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Survivor Cagayan – Ep 3 – Cops R’ Us Is The Talk Of The Town

So far so good this season with Survivor as we have had three hours of very entertaining Survivor madness. We have Team Beauty wilting before our eyes, we have Tasha repeatedly getting salt water thrown in her face – by her own doing, we have Philip Sheppard’s lawyers preparing intellectual property lawsuits and we have a budding super villain who may in fact turn out to be awesome.

And I didn’t even mention the 8 pm family hour wet t-shirt contest starring Morganna. But don’t think I didn’t notice that, folks.

Team Brains. BRAAAAAAIIIIINSSSS! (NSFW) Sorry. Team Nerds. NEEEEEERRRRDDDSSS!!! Damn. Team Losers. LOOOOO-H-SSSSERRSS! C’mon!! C’MON!!! Who keeps doing that? OK, Team SAT Scores…ok, we’re clear, managed to be pathetic for another 30 minutes of airtime before finally getting it together. Typical of this dysfunctional bunch, upon learning about the water tossing challenge, the smart people couldn’t decide what they wanted to do. Tasha wanted to practice – because, you know, they suck at challenges. Spencer wanted to drink – and not in a fun way, but because they were dehydrated. And the Vulcan wanted to eat, but clearly forgot she went all scorched earth a few days earlier.

However, it did give us an amazing sequence of the four remaining Mensa members in the ocean tossing water back and forth using homemade coconut bowls. Badly. With “The Blue Danube” playing over it – making me want to demand HAL to open the pod bay doors. Tasha managed to get a montage of her getting water thrown in her face repeatedly. It was almost as if they were missing on purpose – a theory I would espouse if they didn’t prove to be so inept at water tossing in the challenge. The Vulcan even got to utter the amazing double entendre line of how she “liked the hand technique.” Yowza!

The challenge got on and they were horrible again. I loved how Tasha tossed the bucket upside down at one point, and how the Vulcan is shown tossing the water to anchorwoman Kass and just drops emerging. Kass breaks the fourth wall for a moment and curses. Hilarious.

However, they eventually pull it off and make it to the puzzle/maze portion of the challenge. The Vulcan is nowhere near the challenge as Kass and Spencer take it on. They arrive last as CliffWoo is finishing it up and the Beauty Dudes are blowing their lead. Incredibly, the smart people beat the pretty people at a puzzle challenge. Who knew? And this horrible tribe manages to not lose for once. Spencer probably was that close to being taken out – and I wonder if we will look back on this moment in another 10 episodes and wonder if that was a pivotal moment in the game.

The weather played a huge factor this week, as it was not just raining, it was weather of Biblical proportions. Dogs and cats, living together. Mass hysteria. The production team got Emmy Award caliber pictures of the storming skies above the Philippines. Incredible. Pitbull was trying to move some palm fronds and almost became airborne thanks to the wind gusts. He reminds his shivering tribe that the sun always comes out in the morning. He bets his bottom dollar on that. Wooooooooo! is stoked – “this is what Survivor’s all about, baby.” Pitbull believes this is what hell would be like. No way man – that would be the office I was just working in. Lindsey may in fact have trench foot – I would know since I got it at Woodstock 94 (True story). One thing is for sure is that she is now Lindsay of the Nine Toenails.

The Beauty Tribe only needs some Sarah McLaughlin music to play over the montage of their sad, miserable pretty faces. Jefra is also concerned with flies. Last week she delivered with poop queries, and this week it was about flies and how she didn’t understand about how strategy was being conducted around her. LJ chose to take this misery and use it to his advantage by exploring Morganna’s cliffs. No, not like that! The shoreline where the idol is hidden – because amazingly, Morganna never went back to it in a week’s worth of time. And lo and behold, LJ has an idol. So he and Pitbull each have one and the third is buried somewhere in the Mensa Camp since the Genius buried it rather than take it to Tribal.

Between this morale-sapping weather and their puzzle loss, the Beauties began to unravel a bit as their led up to their first Tribal. Brice’s attempts to use Morganna’s “cliffs” to distract Jeremiah and lure him to their side failed as my sort-of namesake stuck with his LJ/Alexis/Jefra alliance and took out the fashionista. Brice used the phrase “talk of the town” about 200 times at Tribal and tried to cast aspersions on Alexis’ work habits, without actually doing it, leading Probst to verbalize a “dot dot dot” to Brice’s comments. Typical great Tribal work from Mr. Host. I had high hopes for Mr. Purple Pants, but alas, he couldn’t pull it off. At least he came to play.

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