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Real Housewives of Orange County, Ep. 13 – Whine & Cheese

Announcements, glamorous attire, and whining with cheese.

Since Tamra’s gotten her “itty bitty boobies” back, she takes Vicki along to shop for new brassieres and get properly fitted. Tamra’s shocked to learn that she’s a D and Vicki’s a FF. WTF?! This news is not going to be taken lightly since Vicki is still fuming on the inside about Briana’s Vegas marriage.

Slade goes for a bike ride with Gretchen’s father and mentions he wants to propose to Gretch. Her father sort of gives Slade a hard time about the proposal and politely brings up Slade’s unfavorable past and reputation.

Gretchen shows off the brains some of us weren’t so sure she had. Over lunch with Tamra, Gretch admits she isn’t ready to marry Slade. Why, you ask? Because of finances combining and his drama becomes her drama.

I guess it’s Vicki’s turn to throw a soirée for all of the women. It involves fine wine and cheese. So Heather should approve. Alright, Vicki’s ulterior motives are to publicly announce Briana’s marriage before it gets out, and Vicki doesn’t have the chance to control whatever gossip may arise.

The ladies all arrive in glamorous evening gowns to Vicki’s small wine event. The men are all decked in tuxes. If I didn’t know any better, I’d say they were attending some opera show in New York City or something.

Brooks makes sure to introduce himself to everyone he hasn’t had the pleasure of meeting — and it’s quite a bit of people. Because nobody really knows him. He takes Vicki’s son aside to chat about Briana’s secret marriage. Vicki’s son says, ‘I don’t know you dude, why are you trying to play Pops right now?’

Alexis enters the party late — fashionably early she thinks — and Tamra rationalizes that drag queens take plenty of preparation to get ready. Of course Alexis is late then. Dang!

Tap the flutes of wine. Vicki has an announcement to make. Yes, as you may have heard, Briana is now married and it happened in Vegas on a whim after her cancer scare. These are not tears of joy Vicki’s crying, people.

The room is shocked but smiles, congrats, and hugs are exchanged all around. Vicki also surprises Briana with Uncle Bill. Whew, for a minute there, we all thought Vicki was going to announce something crazy like getting uber serious with Brooks, like engaged herself. Oh God. Glad that’s not true.

Leave it to Tamra to burst out with “Are you pregnant?”

Well why else would a young couple elope — in Vegas? That had to be running through others’ minds. Fortunately it isn’t true. Briana isn’t preggers. Time for bleu cheese.

Brooks feels the need to share more Brooks-isms. He loves the kids. The kids of Vicki and Tamra whom he just met like a second ago. I think he really means it. I’m with Tamra, “Who says that?” Really, who?

The night ends with some irony as Vicki and Brooks sit across from Briana and her new husband. One couple has been seeing one another longer perhaps, but feels comfortable enough to get as serious as it gets. The other has only been dating for six months and half and in actuality don’t know each other as well as they think. Yet one of these couples is in the wrong. Hm, I dare you to guess.

On the next episode: Slade enlists Heather to go engagement ring shopping with him. Alexis throws an over-the-top birthday party for her four-year-old twins. Vicki and Briana have big fight.

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