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I See Dead People's Ashes! – The Simple Life 3, Episode 3

Simple Life – Episode 3

Sitting in their bus seats, Nicole and Paris are looking a bit worn this go ‘round as the bus driver introduces herself and stresses that there is no smoking on board. Yes, this was a big clue as to what to expect from this week’s show.

The next scene slides in showing a tree filled front yard and the weathered, but friendly New Jersey home of our newest host and hostess for Paris and Nicole. Birds chatter sweetly from the trees, but the effect is completely ruined as sounds of a phlegmy, smoker’s cough cuts in. We see shots of the Hirels, Lynn and Mickey, puffing away in the kitchen and in the living room, while a catchy tune about smoking plays in the background. Their laugh bubbles from their chests in excitement and anticipation of Paris and Nicole’s arrival.

Paris and Nicole emerge from the bus and amid polite introductions Tinkerbell gets into a fight with a nearby dog. The dogs are restrained and everyone moves inside.

Nicole wants to know if Mickey likes his cigs. Mickey has been smoking since he was fourteen, so yes, I suppose he does. He says, if she has a problem with it, she should get over it. Paris and Nicole laugh – no bubbles from their chests.

The girls are worried about the Hirel’s smoking problem, so they purchase nicotine patches and gum to help them get started. And if that didn’t work, the dirty video they bought for them will.

The next morning, Paris applies a patch to Mickey, and Nicole elicits a “pinky promise” from Lynn that they’ll try not to smoke today.

Paris and Nicole get to explore the ins and outs of Kohler Funeral Home. There is a funeral currently in progress. The girls sit in the back to observe. Once the service is over, the girls push the occupied casket to the hearse for its ride to the cemetery. The girls are a little apprehensive. After reassuring words from their boss, they manage to get the casket in place without dumping its contents.

Break time! Instead of the cemetery, they stop at a store for a shot of hot chocolate. The boss hurries into the store and anxiously tries to shoo them out the door. Paris will not be budged, however, as she still has more stuff to buy.

At the cemetery, Paris and Nicole struggle to pull the casket out of the hearse onto a dolly. The casket isn’t cooperating and leans a little too far to the left. Vivid images of dead bodies spilling to the ground are in everyone’s mind until they get the casket righted again.

Have you wondered how you go about purchasing a cemetery plot and casket? Is it like purchasing a car, a house? I’m still young enough that it’s not a priority yet. I certainly got an idea of what to expect as Nicole and Paris assisted a couple in planning for their eternal future with their special wit and charm. And what if I don’t want a casket? There’s always cremation!

Nicole and Paris explored the rooms where the cremating takes place. It was a stainless steel mix of science lab and large ovens, which completely creeped me out. The girls find the containers of cremated individuals and drive them to back to the funeral home. They have to transfer the ashes to rosewood chests for keeping.

Okay, even in the best of circumstances this is a messy job. We’re talking ashes floating in the air and coating everything! Even using scoops and other utensils, the girls have difficulty getting all of the deceased into their eternal resting place. Nicole is resourceful and pulls out the vacuum. I’ll let you imagine what happens from there!

Back at the Hirel’s , the girls have a surprise for their host and hostess. They’ve invited a hypnotist to help with the smoking problem. With the assistance of Nicole and Paris the hypnotist takes the Hirels through the process while chanting phrases like “you will no longer smoke” etc.

The girls leave the next morning with the Hirel’s assurance that they will keep trying to stop smoking. They wave goodbye to the Hirels, who are strangely touching their noses every time Nicole and Paris snap their fingers.

I welcome your comments: Chloe@realityshack.com.

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