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Survivor: Caramoan – Finale – And The Meek Shall Inherit A Million Bucks

Reward Challenge – With a balance scale contraption, you have to hold onto a bar to keep it balanced while building a house of cards on one scale as you remove the cards from the other. Essentially, these stacking challenges are fun for one reason – the insane amount of crashing that takes place. Let’s see if I can do it…Sherri is in front, Eddie in last and Cochran crashes. Dawn takes the lead and Sherri crashes. Now Dawn and Eddie are moving along and Cochran crashes again. Dawn is shaking like a junkie and crashes, complete with a blurred out bit of cussing. Eddie is in the lead, and he crashes. Sherri takes the lead and Cochran crashes a third time. Sherri has dipped into Dawn’s stash and she is shaking like a leaf as she loses half her stack. Dawn is in the lead and crashes as Probst tells her that. Eddie is in the lead, with Cochran behind him and Fireman Ed loses half of his. Sherri and Cochran are near the end, but she loses her stack as Cochran gets the final card in place. Another win for John Cochran.

He reminds Dawn as she panics for the 492nd time that at most an Eddie/Sherri pairing would have two votes. The worst case for her is a tie vote and a fire-making challenge against Eddie. His Dawn management this season alone should have garnered a few votes.

March of the Dead Survivors – They are told to keep an eye out for men on a boat. WAAAAAAALT!!!! But no, there is no kidnapping; instead they embark on the magical tour of Tribal Council memories. Cochran calls Francesca a huge threat, and she admits to seeing the humor of two first out finishes. It might’ve been nice to hear her say that live…but more on that later. Cochran asks, “So who exactly was Allie? Which of the three blondes was she?” And Sherri informs him of her status as Reynold’s show girlfriend. Allie says it wasn’t about the money; it was about meeting Rey and Ed. Of course, if she wasn’t second out it may have been about the money. Hope was Eddie’s first sweetheart, says Sherri, and Hope says she would come back, but without Eddie. HA! For that and the slo-mo footage of her running, I would welcome Hope back.

Sherri says Sgt. Hulka was misunderstood. Laura appreciates her family more. Brandon babbles. A lot. He goes on about the beans and starving the others and how he wrote his own ending. Hey, that’s our job. Let me take it from here – “and he vanished into obscurity, never to be seen again with the rest of his reality show attention hog family. The end.”

ZZ Top says he is a stronger man for being on the show, and Julia admits she needs to be more ruthless. Cool note – one of my interns is friends with Julia. That was an unexpected nugget of knowledge for me to learn last week. Corinne admits she blew her game for “a gay and three hotties.” Lord Snow says dreams do come true. They can happen to you. The Specialist drops Boston Rob’s name again. Malcolm would come back for a third try if they asked him. They will. Reynold admits to being in over his head. Which is amazing when you realize the size of his head. Cochran aptly describes Andrea as “charming, beautiful and most importantly, really smart.” Brenda thinks she is a better person now – although a few minutes later would do one of the most classless things in Final Tribal history. And this show had Corinne’s badmouthing of Sugar’s dead father at one point. Dawn thinks Erik was a lock for the Final Three.

And then they burn it all on some big wicker man chair. Not the beeeeeeessss!!!

Immunity challenge – They have to run up three flights of stairs – wait, is this The Big Bang Theory? – And untie puzzle piece bags, and then slide down the whole edifice. Do this three times. Then put together a 3-D fire puzzle. Cochran’s advantage – no untying. He just takes the bag. That allows him to begin the puzzle as Eddie and Dawn are racing up to get their third bags. A huge advantage. Granted, all four are working on the puzzle at the same time, and in fact, Dawn and Sherri put pieces in before Cochran, but Cochran has had all that time to analyze it. Don’t discount that – his trial and error was done already; the other three wound inevitably have their own to deal with. So, he wins immunity and once again, Cochran says suck it, Savaii Tribe from South Pacific.

The show tries to make it seem as if anyone but Eddie is going home. Eddie tries to sell himself as a F3 option to Cochran by calling himself an idiot who did nothing strategic. Sure. That’s true and all, but you can’t discount the presence of Rey, Malcolm, Lord Snow and Andrea on the jury. All very possible votes.

Tribal Council 1 – Brenda and Reynold have bandaged legs. In Ponderosa, we see that Reynold had a bad infection in his leg – he likely would have been evacuated as well. Not sure what happened to Brenda. Cochran explains how awesome it is to be there – the last time he started to believe the Savaii Tribe that he was worthless. Not anymore. Sherri implies that she has some tricks up her sleeve – and no one believes her. As Eddie goes, Dawn gives him a huge hug – and if anyone didn’t know that Cochran was winning this game, just watch the jury reaction to her hug. Tons of eye rolls.

After some early morning snacks, we go to final Tribal Council. What will they say? Bitter? Goofy? What will Erik and Phillip say? What will Brenda and Eddie say? What will…Wait a minute. How have I gone through this season without realizing there was a Brenda and Eddie? I could have been making Billy Joel jokes for weeks and linking to my favorite song of all time. UGH!!!

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