(Note to my readers – Help me! I’m stuck in hostile territory – I’m at the in-laws for Thanksgiving!)
I must say that when I offered to do this review I had high hopes for the show. What’s not to love – Ruben, Kelly and Fantasia – the three American Idols, singing holiday classics. The title suggested that there would be holiday music. There wasn’t much of that however.
From the beginning of the first song, I felt like I should’ve been watching the [b]Bachelor[/b] finale. This song was called something like “All Night”. It was a bit of a holiday love song. More for New Years Eve, after I’ve had a few – okay, more than a few. Then, it may have been enjoyable.
Kelly had the first solo which was her latest single, “Since U Been Gone”. It was edgier and more of a hard/alternative rock song. It’s okay, but where’s the holiday in the song. I should’ve known that this was just a way for the American Idols to plug their latest albums:
Ruben’s, “I need an angel”
Let’s just say, “I’m not impressed yet, but I’m still holding out hope.” Ruben then introduced Fantasia (might I add that the intros were cheesy and must’ve been written by the William Hung of TV writers! I don’t mean to be a Simon or a Scrooge, but this stuff is terrible!)
Fantasia sang the Willie Nelson classic, “You Were Always On My Mind.” OH GOD! Help me. Then, she said, “I’m so glad I made it through the song without crying. It’s one of my favorites.” I didn’t make it through the song without crying. What about me, Fantasia? Hmmm? Who did I hurt in this lifetime so badly as to deserve this punishment?
Fantasia then introduces Ruben. She says, “What more could you ask for for Christmas, ladies…(than Ruben Studdard!)” Well, I could think of a few things – Johnny Depp, Viggo Mortensen, Taye Diggs…but Ruben…nah. Does Santa have a return policy or something?
Ruben and Fantasia do a duet called “Save It All For Xmas”, or something like that. I don’t care so I try an experiment. I close my eyes and I swear I hear Luther Vandross and Chris Tucker instead. Yes, I do believe that Fantasia and Chris Tucker are the same person. You never see them together. Never!
Ruben then introduces Kelly. She comes out all bedecked in white and sings, “Breakaway”, her mega-hit ballad from the Princess Diaries 2 movie and her newly released CD of the same name. Yes, buy it folks. It’s not exactly subliminal messages here, folks.
The best part of the show is the fact that we know these three aren’t lip synching.
Kelly then sings her favorite Christmas song. It’s one I’ve never heard of called, “Jesus, O What a Wonderful Child!” The song turned into a duet with Fantasia. It was given a beautiful Gospel treatment complete with choir in the background.
I must say that this show is so corny that the coolest thing I saw came during the next commercial break – you know the Adrien Brody Diet Coke commercial. Yes, it is that bad. I’m not exaggerating. I want to spend time with the in-laws…yup.
Now, it’s Ruben’s turn for another solo. He sings “Amazing Grace”. It had a little R&B in the background. It was good until the end when his embellishment turned the song into a love-song to Jesus. Why change the song? It’s a classic…Oh well, what do I know.
After his song, Ruben gets to plug the new season of American Idol, which premieres in January. He quips, “and we think we’ve already found the next William Hung!” Then, we see clips of horrible renditions of Christmas classics. Hey, at least I hear Jingle Bells! My favorite was the dude who sang:
SI-YA-LENT NIGHT…I said, ah SI-YA-LENT NIGHT!
I spit out my Diet Coke with Lime. It was funny.
Now, Fantasia comes back out in red. Thank God! She got rid of the pink dress. It was so not her color. She looks good in vibrant colors that showcase her personality.
She thanked the band and sang her song, “Truth is” from her new album “Free Yourself”.
It was pretty good. Actually, I thought this performance was the high point of a low-light evening.
Then, we see the three idols again. All dressed in ebony and ivory. They sang two songs:
**”You’ll Never Walk Alone” (Isn’t that the song from the Jerry Lewis MDA Marathon on Labor Day?)
It was a Gospel treatment and I must say that, during this song that I noticed how Ruben’s sweat glands parallel those of Kevin, while he gave the Levi’s presentation, on last week’s Apprentice.
Kelly and Ruben walked off the stage. Fantasia danced out at the end. Ruben had to come back out and get her — so contrived.
All in all I must say that this “special” got me in the mood to be a Scrooge this holiday season. Now, I know why Simon’s so damn cranky.
*****Sure, tell me I’m wrong. Email me at firstname.lastname@example.org. I’ll ignore you, of course.