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Survivor: Blood vs. Water – Ep 3 – “F U Brad Culpepper!!”

My favorite part about the quote I used as the episode title was that Marissa chose to curse Culpy out by using his full name. Think about every time you have ever flipped the bird to someone and cursed them out in such a manner. Have you ever used the person’s full name? I don’t think I ever have. It’s just awkward to say it that way. And the icing on this delicious vulgarity cake? Gervase telling her to settle down. Him NOT settling down is the reason she’s in this mess in the first place!

Also a good thing about that whole display – and from the upcoming clash with Candice next week – it is making Culpy either a huge target for an upcoming vote out, or at the bare minimum means the dude ain’t gonna win this game, even if he makes it to the end. I’d feel badly for Monica, who should be rather uncomfortable through all of that conflict, but she must know how he is. Survivor doesn’t change who you are, it reveals some uncomfortable truths about yourself that can only come out of starvation, exhaustion and anxiety. This is Culpy – like it or not.

Also, this is Colton. I didn’t want to lead with Colton because it is just another way of attracting attention to him, but clearly, that was a big part of this episode. The big reveal, to me at least, was that Colton apparently faked or exaggerated his condition that got him pulled from One World. That’s incredible. If true, that would make him a two-time quitter on this show – and that’s pretty sad. I am not sure I could handle Survivor – I know my own physical and mental limitations. This show looks incredibly hard, and virtually anyone and everyone who has done the show before has come away from it saying it’s about 100x harder than it looks. I get it. I can almost forgive the first quit – no matter how weasel-like it is to fake an injury on Survivor, when so many others have gotten hurt and had to be dragged off the show. Heck, Swan almost died and didn’t want to leave.

But the second quit? You knew what you were getting into, Colton. This ain’t no surprise anymore. He claims in interviews online today that he chose to do this to make it easier for Caleb to go far. I call BS on that. Not sure how it helps Caleb – not having the loved one in the game does remove that complication, but does that really do much to help at all? If he got voted out and sent to RI and Caleb wanted to replace him…just say no to him. That simple. There is no logic to this except that Colton didn’t want to get voted out of Survivor. Each time. He is a trivia question now, and that probably makes him very happy.

Meanwhile, Probst was on fire. Now, part of this is the long-standing critique of Probst – he loves the jock, Type-A, bro, alpha male dudes and has moderate to little patience for any other man. Colton is clearly not his type. However, Probst also has NO patience whatsoever for anyone who wastes his time on Survivor – and who takes the place of thousands of others who would be like Swan – dying to get on this show, and willing to die to stay on the show. Probst’s take down of Colton was epic.

He called Colton selfish. He told him that a lot of fans of the show should stay on the couch and watch – and he was one of them. Tyson tells Colton he turned into the old Colton right away before his back was against the wall. Tina said he was quitting because he knew he couldn’t win and the tribe wasn’t playing his games. Probst put blame on the show too – they brought back a quitter and they got a quitter. That give me an idea for a new season – bring back all of the quitters and pit them against the gamers. Get Osten, Purple Kelly, Colton, etc. Put them against people that had to get dragged out from injury or scrambled hard to survive votes, etc. Or better yet – pit the quitters against players who applied a bazillion times and never got in, like Troyzan did. Or pit them against all people voted out first. Come on, show, it writes itself!

So Colton is gone. Amazing that the returning tribe hasn’t lost a challenge yet, but two returning players are gone. Neither of whom were actually voted out. Joining Colton and Rupert in sequester is Tyson’s girlfriend Rachel, who lost the truel. I’ll miss her and her gorgeous eyes, even if she barely said two words this season.

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