Matt Bischoff – Age: 38. From Cincinnati, OH. Outside of Survivor – BMX Bike Sales. Beard. That’s where your eyes go. He has a bigger beard some Hollywood stars have trotted out there. He is the lost ZZ Top band member. If he shook his head lost silverware would fly out of it. He has so much chin hair that if you turned him upside down you may not know which side was which.
He is a proud daddy. His inspiration – Hans Langseth. Who the hell is that? Well, he is the man with the longest beard ever. Of course. His loves include – beards, singing, BMX. He is not a fan of the uptight, lotto ticket buyers, bad tippers. What does he have against Lotto customers? How does that hurt him at all? He feels he is funny, over the top, and caring. He wants to bring an Ipod, pen and notebook, video camera. Seriously people, what’s with the friggin’ Ipods? He thinks he is like Rupert and Lex – you know, beards and tattoos. He expects a good social game. Perhaps he could bring more than Rupert and Lex brought – they were all social game and had extremely flawed strategy.
Chances of winning – If he is not an early out for being different, I can see him getting a little deep. I can’t see him winning, because if he is that social the others will want him gone before he ever sees a jury member.
Michael Snow – Age: 44. From NYC. Outside of Survivor – Event Planner. I will forever look at him as the long lost lookalike for my friend Ken. In fact, I may never take him seriously as a result.
He is the founding member of Whole World Theater in Atlanta. Which is pretty cool – let’s hope he can bring some comedy this season. His inspiration is his late friend Thomas Boyd – humor in face of cancer and AIDS. Word to that. He loves running, theater, knitting, photobombing. HA! Knitting and photobombing. Don’t often hear either thrown in as likes, much less on reality shows. Although, if you think about it, all of reality TV is basically a cosmic photobombing, no? He doesn’t like crazy people. Um, have you met Phil? He feels he is determined, enthusiastic, witty. His three things – knitting needles and yarn, cribbage, journal. Way to commit to the knitting. He is like Cirie and Rob C. Two of the top runners up in show history.
Chances of winning – Idolizing runners up is not promising. I like the guy, but I sense an early out.
Reynold Toepfer – Age: 30. From San Francisco, CA. Outside of Survivor – Real Estate Sales. Good, another pretty boy. That’s right, I am judging already.
His claim to fame – living in Australia. That’s it? Just existing somewhere on Earth? His inspiration – Tom Brady (competitor, best of teammates, poise). As a lifelong Dolphin fan, we are fighting already, Reynold. He is a fan of swimming, rugby, crosswords. His Pet Peeves – negative people and winter. You will get one here, and perhaps the other, not sure what season it was in the Philippines when they shot this. His three words – adventurous, resourceful, likable. His three things – music, books, volleyball. WILSON!!! He wants to think he is like Colby (presumably S2 Superman Colby and not S20 pathetic Colby), Parvati’s flirting, and Todd’s strategy. He calls himself a charmer who dazzles people. He says they adore him. He says he is an excellent motivator and spear fisherman. Wow. Imagine what he would be with a high opinion of himself!
Chances of winning – Hopefully not much. Let’s see what he can bring.
Shamar Thomas – Age: 27. From Brooklyn, NY. Outside of Survivor – Iraq War Veteran. One thing Survivor is very good at – bringing some very interesting characters on screen. Shamar…he is a character. He is basically Michael Clarke Duncan’s long lost cousin, but tattooed. He commands the screen in just the short clips provided online. If there is a leader for potential breakout star, it is Shamar.
He is a noncommissioned officer who is inspired by his grandma. You can’t write that character. He loves family, the gym, activism. He wants nothing to do with those who chew with their mouth open, the ignorant, and those with no passion about jobs. He is cool, passionate, respected. Sadly, he would bring his Ipod, laptop, cards. Ok, one strike. He thinks he is most like Rupert. And he wants to win to bring awareness to social injustices.
Chances of winning – Watch now that I talked him up he goes out first. That said, I can see him going the way of many a charismatic big guy – mid-jury.
Sherri Biethman – Age: 41. From Boise, ID. Outside of Survivor – Fast Food Franchisee. She looks like the hottest mom from the PTA meeting that you come home thinking dirty thoughts about and then feeling shame afterwards. Seriously though, she carries 41 really well.
She is finding the right diagnosis for autistic son, Colby. That’s a superfan. She named her KID after a Survivor. That’s hardcore. I’d like to one day convince my wife to name our next kids Cochran, Shambo and Benry. She is inspired by her parents. She loves shopping, Pilates, and cycling. She does not like liars, clutter, dirty things. Again, Survivor. It is all liars and dirty things. She feels she is lovable, sexy and unstoppable. She would bring a toothbrush, coffee, Wi-Fi and computer. None of these people bringing electronics ever considered adding a solar powered recharger. Come on, do I have to think of everything? She is most like Parvati – because of the charm. She feels she is social and hard working, and a natural leader.
Can I call for a moratorium on new Survivors describing themselves as Parvati, Steph, Boston Rob, Rupert and Cirie?
That’s the new lot of contestants. As always, here are my utterly random pre-season predictions. I have received no spoilers, nor do I want any. This is all just knee-jerk reaction to what I have read. Let’s assume nine-person jury and Final Three.
Early boots – Mike, Allie, Malcolm, Julia, Philip, Reynold, Brandon, Erik
Jury – Francesca, Eddie, Corinne, Laura, Brenda, Matt, Shamar, Hope, Dawn
Final Three – Cochran, Sherri, Andrea
Take it for what it’s worth – but there you go.