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Victoria's Secret (Admirer)

by Panndyra, Goddess of Chaos

Victoria’s got a secret admirer. He sends her flowers. For a woman without a lot of dating prospects right now (and that’s mostly because she doesn’t go out a lot and not because she couldn’t get dates), she doesn’t seem too thrilled about having an admirer.

Oh well! She and Robert are compensating for the lack of love in their lives by eating sweets. They talk about the fact that people often equate the sweet stuff with sex. (Don’t I have a waist line to prove that theory.)

Robert wants them to go out and meet some nice-looking men. Victoria’s like “You gotta get in it to win it.” They eat some moist and yummy cupcakes, making all these noises. Robert has to light up a cigarette after finishing his.

Unfortunately, Victoria has another problem in her life – RACCOONS! They are taking apart the garbage at Casa Gotti. She wants Luigi to ‘take care of it.’ His idea is to get raccoon traps. The ones he’s talking about are illegal. Then, he says – why don’t I shoot them? Um – that’s illegal too, “Einstein.”

Carmen asks his mom if they can get a dog like a Pit Bull or a Rottweiler. She’s like – no, you won’t take care of it. (Sounds a lot like my mom when I was growing up and me a year ago before we got our dog!)

Victoria wonders who’s the bigger nuisance – Luigi or the raccoons? Hmmm. Pick me! Pick me! I know the answer – Luigi! Whadda I win?

Wait! Luigi has a plan. He spreads peanut butter along the top of the dumpster. Then, he sits outside, smoking a pack of cigarettes. He’s got a hockey mask and a net. (If you didn’t see the episode, catch the repeat next Monday at 9:30 pm EST – It’s worth it!)

After a bit, he goes in ‘cuz it’s “too cold.”

Victoria quips the next morning that she’s going into the office because things are ‘saner’ there. In a meeting she gets flowers from her secret admirer. The staff is thrilled. They think it’s sweet; Victoria’s not so enamored of the situation or the potential datemate.

He gives a few clues:

*He’s 100% Italian
*Has salt/pepper hair
*Good Physique

(Where the hell do I sign up!?! Oh yeah! I’m married!)

When she gets home, she and Robert want to find out who it is. Victoria is adamant that she won’t go out with anyone until she knows him.

A while later, we see Victoria. She’s eating some chocolate cake and muses that she hasn’t heard from her secret admirer for a bit. She was sort of glad. Then, the bell rings. It’s some chocolates – from her secret admirer. He leaves his phone number too.

Robert decides to call the guy. They make a lunch date to meet. Robert will not call him “Romeo” as the guy wanted to use as his code name. He tells him, call me “Johnny”, then. He’ll be the only “tan guy” in the restaurant. He’s been laying out in the sun. (Sounds perfect for Victoria! Am I wrong?)

Meanwhile, Luigi is driving around with an associate. They’re looking for the building of 1-800-RACCOON. It’s a good idea since Luigi doesn’t even know what a raccoon looks like. (What an idiota!)

Victoria wonders where Luigi and Robert are. Robert’s meeting “Johnny” for lunch. His name is Gianni Russo. (That’s Johnny in Italian.) He was an actor. The guy played “Carlo” in the Godfather. (Carlo was Talia Shire’s {Connie’s} first husband. He beat her up. Her bros made sure he had an “accident”!)

I feel terrible for Gianni. He’s good-looking and doesn’t seem insane, but I doubt that Victoria would date him now. I could see the headlines in Star Magazine now:

*Gotti Nabs “Godfather”
*Vicky & Gianni – A Match Made in “Mob” Heaven

(Someone stop me!)

Here’s some stats on Gianni:

–He’s not dating anyone right now.
–He’s been married 3 times.
–He has children. He said “lots”.
–He’s 61.
–Works out 7 minutes a day. (I want his exercise program. He looks good, especially for his age!)

He’s currently pursuing a singing career. He does traditional Italian music and Andrea Bocelli (yes, that Andrea Bocelli – every Italian knows Bocelli! The blind singing sensation!) is his vocal coach!!!!!

Bells go off in my head. All could be forgiven for the “Godfather” role. If Bocelli is his vocal coach, well I’m planning the wedding now. Bocelli could sing at it.

Robert decides to take Victoria to one of his concerts. He brings home a copy of Gianni’s CD. He plays it at the house. Victoria likes it. She says it puts her in a ‘romantic mood’. Robert feels encouraged by this.

Meanwhile, Victoria hopes that Robert got rid of her admirer. She meets up with Luigi and the Raccoon Catcher from 1-800-RACCOON. She wonders who’s paying for the guy and tells Luigi she hopes it’s him.

The guy takes Luigi aside and tells him to catch a raccoon he has to think like one. (He assumes Luigi thinks. Poor man!)

It’s a waiting game. Luigi wants help. The guy says he’ll stay for beer. Just like my 1st husband – lol!

Victoria and Robert are going out tonight. Robert tells the boys about their mom’s admirer. Frankie is not happy about the situation and later gives mom a hard time about going out. He thinks she should be home with her kids. She usually is so Victoria’s not letting him give her the guilt.

At the ristorante, they are listening to Gianni sing. Victoria seems to enjoy it. Gianni comes to talk to her during a break. He kisses her on the cheek. He looks over the moon to be sitting so close to her. After he leaves, Robert says “you promise you won’t smack me.” Then, he tells her that Gianni is her admirer.

She’s not happy. She wants to leave now. She feels embarrassed. Eventually, she excuses herself to go to the ladies’ room. Gianni slips over and asks how it went. Robert tells him that she’s not ready to date now. Poor Gianni got shot down on TV!

In the limo on the way back home, she said that she’s not a blind-date kinda gal. She would rather know someone first and then let it progress.

Why can’t she get to know Gianni now? I don’t fully understand.

At home, they caught a raccoon. Luigi, Victoria’s not-so-secret-admirer, asks her out on a date. She’s like – “So NO!” Luigi can’t get further than Gianni. It wouldn’t be right!

She did keep the CD of his music, though.


Freelance writer, webmaster of realityshack.com, chief editor at applemagazine.com, contribtor to TechLife News and maketecheasier.com, martial arts instructor, and mother of two.