The house wakes up to find Chris searching for Adrienne. He states that he is ready to cave and give into the model’s advances. When he finds her outside, he is taken aback that she is upset with him. Don’t you remember the night before when you told her she was trying to act like the house mental patient, Chyna? Or, how you laughed at her liking you? Well, she lets him know he’s a hypocrite and judgmental. Chris says he’s sorry for doubting Adrienne’s sincerity … and of course, she accepts her man’s apology!
The Surreal Times arrives and it states that “Love is in the Air”. The Surreal Lifers must prepare for a date night. Adrienne quivers in excitement that she will have some alone time with her man. Seeing how everyone but Jane is single, the house mates will be going through a dating game. The house shakes … is it a common California earthquake? No! It’s a diaper (or Depends) clad Ron Jeremy complete with wings and a bow! Brat comments that she would NEVER sleep with this man … even if he’s hung like a horse. The rules are set: the surreal gang must pick a date out of three candidates after some questioning. Adrienne is NOT happy about this. She wants a date with Chris.
Verne is up first, and in parades a few Playboy bunnies. Every one injected with silicone, bleached hair, and blue contacts. None of them are little people, but I guess that’s discrimination. First question? Verne asks if the first lady wears a thong … jeez! The woman says yes, and then drops her pants to show the wee man and the whole gang ala Adrienne. He asks the second lady if her boobs are real (NO!) and she comes over so he can take a feel. Who does he pick? Miss Boobies of coarse! Why? “Cause she let me feel her boobs” is his answer.
Marcus is next. He’s a supermodel, right? So why the normal looking women? These are your everyday mall girls. He selects the best looking one; a black woman showing a good amount of skin. I see why.
Brat gets a choice of three thugs. After asking which could “toss me around in bed” she picks afro-man.
Chyna gets 3 good looking choices! She skips the tall, dark, handsome, and goes for the short, stocky, and cute. She seems to have power issues over her boys.
Adrienne is next, and she could care less about date night. She asks her boys if they enjoy a woman who burps. The one that says yes gets picked. He is covered in tattoos and looks to be the type of guy she wanted to GET AWAY from according to the first episode.
Chris is last. Since Jane is married, she will be hosting one of the date “setups”. Three stations of romance. In walk 3 out of shape women for the fitness guru. Yet another cute guy set up with normal women, that haven’t seen the gym in a bit by the looks of it. Adrienne seems happy with this, seeing how she is WAY hotter then them. May I add 25 years younger too? Chris tells the women that there is a lot of rawness in the house, glancing over at Adrienne while he says it. Can they be raw? “Of coarse we can Peter Brady!” they all answer. He picks a woman that looks 10 years his senior, while an unhappy Adrienne watches.
The couples are grouped into pairs for the dating stations. Chris and Adrienne must double date – could this be a clever idea from the producers? Of course! The stations include row boats in the pool (?), a bear blanket with a spin the bottle game, and Jane’s FETISH dungeon where she prances about in a pleather suit, dishing out spankings!
Adrienne, Chris, and whoever they picked (some dude, some chick) head off to Jane’s Playground first. Whips, chains, and paddles hang from the ceiling. Chris and his date are taken aback by the whole thing. Adrienne, if anyone can remember, was on America’s Next Top Model always sporting leather slavery wrist and neck bands. She looks EXCITED to be there! Adrienne strips off her skirt to her undies to get spanked, while Chris takes off his shirt to get oiled. Chris comments on his date being uncomfortable by Adrienne’s nudity. I would think that was what she was going for. Adrienne’s date is on cloud nine, spanking the beautiful lanky model with an ear to ear grin.
Chyna and her date, along with Brat and hers, are in the bear rug room. They are all getting HAMMERED. Brat had made a comment before on Adrienne being Chyna’s drinking buddy, but I guess she’s opting for the spot now. They slam back more then a few, and have fun.
Verne, Marcus, and the dates they chose are in the rowboats in the pool. CORNY! Mini Me complains the entire time, and his date looks none too happy about it. He wraps himself in a blanket and complains while his date spends her time feeding him, rowing the boat, and listening to his crap. Marcus is never really shown with his date.
The rooms are switched and Marcus and Verne head into Jane’s torture chamber. Yet again, no Marcus and his date. Verne is shown licking this woman’s feet and getting spanked by her, all the while complaining. His date seems to be enjoying this WAY too much.
At the bear rug room, Adrienne and her date get to drinking. Adrienne asks Brady’s woman if she is reserved. Adrienne then tells her she has an extensive vibrator collection (guess she really doesn’t have a boyfriend!). Peter Brady’s date then decides to go on about how much she loved Peter Brady – you ruined it right there baby. Adrienne has called Chris a Brady … but never Peter.
Chyna, Brat, and the dates are now at the pool. Getting TRASHED. Chyna jumps into the pool fully clothed. The sad part is, she actually looked good tonight! Brat starts to cuddle with her man, and even gives him a lil kiss. They move on to Jane’s Torture Chamber. Jane notes that they are reeeeeallly wasted. Chyna begins to dominate her man and boss him around. He speaks up in a small squeaky voice “This is SO degrading!” You think? Brat tears her date a new one with a paddle, but he can’t keep up … and vomits on the floor!
Before you know it, it’s over. And no new episode next week due to the Oscars! Back to the family room where Ron Jeremy tells the roomies that they can either give the person they dated their number, or a picture of themselves. Verne immediately gives up his number to the beautiful blond bimbo. Is this love? Marcus also hands his number over to his date. Da Brat rips into her date calling him a “weak man”. Hello Brat!! He vomited all over the floor! Of course he’s gonna be a little weak! He takes it like a beaten puppy, and receives only a photo of the huge A-list rapper. Chyna tells her date not to call her, she will call him … riiiight. Adrienne goes down on one knee and tells her date he’s a nice kid but her heart is stolen, and offers only a photo. Chris gives his date the photo too, but the lame excuse attached to it is this: “I don’t like my number out there.” What arrogance! He asks for her number, much to the dismay of Adrienne.
The dates leave. Adrienne spanks Chris and tells him to never make her that jealous again. She is then shown giving Chris a massage in the bathroom. Everyone hits the sack around 2 – that is, except Chyna. She runs about the house making her usual fuss. She then barges into Chris, Marcus, and Adrienne’s room asking for T.P. Adrienne responds with “What The F**K!” I agree. Chyna then puts the T.P. over her mouth and begins to perform “surgery” on a basketball …. May I ask Chris WHAT Adrienne did to be compared to this????
Tune in next week for a rerun of the first episode…which is by far the most AMAZING HOUR IN REALITY TV EVER!
Next new episode- Chyna’s psycho boyfriend comes over … and the gang makes a Kung Fu epic … riiight .. see you then!