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Freelance entertainment writer, martial arts instructor, and mother of two.

The Amazing Race, Mar. 4 – “Hotter Than New Love”

The unfortunate window-shattering in a bus headed to Buenos Aires ended the Clowns, Dave and Cherie’s, time on The Amazing Race. I’m glad to not have to hear the line about “tears of a clown” every week, but I’ll miss their cheerful nature. Cherie’s cartwheels was a nice respite from bickering teams. From the previews, it seems we’ll be back to that tonight, as Rachel seems to prove she not only can’t get along with people on two seasons of Big Brother, but also can’t get along with people on The Amazing Race. Nevertheless, you would be hard-pressed to find a better overall competitor. If she could fix her social game and let go of the emotional breakdowns, she’d be a shoo-in to win every time.

The first team to leave the pit stop yet again are Blonde Rachel and Dave at 12:22 AM. Their clue tells them to fly to Asunción, Paraguay. There they will board taxis and head to an equipment supply to get the next clue. Once again, they are worried about being a target after winning the first two legs of the Race. Dave figures the others will see that they’re playing aggressive and are competitive.

Border Patrol agents Art and J.J. leave just three minutes later, and are excited to go to another Spanish-speaking country where they can really dominate. While starting behind Dave and Rachel, they recognize they’re a good team, and that they all think alike, interested in protecting America. J.J. mentions their plan to hang tight with Dave and Rachel to dominate the Race.

Rachel and Dave reach the airport first and see a flight headed to Asunción at 8:45. Border Patrol arrives, and they share the news of the 8:45 AM flight. Trying to buy tickets on the flight, Dave and Rachel are told the flight is full at the present moment. They ask to be put on standby, but have to go to another counter. They follow up on this, as do Border Patrol.

Instead of seeing the other teams leave and the time difference, we see all the others arriving at the airport asking to be put on the standby list. Common sense would tell you everyone isn’t going to make it from standby, and that the later teams should just find another flight to begin with. If the next flight fills up early as well, they’ll be first on that standby list, before the earlier-arriving teams.

Of course, everyone was tipped off to this by the “Teachers,” Nary and Jamie. J.J. is quite irked, and what he doesn’t know is that the Teachers are really Federal Agents and have more in common with them than he figures. Nary explains their lie, saying everybody likes teachers, so they hope the other teams will like them. I think J.J. would have liked them better as federal agents. J.J. is questioning the same thing I am, how all these people think they’ll get tickets off standby. He complains, saying everyone following their lead just isn’t going to happen anymore.

The other teams try to get the ticketing agents to not give priority to Dave and Rachel and Border Patrol, asking him to switch the order on the list. He tells Andrew, “That is not possible, Sir.”

A ticketing agent then walks over to the area where Dave, Rachel, and the Border Patrol are sitting and announces they have found seats for only the four of them. How often do agents do that instead of just announcing your name and telling you to come to the desk? Of course she said four people only, but we know it’s double that amount to also hold the producers and camera men. The “Teachers” and Kentucky team of Mark and Bopper are also told they have seats for them. Mark says it’s “Team Kentucky coming loud and proud,”

The other teams are told they did not make the standby flight and now must start scrambling. Again, perhaps they should have been researching this, or even buying these, earlier, realizing the slim chance they had of all of them making the standby flight. The agent tells them a flight leaving at 10:40 can guarantee them some seats.

Rachel says she’s not calm and that this is the Race. She’s “not about to lose it to some Do Heads.” Doo Heads? Due Heads? Dew Heads? What exactly is that? Elliot states the obvious, that it’s frustrating to be two hours behind. Vanessa talks about the rug being pulled out from underneath them and their hearts dropping to the floor, while her teammate, Ralph, says they still intend to play hard.

The first flight lands in Asunción, and the teams race to pick up cabs. Border Patrol is the first team out, calling themselves the ones to beat. Kentucky sets out to follow them, pulling a Brendon and Rachel move. Border Patrol hits the equipment supply first and go down slides yelling, “Wee!” reminding me of that little piglet in the commercial.

J.J. finds the clue, a Detour – Stacked Up or Strung Out. In Stacked Up, teams will make their way to the largest fruit market in the country, find trucks of watermelons, then stack the fruit in perfectly-formed 10×10 pyramids, just like the local vendors. In Strung Out, teams will make their way to an auditorium and choose a harp. After watching a demo, they’ll attach thirty-six strings.

Border Patrol wisely chooses the best task for them, Stacked Up. Mark and Bopper arrive and decide the same. The “Teachers” find the clue before Dave and Blonde Rachel and decide to do Stacked Up. Rachel and Dave decide on the same.

Border Patrol is the first team to find the watermelons and start planning out right away how to do the stacking the most effectively. J.J. explains after catching all the bad guys, they know they can do the manual labor. They’re not afraid to get dirty, slimy, and grimy, and gut it out. Rachel and Dave arrive, followed by the “Teachers” and Kentucky.

Bopper has never stacked watermelons before. Dave calls this a particularly draining task, especially considering the humidity. Bopper finds it “hotter than new love.” Bopper thinks they should tighten up their stack of watermelons, otherwise they’ll fall, but Mark doesn’t see that as a problem. He hits Bopper in the head with a watermelon, and the local kids find this hysterical.

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