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You Want What To Pop Out of Her Cake? — Season 2, Episode 3

It’s Mama Victoria’s birthday and da boyz are planning a fun and fancy shindig. With some help. Victoria finally fired her less than capable assistant, Jen. She’s got a new man in the job – Jay. He was an intern at Star. She’s hoping he gets along better with the boys, but she also tells him not to be their parent or their friend, either.

Victoria’s friend, Robert, is moving in to her guest house for a bit. He and Luigi are at odds. Luigi the Lazy doesn’t want to move the furniture into the guest house nor does he want to move the man’s clothing. Robert is a bit of a prima donna. But, Luigi is just a lazy ass. Jay, the new assistant is like, “I didn’t get hired to be a moving man.”

LOL! Looks like Vicky may have to find a new assistant at the end of this season too. It’s so hard to find good help and poor Victoria proves it time and time again.

Robert calls Victoria, who’s just upstairs, on his celly. She comes down, looking resplendent in her trademark white, and tells Luigi to just take care of it. Luigi mumbles as usual and she’s goes off to work. We find out that it’s Victoria’s birthday. She won’t say how old she is exactly. Only that she’s 34. (Hey, I still tell people I’m 25. So, by my math, I figure she’s got to be at least 41 to say she’s 34! It’s a complex formula that women use to reveal their ages. Even highly regarded mathematicians haven’t figured the exact ratio out yet!)

Victoria doesn’t want to make a big deal out of her birthday, but we discover that the boys are planning a party in her honor. They’re working with Jay, Vicky’s new assistant, her friend, Robert, and her publicist, Matt.

The boys wanted Luigi to jump out of a cake, surrounded by male strippers. It was going to be a real classy affair. Then, Matt stepped in. He decided that they would add some panache and style to the soiree. They got a venue that will be intimate – seating of about 100. (I’ve never had 100 people attend my birthday party. Wait! There was that year that the Spanish fleet was in town, but that’s a story for another type of site entirely!)

The party doesn’t take place on Vicky’s actual birthday. I guess that’s part of the surprise. Instead, she gets a happy birthday moment from her co-workers at Star during an office meeting. Editor Joe Dolce asks her if she’s depressed. She said yes. He told her that ‘being 38 wasn’t so bad.’ She replied, “I’m 34, Joe.”

That night, the boys invite Matt and Jay over for a planning pow wow. They discuss some logistics. Funny word, logistics? It usually implies that logic is used, but only Victoria’s sons seem logical here.

They’re pretty sharp boys, those ones. They know what their mom likes. They also know what will work.

They get into it a bit, especially with Matt, the publicist/event planner. I guess they don’t all get along.

Then, the big day arrives. Victoria and Robert head off to the salon for some pampering. Vicky tells Robert how macho he is while he gets his toenails painted to look like diamonds. She also asks him to tell her about the party. She knows it’s happening, but she doesn’t know what will happen during the event and, frankly, she’s a bit nervous.

Honestly, I think she’s concerned because this isn’t something she can control. Victoria, you are a control freak. I recognize it in you because it’s in me. Relax.
Have some vino.

Meanwhile, Matt and Jay are having issues over the cake. Matt goes to pick up this custom-chocolate cake, with real roses worked into it. It’s $1,200.00 y’all. Dang, it cost more than both of my weddings combined. Matt bangs it up against his car as he’s unloading it and the baker is upset.

Matt calls Jay on his cell phone and Jay is like “dude, I’ve got the cake. Stop talking ‘bout the f*&)(*& cake, man.” He’s driving it to the party right now.

Last minute preparations are being made. Victoria gets into the limo. She looks pretty in black. She and Robert talk about her shoes. The cake arrives. Luigi, who is supposed to wear body paint and a basic black speedo, says NO WAY. He’s not wearing the speedo. Thank you, Luigi. That’s the smartest decision you’ve ever made.

He gets into the cake to await Vicky’s big entrance. When he pops out, she smiles. She was most touched by the portrait of her boys, which was painted by an artist friend. Hopefully, she doesn’t notice the problems with her special cake. (The little run-in Jay had at the bakers put a huge whole in the back of the cake.)

All in all, the event was a success. In the end, Victoria takes Luigi home in her limo; but, he tries to put the moves on her. She threatens to throw him out of the limo and make him walk.

The End

Panndyra, Goddess of Chaos. Email me at panndyra@realityshack.com. Tell me why you think she fired Jen.

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