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I went from America’s Most Wanted to America’s Next Top Model – ANTM 4 Premiere


by Goddess of Chaos

Hey, hey, y’all. It’s that time again. America’s Next Top Model is back in the hizzouse – UPN. The twist tonight? Some wannabes from last season made reappearances. Mary, the plus-sized diva who felt she lots out to Toccara last season ‘cuz you can only have one plus-sized girl on the show and Tiffany, the “she touched my weave, bar fight gal ” (also from last season), returned. Mary was a little wilder. But Tiffany had toned it down considerably, y’all, but more on that later.

The show started off with some clips from seasons’ past. We saw the last 3 winners: [b]Adrianne Curry[/b], who’s currently chasing Chris “Peter Brady” Knight all over the [b]Surreal Life 4[/b] house; [b]Yoanna House[/b] – the girl who knew her fashion and had a flawless face but a not-so perfect physique – and [b]Miss Eva “the Diva” Pigford[/b], the Cycle 3 Winner who became a kinder, gentler and more confident diva as the competition wore on.

We get to see the 35 contenders arrive in California. Right away, the camera seems to spend more time on certain contestants. [i]{It’s no surprise that most of those girls become the [b] Final 14[/b] but I ain’t revealing them yet! C’mon now! I want you read this review, don’t I?}[/i]

The girls are waiting for the competition to start. It’s an eclectic mix of women and I’m not that impressed with the beauty in the competition. They’re a little rougher around the edges this season, or so it seems. (Maybe I’m just getting too old to watch UPN! Maybe I can’t hang, or perhaps I’m tired and cranky! All good reasons.)

Jay Manuel and Michelle Mock-Falcon, the casting director for the series, tell the girls it’s time to ‘get their game on’. The question comes up:

What’s Tyra looking for?

The answers were like: “someone real”, “new”, “fresh”, “ME”.

Tyra walks in and surprises the girls. They looked like they had just seen the Second Coming of Christ or something. It was pandemonium. Lotta love for Tyra – and tears. One wannabe was like, “She came to see us. She really does care.” Oh MY You-Know-Who! Sometimes, they should turn the sound off when they’re using the cameras. The models shouldn’t always be allowed to speak – I’m just saying.

Tyra tells the girls that she picked them out of the thousands of tapes she got. She’s seen them all. These girls are special. She says that she knows that one girl called “Lady Cat” says she was a cat in her past life. Um. Okay. Maybe, we need to bring in the Pet Psychic or something. That was weird, even for UPN.

Tyra says she’s looking for beauty on the outside; but more importantly, beauty on the inside. (Ummm hmmm. Yup! That’s what the fashion industry is noted for – promoting internally beautiful people!) She also wants the girls to be real. She’s not referring to implants/surgeries but rather to “BE REAL” like the slogan of that soft drink or something you say to someone so they won’t lie to you.

Used in a sentence:

Michael. Mr. Jackson, be real. You’re guilty.

(Don’t go hating on me for expressing an opinion. Yours can be different! I don’t mind.)

Tyra, Miss Jay (Jay Alexander – the fierce runway trainer) and Jay Manuel – the equal fierce creative designer/art director of photo shoots – are helping Tyra to meet with the girls one-on-one. They’re also going to be instrumental in helping her narrow done the field first to 20, then to 14.

First up, is Rebecca. She’s from Minnesota and she wants to “have fun” before she gets married to and has children with her sweetheart. Modeling is her idea of fun. (How serious is she about it then?) They liked her, except at one point, one of the Jays wondered if she wasn’t “too actress-looking” to be a model. Considering there’s such a crossover in the industries, I didn’t know that would be a complaint – unless, of course, he was saying she looked like Kathy Bates or Dame Judy Dench or something. (Again! I’m just saying. Boy! I should take my bipolar meds – I’m starting to sound as nasty as Simon Cowell!)

Keenyah, this season’s Yaya me thinks, is 18. She’s studying biology. She comes from a bad neighborhood (Compton) and wants to show that something good can come out of Compton. She wants to represent. Jay Manuel reminds her that “You represent you.” Keenyah said that she’d rather be a model than a doctor because you don’t have to speak in modeling yet you convey so much. (Again! Who lets these girls speak at all!)

Kahlen said that she had never seen the show at all and didn’t know anything about the industry because she works like 50 hours a week. She walked like a pro, though and Tyra, Miss Jay and Mr. Jay had a royal laugh after she left. They didn’t believe she’d never seen the show. Frankly, neither did I. She wasn’t being real. (Will she make the cut? Hmmm we’ll see, won’t we?)

Wendy was brought up Mormon but became an atheist. She told the judges that her mom would rather she be a lesbian or an unwed mother than an Atheist. (Mormons are always so cute and so open-minded, aren’t they?) Tyra liked her. They all admitted she had bad hair – it looked like a Joan Jett wig from back in the 80s. It was very “I love Rock N’ Roll”.

To counteract the atheist, we had Jennifer, a 20 year old who found a relationship with God and it saved her life. Tyra told her she liked her “big forehead.” I’m not sure if that was a compliment. If so, why wasn’t Herman Munster a supermodel? He had a huge forehead!

Brittany was up next. She’s 22 and from Florida. She was all jumping around. Miss Jay asked her, “Did you have a Redbull (the energy drink that Ms. Britney Spears enjoys an awful lot)?” She was like, “no. I’m always like this.” Great. In her interview with the camera, she was like, “I must’ve been a drag queen in a former life. Manley Stanley.” I can see she’s very politically-correct. That’s so great.

Tyra and the Jays thought they should toss her in a room with Janice Dickinson and shut the door. They bet Brittany has the chops to come out alive. I think that was a compliment.

Tiffany showed up next. She was the girl in the bar fight in cycle 3. She didn’t make it to the house. She went back home, went to anger management classes and has come back completely changed. She wants this so bad. She wants to get her life right, give back to her grandmother for helping to raise her and take care of her and to her son. Jay Manuel wondered after she left if the desire to change her life was enough. It doesn’t necessarily make her a model.

Now that we’ve seen as much as they’ll show us of the girls before the next segment, we get to see them in the pool with their swimsuits on. Some of the girls, including the Plus-Sized Mary who was very hung up on being a Plus-Sized girl, took off their tops and paraded around. There was some pole dancing, truth-or-dare and other stuff that’ll make my poor husband so mad that he had to go to a budget meeting for our condo board instead of watching ANTM tonight!

Hahahahaha!

There were some girls who were just not happy with the others for displaying such lewd behavior. Oh my! It wasn’t ladylike, was it?

After that, the girls broke up into two groups – over 21 and under 21. The over 21 girls got to party at an LA nightclub called White Lotus. They were getting their drink and their dance on while the under 21 crew had to go bowling at PINZ. Some of the gals weren’t exactly thrilled with that. However, Noelle said that they ended up having a blast; and, in the end, they got to stay out later than the over 21 crew – so there and nananabooboo.

Now we get to hear more about Lady Kat – Jessika. She’s 21 and she has long nails. She uses them to scratch. She showed the judges her cat walk (she crawled on the floor it was very Eartha Kitt or Halle Berry – two actresses who’ve played Catwoman – meets Mr. Clean, I’m thinking of trying it on my kitchen floor, but I’m afraid I’ll never get back up!) and told them she had no idea how tall she was.

Lady Kat is also very, very aggressive.

Lluvy (pronounced [b]ewe-vee[/b]), who was born in Mexico, talks about all the rage she had growing up. Her dad died when she was 3. Her mom always told her how he wanted her to be a model. Lluvy took that rage and was in a gang. She told the panel that she wasn’t proud of that time and she doesn’t like to think about it, but she owned up to it and took responsibility for her actions while explaining (not necessarily excusing) them. It was awfully refreshing to see. She thanked Tyra for telling her to change out of the dress she first walked in with. She admitted that the dress was her sister’s and she felt more comfortable in jeans and a t-shirt, which said (NO LIE) [b]Me So Corny![/b] True that, girl. True that.

Sarah is a tomboy like Lluvy. She wore a t-shirt that said “Holla Back”. Tyra and the Jays thought she had personality and the shirt was cute.

Next up is Michelle. She’s 19 and a wrestler in Indiana. She’s got a wide neck from working out or something. She said she’d happily give up wrestling for modeling. At least if she makes it in the house she can whomp on the other girls. I’d love to see a huge bloody catfight. Maybe with Lady Kat. Meoooooooooooow!

Naima is 20. She has a style that’s as unusual as her name. Both her parents are musicians and named her after one of Jazz great John Coltrane’s songs. (It was written for his wife at the time, Naima!) She has a Mohawk and said she used to have long hair but got rid of it because she was going through some stuff and had to get right in her head.

As a woman who’s cut her long hair off in frustration/anger, I must say seeing her in a Mohawk made me feel better that I never went that extreme. She can carry it off, but I’d look a lot different – and worse.

Naima danced a little ballet for the judges. She had moved to NYC to be a ballet dancer and now is a coffee shop waitress and aspiring model.

Brandy was up next. She’s from Houston and she has a red afro that her mama sewed on for her. She also has a gap in between her two front teeth. She honestly looks a little like Brandy Norwood (former “Moesha” star and pop singer).

Tatiana, who’s from Hawaii, said she had heard about the competition while driving in her car. She immediately hoped a plane to Oahu and spent her ‘rent money’ to get the ticket. Will her gamble pay off? She does say that when she wants something, she’ll make it happen. She did quit school and Tyra asks her about that. Tatiana is like, ‘I’ll get my
GED. I just learn better on my own.’
Estela is from the Bronx. She’s 22 and has a 3 year old daughter. She got married to the father of the baby, but he kicked her and the child out in the middle of February. They had to go to a homeless shelter. She had no money for milk for her child and talks about how all the adversity has made her stronger. Tyra was crying. I was crying. I figured she was a shoo-in now. Of course, the girl is pretty. She looks a lot like Rosario Dawson (from [b] Josie and the Pussycats [/b], [b] Alexander [/b] and [b] Men in Black II [/b]).

Now back to the girls and a birthday party for Sarah and another wannabe. Lady Kat (Jessika) stood up and wanted to express herself. Well not too many wanted to hear that. Estela said on camera that Kat was a “handful”. She and Sarah almost came to blows.

Tiffany is like, “I look at them and think, ‘Damn! That’s the way I used to act.’”

It was time for the girls to have a field trip. They went to a park to hang out. Tiffany was not happy because some bees were getting awfully friendly with her. She does pull Kat aside and tells her to tone it down and not blow this chance for herself. She knows from experience.

Back to the interviews. Mary, the plus-sized model, who tried out last season, talked honestly about the pain she felt at not making it last time. The Jays weren’t sure that they wanted to put through a plus-sized model because it’s not fair – mostly to the model herself. It makes the competition harder for her and a plus-sized model probably wouldn’t win. It’s a sad fact, but our Toccara showed us that.

So – why don’t we start a “America’s Next Top Plus-Sized Model” series on UPN? Emme from “Fashion Emergency” or Kate Dillon, a top plus-sized model, or Mia Tyler, could host it!

Let’s start a write-in campaign. C’mon, y’all. The average American woman is a size 14 – plus sized models start at a size 12 (or even 10 in some cases and they’re usually not bigger than an 18!). Let’s have some more models to represent us!

Rachel is the other plus-sized girl in the bunch. She’s cool with flaunting her body in a bikini even and she said she’s fine with whatever so long as they don’t make her show nipple.

Alexandra is from Colorado. She’s 19 and she talked about how she rode the ‘short bus’ to school. She had a speech impediment and was a special needs child. Tyra told her that many models, actresses and other entertainers had similar challenges. She can still achieve her dreams.

Christina is 24. She’s from Florida. Tyra joked that this white chick was looking like her cousin and asked if she ‘tanned’. Christina admitted that she does lay out. That’s an industry no-no. It’s better to use a tanning formula but no laying out. It can lead to leathery skin, accelerate the aging process and lead to damage and disease, including skin cancer.

Brita is gorgeous. She’s 25 and a waitress in California. Her parents are from Latvia. She grew up wealthy but has had to make her own way since her dad broke his back.

Noelle has a baby. She calls her child a miracle because she has endometriosis (it’s a very painful disorder in which cysts form on the endometrium, the lining of a woman’s uterus). She wasn’t supposed to have children. She said that the experience of having a baby when she wasn’t supposed to has given her great confidence and changed her life.

Now that the judges have met all the girls, they want them to do a walk-off in their lingerie. Some of the girls gave their fiercest poses, others looked like barnyard animals.

After a little bit of waiting and wondering, Jay Manuel let’s them know that they’re cutting a bunch of girls tomorrow morning.

20 out of 35 would remain. There were 20 portfolios on some tables. If a girl’s picture was in one of the portfolios, she was staying. If not, it was bye-bye. The ones who didn’t make the cut were very tearful. The rest were pretty jubilant. Estela, who made the cut, felt bad for those who didn’t.

The 20 finalists had to take their picture in a photo booth. That was their first photo assignment. Some of them had problems with the machine like Tiffany. Most realized that they had to be real and give their best, natural face.

With those photos, the Tyra, Miss Jay and Mr. Jay had to cut the list from 20 to 14. Jay doesn’t like Noelle, but Tyra does. They wonder if Naima is too edgy. Brittany reminds them all of Janice Dickinson. Miss Jay is put off by the wideness of wrestler-Michelle’s neck. They discuss Brandy’s hair weave and wonder if Estela’s story is enough to keep her in the competition.

Tyra makes the announcements. Here’s the list in order that Tyra called them out:

Rebecca
Christina
Keenyah
Britta
Naima
Noelle
Michelle
Sarah
Brandy
Brittany
Kahlen
Tatiana
Lluvy
Tiffany

Mary was heartbroken and not sure if she can continue to deal with rejection. Tyra told her she’s been in her shoes and to not give up. Estela, in tears, takes her leave with dignity and wishes the other girls lots of luck. She also says that she knows she and her daughter will prevail.

Next week, they move into the house, which isn’t in a nice neighborhood. Nole, Tyra and Nigel play “fashion police” and Tyra gets angry up in here at 2 of the girls during their makeovers.

***Check out http://www.upn.com/shows/top_model4/models/index.shtml for info on the models that isn’t covered here.

Good night, y’all. Email me at panndrya@realityshack.com. I’ll try and answer you back but I have a (email) virus.***


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