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Freelance entertainment writer, martial arts instructor, and mother of two.

The Amazing Race, May 6 – Captain Poopy Pants Wins the Race!

It’s Big Brother who get to the mat first, and Phil tells them they look worried. Rachel tells him they just want it so bad. He pronounces them team number three and she screams and jumps into Brendon’s arms. Brendon says they fought very hard to get there and might not have won any legs, but it’s not about winning any leg except for the last. They know they’re the underdogs, but believe they can do it.

Vanessa and Ralph finally find Phil and are named the last team to arrive, which they figured. Vanessa apologizes to Ralph, and Phil tells her she should be very proud of herself because she dug really deep. Ralph cries and calls her a trooper, saying he wouldn’t have wanted to do it with anyone else. It was a wonderful experience for them, and they had problems, but are closer because of it. From hereon out it’s smooth sailing for them unless there are rubber chickens.

The final three all make several proclamations about being in the final three, but Rachel gets the sound bite of the night. “Nothing comes between me and my million dollars.”

The first team to leave on the last leg are of course Blonde Rachel and Dave at 4:15 PM. Their clue tells them to travel to Honolulu, Hawaii. After they land, they need to figure out that they should be at the Twin Towers to get their next clue. Dave knows they have proven themselves to be one of the three best teams to compete in the Race. If and when they win, it will be their eighth leg and they’ll be the most winningest team ever. She calls Honolulu a great final destination, while he calls it a great place to become millionaires.

Border Patrol leaves at 4:47 PM. Art is dancing all the way out. J.J. thinks they have what it takes to win. They didn’t come there to be second or third. They visualized it, talked about it, and saw it. It’s the last leg, and for them it’s “balls to the wall and go.” It feels good to be taking the last flight home.

Big Brother leaves at 5:05 PM and know they’re the underdogs, but they could very well be the winners coming out. They plan to turn it on ten notches and turn on the turbos. Blonde Rachel and Dave find out they’ll all be on the same flight once again. Border Patrol plans to get sleep on the twelve hour flight. J.J. thinks second place would almost seem like a waste.

The flight arrives in Honolulu, and the thee teams race to get out of the airport. Rachel and Dave are the first to get a cab, followed by Border Patrol. They’re following the team in the lead, which is funny since they have always blasted Big Brother for that. Big Brother takes off in their cab in last place. Art and J.J. argue about following, as J.J. is worried if the driver loses Rachel and Dave’s cab, then they’re lost. Blonde Rachel and Dave secure with their driver that he knows where they need to go from their clue. Redhead Rachel asks their driver to use her Google search.

Dave confirms that their driver was Army and says he was as well. He tells him he just got back fro Iraq and saw his veteran hat, and it’s the reason they chose him as the driver. I’ll be glad not to hear him talk about that after tonight. If the driver could lose the cab behind them, it would be great. The driver knows Border Patrol’s cab is trying to follow him. He manages to lose them, and J.J. is pissed off, saying they should have never just grabbed a cab and left, as now they have no idea where they’re going.

Blonde Rachel and Dave arrive at the Twin Towers and need to make their way to the top of the tower by ascending to the roof, then after they spot their next destination, need to rappel back down face forward. Big Brother are the next team to arrive. The two teams agree they just want to stay in front of Border Patrol, especially since Blonde Rachel realizes they have more arm strength than she does to ascend the tower. J.J. asks to go to a hotel to use the Internet.

Blonde Rachel and Dave are ascending, while Border Patrol arrive at a hotel and ask if anyone knows of anything where there is two of something. They are told there are two statues, one of a guy on a boogie board, and the other by a wall. Back in a cab, they discuss that this had been the hardest to find clue so far, and J.J. figures Big Brother will stumble on it by some dumb luck.

Dave is at the top of the tower and waits for his wife. Big Brother are just starting to ascend, and she is beginning to freak out, saying they weren’t kidding about it needing a lot of arm strength. Rachel and Dave reach the top and see no sign of Art and J.J., but do see the next destination on and island and wonder how to get over there. They need to start the rappel.

Border Patrol arrives at the statue and sees no clue. They need to figure something out and quickly. Big Brother are still on their way up as Blonde Rachel and Dave are making their way down. Redhead Rachel tells Brendon she’s scared. Blonde Rachel thinks Dave looks like her superhero. Big Brother searches on top of the building for the next clue as Border Patrol finally arrive.

Rachel and Dave both try to tell their driver where they’re going, and he gets mad and tells her to let him work it, asking “Who’s the navigator?” Redhead Rachel is afraid to start the rappel, and Bendon slides down it making it worse. J.J. doesn’t enjoy heights, but again he and Art hav the arm strength. Big Brother hit the ground, and she’s too afraid to even move. They get in the car and head to the island. Border Patrol sees the clue and starts their rappel.

Rachel and Dave find a Roadblock. One person on each team must use a samurai sword to shave enough ice to completely fill a bucket to a certain line and get the next clue from a Hawaiian actor. Border Patrol start their ascent, as J.J. wants to get it over with very badly. They start comparing the adventure to Mission Impossible: Ghost Protocol.

Big Brother arrives as Brendon starts shaving ice next to Dave. Dave asks if they’re ready for a fight for the million bucks. Redhead Rachel says she is, and that she likes the odds better at 50/50. Dave has close to the amount of ice needed, and Brendon continues to work on it. Blonde Rachel looks across and can see Border Patrol rappeling down the tower, saying they look like little bugs. She wants to squish them. Border Patrol finish their rappel and take off.

Dave finishes his ice, and he and Blonde Rachel make their way on foot to helicopters waiting on the oufield. Dave asks their driver if there is a baseball field nearby. Rachel reminds him they have to go on foot. They reach the helicopters, and he mentions again that he’s an Army guy. Once they take to the air, Dave mentions he’s usually not a passenger. Brendon is still shaving ice.

Border Patrol arrives at the Roadblock, and J.J. decides to do it. Redhead Rachel asks if they had fun but is ignored. She says it’s okay, they don’t need to talk, just need to beat them. Blonde Rachel enjoys the helicopter ride and sees a rainbow. She figures the view is better than Iraq.

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