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25-30 Plans….That All Suck – Survivor: Vanuatu, Episode 10

[i]by atarus[/i]

We start off the episode with Chris explaining to the women that he voted for Sarge because Sarge pulled him aside and told him to. He even adds a bit of a manufactured sniffle. But really, Chris voted for Sarge to stay close to the women, Sarge never told him anything. In the morning, Scout gives a confessional, saying that Jules doesn’t deserve a final 4 spot, so she talks with the men and says “she has a plan, she needs to talk to Twila.”

The reward challenge treemail comes, and the Survivors have to bring Piggy to the reward. Piggy gets his own orange buff from Jeff (cue ooohs and aaahs) and then it’s down to business. It’s another bring something over a rope through obstacles course. This time it’s on land instead of in the water, and it’s using people instead of little tiki parts. A sacrifice has to be tied up and guided through obstacles. The teams are “randomly” chosen but the randomizer isn’t working right as Chris, Chad, Ami, and Eliza (arguably the four strongest people left in the game) are on one team, and Scout, Leann, Twila, and Julie are on the other. Lopsided much? Anyway, Julie and Eliza are the ones tied up. (A 21 and a 23 year old female both tied up and in bikinis? This sounds kinky…almost like a dream I had once.) They get the go from Jeff, and immediately you know that this challenge was designed so that the cameramen could get nice close-ups of the young girls’ chests and butts. I mean seriously. As the race progresses, the only thing that’s running through my mind is “Julie has a nice butt” as she flips over another hurdle, or “Eliza has a great rack” as the cameramen zoom in on her. Add in the grunts, groans, moans, and facial expressions of Julie and Eliza as they’re flipped and twisted and guided through the maze, and you wonder why this section of the episode didn’t get a little “warning, the following section contains adult content” thing before it. Anyway, in the end the strong team wins, and Chris, Chad, Ami, and Eliza are off with Piggy to enjoy an authentic Vanuatu tribe cultural gathering.

The plane ride over to the other island is fun until Piggy pees on the plane. (Ain’t so cute now, eh Eliza?) Chris narrates, saying that it seems like they traveled to a whole different world. He says that they end up in the tribe’s camp, they’re looking at the Survivors strangely, the Survivors are looking at them strangely, and Chris is holding the pig! So Chris hands the pig over as a gift, and the chief gives him back another pig. Chris says that they didn’t really want another pig, so they just kinda left it by the bench they were sitting on. (Wait for it…wait for it…) “That’ll do, pig. That’ll do.” (Obligatory Babe reference. Moving on.) Ami takes over the narration of the reward, talking about the traditional dancing and how they didn’t use instruments, only their mouths, hands, and feet. The chief asks them if they want to dance, and they all say sure and they have a great time dancing.

Next up is the kava. They all drink the bowls of kava. Eliza says it tastes like a mix of mud, vodka, and water. (Sounds like what the frat boys living near me wake up in on the weekends.) Chris states that the kava is powerful, and Chad ends up in a kava-induced stupor. We are then treated to a very comical sequence of Chad looking like nobody’s home at all upstairs. He has this wide-eyed drunk expression on his face, and he’s swaying about so much that I just couldn’t stop laughing at him. He says that he could barely stand up, he wasn’t coordinated at all. Chad is let to shelter, where he looks at the camera, wide-eyed, says “Kava” and then passes out. Ami, Chris, and Eliza get to enjoy their feast however, which consists of barely-cooked meat on banana leaves. Not quite what they were expecting, but they gnaw on it anyway. Finally, the children sing songs to the visiting Americans, which Ami says is the highlight of the evening to her.

Back at camp, it’s all about the rain. Scout, Leann, Twila, and Julie are stuck in the downpour. Scout says it will be a miracle if they can keep the fire lit. Leann complains that it won’t stop raining and that it is freezing out. In the morning, Scout says that they need to boot Eliza, she’s useless around camp and they need the men to help with the fire if it rains like that again. Julie and Twila wholeheartedly agree, but Leann gets the “oh no, if Goddess Ami gets wind of your treason, you will be decapitated like Traitorous Lisa!” look on her face. The four adventurers return, but they aren’t welcomed back. Ami tries to recount her story, but she says that they weren’t interested at all. Julie wouldn’t even look her in the eye, and Ami is afraid that trouble has been brewing while she’s been away. Scout takes Chris and Chad aside and says that her, Twila, and Jules will vote out Eliza this time, just have to keep her away from immunity. Then Ami has to go, because she’s too powerful. Chris then gives an impassioned speech on the women, how if you question their ability, they’ll snap your neck, but if you show them your vulnerable side, they open up their heart and that opens the backdoor for you.

At the immunity challenge, it’s time to grab your pole! (*looks left* *looks right* Oh come ON! It’s like both the challenges this episode were designed for innuendo. It is SO not my fault.) Basically, whoever holds onto the pole the longest wins immunity. Twila and Julie are the first to start sliding, and Julie is the first to hit the ground. Ami starts sliding as well, but before she completes her fall, Chris and Scout hit bottom. Ami joins them soon after, and we’re down to four. Everyone looks okay until Eliza just drops suddenly, and she’s out. Leann is the highest up on the pole, but Twila is holding on with her teeth and Chad is using his thighs to stay up. Leann starts slipping, and there she goes. Chad is struggling to stay up, and Twila starts saying “fall Chad, go on down Chad.” And Chad just can’t do it any longer, he’s out. Twila wins the immunity necklace.

At camp, Scout brings Ami into the fold of voting out Eliza. But no, Ami doesn’t think it’s a good idea. And suddenly Leann and Julie are hypnotized again by Goddess Ami. They look at Scout with this dumbfounded look on their face. “But she said we can’t vote for her! We aren’t allowed to think something that Goddess Ami doesn’t want us to think!” Chad is getting nervous, and so he talks to Scout, and Scout promises him that she’s voting for Eliza. It’s up to Twila, and Chad says that since she has the immunity necklace, she shouldn’t be worried about forcing the tie. Twila tries to talk to Ami about voting for Eliza and what’s going on, and Ami shrugs and says that “she isn’t the person to talk to about that.” Say WHAT? Everybody knows you’ve got the girls wrapped around your finger Ami, you’re so cocky and self-assured at tribal council, why not just tell Twila that now? Le sigh. Anyway, Twila knows that Ami is being stupid and walks away exasperated and annoyed. Twila and Scout have a talk, and Twila says if they vote with the men, somebody’s going home by the rock, and who wants to go home by a freaking rock? Twila is once again Twila in the Middle. Let’s see if she makes a better decision this time.

At TC, Leann says that she can’t handle the rain, it may drive her crazy. Chris hopes his stock will go up because of what he can do. Chad says he and Chris have 25-30 different plans to try and stick around. Scout says that the guys have talked to her about deals, but Eliza is shocked because the guys haven’t talked to her at all. Twila says you can’t trust anybody, and Ami says BS, I know there are people I can trust. Yes, Ami, yes.

Voting goes like this: Ami votes for Chad, sticking to her alliance yadda yadda. Chad votes for Eliza ’cause she’s been on the chopping block for forever, and Chris votes for Eliza because her alliance told him to vote for Eliza.

In the end though, Scout and Twila blanche and bow to Goddess Ami’s will, and Chad is voted out 6-2.

Next time, Chris outs Scout and Twila on their alliance deal, and the girls confront Scout about it. Chad’s final words are him saying that Ami single-handedly switched the vote from Eliza back to him, and he’s not sore or sour, but he wishes he could have made it further.

My e-mail is atarus33@yahoo.com. Everyone cross your fingers and hope that Chris wins this, because a male has got to win. Four females in a row will make me puke and make me apply for Big Brother when I’m 21 instead of Survivor.

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