|by Pannydra, Goddess of Chaos
In my never-ending quest to give you all the cutting edge news that’s fit to print – or make up as is more often the case – about Reality TV, I have to share with you the latest and greatest information about American Idol Season 4. I’ve got guest judges galore and theme-weeks a-plenty for all y’all. I’m writing from a safe house somewhere in Texas because I am in danger. If Simon catches me, he’ll take away my BMG music account and all my free points earned. But, I’m taking this risk – for you, the fans of Reality TV.
There will be ten weeks of themes this season – with two ‘free-choice’ weeks. Here’s some highlights from the list, but you didn’t get them from me. Okay? I’m looking over my shoulder right now just in case – if Paula catches me, she’ll make me watch her “Straight – Up Video” for 48-hours straight (that’s how they’ll catch Bin Laden if you ask me!)
Week One – New Age Instrumentals: As Paula always says, “your voice is your instrument” the producers have decided to let the contestants hum to instrumentals and try to mimic the instruments in pieces like Yanni’s Ennui and John Tesh’s I’m so bored I wish my ears were bleeding. Guest judge is John Tesh. Watch for commercials by Sominex.
Week Four – Teen Girl Pop of the Ages. Debbie, oops Deborah, Gibson who was a judge on the AI spinoff – American Juniors, will guest judge. Listen to songs by the Partridge Family, The Monkees, Hilary Duff, Lindsay Lohan and Ms. Gibson herself. It’s sure to make you barf. See host Ryan Seacrest wear big hair in honor of the day.
Week Five – A Tribute to the American Idol Judges: Each of the contestants must sing a song by Journey, Mariah Carey or any other person Randy Jackson says he worked with! They can also sing any Paula Abdul hit except for Blowing Kisses in the Wind – it’s been deemed too suggestive by the FCC. To pay homage to Simon, they will sing Spice Girls tunes. He had something to do with them, right? He’s British after all. Guest Judges: Paprika and Marjoram, the Spices the got kicked off due to the scandal. They started in the cricially acclaimed adult film Spice Rack!
Week Eight – Nirvana week. No it’s not a tribute to Nirvana, the grunge rock sensation of the early 90s. Rather, it is a Buddhist chant week. The Dalai Lama makes a rare television appearance. The Dalai Lama and Simon Cowell together on one television show has to ROCK! Maybe he can teach Simon how to channel his inner nice guy.
Look for the Tibetan Eunuch Monk Choir and celebrity Buddhist Richard Gere to help get this party started off right!
Week Nine – Songs of the Cartoon world. It’s Yabba Dabba Doo Riffic, y’all. Hear them sing tunes from “Josie and the Pussycats”, the theme song to “Scooby Doo” and “Spongebob”. It’ll be grrrreat. Guest Judge are Judy Jetson and Bamm-Bamm.
Week Ten – Heavy Metal Head-Banging Anthems: Watch the controversy ensue as one of the finalists sings his song backwards. Watch out for the Bible Belt boycotts and the John 3:16 signs! Ozzy Osborne guest stars – Ozzy to English subtitles will be available.
That’s it for now. I’ll write more later. Until then, Panndyra OUT!