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Real Housewives of Orange County, Ep. 5 – “He Said What?”

Bunco party, Slade, ’80s night.

Gretchen is still pissed with Slade for his jabs at the O.C. wives. Slade feels like comedy is what he’s supposed to do, yet Gretchen is still wondering “Where did this come from?” But at this stage in his life, “it feels like the right thing.” Especially since he gets to bash Tamra and Vicki. Speaking of which …

Tamra plans a Bunco party with an ‘80s theme and talks it over with Heather. Amongst the chatting, Tamra mentions they can poke fun at each other, but in a friendly way. Well Heather discloses that Slade beat her to the punch. With improv comedy night. And that Michelin Man (Tamra) and Miss Piggy (Vicki) came up. It’s gotta be jealousy, Tamra thinks.

Heather suggests killing Slade with kindness. “Shut him down.”

Yes, yes *evil nod* Tamra loves it.

Alexis is freaking out about her surgery consultation. There’s so much going on with Alexis’s nose: obstructed airway, deviated septum, drain a sinus… Why not go ahead and get rid of the hump, a little cosmetic surgery? She doesn’t want it to seem like she got a nose job though. Just so we’re clear. What if she goes under and doesn’t come out of anesthesia? She boo-hoos to the surgeon and slightly hyperventilates.

“You have to separate my nose from my face to get to my sinuses.” Whaaaa?

The surgeon clears that up quickly and assures her that’s not the case and that the pain will be gone in three to four days. Breathe, Alexis, breathe. She nearly passes out from relief. Thank God that’s all there is to be done. It’s all good now.

Vicki is distracted at work, with the divorce, worrying about assets, and her daughter’s condition. She really doesn’t need the stress of Slade’s drama.

Slade, with all his connections, gets Gretchen a guest spot for The Pussycat Dolls show in Vegas. Gretch sings (?), dances(?), and now she going to perform burlesque? Understandably she’s nervous about this, but Slade gives encouraging words in that manager/boyfriend coaxing way and Gretch is up for the gig — like the team player she is.

While Gretchen picks out outfits for Tamra’s Bunco party, guess who calls. Yes, Tamra. Awkward position for Gretchen. They agree on kicking Slade in the balls. Gretch may be joking, but I have a feeling Tamra isn’t so much.

Coffee makes everything better, accompanied with a hug. For the most part. Tamra drops by with these items for Vicki and respects to Brianna (Vicki’s daughter). The conversation naturally progresses to the jabs Slade took at them on appearances and whatnot. When Tamra tells Vicki about Slade’s comedy routine, she feels insulted, but is distracted by her daughter Briana’s upcoming thyroid surgery, which could reveal if she has cancer. Tamra shares the meme with Vicki, to kill Slade with kindness. It won’t be easy for Vic. Her plate is full. All jokes aside.

Preparations for the ‘80’s Bunco party are underway. The other ladies go for the crimps, waterfall bangs, neon colors, lace finger-less gloves, and dyed hair. Heather, being the classy woman she is, takes the less obvious approach. A glamour girl from Robert Palmer’s videos. “Just because it’s ’80′s doesn’t mean you have to look bad.”

Tamra’s party is one NOT to be missed. Goody bags with sex toys, margaritas, dices, mindless fun, and Bunco!

Fun times and now the improv comedy night drama intervenes right on cue. A friend brings up Slade’s jokes and a simmering controversy explodes into full-on conflict. While Gretchen jumps in at Slade’s defense, Tamra tries to diffuse the situation by revealing a surprise. Tamra’s waving her hands through the air because she doesn’t want Bunko night ruined. Yet she reveals a surprise to the women, having invited the ladies’ significant others to the party. In walks Slade in the leather jacket and mullet. Vicki isn’t having that. At all. Where are yout loyalties, Tamra?

Can you say EXPLOSION? This is bunkers. Bunco, even.

The next episode: More ‘80s Bunko party. A scream-off match between Vicki and Tamra. Vicki deals with her daughter’s thyroid results.

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