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Real Housewives of New Jersey, Ep. 2 – Poker Face

Business owning, poker night, and missing planes.

The time has come for Ashlee to go. She’s freaking out all over the house.

“I don’t know where anything is. I don’t even know if I have an outfit. I just shoved a whole bunch of random sh*t in there …” Weeping, whining, and sulking,  Ashlee drags her bag down the staircase. Her cousin, Albie (Caroline’s son), drives her to the airport.

Caroline accompanies her daughter, Lauren, to the doctor’s office about growing insecurities over her weight. Italian cuisine is some of the best food out there. I love the bread, cheese, sauce, and sausage, myself. Lauren wants to get down to a size 4. Let’s be realistic; genetics does play a role in these things. Just something to keep in mind.

Joe and Teresa say goodbye to ‘Teresa’s Specials’ – their family restaurant. They talk about letting go of the gas station, which I had no idea they owned one. Now the Guidices are thinking about opening up a senior home? Really?

They’re letting one business go and are trying to open another? Where on earth did their financial problems come from? Teresa might be forced to bash family and friends some more to sell the future cookbooks.

All this business talk makes me want to crawl under the covers and stay in bed forever, sleep the prospects of the future away. More business talk ensues when Richie (Kathy’s husband) takes his son, Joey, to a gas station and offers guidance on – you guessed it – owning a business.

“You have to actually run a business to be successful,” Richie says, “Or you can be like other people and open businesses and shut them down.”

I think we all have a feeling as to whom he’s referring to. *cough* Guidice *cough*.

Ashlee continues to complain while en route to the airport. Albie compares her to Ke$ha, which I find hilarious.

“I don’t even know which flight I’m on. My dad didn’t even tell me. I’m freaking out, man; I’m freaking out.”

Albie sees Ashlee off to the doors and tells her to call when she reaches the security. She calls informing him she missed her flight to Vegas.

“I should have walked her to the gate,” Albie’s pissed.

Chris booked a one-way ticket, and now Ashlee’s on standby at the airport. Everybody’s like, “Of course Ashlee missed her plane.” Wow, seems like all hope has been lost on Ashlee. It doesn’t help matters that she vents through Twitter, for even the family to see.

The Wakilies, Gorgas, and Manzos come over to Chris and Jacqueline’s for a big, casual summer dinner and then poker night for the men. Ashlee’s lack of common sense isn’t going to kill the mood. But then she walks through the doors with her bag in tow, without a care in the world like ‘I missed the plane, oh well. What’s for dinner?’ Awkward.

“So Teresa’s coming,” announces Chris Manzo (Caroline’s son), being the comic relief he is.

Even more awkward.

The Guidices arrive and the awkwardness permeates the room.

“Jacqueline, the meatballs are excellent,” Richie Wakilie says aloud.

I take that as a stab at Teresa. And Teresa’s not too delusional. She brings up the cookbook and cooks up a brief apology to “anyone who took offense” to what was written. O-kayy.

“We’ll take one for the team so you can make a little extra cash,” Melissa Gorga politely says.

Ouch. Time for poker.

Joe Guidice turns the friendly game of poker into a competition about everything, and of all things – height. That’s one department he and everyone else knows he’s literally short in. C’mon!

The next day Joe sports a black eye and busted lip Richie Wakilie ‘accidentally’ gave him while wrestling. Some girl sends a naked pic to Kathy’s son, Joey, and the family takes care of it. I love those Wakilies!

Melissa records another song, a ballad to her husband Joe, and then plays it for him at their dinner for two. Joe loves it, loves it so much it only turns him on and he carries her upstairs from the table. I don’t even think they had their food. I guess Joe has to release the “poison.”

Joe Guidice is home with the girls these days, cooking and manning the home, while Teresa is on book tours and book signings. Chris (Jacqueline’s husband), Albie, and Chris Manzo come over for drinks, dinner, and guy time.

Gia – what a wonderful and mature kid she is at 10 – helps with cooking and looking after her younger, busy-body sisters (especially that little Milania).

“Keep it down. I’m putting the baby (Audrina) to bed,” Gia tells the men while carrying her baby sister up the stairs.

Drunk Joe strikes again with his mouth, towards the family. The other guys sit there in awkward silence. They don’t hate the Gorgas and Wakilies—they actually like them a lot.

A day or so later, Chris drives Ashlee to the airport this time and makes sure she boards that plane and gets the heck out of New Jersey.

On the next episode: The pressure of Jacqueline and Teresa’s friendship is pushed. A confrontation ensues between Teresa and Melissa.

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