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Survivor: One World – Ep 2 – The Tribe of the Witless

We didn’t learn too much about the guys this week outside of the Adventures of Gay Cochran. However, we learned a lot about the women. That’s more bad Ulong analogies – the editing in Palau was exactly like that in the early episodes. So, let’s talk a little bit about the ladies. First, the impressive ones.

Sabrina – I didn’t see her as too impressive on paper, but on the show, she’s been one of the lone voices of reason. Usually when someone steps into the breach and takes on a leadership role it does not end well for them. But this tribe was in desperate need of someone to step up and organize the tribe. She’s been spot on with her comments and is singlehandedly carrying the torch for the teaching industry. Because…

Alicia – Man. NaOnka analogy was a joke last week. However, now it appears to be exactly the proper analogy. Seriously, she’s in charge of children! And here she is on TV after Cha came over to bury the hatchet and apologize after the first Tribal saying in her confessional that she would let Cha drown if she saw her drowning. Nice. She also said this line during the apology – which is a classic line uttered when apologizing, but not really meaning your apology – “If that’s how you feel, then I’m sorry.” Translation – I think I did nothing wrong, but if you took it that way, then you’re a humorless dolt. She can’t leave fast enough for me.

Monica – Another one I didn’t see on paper. During the debacle at the immunity challenge, Monica stepped up and got things done. Granted, it was far beyond the point of recovery barring a moment of immense futility from the guys, but she did it. And she seemed to be on the ball when talking to Nina about what needed to be done for this tribe. She was “sad, sad for women.” Yup. That said, she’s probably next out if the pattern holds.

Kat – Oh Kat. She’s for real, right? She isn’t some cartoon come to life? I mean, she gets attacked by bugs during her confessionals. That doesn’t happen – volcanoes may erupt (like on Vanuatu), but not bugs. She gets mad at the guys for tending the fire for them because that’s her job. Wouldn’t you just say thank you, now I can be warm tonight?

It was somewhat amusing last week when she was the reluctant referee and sat there with her hands on her hooded head. However, as we get to know her a bit more, we see that Kat is more than that – she’s a child. I’m not saying that she’s young; I’m saying she’s a child. How else do you explain the utter inability she has to pay attention, listen or apply herself to accomplish anything? Nina said there was a definite maturity problem with the tribe. No friggin kidding!

She failed miserably to grasp the immunity challenge and basically singlehandedly lost it for her tribe – made worse by jumping into the water twice when she didn’t have to. She refused to help Sabrina and the tribe by surveying the land around them – because who needs to know anything about the environment you are theoretically going to be living in for 39 days – because she wanted to find food. Then, instead of finding said food, she and Alicia went swimming. Another great moment of mentorship from Alicia the Walking Argument Against Tenure.

I can almost forgive Kat for being totally unable to respond to Nina’s question about what kind of life experience she brings. Being outdoors ain’t exactly gonna cut it. Perhaps I can float a pass for her explanation for why things weren’t going well – she’s never actually challenged herself with tasks that she can’t win. Really? Not even, I don’t know, trying a more difficult level of Mario Brothers?

However, the moment that should leave no doubt that this child needs to go – was the brief moment before Tribal where we see Kat scoot across the camp to stick her ass into Alicia’s personal space in order to fart on her. That’s right – you didn’t misread that. To. Fart. On. Her. On television. She didn’t even offer a chance to pull her finger. Fart fights. Check please!

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