RS: What advice do you have for people that would like to heal their past relationships?
Kim: You have to be ready to get real. You have to give up old thought patterns. You have to be ready to let the past go. It is all you!
RS: Were you and your other roommates ever enlightened to all of the reasons Deborah left the show, or did you never find out about her pregnancy until after you were off the show?
Kim: We got on a plane to come to Denver, S.O. was on all the TVs. It was the episode about Deborah being P.G. OMG. I almost hit the floor. I was so shocked. I had no idea. She told me she was going through menopause and hadn’t had sex in 6 years.
RS: A big deal was made during the show of your attachment to your Louis Vuitton bag. After your talk with Kelly, where she wished you weren’t so materialistic, did you come to see it differently? Do you still carry it?
Kim: “It’s just a purse people.” I consider materalistic: someone who puts material things before other people. My husband and I work hard, and it was the first L.V. I bought. My husband and I give a lot of time and money away. I was taught to work hard, put your best foot forward, dress for success. If I want a purse so what. I was upset about the portrayal of the purse. We all carried a purse. Another girl in the house has a L.V. and no one has said anything. They just showed mine all the time. I think I hid behind things so as to not show my true self. I do still have my Louis. I might auction it off for charity.
RS: What type of a future relationship do you think you will have with the other women in the sisterhood – Towanda, Jennifer and Iyanla?
Kim: My relationship with T. and Jennifer is very strong. We are close, and talk several times a day.
RS: We loved the episodes where we were shown your maternal side. What do you feel was your most maternal moment on the show?
Kim: My most maternal moment was sitting with Jennifer while she was talking to her dad. She really needed me then. I am still maternal with her today.
RS: When you had entered the Starting Over house the first day, were you assuming you would be graduating by the time of your planned Mediterranean cruise? And why was this not mentioned until just before the trip to see Kelly?
Kim: I told the casting dept. before I ever came on the show that I had a cruise planned. “Iyanla never knew.” There was a miscommunication between casting and production. They did go back and find that I had talked about the cruise all along. I did not get it in writing, and I should have not been so trusting. I was always going to see my sister, but I was prepared not to come back and graduate. We did not know we were going to Denver until a few days before we left … choosing myself was hard. I felt selfish.
RS: What was the final result of the planned cruise? Did Dave end up going alone, taking someone else, or did you end up graduating by the start of the cruise? That would have been an awesome graduation gift to yourself, and a great way to celebrate!
Kim: Dave was upset because he was with me when we talked about the cruise. He did not know I was coming until he got to Europe. I was able to catch up with him in Monte Carlo. S.O. gave me a ticket for graduation to meet him in Spain. We had a great time.
RS: I have learned a lot about myself through watching the women on Starting Over. Through your struggles, Kim, I have learned it’s okay for me to drive the kids to school without a full face of makeup, and that it only matters what I think of myself, not what others might think. I have also learned that failed relationships do not make me a *bad* person. Can you tell us what you have learned from each of your other housemates and life coaches while in Starting Over?
Kim: I always go around without make-up and sweats I always have … I feel my problem was: I never told people how I really felt. I kept it inside and then I would blow up. I was always too afraid to tell people my honest feelings. Iyanla told me this is as bad as lying. People can’t read my mind. My feeling bad about myself came about when I was young. I always thought my parents’ divorce was my fault. I was left on my own. I had to raise not only myself but my brother and sister. I had alot of bad things happen to me in my childhood, When my mom remarried, I acted out. This also made me feel bad. I learned from the coaches that you have to love yourself; it seems so cliche. You also have to take responsibility for your own feelings and actions. I also needed to lay my story down. I had to get rid of the victim mentality. I learned from the others that everyone has things that they’ve done that they’re not proud of. This does not make a person bad.The things that I did were not unforgivable. I had to forgive myself. I also learned to be vulnerable. I needed to realize that choosing myself does not mean I’m selfish. I learned from everyone that I need to set boundaries with others in relationships. I let people treat me badly because I was afraid I would be abandoned! I would not set boundaries; I did not tell them how I felt I would hold it in. I would let things build up and let others treat me badly. This did not work. Today I am weeding out some friends and working hard on those relationships that are important to me. I am also taking charge of my own life and not letting others control how I feel about myself. I left decisions about my life to others. I am happier today and my relationships are much more authentic. This is because I am more my true authentic self. Iyanla also helped me take my faith to a deeper level. I am so grateful I was on the show.
Thank you, Kim, for taking the time to answer these questions. It has been a pleasure to watch you in the Starting Over house, and we hope for only the best for you and Kelly in your struggles to recreate your relationship.
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