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Who Ya Gonna Call? Ghostbusters! – The Surreal Life 3, Episode 8

by LauraBelle

Why VH1 didn’t wait until next week to air the Haunted Hospital episode is beyond me. Instead on Halloween they will be airing a Surreal Life episode centered around Sally Jesse Raphael interviewing the six celebrities like they are on a talk show. I guess they figured Sally is scary enough.

Normally each episode opens with Dave Coulier the only one awake in the house and playing tennis or working out on the machines in the workout room. But this morning, they show Jordan Knight exercising, Charo playing with the puppy, Ryan Starr swimming, Flavor Flav shooting hoops, and Bridgette Nielsen drinking wine and smoking cigarettes, to which she says, “I don’t really like working out, but I love to drink and smoke!” They never show Dave, but I am assuming he is just getting back from running a marathon or two.

The newspaper they have been waiting for finally arrives with the headline, “Surreal Life Covers The Graveyard Shift.” This informs them that they will be volunteering their time that evening in a local hospital. Dave thinks he may know what to expect since he has volunteered often at hospitals.

As the Surreal Life van pulls up in front of the hospital, the Surreal Life housemates, clad in green scrubs, are shocked at the appearance of the hospital. All the doors and windows have been boarded up, and it is dimly lit on the outside. They are met by Dr. Larry Montz, Ph.D., a doctor of parapsychology. He tells them that the hospital has been closed for forty years. He would like their assistance in investigating the hospital, as all the locals believe it to be haunted. This immediately terrifies Ryan, as she admits that at twenty-one, she is afraid of the dark.

Ryan and the other celebrities are led to a Command Center in the hospital. As Dr. Montz begins to explain their mission of investigating the hospital, Charo is concerned, as she says, “People alive … don’t understand me. How in the world is a ghost … going to understand me.” Dr. Montz tells her it is because they communicate more telepathically than verbally, and they won’t even notice her accent.

Dave is asked to investigate first, and he says he is not worried, as he believes he has seen the paranormal before. He dons a Flak jacket with lights and walkie talkies and goes down the first flight of stairs. Dave can’t see anything and he begins to get freaked out. Dr. Montz tells him through the walkie talke to look for a large metal door. Dave provides us with a fill-in-the-blank as he says, “I’m #*%&#* my pants!” He is told to look for t he door with an exit sign, and when he finds it, is asked what it feels like. He says he sees a guy wearing overalls and no shirt. Dr. Montz tells Dave to ask him his name, and Dave tells him the man says his name is, “John.” He is asked to go straight down the hallway to the door on the left, and Dave says John is still with him. He tells Dr. Montz, “I see something in here again.” When asked if it’s the same guy, Dave says he doesn’t know. He shines the light and realizes he is in the morgue.

Dr. Montz tells Dave there should be two wooden drawers. When Dave confirms, he is told the story of Joseph Owens. As a doctor was operating on him in 1953, the doctor left the room, and an orderly accidentally removed Mr. Owens, and took him down to the morgue. He was placed in one of the wooden drawers, where he suffocated, lending to his death. Dave is asked to sit down for a minute and “get tuned in.” He feels something move his chair. And for a few moments, he can’t be reached on the walkie talkies. He comes back and says it felt like something pushed the chair, making him feel like something wanted to spin him around. Then he feels something hit his shoulder, and as he walks away, he feels something walking with him, and hears footsteps up the stairs.

Dave returns to the Command Center, and is happy to be finished. He thinks that when the others saw that he was freaked out from it, that they got freaked out as well. Ryan is asked to go next with Jordan. She refuses, saying, “It’s not funny anymore!” Dave tries to comfort her and says if she just “…dive in, you’ll see it.” Ryan still refuses saying, “I don’t want to sleep by myself with those thoughts going through my head.” I’m pretty sure there are plenty of men out there in the viewing audience who are willing to help her out, so she won’t have to be in bed alone with those thoughts.

Charo is asked to go in Ryan’s place and is “scared as heck”, but goes along with Jordan. They see a long tunnel with a blinking light, and are asked to go to the light and stop. A noise scares Charo, and as she screams, Jordan says it was just a noise. They approach a door that says “Authorized Personnel Only,” and follow directions to proceed through. They find a small room with two large metal springs on the floor. Reluctantly, they close the door as asked by Dr. Montz on the walkie talkies. Shining the light on the ceiling, they are told this is an elevator shaft. In 1920, Karl Warner escaped the confines of his cell, and slipped out through the ward. As he hid in this elevator shaft, the door shut and locked behind him, and hospital personnel heard a blood-curdling scream through-out the hospital as Karl was crushed, resulting in his death. Jordan can feel a draft, and Charo is asked if she hears a guy. She says, “I hear the guy, but I want to be alive!

Jordan is told by Dr. Montz to leave Charo alone in the elevator shaft and go to a different room. She objects saying, “I’m chicken … I have a big mouth, but I’m chicken.” They both leave together, and enter a door that says “Blood Sampling Room,” and Jordan notices blood on the door. They enter and are told electroshock therapy was done in this room. The shock were so severe, they would shatter and break bones. Jordan is now told to leave Charo in this room, and go back to the elevator shaft. Dr. Montz is looking for activity, and wants to see which room it will occur in. He asks Charo to pull the sheet off the electric chair. As she does, she yells what I think is something in Spanish, then, “Jordan, get me out of here!” She adds that this is not fun, and wants to know how many people were electrified in that chair.

Next up is Flavor Flav and Bridgette, and he talks in the third person as he says, “Your boy Flav ain’t freakin’ out.” They take off down the hallway, and Flavor Flav says, “Operation No Doubt is in place.” On the left they find the Medical Records room. There are two filing cabinets in the room. Flavor Flav is asked to pull a Ouija board out of his backpack. Dr. Montz tells him, “There is a large man in white that hangs around in there that feels he doesn’t get any respect.” I just want to know how Rodney Dangerfield made it here already. Dr. Montz wants this man’s name. I’m telling you, it’s Rodney. They ask the Ouija board, out loud, two separate times for the man’s name, but never receive an answer. Maybe he’s too busy doing a Triple Lindy somewhere. Flavor Flavor says, “Operation Nothing is now in progress.” He asks the board if the man is angry they are in the hospital, and a door slams loudly. Bridgette begins to cry, and says, “I want to get out of here! I care for people!” I don’t really understand what it means for her to say she cares for people, unless she believed she was literally pleading for her life.

As they return, Ryan is asked once again to help investigate, but she flat out refused citing the Bible, and says when it comes to her fears, she has nothing in common with these other people. Dr. Montz tells them that he will bring a team into the building to clear it, the energy will shift, and they can then re-open the building.

I still don’t know what to think after watching this episode, whether it was real or a put-on. There is no doubt in my mind, though, that everyone of those six celebrities believed in what they saw, felt and heard fully. I do hope if it was fake somehow, that they let those people know that so it doesn’t continue to affect their lives. What I do know is I have always refused to go in haunted houses, and this episode of Surreal Life did nothing to change my mind.

I welcome questions and comments at LauraBelle@realityshack.com

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