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Real Housewives of Orange County, Ep. 9 – “Bowling for Champs”

Bowling, champagne, and more surgery.

Ah. Fresh fruits and wine. I can think of anything better than that combo at the moment. Afternoon snacking with Heather looks divine and Tamra stops by to join. After the disaster of Bunco night, Heather wants to get everyone together — yet again — without any friction.

Yeah, good luck with that. Tamra will be a no-show, unfortunately, because she’s getting her breast implants removed. I guess breast reduction sounds better, huh.

Brooks doesn’t really reside in O.C. He’s more bi-coastal, so whenever he’s in town, that means pleasant afternoon lunches, dinner nights, and more Hallmark cards for Vicki.

Does anyone else ever think of the country duo everytime Vicki says her boyfriend, Brooks, and then her ex, Don, in the same sentence? That’s probably just me.

“By the way, I love us and ‘us’ is and ‘us’ without a ‘u” in it,” Brooks tells her after the card-giving.

Nice confused facial expression in response. Yeah, I don’t get it either, Vicki.

So Heather’s planning another get-together for the O.C. women, and this time it involves bowling. I really enjoyed the mud run. Over the phone, Vicki confirms she’ll be there with Brooks.

Alexis can’t make it. Nose jobs take a while to recover from. I mean, she supposedly can’t bend over or won’t be able to bear the weight of a bowling ball.

Have to go through Slade to get to Gretchen. “How emasculating,” Heather grins.

Alexis feels comfortable on camera, even though she’s been at this news –station gig for just over two months. That one journalism class from college gives her some sort of background.

She messes up and introduces a panel while on set. The topic of discussion is ‘Sex, Pop Culture, and Kids’. She pretty much dominates the discussion, so it’s not much of a Q&A. Gosh, Alexis.

The brain power probably got affected with that nose job. Whoops.

Slade wants Gretchen to rest her voice, which means cutting the chatting to a one or zero, save for singing. Gretchen feels that “that’s like asking a dog not to bark.” Quite the comparison. She really pulled that one out of the air.

They arrive at the vocal coach for some voice lessons. Here goes Slade being the controlling manager/boyfriend, doing all the talking for Gretchen. As she does some vocal scales, Slade sits patiently in the corner watching. And waiting to step in.

“It’s all that talking. Talking in the car. Talking to her girlfriends,” he says when she doesn’t go as high as she wants on the vocal scales.

The time has come for Tamra’s boob surgery.

“You gonna come back out with no tits?” Eddie asks. “No CCs? Really? Are you seriously taking them all out?” He’s still very supportive and as long as Tamra’s happy, he’ll be happy.

Tamra has her brief moment of doubt, having second thoughts about it. What will she be left with? Does she really want them out after all? I’m sure she’ll be fine. And lighter. That’s a plus.

Guess who else is having a date night this time? Alexis and her hubby, Jim. Permission to go out to dinner, thank you. Contracts, agreements, marriage isn’t exactly what I’d want to discuss over dinner.

“When we got married, we became one flesh, biblically. And being one flesh, wife stays home.”

Oh my God. Where is Jim talking from? I have an idea but I’ll be polite. Obviously Jim doesn’t want Alexis working. Her place is at home with the kids, in the kitchen, and in bed.

“You’ve gotta say ‘no’ to some things. I think you need to pray.”

I—I can’t even.

Tamra’s awake and surgery went well. She seems calm in the hospital bed, but really is wondering where her boobs are. Eddie lets her know there’s still something on her chest, so no worries.

Whoa, Gretchen shows up with gifts to bear for Tamra, fresh from surgery. Where was Gretch when Alexis was fresh out of surgery? But then again, Vicki isn’t there at Tamra’s bedside. We can only speculate what’s going on here. The tides must be changing.

Bowling & Champagne night arrives. Oh my God, Vicki walks in and — What? — she hugs Gretchen! Of course they’re not cool with each other after the Screaming showdown, but I think they are putting that stuff aside for the night. Heather makes sure to put them in separate lanes.

Vicki slips and falls while bowling. Competition gets friendly only on the surface with the bowling. Perhaps it’s Brooks’ presence that’s lightening Vicki’s mood. She wants to take Gretchen aside and calmly speak with her.

Instead, Gretch’s friend Sarah — who wasn’t even officially invited by Heather—plops down in the middle. Sarah sits next to Vicki to speak on Tamra’s behalf.

It’s not your battle, sweetie. Go eat your food and leave Vicki be.

Gretch can’t fight tonight, at least not scream. Gotta rest that voice.

Sarah’s probably tipsy. She’s going on and on about how disrespectful Vicki was in dissing her invitation to “talk.” Heather steps in to calm the tipsy mess of Sarah. Time for a time-out. Please put her in the corner, Heather.

After everyone leaves, Heather and husband, Terry, can take a breather.

“Where did [Sarah] park her spaceship?” Gotta love Terry. He’s great.

On the next episode: Vicki has a reaction to Tamra’s breast reduction, and it doesn’t seem like she’s enthused. Gretchen gets emotional during some sort of the conversation with Slade.

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