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Project Runway 9, Episode 5 – What do Real Women Want?

Last week on Project Runway, the designers had to work in teams of five and make a cohesive collection. To the producers’ probable delight, but everyone else’s distress, Josh, Bert, and Becky all ended up on the same team. Josh was not happy– especially since the challenge specifically forbade the teams from having a leader. He drove his teammates nuts as a result. His team lost, and Becky was sent home. Anya won the challenge.

The following morning, Josh congratulates Bryce for making the top nine. Bryce apparently suspects Josh may be being sarcastic, as he tells us that he’s the only designer left who hasn’t won anything. Laura notes that she, Anya, and Kimberly are the last remaining women.

At the runway, Heidi tells the designers she wants to introduce them to their clients– and a group of men troop onto the stage. Anthony is horrified when he sees them, since he’s not used to making menswear. Similarly, Anya confesses that she has never made men’s clothing before, while Josh assures us that he has made menswear. Heidi then worsens everybody’s mood by telling them there will be no more immunities from now on. Winning the previous challenge no longer guarantees one’s safety.

On the other hand, since Anya had won the previous challenge, she gets first pick of the clients. She chooses Mike, who is slender. The other designers follow suit, choosing the slimmest men they can. Josh is an exception and picks the client who shares his name.

Back at the workroom, Tim surprises the designers by telling them that this is not really a menswear challenge after all. Instead, the designers are making outfits for the guys’ significant others. They will have two days to work on the looks. The designers now have thirty minutes to caucus with the men and learn about their wives or girlfriends.

Anya asks her client what his wife doesn’t like, which is probably a smart move, as it immediately helps her rule out stuff she should not make. She tells us that she’s noticed most men have trouble describing colors or styles. (I’d imagine styles would be especially difficult for somebody who wasn’t up on women’s fashion.)

Bert’s client, Anthony, seems to consider his wife’s breasts her best feature. He wants Bert to make something that would show them off. Josh’s client says his wife likes a simple look, to Josh’s dismay. Josh, as we’ve seen, likes to really decorate his clothing. Bryce’s client tells him that his wife’s favorite color is pink. Anthony’s client wants to replace a lost dress, and Olivier’s client, like Bert’s, wants something to show off his wife’s curves.

Then it’s off to Mood, and the clients accompany the designers to help them pick out fabrics. Anthony asks his client to look at prints. Olivier pulls Tim aside to ask him what a “Double-D” is, and Tim, plainly taken aback, explains that it’s a bra size.

Back at the workshop, Kimberly educates her client about the design process, by explaining how she uses colored tape on the dummy to mark style lines, which are either boundaries between two recognizable areas of fabric, or visible edges of fabric like necklines or hemlines. Bert’s client reminds him that he really wants to show off his wife’s cleavage. Olivier tells us that he’s not used to working with a client.

The wives and girlfriends then come in for their first fitting. Laura is relieved to see that her client’s wife is attractive. Bert shows his client’s wife several drawings of designs and invites her to pick the one she likes best. Josh tries to talk his client’s wife into letting him decorate the dress a little, but she says no. Bryce thinks the pink fabric he’s bought is ugly, but his client’s wife has her heart set on a pink dress.

When the designers break for lunch, Bryce decides he’ll try and dye the pink fabric to make it a more tolerable shade. He also tells us that he found dealing with his clients — an inter-racial couple, by the way — upsetting, because he could tell they were deeply in love with each other. Seeing them together and so obviously happy made him miss his own lover something fierce. The other designers can see Bryce is struggling, and they’re torn. They’d like to help, but this is a competition, and there are only nine of them left.

Paranormal Witness, September 14 – Are We Alone Out There?

Syfy’s new series “Paranormal Witness” takes in the extremely unusual. Tonight’s episode takes us back to 1994, in Placerville, California, as a happy family goes through an intense tragedy, but amidst the tragedy there is a miracle. Dave Stauzenbach tears up at the thought of his daughter Christine Skubish. He begins to tell her story and how she had gotten a job as a paralegal in Southern California and getting ready to leave. He said she was very bubbly, bright and ambitious.

Christine told her parents she would call them when she arrived in Southern California, but never called. It was Wednesday, and her parents had not heard from her. They received a phone call from her office asking where she was, and they advised him she was supposed to arrive on Monday. It was now Wednesday. Her father called the hospital, the police and all the other necessary people. He was advised she did not meet the timeframe yet to be considered a missing person.

Former Deputy Rich Strasser received a call that he had a missing person on his hands. Strasser had thought it was just another routine missing person. The only information he had was that a mom and her son had gone missing on their move to California. Christine’s parents started their own search and began to hand out fliers and post them in any available spot they could possibly find. They explained the worst thing about a missing person is not knowing what happened to them. Dave and his family were now on a mission of their own.

Meanwhile, during the reenactments, there is darkness and flashes of the number 16, a little boy and light. Karen is Dave’s sister-in-law and Christine’s aunt. She has had premonitions before in her life and woke up from sleep in a panic after having a dream. Living in San Bernadino, she had no idea what was going on. She called Dave and told him about her dream and seeing Nick, the number 16 and a light. She could not see Christine. This part added a big goosebump effect.

Friday arrived and there was still no word from Christine or about her and her young son. This now made Christine and her son officially missing and a priority case. The deputy stopped at a gas station that Christine had previously stopped at, and the clerk remembered her. He remembered Christine saying she was tired and moving to California because she got a new job. Her son waited in the car and a camera image showed her car at the gas pump. The gas station attendant said she would be traveling on Highway 50 because she was going that way to visit a friend before making her move official. The deputy left the gas station and imagined every horrible scenario possible; she could have been kidnapped, killed or abducted. The deputy was thinking the worse.

Deborah Hoyt began to tell what would become a lifetime mystery turned miracle. She was out of town, and in the middle of the night she kept waking up and feeling rushed, as if something was telling her she needed to go home. She woke up several times during the night and finally woke up her husband. He wanted to wait until the morning to go home, but she woke up again and convinced him to drive her home.

The route Deborah and husband traveled took them down Highway 50, and as they drove home in the darkness and around a bend, she saw a young woman lying naked on the side of the road with no shadow. She was flustered, and her husband offered to turn around and go back to see if the young woman was still there.

Deborah was scared and did not want to turn around. She had thought it could be a setup to take their car or rob them, and wanted to keep going and get to a phone. They arrived at a phone, and she called the police, telling them what she had seen. An officer came out to Highway 50 and advised them to show him where they saw the girl and to stay about 200 yards behind when they got there.

The officer drove up and shined a spotlight around the area while Deborah and her husband waited. She was positive he was going to find someone. Finding no one, he turned his police car around and came back to where Deborah and her husband were. He advised them to head home and told Deborah to get some rest. It was the classic situation of people right away making it seem as if you are crazy.

The road to be twisty and winding and Deborah never liked to drive on the road at night. She was not sure why she needed to get up and go home at that minute, but followed the advice, as she and her husband went home and she went to bed. She tried to sleep, but could not. She kept having visions of the dead woman she saw on the side of the road and just cried. She wondered what happened and who the woman was.

Christine’s aunt and uncle arrived to help search for Christine and Nick. The deputy asked them to go and get some rest and start fresh when the sun came up. The deputy began to have a sixth sense type of feeling and felt there could be a connection between the woman that Deborah had seen and Christine. Christine’s father knew something had happened, but he was not sure what. The deputy went up during the day and starting looking for clues. He was searching for any sign of Christine and her son. There had to be something out of the ordinary in the area that would lead him to them.

Top Chef: Just Desserts – Ep 4 – The Best Just Desserts Episode Ever!

Wow! Following what may have been my least favorite Top Chef episode, Just Desserts follows up with not only the absolute best episode in its short history, but one that would rank up there with the best of the original show. Hats off, Just Desserts. This one rocked. So shines a good deed in a weary world.

Yeah, there’s going to be a lot of Willy Wonka lines like that, so, try and find them. It’ll be a game you can play at home while you read.
First things first, before getting into it, I was honored to have both Hugh and Johnny (Unibrow and Elvis) tweet back to me this week after I sent them my article. I hope I proved through their ribbing that I can take it as well as dish it out. My cat photo as my Twitter profile came under attack, and I won’t hold it against you guys since you didn’t know that the kitty in question recently left our world to the great Top Chef kitchen in the sky. Also, I stand corrected by Hugh, it is a monobrow, not a unibrow. Duly noted, and nickname has been altered. Again, thank you both for your good humor. Mmmm, Good Humor.

So much time and so little to do. Wait a minute. Strike that. Reverse it.

Last week, I bitched and moaned about cross promotion
and product placement. I hope I made it clear that sometimes product placement/cross promotion can work if done right. Often, on this show and others, it is not done right. This week represented product placement at its best.

Another bit of disclosure, Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory is one of my all-time favorite movies. I wanted to be Charlie Buckett when I was a kid. My college roommate dressed up as Willy Wonka. This film has touched my life, my friends’ lives, and the lives of tons of people in my generation. And it continues to reach people every year. With the release of the 40th Anniversary DVD/Blu-Ray, it was a perfect tie in with a show about desserts.

For those who are unfamiliar, and seriously, rent the damn thing, this is the film in a nutshell. A boy in some English-like city has nothing and lives with his mom and both sets of grandparents. The rich reclusive chocolate maker in the region conducts a contest worldwide where five Golden Tickets are hidden in chocolate bars and the winners get to tour the mysterious factory. Five children win, including our hero Charlie Buckett. Bizarre things happen in the factory – chocolate rivers, strange creatures called Oompa Loompas, and the most sinister boat ride in the history of children’s films. All the children except for Charlie are horrible, and things happen to teach them all lessons.
The big scene is where the children, their parent/grandparent, and Willy enter the big room full of sweets and a chocolate river and waterfall. Everything is edible. It is the world of “Pure Imagination.” And Gene Wilder sings a song that I can still mostly recite.

And the Top Chef contestants got to recreate that room. Awesome! Hold your breath, make a wish, count to three.

Boy, did they take to this challenge. The chefs were presented with VIP tickets in the apartment and went to a movie screening. Matt did EXACTLY what he needed to do, because I too was saying, “It’s a Trap!!” That is a common trick on these shows – the night out, the VIP tour, whatever – always turn into a Quickfire or Elimination Challenge. Matt held onto his snacks and drink just in case he needed to make something.

He didn’t. They were actually going to a movie screening. The chefs all seemed legitimately geeked out to be watching the film. After it was over, Gail showed up and invited up the VIPs. Holy crap, it’s a grown-up Charlie, Violet, Veruca and Mike TeeVee. Instantly the first thing that came to my mind was – what the hell happened to Augustus Gloop? Someone get on this, I’m getting worried about him. Maybe he didn’t survive the fudge room after all!

What's Hot on TV Tonight – Emmys with Jane Lynch

WHOTV.jpgIt ought to make for an entertaining evening when Jane Lynch hosts the Emmy awards tonight. I look for her ad lib enough to keep it interesting. Catch up on your other favorite shows and head to TV-Links.

1. NFL Football.Kansas City Chiefs at Detroit Lions. 12:00 PM CT CBS

2. NFL Football. Chicago Bears at New Orleans Saints. 12:00 PM CT Fox

3. NASCAR Racing: Spring Cup. Geico 400 from Chicagoland Speedway in Joliet, IL. 1:00 PM CT ESPN

4. NFL Football. San Diego Chargers at New England Patriots. 3:00 PM CT CBS

5. 60 Minutes.A soldier in Afghanistan tries to save his ambushed unit, animals are captured with hidden cameras, and Jerry Jones. 6:00 PM CT CBS

6. Countdown to the Emmys.Nancy O’Dell, Mark Thompson, Amanda Byram, and Steve Jones host the red-carpet arrivals. 6:00 PM CT Fox

7. 63rd Primetime Emmy Awards. Jane Lynch hosts the awards ceremony dedicated to the best in television. 7:00 PM CT Fox

8. MLB Baseball: Cardinals at Phillies. St. Louis Cardinals at Philadelphia Phillies. 7:00 PM CT ESPN

9. NFL Football. Philadelphia Eagles at Atlanta Falcons. 7:15 PM CT NBC

10. Hoarding: Buried Alive. Larina is on the verge of losing her daughter because of her compulsive hoarding. 8:00 PM CT TLC

11. Ice Road Truckers. Carlile’s loads, during a crucial time of the season, are tied up thanks to a polar bear, a veteran’s risk has his life in jeopardy, and a rookie leaves with another has to pick up the slack. 8:00 PM CT History

12. Drop Dead Diva. Jane represents an infamous woman who clawed her way through a bridal supersale, Grayson and Kim represent a Medieval dinner theater co-owner, Parker hires his ex, and Stacy gets a national commercial. 8:00 PM CT Lifetime

13. Snapped. A teenage girl ends up missing after becoming involved in a love triangle, that also turns up a dismembered body and leaves three families changed forever. 8:00 PM CT Oxygen

14. Bridezillas. 8:00 PM CT WE TV

15. Teen Dads. The dads from Teen Mom and Teen Mom 2 talk about being young parents. 8:00 PM CT MTV

16. The Real Housewives of New Jersey. The Housewives head to Punta CAna, with Kathy and Teresa fighting on the beach. 9:00 PM CT Bravo

17. Hillbilly Handfishin’. Housewives from Baltimore, fishmongers from Chicago, and nerds. 9:00 PM CT Animal Planet

18. Top Gear. Versions of Hollywood cars are created, and a horse and two Mustangs race through the Utah desert. 9:00 PM CT History

19. Against the Wall. Abby tries to give a guy CPR after he collapses in front of her, and Donnie has a tryout with the SWAT team. 9:00 PM CT Lifetime

20. Big Easy Brides. 9:00 PM CT WE TV

21. Breaking Bad. When walt doesn’t show up for Walt Jr.’s birthday, his family gets worried. Jesse goes without Mr. White’s help when he puts his lab skills to the test. 9:00 PM CT AMC

Not-Lesbians Do Sex: Jersey Shore, S4, Ep7

Even when there’s no drama in the house, there’s lots to complain about and butt into. On the way to work, JWoWW and SloppyRon lecture Snooki about her relationship. They’re worried about her because of Jianni. Blah blah blah. Snooki simply does not want to work because she doesn’t like working at all. Outside, SloppyRon gets on the bullhorn and shouts out to girls. DJP does that much better than he does. The girls have a bite to eat and discuss how excited they are to go on a road trip to Riccioni, where their boss has lost many pieces of his brain, which means, according to SloppyRon, it’s gotta be a great place.

The boss gives them all a fifteen minute break—which does not include the time they took to eat—to go shopping down the street. Twenty-five minutes later, the boss comes to find them and drag them back to work. They don’t care about work. They care about finding outfits for their trip. When they go back, they pick up about eight pizzas to take home. Is that like a pizza for each of the roommates plus extra?

At home, Snooki calls Jianni and he asks what’s going on because she was rude on the phone last night. Snooki says everyone says Jianni was being rude to her and the roommates because he cursed at SloppyRon on the phone. He says he was trying to help Snooki and SloppyRon got on the phone. Then he says he’s not coming to Italy and hangs up. She thinks he’s a douchebag. She’s happy she’s going on vacation—a vacation from her vacation.

All the girls and Sitch pack more than one bag for a 24 hour trip. They are going to a beach-town. That means bathing suits. Why do you need so many bags? Even three bathing suits for options don’t take up that much room. They tie down the luggage to the tops of their two Fiats and then cram themselves inside with the extra bags. SloppyRon follows my exact logic about not needing that many bags—I am scared that we have the same thought process on this.

I’m skipping the car rides because they are a waste of time. They arrive at a hotel that overlooks the water and the boardwalk. It’s gorgeous, of course. The boys go out to call at people on the boardwalk and find Sitch’s Italian doppelganger. The girls lotion up and go to the beach, where it looks really windy. They decide to get drunk, so they do shots and talk about vaginas loudly.

Oh my God. I just realized how old I actually am. Deena says, We want to get wasted. Snooki says, We want to get drunk. In my mind, I’m saying, Now why would anyone want to do that on purpose? I swear, I used to go out and chug whatever someone gave me for the sole purpose of being trasshhhhhed. What’s happened to me? Or maybe it’s a good thing I don’t do that anymore, considering my professorship and all.

Anyway, the bartender looks on inquisitively and a passerby, whom they asked for the Italian word for vagina, tells them they are too vulgar. That could be good advice if it didn’t come from a guy who looks like he belongs in a detective noir film.

Meanwhile, the boys are sitting at a table to get food and checking out the large naked old women and the old men walking by in Speedos.

The girls leave the bar to shop. Drunk. Deena and Snooki spend a whole lot of money that they may or may not want to spend on stuff they may or may not want because they are so drunk. JWoWW and SloppySam have had enough of the drunken meatballs, so they walk way ahead of the other girls. The drunken meatballs catch on and try to catch up but then get distracted by thump thump thump thump. There’s music to dance to! They gallivant away to find the source of music while the other two girls go to shower and get ready for dinner.

Deena and Snooki jump up on the amps and dance around. Then the boys arrive, all dressed for dinner. They tell the girls to go get ready for dinner because it’s 7:30 and dinner is at 9:30. Whoa—first off, dinner at 9:30? That’s very close to bedtime. Secondly, Italy is very deceiving because the sun is blaring and it’s late. Maybe that’s why the girls didn’t realize the time. More likely, however, they’re simply too drunk to realize or care. Deena thinks they have plenty of time.

The boys sit off to the side and have some drinks. Deena waves a napkin at Snooki and Snooki runs through it as if she’s a bull and then she flies face first into a bush because she can’t stop. She climbs out of the bush ass-first. This does not stop them from dancing more. Eventually, Deena’s bikini bottom falls off from under her dress. At that point, the boys leave.

The boys arrive at the restaurant where Vincenzo sees some crabs and lobsters in a tank and calls them dinosaurs because he’s never seen crustaceans before. JWoWW and SloppySam come to the restaurant, half-convinced that Snooki and Deena are going to be abducted. So, what they’re saying is that their drunk friends could be abducted so they left them alone so they wouldn’t have to deal with said abduction. Ah, friendship. I know it sucks to take care of drunk people, but leaving them alone in a foreign country? Seriously, have you seen what’s going on in Aruba?

Somewhere on a curb, Deena and Snooki decide to go to the hotel to change into dinner-appropriate attire.

Back at the restaurant, the rest of the roommates order and eat their dinner, straight through to dessert. When they pay the bill, Deena and Snooki arrive to eat. Then everyone waits for them to eat before going to the club. They should not have waited. They should have told them to meet up later at the club or to grab something on the way over.

Finally, it’s time to go to the club. They find some taxis. On the way there, Deena slurs so badly that what she’s saying is indecipherable. JWoWW thinks this is more like the cab ride back home from the club, not the one on the way there. Yes, yes it is. SloppySam suggests Deena go back to the hotel. I think Deena disagrees. Then again, she could be talking about Magellan for all I know.

Snooki is annoyed that JWoWW is acting like a mom. JWoWW is annoyed that she has to play the role of the mom. Sitch makes out with some girl who might be a guy in drag. The girls dance against a glass wall and then JWoWW sees the reflection and realizes that Deena has no underwear on and everyone can see whenever she squats down. Deena gets annoyed when JWoWW tells her about it.

Okay, we now have a new sloppy couple. Congratulations, RonRon and SamSam, no longer the Sloppy duo. Now we’ve got SloppySnooki and SloppyDeena.

Oh, man, I just inadvertently sat through one of those energy shot commercials that feature the Jersey kids. I think it’s safe to say that acting is not in their future. How they are even spokespeople, I don’t know.

But back to the dance floor, where SloppySnooki and SloppyDeena are humping each other. Oh, and now they’re making out. Yeay! More lesbian fun! Everyone is confused and a little grossed out. When it’s time to go home, SloppyDeena and SloppySnooki fall all over the place, make it to the cabs, and then make out some more, all the while JWoWW complains about being the mom. SamSam indicates that they’ve been making out for three hours and thinks she doesn’t even make out this long with RonRon.

They’re still together, right? Or not? I can’t keep up.

At home, SloppyDeena and SloppySnooki stumble around until they find a bed and a blanket and climb in.

The next morning, RonRon is waking everyone up the way DJP does. DJP calls this “swacking,” meaning stealing his swagger by copying what he does and says. It’s kind of hard not to copy what he says when there are t-shirts that say what he says all over the place. At the restaurant for breakfast, the boys decide that RonRon is a big swacker and he’s all about stealing DJP’s swag. But really, who cares?

JWoWW and SamSam decide to go shopping while the other two girls sleep off their drunken stupor. JWoWW and SamSam try to forget what happened the night before by going over it in every excruciating detail.

The boys are also talking about SloppyDeena and SloppySnooki. They think SloppyDeena is not over her bi-curious stage as she said she was the last time she made out with a girl. RonRon is now on Jianni’s side; he can understand why Jianni gets mad at SloppySnooki when she gets drunk.

That’s a good friend for ya. RonRon was all concerned about SloppySnooki’s well being and basically told her to break up with her boyfriend, but now he’s embarrassed and on Jianni’s side just because she made out with a girl. Why is everyone so wrapped up in that relationship anyway? Find something new to talk about. They think that the relationship is over now that SloppySnooki made out with anyone. Sitch would definitely break up with her over it.

After the roommates enjoy the beach and the town for a few more hours, they arrive back at the hotel to find SloppySnooki and SloppyDeena still sleeping. SloppyDeena climbs out of bed, looking for food, and Vincenzo thinks she ate enough last night. She had no idea what that means.

SloppySnooki does not remember the club last night. SloppyDeena doesn’t remember anything after dinner. They don’t remember making out but everyone is saying they did. SloppyDeena does not remembering doing sex. Even when she’s blacked out, she usually remembers doing sex. JWoWW and SamSam explain how SloppyDeena showed everyone at the club her vagina and how the two of them made out all night and then dry humped each other for a while. The two sloppy girls do not remember a thing. Or they claim to not remember. Still, with the size they are and the amount they drank, they most likely really do not remember.

All the roommates pack their bags on the Fiats and drive home—SloppySnooki drives with her parking brake on for quite some time. Other than that, they arrive home.

SloppySnooki calls Jianni first thing and everyone listens in. She tells him that she has to tell him something after asking if he’s done being mad at her. He says he wasn’t mad. She explains that she and SloppyDeena got really drunk and ended up doing stuff, like making out and that’s it pretty much and it was intense. Jianni asks if that’s all she did. She says yeah. He says, All right, as long as she knows she was good.

He partly sounds like a douche—as long as you know you were good. What the hell is that? But he partly sounds like a guy who enjoys lesbian action. You know he wouldn’t have been that calm if she’d made out with a dude. But with a chick? Sure, fine.

At bedtime, SamSam and RonRon crawl into the smashroom. So they are together. Right?

The next day, SloppySnooki, SloppyDeena, and Sitch have to go to work. SloppySnooki and SloppyDeena are still hung over so instead of working, they find different ways to enjoy themselves like climbing under recycling bins. Meanwhile, Sitch restocks the refrigerator. Really, he actually works. After restocking, he dries off all the food trays. In between, he attempts to learn Italian. Huh, how ‘bout that?

After work, SloppyDeena and SloppySnooki decide to get back into their routine. They change to go to the gym. They complain about how everyone drives. They dodge around scooters and taxis. They think it’s chaos, worse than New York City. A few times, SloppySnooki lays on her horn as SloppyDeena grabs the roof.

BTW: I have no idea who’s in the seat behind SloopyDeena, obviously someone who should not be seen but can’t help but be jostled by the driving.

Then, omigod, boom. SloppySnooki bumps into a police car. Her front side into the back and side of a car, really. A little bit more than a side swipe. It does not look that serious.

The police office asks for her license and she doesn’t have it. It’s at home. SloppyDeena calls the guys at home to tell them to bring SloppySnooki’s license to the scene. Vincenzo and the boys climb into the other car to dash over to them.

SloppySnooki starts having a panic attack as the EMTs arrive with stretchers. SloppyDeena asks, Stretchers, really? I concur, but then again, I don’t know what the rules are for an accident in Italy nor do I know exactly how hard they hit. SloppySnooki takes a breathalyzer. Then when the cop tries to get her out of her car, she starts crying and saying no, she doesn’t want to go into the back of a cop car.

So by that logic, the only thing people have to do to get out of being in trouble is to tell the police that they don’t want to go with them. Gotcha.

And so we end with SloppySnooki and SloppyDeena being piled into and taken away in a police car while the boys are pulling up with all the necessary documents. What a cliffhanger!

That really isn’t much of a cliffhanger being that the scenes from next week show SloppySnooki getting down at a club with her boyfriend. Way to be, MTV, way. to. be.


What's Hot on TV Tonight – Love Begins on Hallmark

I saw this picture of Nancy McKeon starring in tonight’s Hallmark movie, Love Begins, and could only think, “Wow, she hasn’t changed.” Now 45 years old, she still looks the same as she did starring as a prep school girl on Facts of Life.

1. PGA Tour Golf: BMW Championship. Third round from Cog Hill Golf & Country Club in Lemont, IL. 11:00 AM CT NBC

2. College Football. Auburn at Clemson. 11:00 AM CT ABC

3. College Football. Penn State at Temple. 11:00 AM CT ESPN

4. College Football. Pittsburgh at Iowa. 11:00 AM CT ESPN2

5. Romy and Michele’s High School Reunion. Two best friends go back to high school at their 10 year reunion and try to make it seem like they’ve become successful businesswomen. Mira Sorvino and Lisa Kudrow star. 11:10 AM CT TBS

6. Bruce Almighty. Morgan Freeman plays God and gives Jim Carrey as a TV reporter some of his powers. He’s just hoping it helps him in his relationship with Jennifer Aniston, but does try to do things the right way and help the people who need it … eventually. 1:30 PM CT ABC Family

7. College Football. Tennessee at Florida. 2:30 PM CT CBS

8. College Football. Michigan State at Notre Dame. 2:30 PM CT NBC

9. College Football. C.W. Post at California (PA). 2:30 PM CT ABC

10. NASCAR Racing: Nationwide Series. Dollar General 300 from Chicagoland Speedway in Joliet, IL. 6:30 PM CT ESPN2

11. MLB Baseball: Rays at Red Sox. Tampa Bay Rays at Boston Red Sox. 3:00 PM CT Fox

12. College Football. Navy at South Carolina. 5:00 PM CT ESPN2

13. College Football. Ohio State at Miami. 6:30 PM CT ESPN

14. College Football. Oklahoma at Florida State. 7:00 PM CT ABC

15. Cops. A vehicle is stopped after someone inside is seen throwing a white powder out of it, a Las Vegas cop goes undercover as a prostitute, and a Florida deputy goes after a suspect. 7:00 PM CT Fox

16. College Football. Syracuse at USC. 7:00 PM CT FX

17. Dateline: Real Life Mysteries. High school sweethearts find their way back together, and when he is gunned down in a parking garage, her ex is suspect number one. 7:00 PM CT TLC

18. Love Begins. A prequel to Janette Oke’s Love Comes Softly, a local cafe owner offers her friends advice and wisdom, along with their pie. Through this, Clark Davis and Ellen Barlow find love. Nancy McKeon, Wes Brown, and Julie Mond star. 8:00 PM CT TLC

19. Too Cute! Three different puppy litters. That might be an overload of cute. 8:00 PM CT Animal Planet

20. The Green Hornet. Seth Rogen brings this superhero back to life, and looks damn good after a dramatic weight loss. 8:00 PM CT Starz

21. College Football. Utah at BYU. 8:15 PM CT ESPN2

22. 48 Hours Mystery. The final chapter in the nearly 20-year-old story of the West Memphis 3. 9:00 PM CT CBS

23. Bad Dog! A dog that plays the piano, a pet buffalo, and a dog that will eat anything put before it. 9:00 PM CT Animal Planet

24. Confronting … Parents prepare to confront the man who killed their daughter. 9:00 PM CT OWN

What's Hot on TV Tonight – It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia

WHOTV.jpgIt’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia returns to the airwaves tonight, as does Vampire Diaries. We’re rolling out this fall season slowly but surely. Catch up with other favorite shows you may have missed at TV-Links.

1. The View. Gerard Butler and Kurt and Brenda Warner are the guests today. 10:00 AM CT ABC

2. Ice Age. Manny, Sid, and Diego are prehistoric animals trying to rescue baby. Ray Romano, Denis Leary, and John Leguizamo provide voices. The best parts of the movie are the efforts of the irritated squirrel as he tries to get to an acorn. 11:00 AM CT HBO Family

3. The Talk. The guests today include Big Brother winner Rachel Riley, Valerie Harper, and Perez Hilton, and Kris Jenner is a guest cohost. 1:00 PM CT CBS

4. The Ellen DeGeneres Show. Eva Longoria and Greyson Chance are among the guests today. Syndicated, check local listings.

5. Happens in Vegas. Two strangers get married in Vegas, and the next morning realize soberly their mistake, only to win the jackpot the next morning. Ashton Kutcher and Cameron Diaz star. 3:00 PM CT FX

6. Wipeout. Couples compete on obstacles that include the Love Train and Big Balls. 7:00 PM CT ABC

7. The Vampire Diaries. Season premiere. Caroline hosts a part for Elena’s 18th birthday, DAmon and Elena look for Stefan, Klaus and Stefan follow a werewolf, and Jeremy has difficulties with his visions of ghosts. 7:00 PM CT CW

8. The Secret Circle. Series Premiere. After her mothers death from a mysterious accident, Cassie Blake moves in with her grandmother in a small town, and new friends reveal a secret after a series of stranger and dangerous events. 8:00 PM CT CW

9. The Millionaire Matchmaker. Patti hosts her first all-gay mixer. 8:00 PM CT Bravo

10. Project Runway. The designers are tasked with creating clothing for the significant others of a group of men. 8:00 PM CT Lifetime

11. It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia. Season Premiere. To find Frank’s prostitute fiancee’s hidden heart of gold, the gang attempts an image makeover. 9:00 PM CT FX

12. Beyond Scared Straight. After a trip to jail doesn’t scare them enough, teens take a trip to the morgue. 9:00 PM CT truTV

13. LA Ink. Kat and Jesse decide to open a tattoo shop in Austin, prompting the High Voltage family to fear their doors will close, and Kat listens to a big confession from Michael. 9:00 PM CT TLC

14. Jersey Shore. 9:00 PM CT MTV

15. Archer. Season premiere. Handsome adventurer Rip Riley tracks down Archer in the South Pacific. 9:30 PM CT FX

16. Conan. Ashton Kutcher, Jeb Corliss, and Foo Fighters are tonight’s guests. 10:00 PM CT TBS

17. Russian Dolls. Diana, Anastasia, and Anna experience conflict after a tarot card reading, and Marina has to deal with the girls fighting her home and restaurant. 10:30 PM CT Lifetime

18. The Tonight Show with Jay Leno. The guests tonight include Charlie Sheen, Kevin Hart, and LMFAO. 10:35 PM CT NBC

What's Hot on TV Tonight – Survivor: South Pacific

WHOTV.jpgAs Big Brother crowns its winner tonight, the hew season of Survivor debuts right before it, ready to take its place at least on the Wednesday night schedule. It looks like it could be a good season with Ozzy and Coach returning, as well as Evil Russell’s nephew. Check out your other favorite shows at TV-Links.

1. Live with Regis and Kelly. The guests today are Pierce Brosnan and Meredith Vieira. Syndicated, check local listings.

2. License to Drive. Watching this, it kind of makes you realize the talent that was lost with Corey Haim. The problem was the talent was lost long before he passed away. He stars in this as a teenage kid with one goal on his mind, a license to drive. 10:10 AM CT ActionMax

3. The Ellen DeGeneres Show. Jon Cryer and Chaz Bono are among the guests today. Syndicated, check local listings.

4. Life as We Know It. Two godparents who despise each other have the unexpected happen when the parents of their young charge die, requiring them come together and take care of her. Even more unexpectedly, they fall in love. 3:00 PM CT HBO2

5. MLB Baseball: Indians at Rangers. Cleveland Indians at Texas Rangers. 6:00 PM CT ESPN

6. Survivor: South Pacific Season Premiere. Sixteen newbies and two returning veterans take on the South Pacific 7:00 PM CT CBS

7. America’s Got Talent. Jackie Evancho, Tony Bennett, Queen Latifah, and Cirque du Soleil perform, and the winner is announced 8:00 PM CT NBC

8. H8R. Nicole “Snooki” Polizzi and Jake Pavelka try to win over their haters. 8:00 PM CT CW

9. Buried Treasure. Leigh and Leslie visit a Catskills family wanting to earn cash from an art collection, a New Jersey family who could have an antique car, and a Georgia family who needs to avoid foreclosure. 7:00 PM CT Fox

10. Melissa & Joey. In the first half hour, Mel gets Joe to follow Lennox to a school dance, and Holly becomes jealous of Ryder. In the second half hour, after Joe comes into some money, he and Mel face some difficult decisions. 7:00 PM CT ABC Family

11. America’s Next Top Model. Fan favorites make a return to the competition and reenact their memorable moments from their first photo shoot. Nicki Minaj is guest judge. 8:00 PM CT CW

12. Ghost Hunters. Adam is discussing their current location as they’re investigating a basement that would probably make most feel claustrophobic, as it’s a small space and the EMF reader is jumping off the charts. They hear footsteps above them that seem to be in a hurried rhythm, but no one is supposed to be upstairs. They even touch their hands to the floorboards above and can feel the vibrations of the steps. Steve and Tango are called in to do a quick run through of the first floor. 8:00 PM CT Syfy

13. Operation Repo. Sonia’s rehabilitation from her gunshot wound takes a shocking turn. The whole team runs into trouble on a job when they attempt to repossess a carnival ride from a group of wannabes. Froy and Matt wrangle with a gym owner and his fleet of thugs. And Lou and Sonia repo a truck from a protester in a quite revealing outfit. 8:00 PM CT truTV

14. Man v. Food Nation. At the Pacific Coast, Adam helps Naader Reda go up against a four-pound tri-tip steak challenge. 8:00 PM CT Animal Planet

15. Big Brother. The three-parter Head of Household competition is played out with the winner choosing who to bring to final two. Past evicted contestants return and the winner is chosen. 8:30 PM CT CBS

16. Up All Night. Series Premiere. After returning from maternity leave, a woman tries to adjust to her job as an executive producer for a talk show, her stay-at-home husband, and new baby. 9:00 PM CT ABC

17. Primetime Nightline. Four teenage girls with dreams of becoming models are followed around in NYC. 9:00 PM CT ABC

18. Necessary Roughness. Dani gets an unexpected new client, TK meets up with his rival, and Nick has to make a decision. 9:00 PM CT USA

19. Paranormal Witness. A woman wakes up from a dream and is breathing heavily after seeing a child wake up within the dream. She immediately calls her sister and brother-in-law who are 600 miles away. Her dream was a nightmare where she kept seeing the number 16 pop into her head multiple times. 9:00 PM CT Syfy

20. Hulk Hogan’s Micro Championship Wrestling. Series Premiere. “Half the size. Twice the violence.” That’s the mantra of the league at the center of this exciting, eye-opening new series. Hulk Hogan, one of the legendary stars of pro wrestling, knows two things: wrestling and business. So when he sees potential in Johnny Greene’s struggling MCW league, he makes an offer that will make them… or break them. 9:00 PM CT truTV

21. Top Chef: Just Desserts. The 40th anniversary of Willie Wonka and the Chocolate Factory is celebrated. 9:00 PM CT Bravo

22. The Joy Behar Show. Jackie Collins is the guest tonight. 9:00 PM CT HLN

23. Toddlers & Tiaras. “International Fresh Faces Missouri.” 9:00 PM CT TLC

24. Confessions: Animal Hoarding. Over 150 cats being kept by a street minister. 9:00 PM CT TLC

25. Dance Moms.
To give Brooke and Paige an edge, Kelly secretly hires choreographers. Cath’s dancers go head to head against Abby’s. 9:00 PM CT Lifetime

26. Free Agents. Series Premiere. Two co-workers who are coming off their separate relationships ending end up in bed together after a moment of weakness. 9:30 PM CT NBC

27. Conan. Tyra Banks, Glenn Howerton, and the Sklar Brothers are the guests tonight. 10:00 PM CT TBS

28. The Tonight Show with Jay Leno. The guests tonight include Jane Lynch, Demetri Martin, and NeedToBreathe. 10:35 PM CT CBS

Top Chef: Just Desserts – Ep 3 – By The Way, Which One is Pink?

I have to level with you guys, I really didn’t want to watch this week’s episode. And I certainly didn’t want to write about it. It’s not because there were bad dishes prepared, it’s not even because Baby Hands is still on the show. No, seriously, it is much more serious than this.
There was a Real Housewife on the show.

I have lived a very satisfying life having never, ever watched a single episode of any of the Real Housewives shows. Not a minute. And to be perfectly honest, I’d need to get paid a handsome sum to start. So, imagine my nausea upon realizing that this episode was going to be focused around the chefs preparing dessert tables for one of these women. That means I had to pay attention to things she said and did.

I felt my IQ drop every time she opened her mouth. Every time we got a close up of her stupid yap dog. Every time her weird shag carpet-headed husband opened his mouth. IQ drops. Slowly but surely, I be losing me riting skilz.

Also, common visitors to me little ditties about reality shows know how little patience I have for product placement. I get it. These shows have to do it in order to survive. I’m fine with the concept. It’s the heavy handed ways the show do it that get on my nerves. Drop the name a couple of times, even let the companies sponsor challenges, but make it a bit more subtle and not slamming me over the head with the product. This week, there was a gum challenge. Gum. It seems Extra has made a gum with dessert flavors. I don’t care. I hate gum. And it’s not a friggin dessert. So having these chefs make tiny desserts to be used as gum flavors, not interesting to me. At. All.

I am also one who really hates terrible cross promotion. They all do it, I know. However, some of them are at least somewhat reasonable. I can live with Ethan and Jenna racing on the Amazing Race. I am fine with CSI investigators travelling from Vegas to Miami to Manhattan. I was fine with Det. Munch being on every NBC procedural show. I get it. But I really, really hate news programs that follow Lost promoting safety on airlines. Or 24 always showing Fox News on the TV monitors. Or Top Chef having on other Bravo reality personalities as guests.

So, when I talk about the challenges, the chefs and the dishes as the column progresses I am going to do what I can to avoid talking about the gum company, the Housewife, her dog, her friends, and the whole lot of them. To quote Barney Stinson…challenge accepted.

Thankfully, She-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named was not the judge, just the client. In a cross promotion I can live with, Unibrow comes over from Masters to be a JD judge. I have a feeling we’ll be seeing him quite a bit more in the Worldwide Leader of Cooking Competitions. Rebecca will be happy because she thinks he’s cute. Cuuuuuuuute. Let’s go first to the Quickfire.

Quickfire Challenge: Inspire a New Flavor of Gum. They get the win marketed by the company, they get immunity and they get $25K. Carlos says he has six kids and $25K will go a long way to college education. Um, not in this decade. Rockman is making pina colada, which I think is a great idea. Baby Hands is making pancakes, which I think is ridiculous, but as you will soon see, I am quite in the minority. Carlos’ tapioca idea is the best one, in my opinion, because he is thinking about the gum’s texture, which is a huge part of chewing gum. Macho 2 Melissa makes a really dumb decision to make coffee flavored gum. Um, you chew gum in order to purge coffee breath.