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Survivor: One World – Ep 9 – I Repeat…A Survivor Star Is Born

Um, all I really have to say is, check out last week’s column because it applies. In fact, I think I can probably just copy and paste until May with the same columns. Kim is rocking it. She’s like a human being outwitting a collection of raccoons. Unless the raccoons suddenly get their hands on the secret Planet of the Apes formula during a reward challenge, Kim is going to breeze to a new tax bracket.

But I guess I should probably talk about this week a bit.

Really though, it’s the same theme. Kim is running the show, the woman have the guys by the short ones and they are just barely starting to see it. Well, sort of. Last week, Jay saw it but Troyzan was positive the women were on their side. This week, a world of difference. Troyzan saw the writing on the wall, but Jay was convinced. Jeez – come on, guys. Even Tarzan saw that it was going to happen – but since he’s a nutcase, no one is listening to him. He’s like the crazy guy who lives in an RV in the woods, listening to police scanners and believing in every internet hoax, played by Randy Quaid in the movies. Or, actual Randy Quaid. In the movies, he’s always right about the imminent alien attack, but no one will listen. Well, Tarzan is right about the women, and these other idiots won’t listen to him because he keeps crapping his pants.

Right at the outset, Tarzan warns them that the girls were plotting because the men fell apart. He’s right. Of course, he had a lot to do with it – remember his little war with Sushi. And the boys could have stuck together down 6-4 and worked hard to flip Cha, while using Troyzan’s idol as a weapon. But they didn’t. Because these guys are apparently on a different island than the one we are watching. Fantasy Island.

I think, the only way they can avoid their imminent Pagonging is, again, what I said last week. The remaining men, with Troyzan doing the talking, of course, must band together and work on splintering off the two women at the bottom of the six-person alliance. Troyzan’s sales pitch to them has to be a solo sales pitch – he has to promise them Final Three. The pitch is that they (most likely Cha and Alicia – but the crazy lady is hard to depend on, he may have to go for Kitten instead) are doomed for a fifth and sixth place finish as the bottom of the Six Women Gang. If they join with him, he vows that after they take out Kim, Chelsea, Sabrina and whichever one of Kitten/Alicia is not with them, that the next votes are Leif and Tarzan. He must make them a hard Final Three promise and hope that they buy into it.

Absent that, the scenarios where the guys last are diminishing quickly. One of them could go on an immunity run – likely Troyzan. One of them could find the new HII and use it at some point to propel into the Final Four. Or perhaps at the F7, the season will mirror Vanuatu and the ladies splinter and use the last guy as a swing vote and he is able to parlay it with the brilliance that Chris did many seasons ago.

Whatever. Raccoons.

A little bit about our lost model. Jay was an odd one. He appeared to have decent instincts and some elements of a good Survivor game, but he would follow a good move with an abysmal one. He fell into the trap of taking out Sushi, putting the guys in a rough spot. Then he realized the situation they were in, but didn’t stop the Mike ouster. This week he seemingly knew the trouble he was in, but blindly fell for Kim’s reassurances. There was a good player in there somewhere; he just couldn’t break through to the surface.
What bothered me most about Jay’s game this week was the inexcusable decision to opt out of the challenge to eat chicken wings and beer. And he doesn’t even drink beer!!! Even if you think that Kim’s got your back, you have to at least think in the back of your mind that she doesn’t. While you may feel secure enough not to scramble, you can at least try to wear that necklace to eliminate all the mystery. Under no circumstances do you give up in order to chow down on a plate of food that you can get in any TGI Fridays for $10.

And about those food temptation challenges – for future Survivors. Watch yourself. If you have any concerns about your fellow competitors learning about your alliances or your intentions towards them, try not to give up challenges in order to eat a bowl of candy. And at least pretend to cheer for each one so they know they are not on the outs. And, while I am at it, don’t give up immunity for food. Remember your long game – it does not include chicken wings.

Another thing that irked me – the do-it-yourself challenges have to go the way of the Medallion of Power. It is a bad idea. Survivor is very good at reinventing itself – and many of its new ideas work well. This one does not. I am sure Probst went along with them just to prove to the producers just how valuable he is to the broadcast. The two challenges this season that were Probst-less were just unwatchable. This one was just pathetic. The challenge was simple, but it was boring as all get-out. And Troyzan’s feeble attempt at play-by-play. made Probst look like Al Michaels. Please, retire this one.

So, my friends, sit back for the next couple of weeks and enjoy the Pagonging. Troyzan better hope he has a bit of Terry or Ozzy in him as he needs immunity wins. Tarzan could manage to linger even into the end game solely for the fact that no one is going to vote for him to win. And I continually forget Leif is playing Survivor – as do the editors and producers. Perhaps the women will forget he’s there too and he’ll manage to make it to the end. I fully expect three weeks of male Pagonging before the women turn on each other. I would like to be surprised, not because I want one of the dudes to win, but because I want to see something interesting happen.

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