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The Amazing Race, Mar. 25 – “Beaten by a Frickin’ Girl”

The other four teams are on their way to the Roadblock, and Big Brother somehow make it before the Federal Agents, Kentucky, and Border Patrol. But they’re all there basically at the same time. They find a Detour – Apples or Oil. In Apples, teams will search an old Soviet car that local vendors use to transport products into the city. They must find one specific apple marked with a race flag. In Oil, teams make their way to a health center and clean up a client after he has soaked in oil and use a metal shoehorn to get the oil off, then get the rest off using water and a sponge.

Big Brother, Kentucky, and Border Patrol decide to do Oil, while the Federal Agents decide on Apples. J.J. announces they’re about to scrub a man down in a “Homey Down.” Bopper and Mark have fun with the prospect. Nary is happy to not be doing that one.

Joey gets submerged and remembers a summer spent lifeguarding. He knows he’s pretty good underwater. He finishes right away, and they take off for the Detour. Ralph and Vanessa get to the carpet shop to look for the clue, and have trouble finding it.

Border Patrol reach the Oil Detour and find their client, a tall Azerbaijan man with gold teeth. They see the oil coming out into the tub and wonder if it’s normal. The man submerges himself in oil, and when he stands up, Border Patrol decides when in Rome, do as the Azerbaijans do. They start scraping the oil off and call it “wicked strange.” No kidding.

The Federal Agents find the car filled with apples. And this is completely full. The whole inside of the car is packed with apples, and the trunk is as well. They call it nervewracking to do this with the crowd watching.

As Kentucky start filling the tub with oil, Border Patrol continues to scrape. J.J. says he’s trying to get all the oil off, but the client “has hair like I’ve never seen.” Seriously, could this be more gross? Bopper says it would be hard to get him in that tub. As he and Mark start scraping, Mark says this man has too much damn hair on him and needs a shave. JJ. just finds this so wrong in so many ways, yet. ends up tickling the client. Big Brother has the hardest time so far, as their client is the heaviest. Rachel calls this experience weird and from another planet.

Vanessa and Ralph continue to have a hard time finding the clue, but finally do, as she says she feels like a buffoon. They decide to do the Apples, thinking oil takes a long time to scrape off. Yeah, but looking at the car filled with apples, I think that will take longer. It’s a cardinal rule in the Race about not picking the needle-in-the-haystack challenges.

J.J. laughs hysterically while scraping the oil off, and Mark yells over the wall that it seems like they’re having too much fun over there. Brendon compares this to a horror movie, and Rachel calls it the uncomfortable part. J.J. instructs Art to “Get in his junk,” and Art asks him to focus on what he’s doing and quit trying to be funny. J.J. pleads his case, saying he’s in his thighs.

Back at Apples, the Federal Agents continue to search through the car. Vanessa and Ralph arrive with her saying, “Holy Cannoli.” As Ralph goes through the inside of the car, Vanessa is literally sitting inside the trunk going through the apples. She hopes it’s the first and last time for her to be in a trunk.

As Bopper tickles their client in his armpit, Rachel thinks their client doesn’t mind that she’s rubbing him all over. Border Patrol asks the judge to check the job they have done and get passed. They get a clue to head to the next pit stop. J.J. feels kind of violated and says to win a million dollars, you have to scrub a man’s junk. Kentucky finish as well, as Big Brothe finish up quickly and also head to the pit stop.

Border Patrol is the first of that group to land on Phil’s mat and are named team number two. Art says they’ll take a second place when the Fast Forward is in play, because it’s actually a win.

Joey and Danny arrive at the Detour and decide to do the Apple challenge. The other two teams are still searching. A local man yells at the Federal Agents and Vanessa/Ralph to go “Faster, faster, faster,” in his native tongue. Ralph guesses he’s either telling them to go faster or talking about “Vanessa’s melons.” He’ll be surprised if that’s the case, as she’s going commando. The Federal Agents find the apple and take off for the pit stop. As they continue to search the car, Ralph says it’s crazy, as the further you get, it seems like the apples multiply. Vanessa begins to have flashbacks of the watermelon challenge.

Kentucky and Big Brother reach the pit stop to be named teams three and four respectively. Brendon notes they’ve gone from sixth to fifth to fourth and could be climbing their way to a million dollars. Bopper tells him they’ll have to go through he and Mark.

Joey and Danny are from “The Big Apple,” so are rolling the dice to search for the apple. Seriously, Vanessa and Ralph have to be at least halfway through, and Joey and Danny haven’t even gotten there yet. This doesn’t seem to be a wise decision. Then again they were just seconds away from winning the Fast Forward and getting first place before getting “beaten by a frickin’ girl.”

The Federal Agents reach Phil’s mat and are a little disappointed to be named team number five. Did they really think the teams doing Oil were going to all take longer than their search for the apple?

Vanessa and Ralph find the flag in the apple just as Joey and Danny are arriving. Giving them a little time, Vaneesa and Ralph’s cab driver asks around to see if anyone knows where the pit stop is. What I think probaby helps Joey and Danny is that they choose a car filled with green apples. It has to be eaiser to find the flag in that rather than the red apples. Amazingly, they find the flagged apple right away, while Vanessa and Ralph’s driver is still looking for directions. Joey mentions going from tenth place to second place and thinks they could still be in it. Vanessa and Ralph’s driver finally gets directions.

The first team to arrive on Phil’s mat, though, are Vanessa and Ralph. She says, “Cheese and crackers” for like the umpteenth time on this leg. Seriously, just say shit and get it over with already. Vanessa is happy to still be in the Race, but realizes there’s a lot of room for improvement.

Joey and Danny run in in last place and are eliminated. Danny is disappointed, as he thinks they could have won. They just made the one mistake. He thinks they could have beaten any team that was left. Joey says it just wasn’t their day today. He figures to make it as far as they did, though, isn’t not bad for a couple of kids from Long Island. This was all new to them and they’re glad to have experienced it all. Danny doesn’t think any of their friends would have thought they’d do as well as they did.

The Federal Agents had climbed up and were running with the front of the pack. But choosing to do Apples put them right back close to the end again. While it worked out timewise for Joey and Danny to choose that Detour, it’s only because they chose the green apples, making it an easier search. Those three teams just didn’t make great choices. And that’s why they were the last three teams to come in. The reason why Border Patrol has led so many legs or been close to the front has more to do with good choices than anything else. One bad decision can end your race. One good decision can put you in the front of the back.

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