Bravo TV. The home for wedding and party planning for its stars. Perhaps we should wonder about whether or not this is a big scam so that people like Heidi Klum and Nina Garcia can get free dresses, and people like Curtis Stone can have major life events catered for free.
And yes, I know Project Runway is a Lifetime show, but it used to be on Bravo. Don’t be such perfectionists!
This week, the big twist for the remaining chefs was that instead of catering a big ole party for Dr. Sweater’s Saveur magazine, they were in fact going to be catering an engagement party for Stone and his fiancé, former cast member of Beverly Hills, 90210, Lindsay Price. This is one good looking couple. Price’s IMDB page reads like a who’s who of failed shows – but she’ll always have Beverly Hills.
At first, I thought the biggest news of the episode would be that Stone’s purple shirt from last week seemed to have morphed into the latest sweater for the Captain of the Sweaters. This thing is turning into the symbiote that became the Marvel supervillain Venom. Look it up, non-nerds, and smart people who avoided Spider-man 3. Next it will appear as a pair of purple pants for Gail.
I found it a bit surprising that the elimination came down to a decision between punishing the chef who took on too much responsibility compared to his two teammates who let him – where that decision went against the hard worker. It goes to show you what happens when you make your meals a bit too complicated for their own good. One bad cocktail can just ruin a meal, and send you home. Even if you are a Marvel superhero yourself.
But before we go to the planning of the engagement party and the untimely departure of our favorite Captain (not he of the sweaters), we have a Quickfire to take care of!
The sous chefs competed online and were tasked with a dish from their Masters that the bosses thought would be a good dish for the souses. Meanwhile, the Masters had an unrelated Quickfire this week – they needed to make their own curry and pair it with a Product Placement beer. However, they only had 30 minutes, which is far from ample time to make an honest to God curry. However, at least it would be judged by a classically trained chef, who specializes in all of the nuances of the subtle art of curry creation.
Or some DJ. Whatever works. Sigh. Sang knows this guy – Jason Bentley, the music director of KCRW. Sang appears to have a lot of musical interest – he previously compared curry to an Arcade Fire song. Lots of layers and orchestral aspects. Um, ok.
Canada is slicing up apples – because that’s what I think of when I think of curry. Maybe that’s Canadian Curry. Which would be a great nickname for a hockey player. Meanwhile, Neal has a great new exclamation – Holy Balls on Crutches. He just needs a “Batman” to follow that.
Dr. Johnny Fever seemed to complain a lot about having to put effort into dishes – especially from eating mussels. My seven-year-old can eat mussels. Anyway, Fever bitches about Cap and Jennifer’s tough to eat plates. Doug’s isn’t a real curry. Canada’s was unexpected with the apples, but it worked. Sang’s was fantastic. Neal had too much rice, it absorbed too much of the curry. Bot had the best pairing, but Stone complains that it isn’t exactly Asian. Bot is Irish-Italian, so there. Then Bot and Sang get into a rather iffy choice of ethnic jokes culminating in Bot asking if Sang had some fairy Asian dust to sprinkle. Slowly moonwalking away from this.
On the bottom – Doug and Cap. On the top – Canada and Sang. Winner, again, is Sang. That’s another five grand for those orphans, who will soon be moving into the swankiest orphanage in the world.
For the ELIMINATION CHALLENGE – Harold and The Purple Sweater fakes out the chefs and tells them they in fact are going to be surprising Curtis. Lindsay comes out and gives them a whole bunch of Stone’s favorite foods – mainly crab and chocolate (get Doug on the job!) – and some stories behind their earliest restaurant dates. The results of the sous chef challenge are revealed and Doug landed another immunity thanks to his sous. Meanwhile, Canada, Bot and Sang all wound up on the bottom again thanks to theirs. Their punishment is to be a full team for the three-team challenge, and they will only get 15 minutes to do their full shopping. This led to some frantic moments in the market for Bot and Sang.
Neal is going simple because of Jennifer’s complicated pasta dish, and has begun to help her finish. However, that leaves half the responsibilities to fall on cap. That’s a problem. The challenge is going to be judged by Herr Sweater, Gail, Ruth, Stone, Lindsay and a rotating set of friends and family.
Lord Sweater likes Sang’s take on Korean beef. Lindsay thinks his tartare is exciting, she always wondered what it tasted like raw. Stone loved Canada’s crab, while Ruth liked Bot’s scallop. Gail thought the team’s sponge cake was bland.
Lindsay reveals to Stone that she is not a lamb fan when Neal’s meat on a stick comes out. News to Stone. Sweater for Hire said the meat was too fatty. He also can’t find the lobster in Jennifer’s lobster dish, even though Lindsay found the dish to be clever. They are all taken aback by Cap’s cocktail. Stone says there is no dainty way to eat a donut. How about a knife and fork?
Sweater Man said there was no taste and the chocolate looked like a skidmark. Ew.
The last team’s main dish puzzled Gail – there is no surf and turf in Korean cooking. Sue’s was a big bite, according to Stone. Doug’s had a nice shiitake flair. Stone liked his take on a “margarita.” Burke’s dessert didn’t look good, but it dazzled for them. It made Gail want to giggle. Aww. That’s always fun.
Our winners – The Sue, Doug, Burke team. I just left the “u” out of Doug’s name by accident. Given his charity – I think I should keep that up! I think Burke’s dessert put them over the top – but no individual winner was named. Five grand to each of their charities.
On the bottom – The Cap, Neal, Jennifer team. I expected Jennifer’s poor dish that she didn’t even finish herself to be booted, but Cap took the fall for his team leadership and bad cocktail. He’s just not a good bartender.
IDEA! A Top Chef for mixologists! Someone get on that.
• No purple shirt for Stone, but it did appear that he was wearing about three or four other shirts during the Quickfire.
• Cool shots of behind the scenes at Top Chef.
• Am I imagining things, or does Jennifer’s hair color appear to change in every other shot?
• Cap was a big fan of the sweetness of mussels. That was the original Blanche DuBois line of dialogue.
• Doug jokes that he made chocolate shrimp curry for his QF. That would have been so awesome and just so wrong.
• Sue, on Lindsay – “He’s a very lucky guy, he gets to marry that (Bleep).” What was the bleep?!?!
• Heck of a shot by Bot tossing an item of food over the railing and into a moving shopping cart on an escalator. Reminds me of the old Bird-Jordan McDonald’s commercials. Nothing but net.
• Burke called Sue “silent but deadly.” Just what every woman wants to hear – be compared to a style of fart.
• Sang wants Bot to stop being charming and to tell more stories about his philandering days. Snerk.
• Cap created something called “the Pickle Factor.” A great name for a memoirs.
• How many female readers swooned when Stone called Lindsay, “My love”?
• Mr. Sweater on Neal’s lamb stick – “It came off the stick as I lifted it to my mouth.” There may need to be a new feature – Euphemisms spoken by The Sweater.
• Extra scene – The chefs giving Bot some shit. Meh.
Next week – Restaurant Wars. Have at it, folks!