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Freelance entertainment writer, martial arts instructor, and mother of two.

The Amazing Race, Mar. 11 – “Run Her Hard and Think Deeply”

Joey and Danny decide on Clean the Statue, as Danny says salami isn’t really his thing. I can’t see ever picking the salami, even though I like it. It seems way too hard. Blonde Rachel and Dave ride up the elevator, as he seems to have a change of perspective, saying the race really does present some amazing opportunities. They decide the salami is too much meat for them to handle. Ralph uses the parking system again to get into a good parking spot. The Federal Agents decide to clean the statue.

Big Brother are still driving to the building, and Brandon say he doesn’t like giving up, but he doesn’t like fighting, and this is obviously causing a huge strain in their relationship and not worth a million dollars. If she decides she doesn’t want to be with him after this, it’s not worth it. She says she doesn’t want that either. When he asks why even do it then, she sobs, “Because I wanted to travel around the world with my best friend.”

Vanessa and Ralph decide to Clean the Statue, as Vanessa hasn’t had salami since high school. Big Brother arrives, and Vanessa and Ralph celebrate that they’re behind them. Brendon refers to them as the Ogre and the Triflin’ Ho. Vanessa bets they eat the salami, and in fact they decide to. They just want to get through the Detour and make it past everyone else. He asks to call a truce, but she wants to just go.

The other teams are traveling to the statues, but it’s a really remote location, and it’s difficult. Vanessa and Ralph realize they have already passed the salami location. Big Brother enters a shop to start tasting salami. Rachel admits she knows nothing about salami, except that it’s on pizza. Umm, no, that would be pepperoni. She tastes one and says it reminds her of baloney. What a palette this one has!

Mississippi finds the Tin Lizzie and their clue, and just as they leave, they see Kentucky arriving. Kerri hopes to go on to the next thing really quickly so they can stay in this game. Kentucky gets the car parked with no problem and enter the museum to find the Tin Lizzie.

Blonde Rachel and Dave find the statues, and she realizes they have to work their butts off. Vanessa and Ralph find them next. Dave takes the hose away from Rachel, and Ralph picks it up right away as well, as Vanessa says, “Aww, take all the fun toys.” He knocks the head off and is told by the judge there he is too strong. Joey and Danny arrive, with Danny cleaning the statue and saying he feels like he should have taken her out on a date first. Joey says they aren’t the types of dirty girls Danny likes. Joey doesn’t’ know what to make of that, seeing the types of girls Joey dates. The Federal Agents arrive, as Dave and Rachel are fighting . Nary knocks a head off, as Rachel tells her, “Yeah, that happens.”

Big Brother are done tasting, and she says now they have to go taste them at the other station and guess. If they get it wrong, they just have to run back to this stage again and keep guessing. The salami at the second stage is of course not cut up the sami way to make it more difficult. They have to ask for it to be sliced so they can taste it. They get five of them right away because of the color or texture, then start guessing wrong.

Mississippi arrives at the top of the building to find the Detour and decide to also Name that Salami. Kentucky find the clue inside the Tin Lizzie and are on their way to the building. Dave and Rachel have already finished cleaning their statue and get the clue to head to the pit stop. Could this be a non-elimination leg? We haven’t had one yet.

Brendon and Rachel are back trying to guess the salamis and can’t even identify the unique ones anymore. They have to go back and do it again. The other teams are going to town clean the statues. The Federal Agents feel like they’re at a toga party. Joey and Danny complete the task, as do Vanessa and Ralph.

Rachel and Dave land on Phil’s mat for second place, as Dave says this leg was a complete and utter failure from his vantage point as their communication was lacking, and they can only improve from this point.

Big Brother goes back to the salami store and see Mississippi in there, which Rachel hoped wouldn’t happen. They leave to go to the second vendor again as she says she can’t even taste anything anymore. She starts to break down and gets mad at him for holding her hand as she wants to jump in front of a car. She tries a bite of salami and says The Amazing Race is supposed to be fun and good. She wants Big Brother again. He says they’re done and out of The Amazing Race. They talk about best friends fighting and making up, and they leave, presumably to taste the salami again, but not leave the race.

Kentucky lands on top of the building and decide to go clean the statue. The Federal Agents decide “Josephine” is ready for her toga party, and in fact get their next clue as they race to the pit stop. Joey and Danny are named team number three.

Brendon and Rachel are at the salami vendor, tasting again, as she says the people that all hate them and are making fun of them are going to win. Right on cue, Vanessa and Ralph reach the pit stop and are named team number four. Brendon and Rachel finally breeze through their salamis, get them all right, and get the clue to head to the next pit stop. The Federal Agents reach the mat and are named team number five.

Mississippi somehow quickly identifies all the salamis and leave for the pit stop. Brendon and Rachel reach Phil’s mat and are named team number six. She thinks sometimes they behave more like frenemies than best friends. He knows even when she tells him she doesn’t want to marry him, she really does, and it’s just her getting back at him for being mean to her. He knows neither one of them should be yelling at the other.

Kentucky get their statue clean really quickly, as Mark says you can take the boy out of country, but not the country out of the boy. Bopper says they had a ball cleaning the statue, and it’s the funnest time he’s had on the Race. They finish and are given the next clue. They’re told “you are engaged.” Bopper asks if the guy thinks he’d marry something that ugly. They take off for the pit stop. Mark says he’s finally having fun with Bopper’s ass.

Mississippi hits the mat for seventh place. Phil tells them they are still in the Race. Driving to the pit stop, Bopper says it sucks to come in last and be eliminated, but he still feels good about what they accomplished today. They’re in Italy. Marks says they did all they can do. Phil tells them they know the news is not good. Mark says they do, but they had a good time. They are the last team to arrive. Phil tells Bopper he knows why he wanted to come on the race, and his girl would be really proud of him. Bopper starts to cry and says he hopes so and he thinks it’s been one of the best days of friendship.

Border Patrol come over to speak to Kentucky and informs them they are splitting their money with Bopper to use on his daughter, as J.J. says he’s a good man and working hard for his daughter. Bopper tells Phil he doesn’t know what it meant to him to be on the race fighting for his child, because that’s all it means to him. Phil has something else to say. It’s a non-elimination leg, and they’re still in the Race. Kentucky celebrates with Border Patrol. Phil tells Border Patrol they need to be careful, as they now handed over money, but have to compete against them again. Bopper can only say he will return the favor.

Reality TV just doesn’t get better than this.

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