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We're Gonna Get A Shark – Survivor: Palau, Episode 3

[i]by atarus[/i]

Welcome to Ulong, the tribe of lazy bums and complainers. The episode starts off with Stephenie mentioning the fact that the previous Tribal Council woke Jeff and Kim up a little bit. Jeff says that Jeff was brutal about questioning Jeff. (God I love doing that.) If Jeff’s questions woke Kim up at all, she woke up complaining, that’s for sure. She mentions that she “didn’t like questions like that” and that “I don’t want an image of a 2-person alliance.” Okay, CBS, loud and clear, CAST PEOPLE THAT WATCH THE SHOW AND NOT MODELS PLEASE. I’d rather look at people that are averagely pretty and know what they’re doing than look at people that are averagely pretty and are dumb as rocks. (Oooh, that’s a BURN to Kim.) James, meanwhile, continues to be his redneck self and says that Kim’s a woman and all she’s got to her advantage is her sexsheality. That’s how he said it, I swear.

On Koror, we get a nice shot of Coby carrying wood in just his underwear. Er. That came out wrong. ANYWAY. The Korors are trying to build a better shelter, and Coby in a confessional complains that people are starting to grate nerves and it starts to get annoying because you can’t get rid of anybody. (Foreshadowing anyone?) Caryn and Katie get into a fight, and again I use the term “fight” loosely with Caryn because a fight with her is her yelling at you, not giving you a chance to talk, and then walking away before you can respond. Hm. Caryn tells us that Katie is a tart and that she has something to say all the time about everything. She tells Katie that every time she does something, Katie is waiting with a snide remark. Katie, meanwhile, confessionalizes that she nearly started laughing at Caryn because she was so irate and that Caryn never gave her time to respond. I’m not entirely sure where this fight came from at all, however! I would like to say it’s hard to care for a fight when you really don’t like either party. Sorry Caryn, maybe pick a fight with Ian or Tom next time so I can more adequately hate you.

It’s reward challenge time! Jeff Probst gets a kick out of this one because he actually gets to do something during the challenge. Jeffy pulls the magic level and a life preserver pops up out in the water! And then the Survivors have to get the preserver and take it back to their platform. The bonus? The survivors can get physical! Without punching or intention to hurt of course. Their reward? A sewing kit. I swear, CBS strands them with nothing just so they can have bland rewards like this that excite the castaways. Either way, Ulong basically hands Koror their rear end during this task. Jeff and Tom go at it, Jeff is smart (*Gasp!*) and hangs back, waiting for Tom to get the preserver, and when Tom puts the preserver around his waist, basically drags Tom to his own platform. Stephenie vs. that girl that’s on Koror, Stephenie just creams her. And then it’s Angie and BJ vs. Gregg and Janu. Angie acts like a mad woman and dunks, scratches, and does everything to both Gregg and Janu, and neither look happy about it. Anyway, BJ with Angie’s dunking help gets the preserver and Ulong wins reward.

On Ulong, Ibrehehehehehem speaks (*double gasp!*) and says that he’s not a sewer or a seamstress (I’d sure hope he isn’t a seamstress….that’s, um, icky?) so the reward isn’t that special to him. Bobby Jon says that winning the reward gave them a momentum boost, but there’s still stuff around camp to be done. Bobby Jon is what you call “Ulong.” Well, maybe Bobby Jon and Stephenie. Either way, while every else is laying about, BJ is doing all the work. Kim is giving him hearty cheers from the sideline though! Kim says that Bobby Jon works a lot and he needs to “sit down and chill out.” Yeah Kim, you think that.

Tom, Ian, Gregg, Jenn, and Katie are out on a hunt for food. They find banded sea snakes, which are very poisonous (both Tom and Gregg read the Boy Scout manual CBS gave them before coming to the island, and were able to spout out very interesting information to the confessional men because of it) but they decided “Oh what the heck, why not.” So while Tom pins down the snake, Ian chops off his head. Katie remarks that Ian was “so cute” in that he was saying “Sorry buddy, sorry man” and then KYAH! Chopping off the snake’s head. Ian himself says that he loves animals, and so killing the snake wasn’t really his thing. Tom loves the fact that he “hooked up with two knuckleheads that get excitement out of things like this.” But while they’re hanging the snakes out to dry, they get a visit from a shark or two. Tom says that in Long Island, if they saw a shark in the water everyone would run away from it, but here everyone runs into the water with sticks in their hands. Um, hello, what about that machete you were using on the snake? Or are machetes reserved for helpless little creatures? Either way, we are treated to a few minutes of footage of Ian and Tom going after sharks with pointy sticks but not getting anything. Oh, and Ian says “heeby-jeeby” in there too. Pretty cool.

The next morning, while Jeff is out taking a pee, he rolls his ankle on a coconut and hurts it. Uh oh. And hey look we have a challenge the same morning! Jeff is scared because the treemail says the challenge will be pure strength and it figures that’s when he hurts his foot. Meanwhile, we discover that Bobby Jon is a fan of toga parties, as that’s all he can make with the sewing kit.

At the challenge, Jeff explains that all tribe members will be tied to a common rope, each carrying a backpack of 20 pounds of sand. They walk around in a circle in the water, and the first person to catch the other team wins. If you drop out, you have to give your weight to someone else. Koror sits out that girl and Janu. When the challenge starts, Jeff immediately gives his weight to someone else because of his hurt ankle. Caryn trips and falls and tries to stay in, but finally gives her weight to Tom as Ulong starts catching up to them. Mr. Miyagi and Katie follow Caryn soon after, and so do Angie and Kim for the other team. Stephenie is the only girl left in the challenge. The time passes and both Coby and James eventually have to drop out of the challenge. It’s BJ, Ibe, and Steph vs. Tom, Ian, and Gregg. BJ is carrying 80 pounds and Steph is sticking it out like a champ. However, Ulong tires quicker than Koror and in the end Ian is able to jump on Ibe and Koror wins immunity for the third time in a row.

Jeff calls a pow-wow when Ulong returns to camp. He says that there’s no way he can get to the end on a busted ankle, he can barely put any weight on it. Stephenie wants him to stay. James is sad that a strong person wants to be voted out. Bobby Jon refuses to vote for Jeff, saying that even with Jeff down he’s ten times stronger than Kim. Angie is convinced that if Jeff goes, Kim will start doing more. Bobby Jon shows Angie that Jeff is cutting coconuts and remarks that Kim couldn’t even do that. James tells Jeff that it isn’t logical to get rid of him, and Kim sees everyone conspiring and says there’s a chance Jeff will be here the next day.

It’s TC time again, and again I could really care less. It’s either going to be Jeff or Kim, and really, will I miss either? No, not really. A key remark is that Bobby Jon says that Tom is a man among men and that he thinks Tom single-handedly beat them in the challenge. Ibrehem says that it was because Jeff was out of the challenge, if Jeff’d been a participant they would have won. Kim also calls Bobby Jon “freakin’ Tarzan.” (I like that. BJ is now Tarzan, joining Mr. Miyagi and that girl. Wait, Kim came up with it. Never mind.)

It’s time for the votes. James votes for Kim and says she’s lazy. Kim votes for Jeff and says that “this is what you wanted, this is what I’m going to do.” Bobby Jon votes for Kim, saying he won’t play Jeff’s “silly-ass game.” You tell ‘em Bobby Jon. However, Stephenie, Angie, and Ibrehehehehem decide otherwise, and in a 4-2-1 vote, Jeff is toast.

Jeff’s final words is that he wishes he hadn’t injured himself, he had to make the choice that would allow his team to advance to a further point in the game, and tells Ulong that it’s time to take Koror to the cleaners.

Next time, Ulong gets “desperate” but we don’t know what about. The tribes have to choose a representative for a challenge, and apparently when Ulong arrives they still haven’t chosen one. Go Ulong. *snicker*

I think I’m out of snide remarks for this column. E-mail me at atarus33@yahoo.com if you have an opinion on how Survivor is this season. See you next week.

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