“Don’t flush my toilet!” – THE APPRENTICE 3, Episode 2
By: Cori Linder
Battling ceiling mold, grimy toilets, and the stench of unsightly motel rooms, this week’s candidates prove the old adage “when the going gets tough, the tough get going”—literally.
After Todd’s departure, Danny and the rest of the Net Worth team return to the suite. Smiles and open arms embrace Danny, but based on candidates’ hypocritical remarks moments earlier, we know what they’re really thinking. When Danny remarks that his team and The Donald probably underestimated him, it seems that he’s the person who might be most in need of a reality check.
Decked out in a purple tie, Mr. Trump meets with the candidates in front of Trump International Hotel and immediately compliments Danny’s professional business attire. “I rose from the dead and I cleaned up my act,” says Danny.
With a budget of $20,000 and a time span of 48 hours, each team must renovate and refurbish a motel on the Jersey Shore, and then welcome paying customers. Upon checkout, these customers will then rate the motel and service. The team with the highest rating score wins.
Probably due to lack of running mates, the Net Worth team decides that Brian (whose voice and presence often inspire images of Danny Devito) will be the project manager. He seems ideal for the challenge: He’s in real estate, he’s sold motels, and—here’s the kicker—he’s from New Jersey. Of course, this perfect formula will add up to, well, nothing.
The Net Worth team must run the Surf Side motel which, from the outside, looks “adorable” and “beachy and fun.” But, the putrid delights await inside! Ceiling tiles are broken, walls are cracked or covered in mildew, the carpet is filthy, and the toilet is up! “Come, dumpsters, come!” implores Audrey. “No!” screeches Kristen. “We need a budget. It’s all about the budget!” This argument about the budget will continue throughout the next couple of days, annoying anybody within yelling range.
The Magna team gets to renovate the “Sea Garden” motel and are also horrified that a “so cute” exterior could hide such ugliness. Real estate developer, Michael, volunteers as project manager.
In the pit of filth stands smartly-dressed Verna who decides it is customer service that The Donald cares so much about. Who cares if customers sleep on slabs of wood and chip their bottoms on broken toilet seats? For Verna, it’s all about the service and welcome packages.
Meanwhile, while the ladies on the Net Worth team shop at Target for room accessories, Brian confidently tells the contractor to completely rip out all 14 toilets. The other team members are outraged because toilet seats would have sufficed. Let’s pause for a moment to reflect on Brian’s obsession with toilets: Did he want to be a plumber as a child? Or, perhaps, did he spend too much time sitting on them?
The sun sets as the Magna team paints the motel. “Customer satisfaction and budget!” stresses Verna, armed with a paint brush.
At the Net Worth motel, John, in his usual condescending tone, argues that Brian’s abrasive tone is irking everybody. “Donald Trump is exactly the same way that I am,” says Brian. “…And if people don’t like it, they can go ‘frig’ themselves.” “People don’t like you,” replies John.
The next morning…Realizing that a lot of money was spent on toilets and sinks, Brian admits he now needs a budget. With her wounded ego, Kristen refuses to comply and begins to spit out insults, which continue until the very end.
In comes Carolyn to view Magna’s progress, and perhaps one of the most humorous moments is when she sits on a sheet-covered bed only to discover that the plastic was never removed from the mattress. Did we detect a hint of a grin from her? Let it all out, Carolyn! Laughter is the best medicine!
George looks in on the Net Worth team, and his cold facial expressions are enough to chill any food remaining in the motel’s moldy refrigerators. “I am the team now,” explains Brian.
Customers check in…
Danny’s party skills come into full bloom when he organizes a “party” with the guests while Tana passes out gift baskets to customers.
Ironically, Verna, who continually stresses the task is all about customer service, is the least customer-friendly. She is overwhelmed and emotional. “I don’t believe that I could have talked to anybody because of the mood I was in,” she says.
Let’s check in on Kristen and Brian…are they still arguing? Of course: This is Reality TV, after all.
While Verna complains that she’s not taking care of herself (not eating or sleeping), I can’t help but notice that she’s dressed well, her make-up is freshly applied, and her hair is styled. Maybe it’s just me, but food and sleep seem more important. Finally, she and her suitcase leave the motel, strolling aimlessly down the Jersey Shore. We see another side of Carolyn when she chases after Verna and convinces her to come back.
Verna returns and admits that her team is “wonderful.”
In the boardroom…
With more favorable customer responses, the Magna team wins. Their reward is to join Steve Forbes on a yacht.
The Net Worth team returns, and Brian declares that he should be fired. Where are your negotiation skills now, Brian?! To optimize the “drama” time in the boardroom, Mr. Trump decides to prolong the firing process and recruit everybody’s negative opinions about Brian. As the conversation ensues, Brain gains back his gumption. But, it’s too late. It all comes down to the toilets, and basically, he flushed his opportunity down them. He’s fired.
Until next time…
Quotes of the week:
“He said I was wacky, and he said I am a disaster, but I think Mr. Trump likes me.” – Danny
“You’re not going to know if you’re sitting on a $500 toilet or a $5 toilet; Your ass doesn’t know the difference.” – Audrey
“If you think that, you are a silly little man…you screwed the poodle.” – John (When Brian complained that John was still in the project manager role)
“It’s a little crunchy.” – Carolyn (Sitting on a bed whose mattress is still wrapped in plastic)
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