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The Dawn Is Breaking – Starting Over, 02-08-05

by LauraBelle

The dawn is breaking … “it’s early morn. The taxi’s waitin’, he’s blowin’ his horn…”
I’m not sure if the Starting Over editors planned it this way or not, but the beginning of the show has the early morning sun breaking over the horizon, and I can’t help but sing the beginning of Leaving On A Jet Plane. By the end of the day it’s pretty obvious that Bethany and Rhonda weren’t the only ones leaving something.

Rhonda meets with Cassie first thing, to get a handle on how she is handling the past forty-eight hours since her birth mother, Nancy, arrived and departed ahead of schedule. Cassie says she is sad, but glad she can now see the truth, no matter how painful it is. She feels she is waking form the dream world she has kept herself in, but her biggest fear is that her birth son will be embarrassed of this family’s sad heritage. Rhonda tells her that she herself didn’t make it happen; she wasn’t slapping herself around, and that she has to take control of the situation. Yet, Cassie admits there is still a part of her that feels shame.

Cassie is still struggling with feeling worthy. She knows she’s not her past anymore, but Rhonda points out Cassie’s feelings are telling her differently. Rhonda drops the big one and asks if Cassie still wants to meet her birth son despite all the past family strife. Cassie says she does, and wants to try and contact him through the adoptive father, since the adoptive mother already threw up a big road block. Cassie insists she can handle one more rejection, if it comes to that. Rhonda makes the call, but is met with the answering machine, so hangs up. They both agree to try again another time.

Candy is in a one-one-one with Iyanla to talk of her day before as chaperone for Rachael and Jamai. Candy says it was wonderful, and Iyanla knows it was all because she got to be in control. Asked who she trusts most in the house, Candy says Bethany, due to the place she comes from. Iyanla asks if Candy would trust Renee enough to shop with her, and Candy replies she would. Asked if she’d trust her with her life, Candy says no.

Renee is called into the room, and Iyanla tells them she has an assignment for the two of them. Candy will be blindfolded all day and it will be Renee’s responsibility to help and guide her. They will go out to lunch, and then grocery shopping. Renee will make Candy’s favorite dessert recipe, banana creme pie via Candy’s directions. This will help Renee learn responsibility, and Candy to learn to trust. Candy, clearly not happy, says, “Not feelin’ the love, Iyanla.” Iyanla laughs and asks, “Are you feelin’ the trust?”

Cassie and Renee move on to the kitchen where the first to greet Candy in her blindfold is – who else – Denise. Denise likes this just a little too much, as she makes hand gestures at Candy and sticks her butt in Candy’s face. Candy finally shouts, “Denise, Go away!”

Rachael says good-bye to Jamai, and he says he’s going back to foggy and pea coats. Rachael moves on to a meeting with Iyanla, who isn’t so sure if Rachael knows how important it is for her to connect back to her roots. Asked if she would like to begin researching her dad’s history, Rachael says she didn’t come to the Starting Over house for that. But, Iyanla points out, you came here to heal your painful past. Rachael adds he was never part of her past. When asked why not, Rachael says she was always told he was a crook and into things like drugs, and she doesn’t want to be put in an unsafe situation. Asked how she knows it would be unsafe, Rachael says it’s the truth, and when asked how she knows it’s the truth, she says her mom told her that. For another painful truth, Iyanla adds that her mom also said she was gong to live, but she was mistaken. Iyanla knows she is being met with Rachael’s resistance again. Rachael says she doesn’t want to know him, because she had a dad, meaning her stepfather. Iyanla gently points out she doesn’t have a dad anymore. Iyanla sums it up by saying it’s more about knowledge than “I have a daddy.”

Bethany and Rhonda have a quick meeting before they leave for North Carolina, and Rhonda wants to be assured of Bethany’s willingness to dig. Bethany admits it weighs her down, and that her biggest fear is everyone getting upset with her for digging all this up again. Rhonda tells her there’s a point where she needs to decide if having answers means more than the possible consequences.

Cassie meets with Dr. Stan who tells her she doesn’t look happy, to which she replies she doesn’t feel happy. She is fighting to have hope, but doesn’t feel it. Seeing Nancy, and realizing she had put her on a pedestal she was too small for, has destroyed all her hope. When she hears her mom’s stories, her mind just snaps, and mentally Cassie can’t handle it. Asked why this is such a threatening loss for her, Cassie says it’s because Nancy was the last person in her family she needed to let go of. She has begun to wonder is everyone crazy and hot her or is she the crazy one and everyone else sane? Dr. Stan shows Cassie how neither he, nor Rhonda, nor any of her housemates think she’s crazy.

Dr. Stan points out to Cassie how many people are screwed up, but go on to live productive lives after, as it’s part of human resiliency. Cassie pleads she wants to be different, and Dr. Stand tells her she isn’t like her birth mother. He urges her to believe him that her history is not her destiny, and that she has a choice. Amen, Dr. They broach the subject of occupations, and he urges her to think beyond skills and education, but her first thought is caring for the elderly or children.

Blindfolded Candy and Renee go out to lunch, and Renee reads the menu aloud to Candy, who has a tough time eating and not being able to see. After, they guide each other through the grocery store, and Candy reaches slight panic when Renee abandons her to take care of something else. Back at the house they make the pie together, Candy even doing some of it blindfolded. Sounds like a Stupid Human Trick. “I can make a a banana creme pie blindfolded.”

Rachael calls a friend to feel her out a little bit on the possibility of contacting her dad. Next, she calls 411 to see if she can find a listing, knowing the last address she knew of was in the San Francisco Bay area. His number appears to be unlisted. Rachael then calls Iyanla to resist again, telling her she feels picked on today. Iyanla says it’s not that she’s being made to do something she doesn’t want to do, she is being “encouraged.” Iyanla isn’t speaking her suspicions, but knows there’s something else going on, and will meet with Rachel later tonight.

First Iyanla meets with Candy and Renee to talk of their day together. Candy learned she could let someone lead her, and she needed to trust Renee with her safety and life. She also developed a greater respect for Renee as a compassionate person. Renee learned some responsibility and that Candy could let go of the control. Iyanla rewards Candy by letting her go back to cleaning and cooking. NOT a reward to me!

Iyanla moves on to talking with Rachael, who is still frightened of what type of person she has heard her dad is. Iyanla tells her she only knows what she has heard. It comes out that Rachael’s mom arranged for her to go to guardians, but her Aunt Ellen went to court to have that changed to the foster parents. Iyanla, seemingly working up quite a disdain for Aunt Ellen tells her some people learn and grow moving through the fire. Rachael needs to decide if she’s willing to move through the fire. She finally tells Iyanla she trusts her, which Iyanla has been waiting for. She tells Rachel she is honored, and promises to never hurt her the ways the other adults in her life have.

While Bethany truly is leaving on a jet plane, Rachael is leaving childhood and her abandonment issues behind. Renee is leaving her inferiority, Candy is leaving her control, and Cassie is leaving her courage behind. Hopefully, Bethany and Cassie will be the only two to return.

I welcome all questions and comments at LauraBelle@realityshack.com

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