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FYI, You Work For A Jackass! – My Big Fat Obnoxious Boss, Episode 3

by LauraBelle

I think the thing that makes My Big Fat Obnoxious Boss both hysterical and not funny at all at the same time is it’s all too real for me. I have worked for a man who flaunted his money and made decisions that made you scratch your head. Yet, I can’t turn away from it; it’s that entertaining.

The morning after Kristie’s firing, Kerry is ironing, clad only in a towel, while everyone else is eating breakfast. She explains now that she has learned what Mr. Todd likes, she can’t wait to show him more. An assistant of N. Paul Todd’s delivers invitations to the team leaders. Kerry and two of her Femron teammates are invited to join Todd on his yacht. She decides to bring Elli and Whitney along. Robert, getting the executive privilege for the second week in a row as leader of Comcad, gets an invite for a round of golf. He brings along Mike and David.

The women arrive at the yacht, and Kerry jumps aboard with an energetic, “Ahoy, Mate!” Actor William August, admitting this yacht has actually just been rented for the day, tells us this whole yacht outing has been engineered to show a very unsettling side of N. Paul Todd. As Mr. Todd, he and the three women are sharing champagne, and he offers them each a small token of his appreciation. They open up the gold gift bags to find tiny bikinis. Todd then leers at the women and asks, “How ’bout we jacuzzi?”

Kerry isn’t sure what to think, and asks Elli and Whitney if they are going to partake. Elli is flabbergasted, saying, “This is a job interview.” William tells the audience that he was surprised all three women eventually went along with it anyway. As Todd appeared in his own swim suit, Ellie got creeped out and wanted to change back.

Meanwhile, Robert, Michael and David are awaiting Mr. Todd’s arrival on the golf course. They get some practice in on the driving range while waiting. Back on Lake Michigan, aboard the yacht, Todd jumps in the lake and Kerry and Whitney follow. Elli puts her foot down, feeling that this is all very inappropriate. Todd tells the women he as good taste in bathing suits.

It’s 4:00 PM, the tee time for Comcad and Mr. Todd. Todd calls the men from aboard the yacht, and says he has been delayed working on a business transaction, and tells them to work on their putting while waiting. Actor William tells us he has no intention of showing at the golf course at all.

At 7:00 PM, N. Paul Todd is still hanging with the girls on the yacht, and making the men wait. Whitney corners Mr. Todd for some one-on-one time, seemingly telling him her life story. Actor William explains to us that he wasn’t listening at all to Whitney, and just kept repeating, “That’s fascinating,.” She just keeps droning on and on, saying she doesn’t want to be a model, and Todd just keeps saying, “That’s fascinating.” Later, she says that she loved hearing him tell her she was fascinating (And that’s precisely why he was doing it!), and that it made her feel so warm (Pretty sure that Todd was feeling warm too!), and it was great to get the feedback. At 8:00 PM, the men on the golf course are very disappointed with the absent Mr. Todd. David says he is now four hours late, and Michael adds he hates non-punctual people, and that it’s like a slap in the face.

The women and men all seem to return around the same time to their house – the women talking of it being fantastic, and the men quite upset at having to wait all day. Mike is very upset, realizing Mr. Todd out-and-out lied, after the women explain at the time he was telling them he was in a business negotiation, he was really eating dinner with them.

Actor William says it’s time for a millionaire’s version of a “drunk dial” and called the house as Mr. Todd. As Whitney answers, Todd asks her if he sounds kind of spacey. He further tells her he’s not one for taking pills, but he has just taken a pain pill he had left over from a procedure he had on his testicles. Honestly, I can’t believe this is a potential boss of hers, and he’s sitting there talking about a testicle procedure, yet she doesn’t seem to feel it’s inappropriate. Is Whitney that desperate to NOT be a model? He follows this by asking to speak to Whitney. When she tells him she is Whitney, he yells out, “Whoo!” She says, “NOW you sound spacey.” Realizing he’s losing her, he says he enjoyed their time today, and meant what he said.

The next day brings the contestants to Todd’s office, and they wait to see what the challenge will be. As they wait, two men wearing suits and mascot heads come running through the room. The men take off the heads, and we find it is Todd’s assistant, David, and Todd’s son, Kent. Jamie is away, and Mr. Todd is busy with business.

The actor playing Kent explains Kent is supposed to be a smug millionaire’s kid, and that he’s not qualified or smart. (Okay, I didn’t work for the dad; I truly worked for the smug unqualified boss’s son. Honestly. He didn’t run around in a mascot head, but he did look like Potsie Webber.) Kent tells his father’s wannabe employees that he is the boss’s son, and he knows what they’re thinking. Yes, he slept his way to the top. This is met with total silence in the room.

Actor David tells us it’s been made obvious to this point that the character has a “fondness” for men. Character David asks who is going to be wearing the mascot head on Comcad, and Robert says it will be Damian. David tells him it’s an excellent choice, and creates a very uncomfortable stare with Damian. Actor David says Damian looks like a little kid in the barber chair.

Kent explains to everyone that he is passionate about PR, and that the public is very disillusioned about Corporate America. The two teams will be creating a mascot to help promote a chemical called Dry-Con, which he explains is a hydrocyanic acid, which no one else seems to be able to pronounce. The actor playing Ken explains it’s just the technical name for cyanide. Character Kent says this chemical can be dangerous on its own, yet is used in everyday things such as ice cream boxes, cars, and parachutes. (Parachutes are everyday things? What does this guy do every day?) They will, as a group, create a mascot, and make presentations with the mascot, explaining chemical safety and using a jingle.

This is the whole genius of it. Had he told the people it was cyanide, they would never be able to create marketing for it, but because it’s “a chemical” they succeed. They are at a magnet school with a focus group of eight-year-olds and some parents. Comcad comes out dressed in funny costumes, and with a mascot named, “Captain Dry-Con.” They turn the symptoms of accidental exposure to Dry-Con, aka cyanide poisoning, into amusing characters like Rashy Robby and Dr. Dizziness. They wind it up with a short, catchy jingle that the kids can’t, or won’t, stop singing.

It’s Femron’s turn, and we find Whitney is playing their mascot, called “Fergie the Frog.” Actor David says Femron’s skit is an eclectic mix of a bucktooth girl, a scuba man, and Tanya in a skull cap. He adds that the frog looks pregnant. Worse yet, Whitney can’t remember the name of the chemical. They move on to the jingle, and it’s later compared to an operetta. They kids aren’t drawn to sing this at all. Too bad my own eight-year-old was in bed; I would have loved to get her input.

The men are nervous, but the women are confident they have won. The children’s votes are counted, and the men win by one vote twenty to nineteen. The men are excused, while the women are told to meet in the boardroom the next day in the office.

At the office the next day, actor William says the contestants seem more and more committed every day. Todd has asked Whitney to wear her frog outfit, presumably to discuss team strategy. Once everyone arrives, he of course tells her to take the hat off, making her feel ridiculous. Instead of Jamie, Kent is there in her place. No boot-drawing today, I guess. He tells the team they have a virus, called losing. He says the damage has been done, and that they are weak, and will only survive if the strong is weaker. (What??? Okay, I had a couple cocktails watching football this afternoon, but still …) Tanya just nods.

Todd asks who the creator of the presentation was, and Elli pipes up. Todd explains children are fascinated with what they can’t see, and that communication is the key. Kids couldn’t see the mouth of Whitney, inside the frog suit, as she explained the dangers of Dry-Con (which is a good thing, since she couldn’t remember the name!) Character David points out they could see Damian’s face as the Comcad mascot, and that he was drawn to watching Damian’s mouth, and was quite attracted to it. It made him think of a man-on-man kiss, and got his attention. I can’t imagine how he is going to get further and further into this character every week!

Whitney is asked to put the frog head back on again. Todd begins to talk to her to show how they can’t hear her talk. Character David talks again about Damian’s lips. Todd asks why put Whitney in the frog head. He explains she’s bubbly, has a terrific personality, and has a face that will sell. Whitney explains the group liked how her voice sounded selling the product, and that was why. He says Whitney is one of their best assets, and you just don’t put Picasso in a closet.

Todd asks Kerry to name the two women to put up for firing. She names Whitney, as she felt she did the best, and Elli who she felt did the worst. This is because the one that stays will be the team leader next week, and she would like it to be Whitney. They are that sure of Whitney staying. Whitney even admits to volunteering to go up; she is that sure of herself after her talk with Todd, and him calling her fascinating.

Todd asks Elli to explain why she should stay, and she says she hasn’t showed what she is capable of yet. She says she has led all three challenges and she created Scuba Sandy. Elli and Whitney begin arguing over who created the character. Whitney says she should stay because they need optimism. Todd goes and discusses who should leave with his secret boss.

Everyone returns to the boardroom, and Todd tells Whitney he was blown away with her offering to sacrifice herself, because she thinks that highly of herself. He then says this decision wasn’t hard. He tells Elli she is creative, and she likes to stir the pot. He admits he likes to have his pot stirred. He turns to Whitney again, and says he finds her fascinating, but the reason she volunteered is presumptuous, and that he’s insulted. We all know what’s coming, as he turns to Elli and says, “Elli, get the hell out of my office.” Showing she belongs in a real office somewhere, she retorts, “With all due respect, you’re missing out on a really good opportunity.”

Walking away, Elli says she really doesn’t feel she learned anything, and tells the others, “FYI, you work for a jackass.” I think her last line says it all. Wait until she finds out that was the whole point of the show.

I welcome questions and comments at LauraBelle@realityshack.com

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