her, but it really was just a morsel. It’s hard for Josie to say anything good about herself without crying, but she is finally able to remember that she had a good work history before her grandmother died.

Jennifer and Kim are downstairs clucking over Deborah’s unmade bed and pile of hangers on the closet floor.

Towanda finds out she has to wear her homely suit again. Iyanla narrates that Towanda is judgmental and that she is about to learn a powerful lesson, that you can’t learn to forgive until you stop judging.

Rhonda takes Sinae to meet Natalie, a woman about her age who has been sight-impaired for 7 years, lives on her own and goes to college. Rhonda leaves them alone in Natalie’s apartment to talk.

Josie meets Daisy Swan, a career counselor who gives her the Meyers-Briggs Type Indicator test.

Natalie and Sinae go out to lunch via a van service. The driver helps them into the restaurant and they continue to talk. Sinae shares that she hasn’t learned Braille yet and Natalie tells her it’s fun to read in bed at night and just throw the book on the floor and go to sleep and not fuss with turning the light out.

Iyanla takes her to Rodeo Drive where she sits her down, has her close her eyes and describe how she feels. “Gloomy” says Towanda “Gloomy’s not a feeling” responds Iyanla So Towanda gives her “humiliated, pissed, and angry”. Iyanla: “Just like you felt….?” Towanda: “Just like I felt…” Iyanla: “When Dad….?” (Now I’m thinking of Reno 911 and the Reverand Gig LeFavre) Towanda: “When daddy humiliated me by bringing his girlfriend to the casino in front of me and someone else.” Iyanla points out that none of the strangers on Rodeo drive knows her father had an affair. She asks Towanda for more feelings and Towanda says “disagreement over what’s being said”. Iyanla possibly thinks Towanda is embarrassed to be so rude and says “I’ll take any emotion I can get out of you!” She asks Towanda to acknowledge that she is emotionally dishonest and tells her that any time she starts to feel, she talks herself out of it. After the commercial break, we hear Towanda tell Iyanla she doesn’t agree that her feelings about her father could be related to how she feels about the way she’s dressed. Then there is some weird editing, because Iyanla asks why she had to be brought to humiliation in order to express herself. She asks if Towanda now feels differently about the strangers around her, and Towanda agrees they seem to be judging her less.

Josie and Daisy are talking about school. Josie tells her she was studying pre-vet and quit because of money. They look at Josie’s Meyer-Briggs answers and Daisy tells her she probably derives energy from being around people, and that she is a “judger” (a good thing this time) who likes to know what’s coming down the `pike, make schedules, and check things off. Josie agrees. Possible career choices include communications director, writer, journalist, psychologist, personal counselor. In confessional Josie says it blows her mind to realize a person could have a job they actually like doing, since she did not see anyone like that growing up.

Sinae and Natalie let the waitress lead them out of the restaurant to the van, where they say goodbye.

Josie is on the phone with her mother to talk about a visit to the Starting Over house, and Josie’s mother announces she will be moving. Apparently this is an old discussion between them. I snuck around online and learned Josie’s mother needs to go to some sort of assisted living facility. Josie begs her mother not to go far away, since her mother has apparently talked of going to Florida. Her mom says that now that she’s seen Chloe, she will not be moving far away. Josie narrates that she wanted so badly to have her mother around as a child, and now that she’s been around for the past 6 months, she does not want to lose that.

In confessional, Jennifer says that a teeny part of her is disappointed that Deborah left because now she will not get to explore why Deborah upsets her so much. Kim is afraid she still just wants attention and that Deborah did pack her things and threaten to leave “5, 6, 7 times”.

Dress-up Day – Starting Over, 9/21/04

2.7
Tuesday, 9/21/04

The show opens with Kim, Jennifer and Sinae discussing Deborah’s insensitive dinnertime comments to Jennifer. Jennifer tells the women she just can’t take Deborah anymore. She narrates that it feels the same as when kids picked on her at school.

In the loft, the women are introduced to a photographer who will take publicity photos. They will wear their own clothes but have a makeup artist. Jennifer is shown later telling Sinae she feel swollen from crying but that it might as well show in the photo because she’s cried every day she’s been in the house. The women prep for the shoot and Iyanla narrates that it isn’t as fun for them as she had expected. Actually it is fun for Towanda, who is quite in her element posing for her individual shots. During breaks in the shoot, Deborah stays off by herself and Rhonda narrates that she is missing her opportunity to connect with the other women. Deborah narrates that she’s just not “a group person”. Later in the loft, Rhonda asks each woman to describe why she chose her outfit for the shoot. From there, she asks each for an adjective to describe their nightmare outfit. Jennifer’s would be “frumpy”. Towanda’s is “homely”. Kim’s is “hooker”. Sinae’s is “old”. Deborah’s is “age inappropriate”. Josie’s is a word her grandmother taught her, “blase´”. Then Rhonda tells them they will all be dressing this way, and brings out bags of costume clothes. She tells the women they should also raid each others’ closets if necessary to create their own fashion disaster. Nobody objects, but apparently nobody takes her up on it either. Everyone expresses her nightmare outfit in a silly way except Towanda, whose “homely” suit is not costume-y like the others. She is also the most miserable. She does have fun teaching Kim to walk like a hooker. Kim struts past Deborah, who is crying on the telephone. She is telling “Superman” she wants to go home. Kim and Towanda eavesdrop on the phone call and Kim shakes her head and says “fish out of water.” Towanda relates that she dreamed about a fish last night and that usually means someone is pregnant. they wonder out loud who it could be, while the camera focuses on first Deborah, then Josie who is opening the fridge to drink juice straight out of the bottle. (I am more like Josie than I was willing to admit.)

Deborah, one on one with Rhonda, says she is trying to fit in and doesn’t want to have to lie to do it. Rhonda asks her again if she understands that the reason you think you are in the house may be just a symptom of what’s really wrong. Deborah doesn’t seem to be buying that and says the reason she can’t find a man is that they are lazy and just want sex.

Kim arrives by taxi to meet Iyanla who’s waiting for her near a woods. Iyanla notices that Kim rode in the front seat of the cab and Kim tells her the driver asked her to because the air conditioning in the back seat was “broke” . Iyanla narrates that Kim knows how to get what she wants, even a front seat in a taxicab. They sit and Kim says she’s been in counseling for 30 years to deal with broken relationships and lack of inner joy. For comfort, she draws on control and when that doesn’t work, she runs. Iyanla blindfolds her and tells her she is going to find her way out of the wilderness. They walk hand in hand into the trees.

Back to Deborah, who is telling Rhonda that she always has a plan B as an escape. Rhonda says this is exactly why she should stay. Deborah says that being in perimenopause, she might be hormonal. Rhonda asks if she could be pregnant and Deborah says no. So Rhonda shows her the oft-played tape of Deborah telling someone a condom broke and she will start to show soon. Deborah acknowledges it’s true and says she did not tell anyone because it was one time with a married man, and she still feels she has been celibate for 6 years. Also she did a preganancy test after that phone call and it was negative. Rhonda tells her that because she lied, the Life Coaches will have to decide whether she can stay. (But you just told her she needs to stay! So who’s lying now?) Deborah says she’s relieved and would like to go home but would also like the opportunity to change her life.

Iyanla has now led Kim into the woods. Kim is relieved and feels she has completed a successful task. Iyanla then tells her she’ll have to find her way back out again. She stays close by while Kim, still in her photo outfit with her purse, stumbles around. Finally Iyanla speaks up. “Just say ‘help me’.”
Kim: “Oh. Help me.”
I: “Help you do what.”
K: “Help me… find my way back.”
I: “To…”
K: “You.”
I: “To me, Help you find your way back to me.” Iyanla then gets up and goes over to where Kim can bump into her.
K: “I found you.”
I: “Did you find me? Or did you find something out about yourself?”
K: “I found my way out,”
I: “Of what?”
K: “Of my control.”
I: “What is so scary about trusting yourself?”
K: I don’t know. Cause I’m a bad person?” She cries and Iyanla hugs her. Kim narrates that she learned if she can surrender control and begin to trust, maybe she could actually have fun.

Rhonda is asking Deborah now to think long and hard about whether she wants to stay. Deborah replies that she wants to, but she needs Rhonda to tell her how to stay. Rhonda asks that she share everything from now on but Deborah is quite sure there are things she doesn’t need to tell to a bunch of strangers. Now that she has asked Deborah to stay, Rhonda tells her she will be meeting with Iyanla and Dr. Stan to decide whether she can.

Amy arrives to lead a fashion show in which each woman appears at the top of the stairs in her costume, with an applause track for our own entertainment. Everyone has fun with it except Towanda who can’t stand to look bad even if it’s a game. Rhonda tells them that the way they look affects how they feel, and when they feel bad they should look at their glamour shot from that morning and remember that’s their true self. Then we find out why Amy’s really there: she’s going to babysit while the women go out to a bar in their outfits. They do, and proceed to get stinking drunk in the process. They are shown returning to the house quite tipsy and all getting along, even sitting on Deborah’s bed, while someplace else Rhonda has her meeting with the other two. Iyanla, who has possibly seen the other tapes of Deborah on the phone trying to get Aja to do a stealth mission for her, believes Deborah is trying to scam them. Dr. Stan thinks Deborah’s hormones and psychological problems make it impossible to control her actions. (I love it, a man attributing someone’s reactions to hormones. I’d just tell him it’s HIM and then hit him with something.)

The One Where The Judge Showed Up Late – The X-Factor, September 18th


by Luke

From writing these articles about “The X-Factor” week after week I noticed there
was something missing from the start of this weeks episode …. and that would
be none other than Simon Cowell. He was shown turning up for auditions two
hours late and was found sitting in his hotel room watching TV by the presenter,
Kate Thornton. Fed up with waiting, his co-judges Louis Walsh and Sharon
Osbourne decided to give him the silent treatment but coincidentally this show
had a heavy relationship theme. Could it have all been set up? Can’t be – it’s
reality TV, it must be for real.

Continuing the previous weeks look at the first round auditions held back in the
early Summer I found this weeks show a bit of a snoozefest. Sharon Osbourne is
definitely one of the best reality judges ever, and Simon was being his usual
brutally honest self but at this stage the show is just the same as any other
“Idol” type thing I’ve seen countless times. It’ll be another two weeks until it
steps up a gear and moves onto something new – the boot camps, where the
judges and their industry people will drill their new recruits into top musical
shape. On that note it’s a good time to mention that news of who each judge
will be mentoring has leaked out here in the UK. It seems that Sharon Osbourne
will be supervising the under 25’s, Louis Walsh has got the vocal groups, and
Simon Cowell given the 25+ age group. If true this will be funny as Simon
doesn’t seem too enthusiastic about the number of senior citizens making it to
round two.

The honeymoon for newlywed Samantha Boyd wasn’t just over when she faced
the judges, it hadn’t even began. She had cancelled a holiday to the Bahamas to
appear on X-Factor but was told she might as well have gone. In a
compassionate mood the judges decided to give her a second chance but they
made clear she would have a lot of work to do if she was to make it much
further. Yet another female to leave the room crying was Emma, one half of
duet “2 To Go”. She had auditioned with blind singer Peter but while the judges
went gaga over his voice they didn’t care much for hers. Another relationship
that looked like it could have turned sour was that of boy band “Mankind”. Their
lead singer Chris had only been with them a week or two and on hearing the
judges preferred his voice to the other group members thought about quitting
right there on the spot. The group went away to decide their future and came
back, hours later to declare they would be staying together …. by that point the
judges couldn’t care less anyway but decided to put them through.

As well as the singers who made it there were of course those that were, to put
it mildly … completely terrible. In fact some were so bad Sharon was willing to
bet the Osbourne’s family fortune on them. Kareoke singer Paul Holt looked like
something out of “Oasis” without the singing voice but on being rejected said
that one day he’s top the charts. Sharon bet him £50,000 that he wouldn’t.
Among other dropouts were a young man who looked like Princess Diana and
said he was 144 years old, as well as a man in drag. To top these off the show
featured a man dressed as Guy Fawkes who had come to sing his song “Bonfire
Night”. He was so dirty and scruffy that Sharon made him leave the room on
account of his terrible body odor.

If there are any readers from Australia then G’day mate – we got some bonza
news for you. After a fierce bidding war “The X-Factor” is coming to the land of
Oz. Network Ten has reportedly paid over twenty million Australian dollars for
the format rights. Meanwhile three TV networks in America are currently bidding
for the U.S rights to the show.

Don’t miss “The X-Factor” show updates and episode recaps each week here at
Reality Shack and check out the shows official website at www.xfactor.tv for
video clips, competitions and the latest news.

You can contact Luke with comments or questions at luke@realityshack.com.


Dolly In The Middle – Survivor: Vanuatu, Episode 2

[i]by atarus[/i]

We start off the episode with Travis lamenting about his night. He says that he “slept like a baby,” meaning he woke up every three minutes and cried. He says that the guys need fire badly. So we are treated to a shot of all the guys trying to make fire yet again. JP gets a spark going, but shortly thereafter it starts to rain, and the guys just are deflated. THen we get the typical Survivor nature shot. It’s a BAT! I say we name the bat Magilla. Eh? Eh?

Lisa is trying to get bananas, so she stands on two of the other women and nearly drops the machete on one of them. Wouldn’t that make for a great thing on Survivor. “Woman drops machete, kills tribemate.” I think reality TV as we know it would die after an incident like that. Mia says that it’s getting rough now. Eliza confesses that the island is beautiful to look at, but it’s not beautiful to live in. Somebody had commented that it felt like they were living in prison. The girls are cooking something, and they find maggots in it. Some of the females go ewwwwww. Twila says they’re boiled already, so eat ’em up! Dolly adds another “It’s rough” to the young girls’ confessionals, then starts crying a bit, but says that she’s still enjoying her time out here. The tribe comforts Dolly as she is brought to tears, and Twila once again states in a confessional that the maggots are protein, and to just eat them and shut up. According to her, the sorority girls are not mature enough and they aren’t physically strong enough to be out on the island.

Back at the men’s camp, JP and Travis have a heart-to-heart. JP asks if his name had come up at the previous night’s tribal council discussion, and Travis honestly answers yes. JP states in a confessional that it’s 5-3 against him, and those aren’t good odds. Travis tells JP that he’s a huge threat and that he’s freakin’ dangerous. And then we watch Travis tailspin into an awful conundrum, where he talks about how he thinks about his family every time he votes. JP questions Travis, asking “so if I had kids, would you not vote for me?” and Travis stutters around himself. JP gives Travis the evil eye as he fumbles around himself and his explanation, and I swear if JP had the power to make people’s heads explode by glaring at them, Bubba would have been decapitated right then and there. (Note: As much as I think Travis is funny and has good sound-bites, I’m definitely liking JP a bit more at this point.)

We go to the reward challenge, and HEY! It’s balance again. Is Mr. Burnett favoring the women? No waaaaay. Anyway, each tribe member is assigned a number and has to scoot their way across a balance beam past the rest of their tribe. Once all 8 have scooted to the end, the tribe wins the reward, which is pillows and blankets. Wahoo! Scout sits out for the women, and so then the challenge starts. It’s Eliza vs. Brady, and both have trouble getting across at first, both fall into the water. But after a bit of struggling, both Eliza and Brady get across at nearly the same time. Now it’s John K on the men’s side, and he has trouble. He gets to about Bubba and falls in. Meanwhile, the women are just kicking ass and taking names and two, then three, then four get across. We are then treated to the sense of humor the music department of Survivor has, as JK and JP both hold onto each other as JK is balancing, and we get hilarious lovey-dovey sappy romance music. My friend and I nearly died laughing at the music. JK gets to Chad and both fall in. The women are just flying through now, and Brady’s just frustrated, standing there, watching JK suck. Chad nearly belts himself in the head as he slips, but he grabs the beam and pulls himself back up. JK tries to get across yet again, and once again gets to Bubba and falls off. By this time, the women are pretty much done. Mia is the last one, and she moonwalks off the beam. Now, under any other circumstance, I would have consider her little dance move kinda cool and sexy, but at this point I want to reach through my TV and push her off the beam into the water, because this is the second challenge in a row that the women have taunted the men after they won. The women in the Amazon weren’t this bad, were they?

Back with the men, Rory starts complaining about Mia’s show. Except he calls her Twila. Lea corrects him and says it was Mia, and Rory says whatever. (Boy, Rory must have had fun in his younger years. “I love you Sandra! Wait, it’s Linda. Donna? Honey, come back! I’ll get it right eventually!”) Rory then goes on a rampage about how they’re grown women, and when Lea says he was humbled by the competition, Rory tells him no, that if they were men, he wouldn’t be taking it like he was. (Sexist much, Rory?) Lea then goes to the other guys, complaining about how Rory complaining so much about the challenge was kind of strange and annoying.

The next day, a refreshed Leann says that she’d hate to be the guys right now, as they’re probably having a real rough time. And then a chicken runs through camp. Eliza nearly scares it away, and Lisa goes all Crocodile Hunter on the chicken, creeping after it with a machete. Dolly has the brains to throw a rock at it, and it scatters. Finally, the chicken settles to lay eggs under a tree. Twila stabs at the chicken but misses, but they get five eggs out of the deal anyway. Quick change to Ami in a confessional, where she says that it’s good to be in a tribe of women because they all care about each other. However, it’s shaping up to be the “younger” group vs. the “older” group, Mia/Lisa/Eliza/Dolly/Julie vs. herself/Twila/Scout/Leann. Twila then confronts Dolly about voting, wanting to make sure she isn’t on the chopping block. Dolly says that Twila would have probably been the young group’s target if the girls had lost the first IC. Dolly tells Twila that she’ll vote with the older crowd, but Twila says you may never know.

COLUMNIST’S NOTE: Okay, at this point, there are two things I have to say. First of all, THIS EXACT SAME SCENARIO happened in the Amazon. Honestly, look at it. In Amazon, it was young vs. old in the tribes. Here, it’s the same thing. EXCEPT one thing. THERE IS NO YOUNG VERSUS OLD. To me, it seems like it’s working more like single vs. attached. Because JP and Brady are only two years younger than Chris, but they are classified as “younger.” Mia and Ami are the same age, but Ami is “older” and Mia is “younger.” And Lisa, what the hell? Young at heart maybe? I dunno, I’m just tired of the Survivors classifying this as young vs. old, because it’s clearly not if you look at the ages.

Rory and Chad get the treemail, and Rory starts talking about how the rock is supposed to give good luck, but they haven’t gotten any. So the men put the rock back on a staff, and boom it starts raining. Rory says it’s creepy, and there’s definitely something magical about Vanuatu.

It’s the blindfold challenge! Like we haven’t seen this one before. You know the drill, the tribes are tied up into groups and have to be led by people to find pieces to put together a puzzle. Dolly sits out, and Sarge and Scout are the eyes. They are off, and it’s another good bonkin’ challenge. Right off the bat, Bubba runs into Mia. Yasur has a traffic jam as they are all discombobulated. Lea starts telling Bubba to go left, and Bubba makes a complete left-turning circle around a piece before picking it up. Brady runs into a piece that’s already been sat down and curses and hops around holding his shin for a bit. Yasur is having a hard time as they run into everything as Scout’s doing a horrible job on damage control. Sarge definitely has the voice for the challenge though, as he’s yelling all over the place, and Scout can’t be heard out in the ocean. There’s one piece left for Lopevi, and Rory decides to start chanting to “help” Lea out, and Rory gets “the treatment” from Sarge. “YOU ARE MESSING ME UP.” And Rory, scared that militant guerillas are going to jump out of the woods and skewer him, shuts up. The last piece is returned, and Lopevi gets to work. On the other hand, Scout has bad vision and misses a piece out in the water, and Yasur is way behind. But the men nearly screw up and have trouble with the first puzzle piece, allowing the women to catch up. Both tribes finish their first step near to each other, but the men finish the second and third steps before Yasur finishes thier second, and the men celebrate. Of course, now the men taunt the women, as Sarge yells “SAY MY NAME! LOPEVI!” Jebus almighty, only in a battle of the sexes does this happen.

Eliza is crying after the loss, and people are comforting her, she says she didn’t expect to like everyone so much. Dolly and Julie start talking, and Dolly says that everyone’s saying Eliza, and she’s thinking about voting that way because Twila works hard. Julie’s scared because Dolly is wavering, but Dolly finally decides she’s more loyal to the younger crowd, but she doesn’t want to vote Twila out, so she decides on Leann and Julie goes with it. Dolly then goes to Ami and tells her that the younger crowd’s voting out Leann. Then Dolly talks to Scout, and Scout says “my teeth nearly fell out” when Dolly said she was voting for Leann, and Scout said she wanted Eliza out because Eliza was annoying. Ami, Eliza, and Leann all start talking to each other about how both Eliza and Leann have been targetted by Dolly, and Eliza makes a very strategic move and makes herself the swing vote instead of Dolly, pointing out Dolly is playing both sides to Leann and Ami. Mia, watching Ami and Leann and Eliza talk, tells Julie and Lisa that “at least Eliza’s down there so they can’t talk about voting.” Eliza gives the last pre-TC confessional, saying that she can either stick with her alliance, or vote for Dolly, the person she trusts the least in the alliance.

At TC, Scout is questioned first, and she says that she feels like she blew the challenge, but you can’t wallow in it. Eliza says that Twila is the workhorse, and Twila turns it around and says that her, Ami, Leann, and Scout do most of the work, but the rest do work “in their own areas.” Leann says that she’s tired, and when she’s tired she’s quiet, and that could hurt her. Dolly makes the tragic mistake that befell Christy, and announces to everybody that she’s the swing vote, she’s “Dolly In The Middle.” Eliza says that you just have to trust people and hope they stick to their word.

The people vote. Julie votes for Leane, and says that “Dolly’s pretty much running the show.” Mia votes for Leigh Ann, and says it’s “purely so the five young’ns can stick together.” The votes are tallied, and in a 5-4 vote, Dolly gets the boot. Mia and Julie and Lisa and Dolly all exchange obvious looks at each other as each vote for Dolly is read. Dolly’s torch is snuffed, and it’s a whole new ball game.

Next time on Survivor: Mia goes spastic, Lea and Rory bring it against each other (Rory: I’m a grown-ass man, I don’t take orders), and the tribes learn that both tribes will be going to TC regardless.

In her final words, Dolly says that she’s just a simple farm girl, the game’s too much for her, she’s just a simple farm girl, she can’t handle the strategizing and the lying, she’s just a simple farm girl, and oh, she’s just a simple farm girl.

Hit me up at atarus33@yahoo.com with questions or complaints. Can’t wait until next week!

Interview with Jessica Kirson of Last Comic Standing


by panndyra, goddess of chaos

You do a lot of great impressions and characters. Which ones are your favorites and why?

I love to do the big black woman, because I have always felt connected to them. I wish that I was a gospel singer. They have so much soul. I also love to do the confident ugly girl because it freaks some people out. It is so funny to see the look on some peoples faces when I do that. I’m like, “Let go already.” Some people are so uptight.

Where does the inspiration for these characters come from?

They come from real people. I have always been observant of the people around me. There are so many different characters out there. Some of them come from my family too. They are certainly interesting characters.

Okay. How did you learn to make faces as well as you do? I’ve got to say you’re just about as rubbery-faced as Jim Carrey.

Thank you so much. That is a huge compliment. I love him. I have always made faces. My mother used to get mad at me. She is a therapist. It was my one way of annoying her. Everyone else in the room would be laughing and she would look furious. Now I make a living from it.

Since your original intent was to become a therapist, I was wondering, do you consider comedy therapeutic more for your audiences or yourself? Could you explain a bit, please?

I find comedy extremely therapeutic. It is the one thing that truly makes me happy (while I am onstage). I say that because all of the other crap that you have to deal with makes the business really difficult. I can perform and not even do that well, but I feel much better. That is amazing. I get so much out of seeing people laugh. I have been so touched by audience members compliments. I’ve had people say to me that they have never laughed so hard.

You mentioned in an interview with Southern Voice that [Last Comic Standing] is “not your cup of tea”. Why?

I hate competitions. I think they are ridiculous. Especially with comedy. It is so hard to judge. I’m also not a huge fan of reality shows. I really knew that was not going to be the way that I make it.

Are there any reality TV shows that you enjoy watching? Which ones and what do you like or dislike about them?

I love watching CNN because it is so dramatic, but there is usually the same thing on over and over. I love watching old sitcoms because they are so light and refreshing and I love to watch sketch shows. There is nothing like a good episode of Saturday Night Live or Mad TV.
What is the best gig you’ve ever done? The worst? Why for both?

The best gig I have ever done is Comedy Central’s “Premium Blend.” The crowd was amazing. It was so exciting. The worst show? Wow! There have been a couple of rough ones when the crowd is out of control. I’d have to say my first road gig in Poughkeepsie, NY. They were horrible. I got into a screaming match with an audience member. He was so drunk. Another comic went up after me and ripped him to shreds.

Do you have any pearls of wisdom to share with young or aspiring comedians who might be reading this?

Always stay true to who you are no matter what people say. It is so hard to do but it pays off in the end. Treat everyone the way you would want to be treated and know that you have to work your ass off to be successful. You have to get onstage, a lot.

In light of your experiences with Last Comic Standing, would you consider trying out for a next season, if there is one? Why or why not?

I would think about it. I’m not sure yet.

In five years, where do you see yourself career-wise? What are some of your long-range goals?

I see myself on a sketch show. I just want to able to perform all over the country to audiences that have come to see me and really get what I am trying to say.

Do you have a CD of your comedy available? If so, how can my readers (and myself) purchase a copy?

They can visit my website at http://www.JessicaKirson.com. I am revamping the whole site, so It may take a few weeks.

— Remember to check out Jessica Kirson at a comedy club near you. She’s got lots of dates booked all over the country. Her impressions alone are certainly worth the price of admission and a few drinks!


That Girl Ain't Right – The Apprentice 2, Episode 3


by aurora

Last week on The Apprentice…the teams had to create new ice cream flavours and sell them to the public. Mosaic came out on top, sending Apex to the boardroom. Ivana, the project manager, brought Jennifer C, Stacie, and Bradford with her, and Bradford was fired for his ‘stupid’ mistake – giving up his exemption. 16 are left – who will be fired next?

In the suite, everyone waits to see who is returning. John goes nuts when he hears that Bradford gave up his exemption, and Andy says it’s like saying you’re the world’s safest driver so you don’t need to wear a seat belt anymore. They are all slackjawed when they discover that Bradford is not returning to the suite.

The women decide to have a group meeting and get everything out in the open. Stacie says that she was ‘selling her ass off’, so she didn’t deserve to be singled out. The other women tell her that they’re worried about her freaking out under pressure. Stacie says privately that she feels that these women are all her enemies, and she doesn’t know if she can convince them that she’s a strong team member.

The phone rings early in the morning, and Kevin is told that Mr. Trump wants to meet with them all at 8am in the lobby. Once again, as Trump descends the escalator, the Royal Coronation music plays. *sigh* The Donald wants everyone to think big. Standing beside him are two bigwigs from Proctor & Gamble. They’re launching a new product – Crest Vanilla Mint toothpaste. P&G will be giving each team a $50,000 budget, and the task is to see which team can create the most buzz. As usual, George and Carolyn will be Trump’s eyes and ears.

At Mosaic, Kevin has been randomly chosen as project manager. He suggests they take 30 minutes to brainstorm, then spend some time deciding what they’re doing and get on it. John wants to pour some suds into the river, Kelly wants to dress up like teeth and give out samples, and Pamela wants to pump the scent of vanilla into the subway systems. Raj suggests a blimp. Andy wants to go bigger – he suggests buying insurance. He wants to spend $40,000 to insure that someone will win a million bucks by getting something in their Crest package. He explains that the insurance company would pay for the million dollars, if they buy the insurance in case someone wins it. I don’t know – the whole thing is a bit over my head. Is that how all these sweepstakes work? If so, then how do the insurance companies stay in business? Hang on, is that why premiums keep going up? Anyway, back to the show.

Trump has a little piece here about budgets. He says that when people go over budget, they get in big trouble. Thanks Donald.

Apex has chosen Elizabeth as their project manager, since she’s previously worked for P&G. They decide to get a celebrity to help them endorse the toothpaste. They make a contact with an agency, and he tells them he can get L.L. Cool J. Elizabeth isn’t too keen on him, so they go after Mike Piazza from the Mets. He wants $20,000 for the gig, and the women decide to go for it. Piazza agrees to half an hour, and he’ll brush his teeth. $20,000 for half an hour of tooth brushing. Good lord, I’m in the wrong profession.

Mosaic goes to DeVries to try and get their insurance. The rep tells them that it’s tight for time, but she will ty. She goes to get the number for the legal advisers, and Andy calls them. He gets the greenlight, and the plan is in action.

Meanwhile, Stacie and Jennifer C are out picking up the toothpaste. There are 834 cases, which equals 20,000 tubes. The women are overwhelmed at the sheer volume of product they will have to load into the van. To make matters worse, the woman who shows them where the toothpaste is says they have three minutes to get it out the door. Jennifer decides this isn’t happening tonight.

Maria, Elizabeth, and the others make up a poster for the event, but it’s far too late to get it to a printer. They’re going to leave it to the last minute and get it done at 7am. Ivana is managing the budget, and they’re currently sitting at $49,345. She’s worried about how much the printing will cost.

Over at Mosaic, it’s 2:30 in the morning, and the guys are talking about the giveaway. The woman from DeVries calls, and tells Wes that the legal department can’t do it, because there are too many concerns over how the sweepstakes is being conducted. Wes tells her that all of their marketing is based on giving away a million, and she says that she really wants to help them but just can’t. The entire team holds their heads in their hands.

The following morning, Mosaic is set up at Washington Square Park, and they’ve set up three $5000 draws. They’re giving away toothpaste, dressed up in American flag attire. They have entertainers doing stunts and circus-type shows, and guys on stilts throwing tubes of toothpaste to the crowd. Even George seems pleased.

Apex is all set up, and Elizabeth welcomes Mike Piazza to the stage. He says that he’s never tried Vanilla Mint Crest, but he’s been using Crest since he can remember and he’s never has a cavity in his life. He brushes his teeth with the new flavour of toothpaste, and gives it the thumbs up. The women give out flyers and toothpaste, and Piazza signs autographs.

Ivana, Maria, and Stacy arrive at the agency to pick up the invoice, and the extra costs start piling up. The people who did the printing charge them an extra $5000 for the overtime. Ivana flips out and says they can’t do this.

At the P&G offices, Trump, his eyes and ears, and the teams meet with the P&G execs. They think Mosaic did a great job – it was fun and engaging, and created what they set out to do. Apex did an amazing job, getting Mike Piazza to brush his teeth in the middle of Union Square. Unfortunately, Apex went $5000 over budget. Trump gets upset with Elizabeth for not knowing that her team went over budget. Trump lets the P&G execs decide on the winning team. At the end of the day, they think that Apex’s campaign was better, but they went over budget. Mosaic wins the task, and Kevin gets an exemption if he ends up in the boardroom next week. As their reward, they get to have dinner on the Queen Mary II as it leaves the harbour that night. Trump warns Kevin not to do what Bradford did with his exemption.

On the boat, Mosaic is greeted by the crew and welcomed to the ‘biggest, grandest ocean liner in the world’. Wes is overwhelmed by the sheer size of the ship. It really is incredible, and the dining room where they have dinner is gorgeous. They’re served lobster and filet mignon, and everyone seems to have a lavish, luxurious, wonderful time. After dinner they marvel at the view. Chris gets emotional seeing the Statue of Liberty, and they all break out into a rousing chorus of America the Beautiful.

It’s raining in New York as Apex breaks off into little groups to talk about who should go this week. Elizabeth and Stacy decide that Stacie is the biggest liability on the team, but Maria screwed up by negotiating a deal that wasn’t clear. Elizabeth confronts Maria on this, and Maria turns things around by making it look like Elizabeth is just trying to turn things around to cover her own ass. Privately Stacie says that she’s the strongest person there, but she thinks that the rest of the group will again try to get her out.

In the boardroom, Trump says that P&G liked their work better, but they were 10% over budget and that’s a lot. Elizabeth says she’s surprised because she and Ivana had put a pad in the budget for unseen expenses. She blames Maria for her oversight in the budget with the printer. Maria deflects the criticism, and blames several others. George says that being over budget by this much on one item is crazy. Stacie says she would fire Elizabeth because she was disorganized.

Jennifer and Ivana both say that Stacie is the weakest link, because she has to be micro-managed and it takes time away from the project manager who has to keep putting out fires. Elizabeth decides to keep Maria and Stacie with her, and the other women go back upstairs.

Trump asks Carolyn what she thinks, and she says that Elizabeth is a terrible leader while Maria really screwed up with the money and won’t take the blame for it. George says he doesn’t trust Maria with money and would hate to see her in charge of one of Trump’s major divisions.

The girls are called back in, and Trump asks Elizabeth why Stacie is here. She says they her and Maria perfomed worst on the task. Trump asks if nothing should fall on Elizabeth, and Maria quips that nothing has fallen on her so far. Elizabeth says that she is responsible for some of the disorganization on her team. Trump thinks that Ivana should be there, but Elizabeth defends her. Maria and Elizabeth start in on how crazy Stacie acted during the first task. Stacie says she’s not crazy, but Trump points out that this is the only thing the other two girls have been able to agree on so far. Stacie tries to explain the eight-ball thing, when Stacie turned into a bit of a lunatic, and Trump asks who else saw this. They say that everyone saw it. Trump orders Maria to go back upstairs and get the other girls, because this is too important a subject.

Maria barges into the suite and frantically calls for the women to come back to the boardroom. They rush to put their clothes back on and hurry back. Meanwhile, Trump tells Stacie that if she has a problem, he doesn’t want her running one of his companies. She says she wouldn’t want a crazy person working for her either. The rest of the team arrives, and Trump fills them in on why they’ve been called back.

Trump says that he’s not happy with Elizabeth – he thinks she stinks as a leader. He’s not happy with Maria – she’s done a lousy job also. But beyond that, he doesn’t need a person who’s got a problem working for him. Jennifer C says that Stacie acted very odd. Ivana says that Stacie flipped out and Ivana was so scared she hid in a corner. Stacy thinks it might be clinical, but it was one of the scariest moments of her life. Sandy says she was absolutely horrified, and would never have Stacie working in her bridal salon, let alone one of Trump’s companies.

Stacie says again that she’s not crazy, and she’s never been accused of being so by people she’s known her whole life. Trump tells her that everyone else in the room agrees that she has a problem, and he can’t take the risk of someone potentially causing this kind of stress to one of his teams. Stacie, you’re fired.

Everyone sits in silence for a few awkward seconds, until Trump asks them to leave. As Stacie is taking the elevator down to the street, Carolyn says that she wasn’t expecting that. The Donald says that he didn’t have a choice – the women don’t even like each other, but they all agreed on this. Carolyn and George agree too.

Sitting in the taxi, Stacie wonders about the definition of crazy. She says that each one of the women have personality traits that are a little freaky. People who are crazy go blow up buildings or kill people or don’t pay their taxes – she has a business and pays her taxes, so obviously she’s not crazy. She says again that she was the strongest woman there, and the other girls got what they wanted. She has nothing to say to them now.

Is it just me, or are the boardroom scenes getting stranger and stranger as the season progresses? I know Stacie might have been a few fries short of a Happy Meal, but was she really that scary? I guess we’ll never know.

Comments are welcome! Contact me at carrie@realityshack.com.


Mommy's First Meltdown – Starting Over, 9/20/04

Monday 9/20

Our problem child Deborah is on the phone and this seems to be the prequel to last week’s phone call where she berated her daughter. She starts to tell Aja what the secret mission is, when we hear a recording of a reminder that phone calls are taped. I think we are supposed to believe Deborah heard the same thing but ours was not over the phone, so it was quite confusing. Anyway Deborah ends the call promising to give Aja the details later. She must have done so via cell phone and then later made the call we saw last week.

Jen answers the door and it’s 3 hunky guys. She exclaims “the Hot Boys are here for ME!!” So maybe they are a well-known company? They take their shirts off, bring her breakfast, fan her while giving a pedicure. Jen is visibly uncomfortable. (Hmm, someone else’s boyfriend being paid to pretend they want to strip for you and scrub your heel calluses, what’s not to enjoy?)

Rhonda has Josie imagine Chloe at 22. What would you want her life to be like? Josie says she wants Chloe to be in the theater. She wants to be a theater mom.

There is a meeting in the loft and the focus is on Jen. We see an old photo of her parents in happier times. She relates that she used to be a “daddy’s girl” and she watched him turn into a very ugly person. She was 12 when a S.W.A.T. team came to the house and she tried not to act scared. She was 14 when he went to jail, and she got a job so as not to be a burden. She cries as she remembers how jealous she was of other girls with normal lives who didn’t have to buy their own prom dress. (Note to Jen: NOBODY THINKS THEY HAD A NORMAL LIFE) Iyanla talks to Jen in the 3rd person as if she doesn’t think Jen can survive actually talking about herself. Iyanla tells the group Jen is to sit on the couch or at the pool all day and let the other women wait on her including blowing up a float for the pool. Jennifer narrates she doesn’t want anything from Deborah because she doesn’t want to owe her. Then Deborah volunteers to blow up the float. Jen narrates that she is quite sure Deborah has an ulterior motive.

Later Jen meets with Dr. Stan and the baby talk starts up again. She can’t come up with any positive memories about her father and Dr. Stan suggests it’s because positive memories remind us how painful loss is.

The women get some take-out burgers and sit down to lunch. Kim gives Chloe a teething cookie and assures Josie it’s safe. After a few minutes Chloe manages to break off a chunk and Josie scoops it out of her mouth, which startles her and makes her cry. Josie falls apart because Chloe “almost choked”. She grabs Chloe and runs from the room, still ranting and blubbering as she prepares Chloe for a bath. (Good thing she didn’t see Chloe falling over while playing with the other women later. Someone caught her and eased her down the rest of the way, but hey, she “almost fell”. Here I need to come clean about something: I took a lot of heat from other viewers in season 1 because of my opinion that Josie is mentally retarded. I realize that if Josie saw that, she would feel very hurt. I really just think she has been slow as a result of environmental deprivation. She actually seems to be picking up speed. I admire her for being able to rise this far above all of her role models. Grandma would be proud.)

Jen gets an aquatic massage from a female massage therapist in the pool. She’s not thrilled with the idea of a stranger holding her, but does sort of enjoy it. The therapist tells her to keep a journal near her bed because she may have vivid dreams tonight.

Josie meets with Rhonda to show her a 3-D poster she has made of the list of things she wants Chloe to have at 22. She is still distracted over the bikkie incident but eventually settles down to discuss the poster. She compares her role in Chloe’s life to that of her grandmother in her own. Rhonda has her talk about each item and ask herself if she herself deserves it. Josie decides she deserves everything except love because otherise it would have been there for her, and money because she doesn’t do any work to earn it.

We flash to the living room where Deborah has just noticed that Jen never used the float. She asks why, when she worked so hard to blow it up. She leaves and the women call her a crazy lady.

Back to Josie who is telling Rhonda that she failed at her own life so Chloe is her chance to get it right. Rhonda explains that Chloe does not get to redeem Josie. Josie must fix things for herself before she can give Chloe, and herself, a decent life.

Deborah meets with Dr. Stan and tells him she had a date just before coming into the house but has been celibate for 6 years. One gets the impression he has heard the pregnancy tape because he is really perseverating on the question of celibacy. He also asks if she is willing to explore the impact she has on others, She agrees but says she will have to lie to get along with them. He encourages her not to change herself in order to fit into the group but she’s sure this is the only way. At dinner she announces to the others that she will be showing only 25% of her true self. Then she is shown telling Jen she wishes she had thought of using “I feel so unloved” as a way to get some quality attention. Kim reminds Deborah that Jen would probably envy her successful relationship with her father. Jen narrates that she will just let this go. In truth, Jen has no intention of letting anything go where Deborah is concerned. She meets with Iyanla and shares that she “can’t stand her”. She tells Iyanla she didn’t like being confined to the couch anyway, it felt like “time out” and now Deborah feels like Jen owes her. Iyanla tells Jen that “sometimes the angel you want is not the angel you get.” She wonders what Deborah represents to Jen and Jen begins to cry. This is Iyanla’s cue to GO TO THE INNER CHILD :clap: and Jen says Deborah reminds her of kids in school who were mean to her. Iyanla asks what can be changed about this, and Jen, in baby talk, yells “I need a voice”.

Josie is shown putting Chloe to bed and narrating that she wants to be the best mother EVER and that Chloe will be the first person to see her transformation.

Back to Iyanla, who is now rocking a sobbing Jen in her lap. (Shouldn’t it be the psychiatrist who’s dealing with these issues?)

The previews show Rhonda asking Deborah point blank if she could be pregnant.

Recap – Part 2 — Meet and Greet The Petites

Alright, people, I missed a heck of a lot in 15 minutes. (Damn, those parental responsibilties. I hate it when baseball games go into double overtime. C’mon, kids. I’ve gotta watch my ANTM, or remember to set my DVR!)

The girls meet Jay Manuel “Mr. Jay”. He’s the ‘natural’ blond Art Director, ya know. He will oversee all photo shoots. He tells the girls to have fun, which they proceed to do.

Eva starts it off by being over-confident, basically saying she’s gonna win this thing. The other girls are certainly not ‘hearing that’. Tyra shows up at their ‘dinner party.’ See, I love ANTM because it shows that models eat….sometimes.

Tyra announces that she wants to bring supermodels back to the covers of magazines and kick those actresses off. I’m all for that. I can’t believe the injustice of actresses gettin’ all up in the modeling biz. You never hear of a model turning actress. It jus’ ain’t right.

After dinner, the girls go swimming. Hmm. Swimsuit competition ain’t til next week, okay? Ann & Eva, who’ve bonded as b***hes, apparently draw some criticism for ‘throwing girls in the pool.’ Damn! I can’t believe I missed that. It only takes two models to throw a bunch into the pool. Wow!

Cassie comes out as a stripper. Poor girl has to pay for college somehow. Hooters was all full up, y’all. (Now, that’s courageous!) Can I get me some love for the strippers out there?!? Hey!

The girls head out to a bar, where Tiffany dances in a ‘manner that is unbefitting a model.’ She upsets some non-models who aren’t aware that she can dance this way because she’s FABULOUS!

I guess I missed my copy of Model Manners written by Naomi Campbell, of course. A fight ensues when a girl pours beer into Tiffany’s ‘weave.” LOL I can’t make this up! She starts a fight and then cries because ‘violence’ follows her everywhere.

I can’t imagine why.

Oh God y’all. ANTM will re-air on Friday night. Let’s watch together.

Panndyra out!