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Expanding our Horizons — GUG

by Panndyra, goddess of chaos

No, I wasn’t ignoring y’all. Growing up Gotti was on a mini-hiatus for a bit. I know everyone misses Vicky and da boyz, but they need their “R&R” too.

This week’s episode started off with Victoria jetting off to Los Angeles to do a small part on the NBC soap, Passions. The fact that she and all my Italian relatives except for me watch this drivel makes me wanna vomit. I gave up soap operas when I was in college.

Anyway, Vicky loves this show and is excited to be a ‘sexy nurse’. Before she leaves, she tries to get the boys excited about a challenge of their own – camping. Uncle Pete wants the boys to spend some time with him out in the wilderness. This ain’t your Boy Scouts type of trip. Regardless, John, Carmine and Frankie don’t wanna go.

Is it me, or are they really this spoiled?

Victoria decides that she wants to take their keys ‘cuz if they ain’t going campin’, they “ain’t goin’ out.” Da boyz give her some probs so she tells Jen to be her enforcer. Well, John and Jen get into it…big time. I’ve had some crappy jobs in my life, but I had to admit that my experiences pale in comparison to Jen’s. You couldn’t pay me enough to play warden to these guys.

Victoria has a meeting with a friend of hers. She’s really nervous about this ‘acting gig.’ She has like 3 lines and wants to be the ‘best, sexiest nurse she can be.’ She says to her friend, “What do I know about nursing?” He then says to her, “well, you’re sexy.” She replies, “That’s true.” God. You’d have thought that soap opera writers made up this cheesy dialogue too, but that’s reality, folks.

Meanwhile, back on Long Island, Uncle Pete and his friends, Chubby (a complete understatement) and Vito, meet the boys for dinner at a pizza place. Pete tells them they’re going camping and they’ll like it. Frankie’s like…I don’t wanna go campin’, I hate flies. He is the same kid who told Victoria that campin’ freaks him out, makes him think of the Blair Witch Project. As an inner city gal myself, I can understand not wanting to camp. It’s not my thing, but really…stop whining.

The next morning, Uncle Pete picks the guys up. It takes him a long time to get their butts in gear. Wow! Uncle Pete has more patient than my dad or any of my uncles did. If me or my siblings pulled that crap, well we’d have gotten the crap beaten out of us. (Note: Yes, I did walk to school with no shoes in sixteen feet of snow…and I liked it!! Those were the good ole days!)

We cut to the boys complaining, complaining and complaining. Uncle Pete hired a “professional outdoorsman” (aren’t those just homeless people?) to teach the guys how to chop wood, make tents and build a fire.

Victoria’s in LA and nervous about her acting gig. She does a dry run-through with the director and the actor who’s playing her charge. The guy seems like a dirty old man. God! He was lecherous. Poor Vicky. And the damn director (who was a woman) seemed to encourage the behavior. It was archaic almost.

Finally, Vicky does her big scene — in one take and is off to enjoy the evening with Tula. They ‘rent’ a Ferrari. It’s a stick shift and Victoria’s famous last words are:

“How hard can it be to drive a stick shift?”

LOL! I could smell the clutch burning thru the television. She almost got her and Tula killed.

That same night, in the words, Uncle Pete imparts some wisdom of the wilderness on his young nephews. He asks them what they want to be: John wants to be a real estate developer. Frankie wants to own a restaurant and Carmine wants to be a billionaire. Hey, don’t we all! Of course, he has no plans for how to acquire the cash, either.

Uncle Pete tries to tell them about El Che(Che Guevara was an Argentinian born doctor who was instrumental in helping Castro and other guerilla fighters in the Cuban Revolution. He is a symbol of freedom and personal power throughout Latin America.) Unfortunately, I think El Che’s significance is lost on these 3.

The next morning, Victoria heads home. The boys head home. She gets there first and has a breakfast surprise ready for all the guys. They eat, laugh and joke about their experiences.

–Yes, I’m finished. If you want to talk about Che’s significance as a military man or as a hero, email me at panndyra@realityshack.com. Otherwise, I’m busy.

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