Detour – Stacked Up, go to the fruit market during the busy watermelon season. Because, it seems, Paraguay is big on watermelons. Then they stack them up in a 10×10 pyramid. Or, Strung Out, go to an auditorium and work on the National Instrument of Paraguay, the harp. Really? A national instrument? What’s ours? Autotune? Anyway, attach the 36 strings and tune the harp for the next clue. All but the Twins go to the melons first. However, most wind up flipping. Army Wife uses the Express Pass. Only JJArt and the Dumbbells actually manage to stack it properly. The rest go and do the harps.
Roadblock – – The Bottle Dance. The Paraguayans do a bizarre dance where they balance a bottle full of liquid on their head and do a routine. Racers must do this routine, including a wacky Superman yoga move at the end, with the bottle balanced to get the clue. If they fail to get it done and bust all of the bottles, they take a 2 hour penalty. Amazingly, only Dave from Army Wife manages to screw it up so badly to take the penalty. Roadblockers include –Art, Dave, Baby Rachel, Fitness, Mark, Nary, Kerri, Elliot and Ralph.
• Argentina has a 200 year old rubber tree. I am pretty sure an ant, can’t move it. Well, one can have high hopes.
• JJArt had a great leg. Really good. Of course, they bragged their way throughout it. Waaay too much. Guys, settle down. We want to root for you guys – but boasting about how you’re going to dominate? Not all that endearing.
• Minor airport drama over the standby flight. Army Wife, JJArt, Feds and Bopper succeed, but the melon issues wind up equalizing.
• Bopper to cabbie – drive it like you stole it. That’s me, every day, in DC traffic.
• Bopper – It’s hotter than new love, baby. HA! LOVE that line. Seriously, I never would have thought I’d find myself liking this team, and yet, here I am.
• Mathletes – It’s as hot as Mississippi Mud. Meh. Would have been better if Bopper’s didn’t come first. And incredibly, Mississippi Mud is my secret porn name.
• I decided – I don’t like Mathletes for a nickname. I need a new one – going with Miss Mud for now.
• Army gets into a dumb, dumb tiff that can only come from a couple who doesn’t ever live together and now thrust into a worldwide Race.
• Baby, on Vanessa – “Her disgusting smile is as painted on like her overdone makeup.” Ooooh, burn.
• I think many of us really want to know one thing – who was that goddess standing next to Phil this week?
• Was Bopper singing Johnny Cash to get through a harp challenge? Seems like Cash would find that somewhat lame.
• We now all know that Dave has an odd-shaped head. Let’s stop with body part description right there, ok Dave?
• Quietly a good leg for the Dumbbells – they finished the melons, and muscled their way into third place. No screen time or anything, but there you go.
• Stalker calls each other “Angel,” it’s the new “baby.” Which is, of course, code for “I hate your effing guys.”
• Phil lied for some reason. He told Army Wife that they were the first team to fail to complete a challenge and not be eliminated. Not true. Three teams failed to complete the Meatblock in Season 7 and none were eliminated. I can understand the confusion because it’s not as if that Meatblock challenge didn’t take place in Argentina or anything…oh wait.
Order of Finish – JJArt (trip to Bahamas), Baby, Dumbbells, Bopper, Feds, Army Wife, Miss Mud, Stalker, Twins (ELIMINATED)
Next week – Italy. Slamming doors and helicopters. More Army Wife bickering and more Baby whining and crying.