Last night’s episode focused on da boyz, particularly John and Carmine. Apparently, they’re girl magnets. Mama Victoria’s just not liking the kind of girls they attract. She’s a bit old-fashioned. So’s Robert.
Mama thinks that the girls are too pushy. About 10 of them showed up at the house to hang out with John, Carmine and pals. She and Robert think it’s because they have no self respect. Well, things are a bit different these days (and that doesn’t mean the girls have no self-respect. It just means that they go after what they want more readily.) I don’t know – I’m a mom myself.
Victoria’s trying to tell her boys to go after nice girls. She doesn’t want her sons to go after the easy score, so to speak. (At the ages of 16 and 18, what else is there for a boy to do? Call me bitter, but it wasn’t that long ago that I was a 16 year old nice girl and well – NO ONE was looking for me!)
Since her sons don’t listen to her – she’s their mom, after all, what does she know!?! (That’s sarcasm, Timmy – my son – moms do know things after all!), she decides to ask Uncle Pete (her bro and the boys most consistent, positive male influence) to help them out. Uncle Pete talks to John and Carmine while they’re playing pool. He asks the boys to take out two ‘nice girls’ from the old neighborhood for him – as a favor.
(I’d do the theme song from the Godfather right now, but I could get in big trouble for it – and I don’t look good in cement.)
At one point, Uncle Pete’s friend, Chubby or Tiny or some other unflattering name you call a fat guy, teases John about how long it takes him to do his hair. John says, “that’s 1/2 hour in the mirror that gets me three hours in the bedroom later.”
I could make a really sarcastic comment, but why – you can come up with your own? I’m feeling a bit lazy tonight.
The boys are told that they need to respect girls and the reply is pretty sound – “well, they have to respect themselves.” See, girls. It’s all about respecting yourself and the boys will respect you back. HAHAHAHAHAHACOPOUTHAHAHAHAHCOPOUT! (Need to fix that nasty laugh there hahaCOPOUThaha!)
Commentary moment: Respect begets respect yes, but a young man should respect himself and the young woman to earn the bigger prize – love!
Wow! I’m tired from all this soap-box jumping. I’m off the platform now. Back to the recap.
The boys are going on their date. Victoria decides to get them some flowers to give to the young ladies. When asked by the florist what kind of girls she wants for her son she says, “Pretty but not too pretty -WHY?” She wants a girl to do for her sons as she does.
Now, that’s an Italian mama. It AIN’T gonna happen. She’d be better off paying for lifelong maid service.
Victoria loves the bouquets and shows Robert her Miss USA walk. She said she was in pageants as a teen, she said. (I think that’s what she said!) I was too stunned looking at the size of the bouquets. I like flowers a lot – but those were some huge bouquets.
John and Carmine didn’t end up taking them out on their dates. They told their mom that girls don’t go for that stuff anymore. Is that really true? Email me at panndyra@realityshack to fill me in all you Gen-Yers.
Victoria hopes that the nice girls will fall in love with her sons and life will be perfect. At 16 or 17 and 18 years old, she should hope for something else. She also tells them NOT to have sex and that pregnancy can ruin their lives at this point. A little overkill, perhaps?
Anyway, Carmine drives them down to the old neighborhood. He honks because he doesn’t want to get out of the car. He’s a bit nervous, I think. John goes with him. They get the girls and it’s an awkward date. One of the girls’ moms gets it off to a great start by yelling at them:
They talk about tattoos and piercings – one of the girls has a tongue piercing (and these are “nice” girls). Y’all know what a tongue piercing was used for back in my day — well, it wasn’t that nice. I must be old.
Carmine jokes that he’s waiting to have sex ’til he gets married. (Sure and we believe that Britney Spears was gonna stay a virgin when she said she was *ohhhhhhhhhhhhh puhhhhhlease*)
The boys take the girls to a sushi restaurant. The girls don’t want to try too much fish. LOL. It would be awkward even without the cameras, I think. John’s date giggles nervously at everything. John tries to make conversation and asks Carmine what the last book he read was. Carmine says, Charlotte’s Web. I sure hope that was a joke, but maybe he hasn’t read a book since SECOND GRADE!
They all look at the fish tank at the restaurant and Carmine says, “remember the fish tank from Deuce Bigelow” – if you get that reference, like I did – well then you realize how badly the date started off, okay. If not, it’s really hard to explain. Rent Deuce Bigelow! Trust me. (Misery loves company!)
Meanwhile back at the manse, Victoria is on pins and needles. She wants to call the boys so badly to see how the date’s going. Yeah, that’s a great reason to use to keep my kids from wanting a cell phone. She wishes she could see what they looked like, etc.
The girls aren’t going to eat with chopsticks – silly girls. It looks like fun. They joke with the leather clad girl and make her eat some wasabi. She didn’t like it — too spicy. They’re veerrrrrrrrrrrrry continental!
After dinner, they drive around the old neighborhood. John and Carmine take the girls to their old house and share some memories. The house is decorated for Christmas. John thinks that they may not have had so many headaches if they just stayed in the ‘hood’; Carmine’s not so sure.
They drop the girls off 45 minutes after curfew. They do walk them to the door and say that they’ll probably see each other again (this, despite the fact that the girls sat in the back seat and the boys in the front, the whole time!) It’s been a long time since I’ve been on a date, I guess.
When they get home, mama asks them how it went. They remained tight-lipped but said they may see them again.
**That’s it for this episode. Can’t wait for next week, can you? (I’m being sarcastic!) Email me at email@example.com if you want to talk about how hot Carmine looked in his dotted pants or how much John’s hair reminds you of Ryan Cabrera’s. I’m 31 but I’ll pretend I know what you’re talking about.