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What Are You Waiting For – Starting Over, 03-01-05

by LauraBelle

Sometimes in life we sit and wait for the good things to happen, but they never do. The problem here is that we just sat and waited. Why not jump in with both feel and go that those things we want so badly?

Iyanla calls Rachael’s biological father, Jerry, while Rachael sits nearby yawning. As Jerry answers the phone, Iyanla hits Rachael on the arm to get her to pay attention. I believe she was trying to disassociate from the situation for fear of getting her hopes up.

Rachael gets on the phone and tells Jerry she is in complete shock, and he tells her he’s been waiting for her to call. Rachael assures him she isn’t angry, but just wanted to hear his voice. Jerry tells her she has some half sisters and brothers and many aunts and uncles. This is a girl who has always felt alone and abandoned, and the whole time there was another family out there waiting for her.

Getting a little bolder, Rachael says she has never even seen a picture of Jerry, and that all she had known was the negative person he was portrayed to be. Jerry tells her there are some people that don’t want her to know the truth, but if she wants to hear the truth, she will.

Rachael’s dad tells her the twenty years he has waited has been six years too long. After her mom and stepdad died, her family should have told her to look for him, adding he would have taken her in had he known her mom and Jesse had died. Jerry also tells her he is planning on visiting her in the Starting Over house.

After she hangs up, Rachael tells Iyanla it sounds like Jerry has a lot to say to her. She says her life could have been so different; she didn’t need to be alone.

Iyanla leads Group today and asks everyone what they’re waiting for to reach their goal. Renee says she has been waiting to see her father and Rachael has been waiting to not be alone anymore. Changing gears slightly, Iyanla asks what the difference is between waiting and having patience. After none of the women quite understand what she is asking for, Iyanla says waiting is an action, and a feeling you should be doing something else, but aren’t. Patience is a state of being, an acceptance of where you are. Candy says she’s not waiting for anything, and Iyanla isn’t so sure about that. She believes Candy can’t stop waiting until she learns to claim her own power.

Iyanla asks all the women if their lives were to never change, what would they need to practice. Renee knows off the bat it is forgiveness. Candy says acceptance, Cassie says self love, which everyone nods to, Rachael says compassion, Vanessa believes she needs to practice gratefulness and Bethany thinks she needs to practice taking risks, making Iyanla jump on her.

Iyanla asks Bethany to name some risks she will do today, and not satisfied with the riskiness of them, Iyanla asks Bethany to get in the pool today. Bethany doesn’t have a swimsuit with her, but says she will get in the pool tonight, something she hasn’t done at all since being in the house, wearing shorts and a t-shirt. Iyanla is pleased and tells Bethany it’s “Delicious; get me a fork.”

Renee move son to a one-on-one with Dr. Stan and says she is working on her patience, one of her values. Renee believes she has herself together for her dad’s visit the next day. She feels she let her father down by not talking to him, and admits she did so to punish him for taking her money, and now believes she is done with her punishment.

Dr. Stan questions Renee on why she feels the need to explain to her dad about being molested when she was a young girl, and she believes it is connected to her abandonment issues. It all left her very distrustful of men. She is different now, and wants her dad to know that, but Dr. Stan tells her she needs to focus on herself and convince herself she is not a failure, not her dad.

Rhonda chats with Cassie about the following day’s visit with Shelly, Cassie’s birth son’s stepmother. Cassie is very prepared as she knows in her heart now is the right time for all this. She just wants him to know where she’s at if he wants to get to know her.

Renee is working on writing her letter to her dad, and reads what she has written so far to Rachael. These two women had a hard time seeing eye to eye in the beginning, yet now face the same difficulty of reconnecting with their fathers.

The phone rings, and Renee answers it to find Candy’s daughter with urgent news. Renee tracks Candy down, and finds her at the health club with Bethany and Marcus as it’s measuring day.

Candy gets on the phone and learns from Renee her son, Louis, is in trouble. Marcus allows Candy to call her daughter from his office, and Candy tells her daughter to get Louis an attorney. Louis and his wife were separated and he couldn’t find his kids. His wife called him over to the house to get the kids, and once he arrived he found his kids weren’t there. His wife then called the police and told them there was a fight and Louis had beaten her.

Bethany and Candy leave to go back to the Starting Over house, and Candy says this is a twenty year sentence in Oregon. She says she feels sick; every time she goes away, something happens. Bethany gives her the sage advice that she should call Iyanla back at the house.

Iyanla walks into the Starting Over house and asks Candy what’s with the drama and trauma. She knows she has seen this from Candy before; just when it’s time for her to make a bit step in healing, hell breaks looks around her. The odd thing is the thing Candy seems most worried about is not Louis’ jail stint, but the fact Louis was storing Candy’s things in his house, and Candy is now afraid Louis’ wife will destroy her things.

Something doesn’t smell right to Iyanla about this situation. She says she would never put things of value in the care of someone she doesn’t trust. Candy tries to explain she didn’t put her things with her daughter-in-law, but with her son because he needed some help, but Iyanla cuts her off and tells her she is controlling Louis. She tells Candy her concern isn’t Candy’s things but the pattern she sees and asks if Candy is willing to change.

Candy has been carrying others’ burdens for too long and it’s time to cut the chord. Iyanla explains Candy says mothers see all the things in sons we could never have in a man, making us spend our lives rescuing our sons and taking care of them. Iyanla grabs a rope and scissors out of the kitchen and ties one end to Candy and one end to herself.

As they are tied together, Iyanla pulls her around the room. She tells Candy to cut the chord and Candy cuts it in the middle. Iyanla says she can still pull her around; cut it closer so that no one can grab on. Candy needs to give Louis the opportunity to be a man, or eventually he will hate and resent Candy. Let him figure it out, Iyanla says, and respect himself. Candy needs to help herself before she can help anyone else.

Iyanla moves on to meet with Renee and loves that Renee shows up carrying the portfolio she had given her. She reads the letter aloud to Iyanla that she has written to her dad. In it, she explains how she used to feel and says she was mistaken. She ends it telling him he matters and she misses him. Iyanla says it’s much better this fourth time around. They discuss that during his visit she should mention the lack of communication and ask what happened to the college fund money.

Bethany decides to finally take that dip in the pool. She spends a long time trying several different outfits on just trying to find the right shorts and shirt to jump in the pool with. Vanessa supports her fully in this, and they both go run out and jump in the cold water together. Iyanla, passing through, yells out, “Good for you!” and is still holding Candy’s cut chords.

Rachael calls her grandmother and asks if her real dad ever took care of her. Her grandmother tells her she told her he was a bum, and she had her stepdad to take care of her; she didn’t need her biological dad. Her grandmother badmouths him some more and says he came to take her one time for a visit and hadn’t returned her by midnight. Rachael tries to explain that people change, but her grandmother continues saying she doesn’t understand why Rachael wants to have anything to do with him.

Most of the women in the house seem like they have reached a big pinnacle in the process, if they succeed through the pinnacle depends on where they go from here. Renee has forgiven her father and is ready to heal the relationship, Rachael has finally taken a risk and reached out to her father. Even for her to consider such a thing was a huge step for her. Cassie has taken her GED, and is only waiting to retake the math portion, and the biggest thing is her son. She isn’t just waiting to find him; she seems resolved, patient if you will, to the fact that life will go on if he doesn’t want to know her. She just wants him to have the option. Candy needs this one big step still. She is there, and just needs to stop waiting for it to change. She needs to trust everyone else that they can care for themselves, so that she can take care of herself.

I welcome all questions and comments at LauraBelle@realityshack.com

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