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Survivor: Philippines – Episode 2 – C Is For Cookie

Back for the second dip into the Philippines pool and all of a sudden I have an unexplained urge to have milk and cookies.

Actually, it may not be all that difficult to explain after all. A tad juvenile, and full of cheap boob humor. But not difficult to explain.

You have to appreciate an episode of family hour programming that is so focused on large breasts. At least I have to appreciate that. Because that’s what we had here. I’m going to forego being coy about the tribe that lost and go straight into it, because most of the action took place fully on Matsing sand. They lost the challenge and had to vote out a second member – and surprising to those who watched last week – it was not going to be Swan.

This was going to come down to the two younger women for two very different reasons, but at the heart of it, for essentially the same reason. Roxy was on the hot seat because of her mini-breakdown. Angie was on the hot seat because she has a hot seat. Well, a hot rack is more accurate, but not as poetic. Let’s review.

It seems that Malcolm is doing his best to prove the age old theory that even the smartest guys will turn into morons in the presence of breasts. Especially when they are mashed against you in snuggle form on cold nights. Angie and Malcolm have become snuggle partners – which can be potentially dangerous. Ask the All-Stars about how much a couple can dominate a season. Now, in all seriousness, EVERY season has cuddling for warmth. However, there is a snuggle/cuddle difference. Snuggle has extra meaning. And Malcolm/Angie has that. Check out the aggressive leg sweep from Angie, and the subtle finger caress from Malcolm. Seriously, dude, there are cameras on you at all times!

The amazing thing to me is that Angie was stunned to learn that this behavior put a target on her. Has she ever actually watched Survivor? Refreshing thing…Malcolm fully admitting that he is “blinded by the headlights,” as I steal Denise’s line. He knows he is screwing up, but he just can’t help himself.

Meanwhile, Roxy is having some issues with the game. As has happened often, the reality of Survivor is hitting her hard. The constant rain. The starvation. The heat. The cold at night. Lack of sleep. The one thing that seems to be a constant from the hundreds of people who have played Survivor over the years is that you can’t understand what it is like until you are out there. And then it just kicks your ass. Roxy is feeling that, and is breaking down. And, along with Blair in another camp, is helped along by the classy CBS Twitter hashtag – #survivorbreakdown.

Roxy is also speaking in Esperanto or some made up language she created while on acid in her dorm room. Her attempts to bring God into this season were not welcome – I still remember South Pacific, my friends. Not the musical, the Survivor season. It was worth it for Denise’s smackdown on all things religious in reality shows – and by extension, sports, music, and awards shows. “I don’t pray for anything, if I get to the end of the game, it’s me. You just dig in, dig deep and make it happen.” YEAH!!!! Thank you, Denise. You just scored a bunch of points in my book – now if only you don’t screw it up by voting badly…

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