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Celebrity Fit Club – Episode 3: No Excuses, Just Lose IT!

This is the third episode of Celebrity Fit Club. At first, I didn’t want to watch it. I was afraid that it would be too much like the Biggest Loser – even the title of that show irks me.

I’m overweight. I’ve been overweight since I was 4 years old. I’ve lost weight; struggled with bulimia and gained it back – plus. When I was pregnant with my first child, I think I ate for 20 instead of 2. I haven’t lost the weight. In fact, I gained a lot more, especially when I discovered I had an illness named Fibromyalgia.

I used food as a friend, not as nourishment. That’s probably true for many people. It’s not easy for me to talk about his issue, but I figured that since ANT was hosting the show that it would be entertaining and engaging. I knew ANT conquered a weight problem of his own and decided to see what the deal was with the show.

Basically, two teams of celebs work with weight loss experts Dr. David Katz, hypnotherapist Marisa Peer and fitness dictator, I mean trainer, Harvey Walden IV. The first team is lead by Judge Mablean, of Divorce Court. They’re called Ralphie’s Angels. Kim Coles, formerly of In Living Color and Living Single, Wendy “Snapple Lady” Kaufman and Ralphie May, the comedian, round out (forgive the pun) this team.

The second team consists of Daniel Baldwin (of the “Baldwin” acting dynasty – Alec, Billy and the other one!), Mia Tyler, a plus size model who’s Liv “Lord of the Rings” Tyler’s sis and daughter to Steven Tyler of Aerosmith, rapper Biz Markie, and Joe G (Gannascoli), of the Sopranos.

Hey, no one said they’d be “A”-list celebrities, but they sure are an interesting, and, at times, sweet bunch.

It looks like they rented the house where they meet for their weekly weigh-ins from the producers of Last Comic Standing, which both ANT and Ralphie May were on.

Last week, Ralphie’s Angels (Judge Mablean’s team) lost more weight than Daniel’s team – the East-Siders. This week it looks like Judge Mablean’s team may have the edge since Ralphie’s pants are practically falling off of him and Daniel’s been struggling with back problems, so his exercise regimen has been off.

Of course, Daniel is not one to take losing lying down so he and his team resorted to dirty tricks. Kim Coles mentioned at the end of the last episode (which I’ll be watching in a few days if I get my episode reminder from http://www.vh1.com and then “remember” to watch!) that she was feeling “hormonal”. Her menstrual cycle was coming.

TMI (too much information!) perhaps, but it’s true that a woman retains fluid and craves certain foods, most notably chocolate and salt, due to the hormonal fluctuations at that “time” of the month. Trust me, if I could eat chocolate-flavored salt or salt-flavored chocolate during that week-to-ten-day period; well, I’d be happy!!!!!!!!

Everyone knows too that we retain tons of fluid. Personally, I’ve been known to retain 10 – 20 lbs of fluid at this time. Yup! That’s my story and I’m sticking to it! No excuses, y’all.

Well, Daniel and his team decided that they would send Kim chocolates as she went about her day-to-day routine. They kept sending her baskets and leaving the treats just about everywhere. They loved to send her Almond Joys because they are her favorite!

She knew it was them, but did it work? Hmmm. Kim told the panel that she resisted the candy; though she had only lost 1 lb. in this two-week time frame. She said she knew she didn’t do well because she was having some ‘man trouble.’

The panel told her that was an excuse. Harvey, the fitness dictator, told her that you “can fart” or “take a dump” and lose more than she did in this time period. Graphic, yes. Disgusting, yes. True – I don’t know, but I’d hate to take a 2-lb s&*t myself.

He said she was just making excuses and he wasn’t hearing it. He said that ‘self-discipline is ½ the battle!’

I think that self-discipline helps, but it’s not ½ the battle. There are a multitude of factors involved in weight loss. Personally I think the target goals of weight loss for each contestant are TOO MUCH, TOO FAST! 1-2 lbs per week for most people is healthy. Not 4-6 lbs per week as these ‘experts’ seem to be prescribing! Oh well! UGH!!!!!!

In the next few weeks, Harvey wants Kim to lose about 5 lbs, which is actually reasonable. She could do it. She has already lost 8 lbs, so she should celebrate that and not get too discouraged.

Next up is Joe Gannacoli, or Joe G. After the ‘fit’ test last week, they sent him to a cardiologist. Harvey was worried about him. He had a stress test, hooked up to an EKG. His fiancée says she won’t marry him until he takes his health more seriously.

He quit smoking and the panel applauded him for that. His fiancée said, in a video segment, that he wasn’t the nice, funny and sweet Joey anymore. (how can he be, when she’s saying to him – I love you, but – you’ve gotta change for me to be with you! Just my opinion!)

In the last two weeks, Joe, who’s been having a hard time handling his life without smoking, gained 12 lbs. Smokers often gain weight when they first quit; however, the panel is concerned with such a rapid gain. Joe G. tried to say that some of it was muscle. As a fat person, I cringed. Thanks, Joe, for using a classic ‘excuse’. Suck it up and own up to the fact that you ate too much. You can’t deal with your problems until you are HONEST about them.

I must say that the severity of the panel and the way they treat the contestants at times makes it hard for them to be so honest, not to mention the fact that they weigh them on a scale in front of everyone. It’s a public weigh-in, which always reminds me of a ‘cattle call.’ It’s a bit denigrating.

The show segways into the team challenge for this section of the “club”. The two team captains had to sit in a chair, with a bottle/vase in between their legs. Their team mates would take turns filling up a pitcher with water and pouring it into the bottle. The trick? The team mate who’s pouring the water is blind-folded and can only be guided by the voice of their team captain.

They’re testing the teams’ communication abilities. Cut to Ralphie’s Angels which has Judge Mablean as the captain. She talks about how she’s always calling her team to motivate them and help them. She’s a bit on the preachy/annoying side and Wendy, the Snapple Lady, is about to snap.

At one point, Mablean tilted her judge. Daniel called ‘foul’, which was funny considering he masterminded the dirty trick of sending Kim Coles the chocolates. Mablean’s team lost anyway. Daniel, Biz Markie, Joe G and Mia Tyler won elliptical trainers. I want one. They’re soooooooo cool.

Mablean said she felt devastated that they lost. She takes her role as team captain very seriously. She is trying to lead by example and hired a personal trainer to whip her into shape. It’s sort of funny when they show a call between her and Kim Coles. Kim’s eating a huge salad. She tells Mablean it’s a big salad and Mablean’s like, “Kim, you can’t eat a huge anything.” Kim’s all like – “But it’s a salad. Just greens.”

Mablean got on the scale. She only showed a 2-lb. loss. She was crushed. She had been working so hard. Perhaps too hard. Both Dr. Katz and Harvey noticed that she had more muscle definition. It seems that she had increased her weight training. The weights she was holding were double and, in some cases, almost triple, the size. She did, indeed, gain some muscle unnecessarily. Harvey warned her about using too much weight.

(note* it’s better for women to do more reps than to add more weight as we want to add definition not bulk; to look toned, not like the “Governor of California” as ANT quipped!)

It’s Daniel’s turn. He said that he’s having too many problems with his back and his knees. His opponents think he’s playing at being injured. He actually herniated a disk

(OUCHIE! For those of you who don’t know, a herniated disk occurs when the soft stuff between the bones in the spine presses on the nerve endings around your backbone. It’s very painful and can lead to more severe problems.)

Despite this setback and the fact that he couldn’t exercise very much, he lost 7 lbs. He has lost a total of 15 lbs since beginning the “Fit Club” and is well on his way to the 30 lb. goal he has set for himself.

Here’s another segway. We see the teams in session with Harvey. He brought his boxing dummy, “BOB”, and told the celebrities to think of someone they were angry at and channel the anger as they hit “BOB”. Only one celeb picked Harvey to be angry with. That was Mia. She and Harvey have had run-ins already.

Wendy was mad at her best friend, Michael, who died last April. He was too young to die and she misses him terribly. Ralphie beat up cancer because his dad succumbed to the disease (while Last Comic Standing 3 was airing! See the article about that episode here!)

It’s Ralphie’s weigh-in time. He talks about how he’s a sexy fat guy. “I’ve always had a way with the ladies.” He’s cute. I must admit. I find him attractive and my husband knows it too. Ralphie’s galpal, the pretty Lahna Turner (also a comedian), thinks he’s sexy and talked about his fan mail. He gets it from women and men – the so-called ‘chubby chasers.’

Ralphie told the panel that he’s sore from working out so much, but he’s working hard. He tackled seven flights of stairs a day. He also noted that his sex life with Lahna has improved. He lost 3 lbs. He was supposed to lose 16 due to his size and his plan. However, he didn’t make an excuse. He said he felt upset because his pants were much looser, but wasn’t going to say it was because he gained ‘muscle.’

Harvey and Dr. Katz told him they could see changes. He looked more toned and his face appeared thinner so he should look to his accomplishments and not get discouraged. So far, he’s had a total overall loss of 15 lbs.

Biz Markie was supposed to lose 12 lbs. He said he was very busy, working day and night. He lost 6 lbs. only. Dr. Katz told him he could do better. He knew it. The panel noted that he’s changed his lifestyle and that’s good. He admitted that orange juice tasted too sweet to him now and his taste buds were changing. When Marisa asked him what he’d do when he got to his ideal weight, he replied, “I’m gonna walk around outside in a G-string.” (Biz, I wish you the best, but please, reconsider!)

Harvey told everyone that Biz’s loss demonstrated that diet and exercise do go hand-in-hand. You need both to lose weight.

Wendy was up next. She had a great improvement in her fitness assessments. She can do more push-ups and crunches. She also has a great attitude. She admits to the panel that she hates getting up on the scale in front of everyone. I can relate to that.

She lost 7 lbs. 10 was her target, but she’ll take it. She’s happy with it. She started tearing up and told the panel that food is NOT as important to her as it was 3 weeks ago. Harvey wants her to be a ‘studette’. Her new goal now is 5 lbs. Her total loss if 14 lbs so far.

Mia has her chance now. She won the last challenge for her team – it was a swim challenge. As a result, she got the chance to be turned into a Celebrity Fit Club action figure. She was glad to have a ‘chunky’ doll out there to rival Barbie. You go, Mia! I agree.

She was supposed to lose 8 lbs. She lost ½ lb. She was upset. She said she did what she could and she measured herself. She’s gone down a pant size and has lost inches. Dr. Katz told her she hasn’t committed to the program yet, though. They want to see her do that.

Mia, who, as a model, has probably seen her share of eating disorders, said she could see in the past few weeks how the ‘obsession’ starts and she doesn’t want to ‘go there.’ The therapist says they’ll work on that, but she could work harder.

She gets a video message from her hubby, Dave Buckner. He’s sweet and tells her how much he loves her and that he knows she’s ‘gonna kick a$$.’

Harvey, her nemesis, told her he wasn’t going to beat up on her and he wants her to hang in there. ANT showed Mia her doll. It looks so cute. She joked – look how big my boobs are. ANT showed her his doll too. He asked if she wanted to trade. She said, no, but I know you wanna trade shirts! Mia’s doll had a sequinned bustier.

Now that the weigh-ins happen, each team goes outside and gets on big scales (like the legal scales, a teeter totter shaped thingy). Mablean’s team wins the challenge; they lost more overall. Joe G’s 12-lb weight gain really hurt Team Baldwin.

Next week, the teams have to trade the weakest member of their team to the other team.

******Email me at panndyra@realityshack.com if you wanna chat about this show or weight loss. If you want to flame me because I’m fat, please think twice unless, of course, your ‘flame’ is original or super-funny and no, these aren’t funny:

You’re fat
You’re a whale
Fat b&*&h

You get the idea, right?

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